need help how to cope with Dialysis husband

[jab]

I am living with a dailysis husband he has been on it for 3 years . How do you handle the mood changes. and all he does is sleep and doesnt want to do anything.

[Bajanne]

Welcome to our site.  This is the place to get some answers. We have quite a few spouses of dialysis patients who will be able to share your experience.
What I would like you to do is go to the forum Introduce Yourself, and tell us a little about your self

[Epoman]

I am living with a dailysis husband he has been on it for 3 years . How do you handle the mood changes. and all he does is sleep and doesnt want to do anything.

Paging SARA, paging SARA, would SARA please come to this thread ASAP!

She is our "official wife" on the board. She will be here soon, just hold on.

- Epoman
Owner/Admin

[willieandwinnie]

Hi Jab
I too am a wife of a dialysis patient. We do home-hemo and I am the nurse, tech or what-ever you want to call me. My husband has been on dialysis almost 5 years, 3 of that at home. The mood swings are horrible and I wish I could tell you that they will improve but that is not what I witnessed. We did dialysis today for 3 hours and my husband has already crashed. He says it is like having the flu every other day. I try to keep he's spirits up but sometimes he just really feels down and I remind him that I don't know what he is going through but we are in this together. I find myself doing a bunch of my cross stitch and I love to read. I'm not as noisy as I use to be. He will not sleep well tonight so will sleep in tomorrow morning, then will probably nap on and off tomorrow. We don't do much anymore either, a lot of that is me. He went through so much and taking the chance of being around someone sick, really scares me. He has already caught a cold a some stomach bug from my nine year old grandson (nobody even knew he was sick).

This is my third time for sitting down to post this. First, I had to finish rising the RO and shutting the machine down, then the pets needed to be fed, lastly, I cooked our dinner, ate and did the dishes.

By the way, you don't mention how old your husband is? Mine is going on 58. This is the best web-site. I don't get to post much, but I have read almost every post and I my questions have always been answered. Please come and share your inner screams and have your hubby read the post also. Even if he doesn't want to join.

willieandwinnie

[Sara]

I am living with a dailysis husband he has been on it for 3 years . How do you handle the mood changes. and all he does is sleep and doesnt want to do anything.

Paging SARA, paging SARA, would SARA please come to this thread ASAP!

She is our "official wife" on the board. She will be here soon, just hold on.

- Epoman
Owner/Admin

Hehehe. Thanks Epoman.  Mine's only been on dialysis for 6 months though.  She might have some things to teach me.  As far as the mood swings, I've been trying to avoid arguing as much as possible, and just giving him space when he gets grouchy.  What types of things did your husband like to do before he started dialysis?

[kitkatz]

I can only speak for the "wife as the patient" side.  When the hubby is in a good mood enjoy the day and time with him.  When he is grouchy put it down to the dialysis blues.  Be sure he watches what he eats, but do NOT boss him around about it.  I find gentle from my hubby works best.  Let him rest when he is tired.
Some duh! hints from me

Katherine

[Bear]

Mood swings!!!  What mood swings  Do we suffer mood swings
Seriously tho... when I was on daytime, doing about 5.1/2 hours a sesh., I could go from frustrated to elated & back to
depressed & weepy!      not every time, but every few days.
Now I'm on nocturnal, I don't seem to have this problem. I've learned to live with the tiredness &c. But I'm reasonably
'cheerful' most of the time.

[Rerun]

I'm on dialysis and had a transplant.  My Ex-husband use to complain about my mood swings.  Do you want his phone number? 

[AJ1963]

Well, speaking on behalf of the husbands I can only say thank God we have wives who are caring and understanding. I'm doubt I could put up with my crap the way my wife does. It's hard to go from head of the household to patient at large and not be bitter about it. All the things we took for granted now are a struggle. I mean, hell, we can't even go take a wiz anymore. Can't cut the grass. Can't work on the car. Can't hold out to go fishing. And most of all,can't hold down a job. I've drawn a paycheck since I was 15, but not any freakin' more. Just sit on my butt and hope things get better when and if I get a transplant. Bless those who support us, we probably don't say it enough but there's no way we could do it without you. It's hard being helpless. And don't jump on me for calling us helpless, I know we're not but to go from "life in the fast lane" to "handicapped parking" SUCKS.

