VERY SCARED

[Marley]

It's been a while since I've posted and right now, I'm a little freaked out---ok, a LOT freaked out!!  Hubby on hemo dialysis almost 3 years now.  Last week he was fluid overloaded and a trip to the ER was in order.  The chest x ray showed his lungs were full of fluid and his cardiac labs were horrible!!  BNP was 2468 and normal range is 0-100.  YES, I'm freaking out!!!  They admitted him but only kept him until Saturday.  He came home and the next day was worse.  Took him to ER again very early Tuesday morning.  This time they diagnosed him with double pnemonia and did a blood culture.  Later that day, hubby had a fever, he was thrashing around in his bed and was not coherent.  He kept pulling off his oxogyn mask and heart monitors.  It was horrible!!!  Later that night, his doc came in and told us his culture came back posative--he's got MRSA staph in his blood, aka; "septic".  No wonder he was so out of it!!  I saw his neph yesterday who told me he wants to do an echo on Mike's heart today and I think he changed his mind after I told him Mike had already had a heart infection years ago before they found his cancer (metastatic melanoma) because when I called his nurse to check on him, she told me they did the echo and it was posative for endocarditis!!  So now, he's got double pnemonia, he's septic AND he has a heart infection.  They are doing another test in which they will scope his heart and go through his esophagus to get there.

He is on vancomyacin and I know that's a strong antibiotic.  Could this be it??  I can't tell you guys how many times he has come close to leaving me and it has gotten to the point where I don't believe the docs anymore, but right now he is so sick and just one of these issues could kill him.  He is such a huge part of my life there is no way me see without him in it. 

Better get my butt going.  For those who pray, please keep my Mikey in mind today.  He's survived cancer twice when they told him only a 1% of patients with melanoma survive it when it's found so late and with no primary mole, or mark.  He's survived a heart infection prior to the cancer.  ESRD, staph in the beginning in his abdomen from a failed PD cath.  The list goes on. 
He is my love and my life, there is nothing I wouldn't do for this man of mine and he doesn't deserve what is happening to him!!

Marley

[lola]

I will be saying MAJOR prayers for you guys.

[cherpep]

I already said a prayer for you, and will continue.  May God give you strength and may your husband be healed.  My sister gave me some notecards with verses on them.  I carry them in my purse and consult them when I need moments of strength.  This is one of my most worn cards:

"Cast your cards on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."  Psalm 55:22

[peleroja]

Sorry to hear about the troubles in your household.  I'm sending you lots of hugs and warm fuzzies to help.  Keep us posted on how everyone is doing.

[paris]

Thank you for letting us know what is going on.  Of course you are scared.  You are both dealing with so much and it is all scary!  I will say lots of prayers for healing, solutions and strength during this time.    

[monrein]

Marley, I'm so sorry about all this with Mike.  You have all my prayers, hugs, crossed fingers and comfort that I can send.  My mother died at 46 of melanoma (mole) so I know how miraculous it is that Mike is still with you.  I'm praying that the miracles continue.

[Rerun]

I pray for you and that you put your faith in God who is always with you.  At some point don't you want Mike to be at peace? 

                                         

[rose1999]

Marley, I will pray for you and Mikey, he sounds like a fighter and he will get better for you if he can.  I hope this is not the end, but believe me if it is you will survive.  I lost my husband (my one and only  love) 4 years ago, I couldn't imagine wanting to live without him but I do and if needs be so will you.  These days I find I can even laugh again, you think you won't but you do.  However I am praying very hard that Mikey will soon be well again.  Bless you both at this awful time. 

[Romona]

Marley,
You and Mike are in my prayers!

[okarol]

Dear Marley,
Sending you prayers and hoping that Mikey can fight these challenges. We are here for you. Please keep in touch. 

[Adam_W]

Marley, you and Mike are in my prayers. May God give you the comfort that only He can give.

Adam

[willieandwinnie]

Marley, I have been where you are. You and Mike are in my thoughts and prayers. 

