what is the funniest thing you've seen/happen on dialysis.

[Ang]

my  story  goes  a  bit  like  this.

about  a  year  ago  i  was  infiltrated  while  getting  hooked  up,the  arm  blew  up,  i  was  given  some  ice  a  specimen  bag  then  repeated  about  2  hours  later(can  anyone  guess  where  this  is  going)
the  specimen  bag  had  elastic  band  around  it,  anyway  at  the  end  of  treatment  i  put  the  spec  bag  between  my  legs(a  lesson  for  you  all)still  hooked  up  i  started  to  get  a  wet  feeling  you  know  where,the  bloody  spec  bag  was'nt  closed  properly  was    it.
still  attatched, could'nt  move ,  middle  of  winrter,8.3pm,travel  home  on  public  transport

[flip]

The nurses are always bitching at me for walking around with my clamps on. One day, after I was finished, I put two clamps back on my arm and started out the door. I was promptly told " you can't walk around with clamps". I said " fine, I'll just take them off". I jerked them off, threw them on the counter and headed out the door. Three nurses chased me down the hall ready to stop the bleeding. Now they leave me alone when I have the clamps on.

[twirl]

 

[monrein]

Not really funny at the time but a good story now, was when my home hemo machine in 1981 (a brute of a beast called a Drake Willock) caught on fire halfway through my run.  There I was, minding my own business when I notice smoke coming out the front of the blood-sucking beastie.  We turned off the switch, then Lee thought he'd just turn it on again for a moment to see where the smoke was actually coming from.  I lasted about ten seconds and decided no more looking, just give me my red stuff back thank you very much.  Hand cranked the blood back and called the machine technician.  It was the covering on the wire to the starter switch that was burning and smoking.  Too much excitement for one day.

[keith]

My story starts like this me be a man if i see a fat booty I'm going to look so this one tech liked me and on this day i guess that she was running late 4 work and grabbed some old pants. So as any man would do i was watching her but and she had to bend over to get something from da bottom of the cart and when she did her pants split at the crotch  from front to back i thought that it couldn't get any worse so i was looking and liking what i saw until it hit me she wasn't wearing any underwere now  everytime she sees me she turns red and i haven't talked much since then but she still has a special place in my mind

[Gramapat]

My husband's ex-wife is also on dialysis.  When I started dialysis she went to the same unit I did and would usually be leaving shortly after I was put on.  She is in a wheelchair and wasn't near enough for me to talk to.  Sometimes hubby would go talk to her for a minute before he left.  I would always wave good-bye to her and then tell the tech that she was hubby's ex-wife. 

I found it hilarious the first time I told each one.  The looks on their faces was priceless especially when they had seen hubby walk over to talk to her.  I would then have to tell them I didn't mind.  They had 2 sons together so she's always been a part of our lives but we've been together for over 35 years and he was only married to her for a few years.  She goes to another unit now.

[Stacy Without An E]

I find it hilarious when I bring my universal remote to turn down the TV's of patients who have no common courtesy.  No more panic attacks for me.  They can still hear their TV, it's just that the rest of us don't have to tolerate it any longer.

Bringing balance to the universe, that's what I do.

[monrein]

 

[flip]

We had a new patient recently and they seated her next to me. I told her the nephrologist was hard of hearing and she needed to really speak loudly when he made rounds. Sure enough, the first time he made rounds, she was practically yelling at him. He finally asked why she was screaming at him and she told him. Now they keep the new patients away from me.

[twirl]

 

[rose1999]

I find it hilarious when I bring my universal remote to turn down the TV's of patients who have no common courtesy.  No more panic attacks for me.  They can still hear their TV, it's just that the rest of us don't have to tolerate it any longer.

Bringing balance to the universe, that's what I do.

Have you tried changing the stations and watching their faces? 

[ODAT]

Stacy Without An E and Flip - you troublemakers... lol! I totally agree that some people can put the tv up way too loud. rose1999, my dad's roommate in the hospital kept looking at his remote with a confused look on his face. Then we heard him grumble that it was messed up. Turns out my dad's remote was changing his channels! 