[goofynina]

I think that is the one good thing that we get out of this,  a V.I.P. card to park where the Very Important People park.   I dont consider myself handicapped (although i cant walk from here to there)  i just consider myself a very deserving Very Important Person that gets front row parking at ANY event,  lol,  (that is if there isnt some idiot with no V.I.P parked there) ugh, that pisses me off, lol    Shoot, my family loves taking me places and they all know they get the same treatment when I am in the car,  aint they lucky,

[hephziba]

Hi there, I am a dialysis husband. and I tended to get really moody just before I needed to dialyse , my wife said you could tell when i was overloaded or needed to dialyse by how moody I got. So I guess as a wife you could prepare yourself(steel yourself) for those times when you hubby gets grumpy or moody. that is if His time is as predictable as mine was.

Ive since changed to capd and allthough Im not dialysing very well, Im not apparently as grumpy, accept when my uria gets high. anyway thats my ramble I hope its of some use. 

[Hephs-little-lady]

I'm living with a dialysis husband too! Heph has been on dialysis for just over 1 year, 9 months on hemo and CAPD since march. I sympathise too, the mood swings on hemo were monster, I hated it, Heph was so unpredictable, he could be sweet and nice one minute and the next he was "biting my head off"! He also slept most of the time, waking only to issue new, unmeetable demands 

I haven't really got any advice though, I just did my best to keep him comfortable and happy, what else can you do!  Keep Smiling 

Heph has been much better since he changed to PD, the mood swings aren't as frequent and he generally has more energy. He is only moody and tired when he has been more bad than usual with his diet... 

[girlfriend]

Mood Swings? hmmm When I was on dialysis, (not being married and having someone to have to put up with my mood swings)
 I found that, the day of dialysis was just that.. time to rest and recoup. take it easy.  but look out for the next day cuz that would be the day I could do just what I wanted..
 Maybe (not saying it is so) your husband is living to dialysis? rather then living and stopping for a bit to get a bit better (healthier) to do more the next day? I have to say it has been awhile for me but that is how I remember I coped with my dialysis
I realize that for a man it would be a much harder adjustment to make as AJ suggested. and men are proud and have been raised to look after the family.. bread winner so to speak, I would suggest mostly understanding just where he is comming from (kinda like putting yourself in his shoes)

not sure this will help..  but just had to put my two cents worth in LOL

[jab]

Thank you all for your help on this dialysis thing. You are right i am a nurs, a ,a lawyer ,everything . Thank god before my mother died she told me to get all my ducks in order and she is right about that.But still I just cant seem to do anything right and I think thats what frustrsates me . The more I do just isnt enough .I all so have a handicappi som who is 33 I have to take care of too and work also its very hard but with you gusy i no ill get through it thanks aagin to you all
jackie

[Bajanne]

WOW!  You have been really given some serious challenges.  I can only encourage you to be strong.  Remember, we are here for you, when you want to let off your own steam.

[please spellcheck your posts.  Click on Modify, then run it through the spell check.  Just a little regulation to keep our site on the up and up]

[Mom3]

Coping with the mood swings of a 27 year old son is also challenging.

I think adapting to a change like becoming a renal patient is always hard--man or woman--and some folks handle it better than others. And some folks feel better on dialysis than others from what I've observed.

In the seven plus years my son has been on, he has been through awful times and better times. Hoping your husband will have some better times coming for both of you!

Mom3

[sandman]

I am just a meir boyfriend to a dialysis patient but even I have been witness to some dramatic mood swings.  Times when they get explosive, I either stand aside and let her explode or if she wants me to listen, I just sit there and listen and try to make sense of it all.  Or those times where she gets very sad, I try what I can to help cheer her up and for the most part, I seem to fair pretty well.  I am generally a very patient person when it comes to things like this.  I was raised with 4 sisters so this trait of compasion and understanding has been more or less, conditioned into me.