[twirl]

prayers are going your way

[Deanne]

Sending more prayers.

[thegrammalady]

Sending more prayers.

me too.

hang in there, we'll all be here for you.

[PD Wife]

I am keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.

[Marley]

WOW, 15 replies-you guys are awesome, thanks for the support.

I saw my man today and he is doing better, doing a lot of sleeping though.  They did that esophogeal echo today but we won't know anything about that until tomorrow when the doc comes in.  Another good sign is that he is hungry   He hasn't eaten a thing since Monday, so I know he's pretty empty. 

Rerun---of course I want Mike to be at peace, but you hit the key word; "someday".  He has gone through some pretty rough times and I have never seen anyone come close to the end and then come back again as many times as he has.  he still wants to live!!  I know there will come a time when I will have to let him go, but it is not up to me--or him.  We have 10 grandkids and he is almost finished making a "treasure chest" for one of our grandsons, it's his second one and when he is done with this one, he has one more to make before Christmas.  He loves working with wood and is a master carpenter, he loves to see our oldest grandson with his box (which has his coin collection inside).  This is a man who has a whole lot of love  inside him and he isn't done spreading it around. 
He has talked to me about not wanting to go on with dialysis and I told him that if the time came and he wanted to make that choice, I would back him up and let him go.  He hasn't talked about that in a few months now, he is too buisy making boxes, lol. but he knows how much I truly love him and that I would respect his wishes. 

Even though there is a whole lot going on with him right now and it's all very serious, he looked so good today that I can't help but think he will knock this infection out like he did the last time.  He really is a fighter!!
Thanks everyone for all your warm fuzzies, they're coming through loud and clear.

Marley

[glitter]

Sending you an extra warm fuzzy       

I am a caregiver too, its agonizing to watch a loved one face so many battles-may his will to live stay strong! You sound like a very loving person, I'll be sending you some positive thoughts today!!   

[MIbarra]

  You're in my prayers tonight!

[rose1999]

That sounds more positive, I hope the improvement continues.  wishing you both the very best 

[Mimi]

Prayers going up for you and Mike, Marley.  God is with you and he makes no mistakes.
Keep in touch, we are all concerned about him.

Love, Mimi

[cherpep]

Marley - thanks for keeping us updated.  You both continue to be in my prayers. 

Woodworking is a fantastic hobby for him.  My dad began that as a hobby during the last couple years of his life.  He died at an early age of 52.  The neat thing is that he created these treasures for us, that we will always have.  I am the proud owner of his greatest masterpiece - he made a cradle for my son.  I treasure this cradle more than you could know.  My dad passed away when my son was 3 months old, at least he was able to be the first one to place my son in the beautiful cradle that he crafted.  I have loaned it to my brother and sister when they had children, but it always comes back to me - that cradle belongs to my son, crafted by his grandfather, whom he never knew, but loved him very, very much. 

[lola]

Marley, glad things are looing better for Mike. 

[aharris2]

I saw my man today and he is doing better, doing a lot of sleeping though.  They did that esophogeal echo today but we won't know anything about that until tomorrow when the doc comes in.  Another good sign is that he is hungry   He hasn't eaten a thing since Monday, so I know he's pretty empty. 

He has talked to me about not wanting to go on with dialysis and I told him that if the time came and he wanted to make that choice, I would back him up and let him go.  He hasn't talked about that in a few months now, he is too buisy making boxes, lol. but he knows how much I truly love him and that I would respect his wishes. 

Even though there is a whole lot going on with him right now and it's all very serious, he looked so good today that I can't help but think he will knock this infection out like he did the last time.  He really is a fighter!!

Marley

That's super news Marley, hunger is a good sign. I too am a caregiver and facing the possibility of loss is the toughest part. We've been there (sepsis also) and have come back from the edge. Rolando and I will be praying for you two. You both be strong and keep fighting. We're with you! 

[jbeany]