[paddbear0000]

We had a new patient recently and they seated her next to me. I told her the nephrologist was hard of hearing and she needed to really speak loudly when he made rounds. Sure enough, the first time he made rounds, she was practically yelling at him. He finally asked why she was screaming at him and she told him. Now they keep the new patients away from me.

  Thanks for making me laugh today!

[kevno]

Not Funny at time! 

Just coming off machine. A WASP was on my pillow where my arm was. The Nurse hit it with my notes. Well how thick my notes are it would kill an hippo if hit on the head. Anyway, it vanished See she took my needle out. A couple of minutes of holding the gauze. I could feel something tickling the under side of my arm. It was the WASP, I jumped out of the chair let my arm go (  ) Blood all over! Mainly over me it was like the Texas chain saw murder all over again! Never did see that WASP again

Me and two nurses had to change because of  Blood all over the 3 of us. Well at least I go my own back on two of the nurses for sticking me with those bloody needles. 

[kitkatz]

 


I bet those two loved you after that chaos!

[thom]

The nurses are always bitching at me for walking around with my clamps on. One day, after I was finished, I put two clamps back on my arm and started out the door. I was promptly told " you can't walk around with clamps". I said " fine, I'll just take them off". I jerked them off, threw them on the counter and headed out the door. Three nurses chased me down the hall ready to stop the bleeding. Now they leave me alone when I have the clamps on.

That's awesome. I thought about taking and Ak-47 to my unit and offloading into all the nurses. I don't want to go to prison though 

[meadowlandsnj]

The nurses are always bitching at me for walking around with my clamps on. One day, after I was finished, I put two clamps back on my arm and started out the door. I was promptly told " you can't walk around with clamps". I said " fine, I'll just take them off". I jerked them off, threw them on the counter and headed out the door. Three nurses chased me down the hall ready to stop the bleeding. Now they leave me alone when I have the clamps on.

That's awesome. I thought about taking and Ak-47 to my unit and offloading into all the nurses. I don't want to go to prison though 

You can plead dialysis dementia, can't you?  "Judge, the toxins made me do it!"

Donna

[twirl]

I fell asleep today at D
I woke up in a panic
I was being drenched by spraying ice cold water
I thought the place was on fire and I could not remember how to undo the machine
then I realized I was being hit by a broken water faucet
even my quilt was soaking wet
did I complain---no
did I leave early ---- no
did I get lots of paper towels  -- yes
does this count against by 6 ounces of free water?

[skyedogrocks]

Rob's new upper arm graft really works well, it pumps so much better than his lower arm fistula.

About a month ago he started to use the graft for his venous access only (lower arm still used for arterial), but didn't realize how powerful it was.  One of his first tries with it, Rob didn't tape it down very well and about 20 mins into his session it came undone, but didn't realize it until too late.  Luckily I was with him at the time and not upstairs like I usually am.  The machine started dinging because his venous pressure was too high.  He looked down at his arm and the needle came out!  Blood was shooting out of his arm like water in a fountain.  We both just froze for a second, he's freaking out, I'm screaming and looking for gauze.  We finally got things under control, ended that session and learned a big lesson!  What a mess!  The chair and floor looked like someone was just murdered. 

We laughed about it later, but at the time, sheesh!  I was so squemish and just wanted to 

[KR Cincy]

My wife made this observation the other day...if CSI ever comes into our family room, where the NxStage is located, their little blood sprays and fancy blood-seeking flashlights will go absolutely bonkers!

[Adam_W]

My wife made this observation the other day...if CSI ever comes into our family room, where the NxStage is located, their little blood sprays and fancy blood-seeking flashlights will go absolutely bonkers!

I've joked about that as well. They would think there was a mass murder in my bedroom.

Adam

[jbeany]

I've always thought that the CSI shows do a lousy job of showing "blood spatter" patterns.  Given the amount of mess that results from just a couple of seconds of my graft spurting, surely an actual murder would leave a much bigger blood trail than the little drops they are always examining on those shows!

[Adam_W]

I very much agree with that! The makers of those shows ought to spend some time in a dialysis unit or with home hemo patients, so they can see the blood REALLY fly.

Adam