[angieskidney]

I am just a meir boyfriend to a dialysis patient but even I have been witness to some dramatic mood swings.  Times when they get explosive, I either stand aside and let her explode or if she wants me to listen, I just sit there and listen and try to make sense of it all.  Or those times where she gets very sad, I try what I can to help cheer her up and for the most part, I seem to fair pretty well.  I am generally a very patient person when it comes to things like this.  I was raised with 4 sisters so this trait of compasion and understanding has been more or less, conditioned into me.

I am not that bad am I? never mind answering that lol


Anyway, I guess sometimes it is hard when you feel like a lot of the control over things has disappeared. The people in a dialysis patient's life has to be patient and understanding. One boyfriend I had when I first went back on dialysis was completely the opposite .. it ended our relationship ..

[Gram2Twinz]

My husband has been living with CKD for over 30 years. He is now 63, I am 52. When we met, 16 years ago, I knew that the future might mean a transplant, dialysis or both, but I stayed anyway! We married 10 years ago in Vegas. We have a great relationship. We seem to balance each other. He's not moody, or angry. Most often just frustrated when he can't get the needles in, or his blood pressure seems to fluctuate, just mad at his body. Is it generic aging or his CKD. Who knows!
I had been "self-elected" as his pharmacist, legal advisor, nurse, secretary and personal dietician.  I did all the paperwork for the household, his application for disability, his retirement/pension application, and all other "office" duties. I was just better at "multi-tasking" than he was.
One year ago- he retired from his job. Too tired to do the hard, physical work in a rock quarry. He took that hard. Never sat around the house, not a TV watcher. Always worked for a living. What was he to do with his days?
When dialysis began this past July, he felt really bad, because it meant more on my sholuders- learning about what the change in diet and lifestyle and medication changes- how our lives would have to adjust to this new in-center schedule, etc.  I looked at it positively- he's going to feel so much much better, his health issues would be fewer and he would feel more " productive".
I am always the optimist. I do have my days, tho. Geez, it can get really frustrating and confusing. When his condition worsened before he began dialysis- I could have sworn his brain was filled with toxins, too. Making me crazy- ya know- stuff like-"I just told you that a few minutes ago, don't you remember me telling you? You just asked me that yesterday, yes you did!" Whew. Now that he's on treatment here at home with the NxStage- We are working very well as a team. He feels more in control of his schedule, his life. Our training RN- says we make a great team. When I'm "frazzled" he's calm, and vice versa. Hopefully we will attempt to travel with our new machine when spring arrives.
We have never raised our voices at each other, we don't have any drama in our relationship. We do tease each other. We have alot of fun. Humor is something we rely on, it is one of our best reliefs.  We are negotiating the "nurses uniform (costume)" he thinks it should be short and tight- I think neither!  I tell him often, when he tells me about a "new" issue- something minor- like just now-telling me about his running sinuses this morning- Geez, honey- you are so high maintenance"!    I'm laughing as I write this, he's standing here telling me about his most recent visit to the bathroom Maybe it's just a "guy" thing!
I have become very compassionate and patient with my "patient". He appreciates all I do for him. He sees what it takes to do all that I do- That's all I need.
I have aging parents, aging friends and my slightly older husband. I am surrounded by "seniors"- I take care of their needs, I can only hope there will be someone LIKE ME around FOR ME when I get their age!
I think people are brought together for a reason. WE are a perfect match- if he decides to go ahead with a transplant. Until that time comes, I will continue to treat each day as it comes, don't sweat the small stuff and find joy and even sometimes humor in our day-to-day routine which is our life.
Appreciate your patient, appreciate your caregiver- Tell them, don't just assume they know!

[okarol]

Great post Gram. You're so lucky to have each other!