talk me out of killing him

[petey]

Need some help.

When all of Marvin's recent round of problems started the first of December (2007), I called his home hemo nurse every day for a week.  I told him Marvin was running a low-grade fever (and Marvin NEVER runs a fever unless something is going on).  There were no other signs that Marvin was having any problems (no redness anywhere, no swelling, no vomiting, etc.).  I asked the nurse if we should get blood cultures; he said "No -- there's usually nothing to a low-grade fever without other symptoms."  Each day, I called and said, "I think something's going on."  And each day, the nurse told me he thought Marvin just had "a bug."  Each day, I said, "Shouldn't we run this by Marvin's doctor?" and each day, the nurse said, "I think you're making too much out of this.  You're too overprotective of Marvin."

Long story short...Marvin spent three weeks in the hospital in December.  Come to find out, he had MRSA (wicked, wicked staph infection) in an old graft site -- graft had to come out (thank goodness, we hadn't used it two years).  By the time we found it, the MRSA had also moved to his heart valve and he had to have a temporary and then a permanent pacemaker put in.

Marvin spent another three weeks in the hospital in late Jan. - early Feb.  The pacer wasn't working correctly, and while he was in the hospital, they discovered a HUGE hematoma in his abdomen (MRSA again).  The hematoma had to come out (large incision -- wound vac now on).  He had to have his entire pacer and leads replaced -- 38 staples because they had to put it in his abdomen.  He's on a strong antibiotic (daptomycin) because the MRSA was resistant to vancomycin.  He's had to return to in-center hemo to get the antibiotics, and he's now on the "inactive status" on the waiting list.  It's been a helluva ordeal.  I can't help but think that if that nurse had taken me seriously -- and at least listened to me -- that all of this may not have accelerated to the point where it is now.  (You better believe I won't let that happen again!)

The home hemo nurse is coming to our house tomorrow (Wed) to show us the new procedure for testing chlorimines (something that occurred while Marvin was in hospital).

Please talk me out of killing this nurse when I see him tomorrow.  I know I wouldn't be any good to Marvin if I were in jail.

[Romona]

Please don't I have no money to help bail you out of jail!!!!

He owes you both an enormous apology. Hopefully he will learn from this and no one else will suffer needlessly!!!
I hope Marvin had a speedy recovery!

[willieandwinnie]

petey, DON'T DO IT. He isn't worth going to jail for. Here's what you do. AFTER he shows you the new water testing procedure, tell him very calmly (while sitting on your hands), that he screwed up and from now on he will (better) listen when you tell him that something isn't right. Tell him that you are with Marvin 27/7 and know when something is wrong. After he leaves, kiss Marvin and then go punch a pillow. I have a very hard time holding my tongue. You should of heard me when one nurse called me a lair. Everyone in the clinic heard me ream her a good one. DON'T MESS WITH MY HUBBY. 

I edited this to add. I'll come bail you out if your emotions get the best of you.

[Joe Paul]

Even though the nurse had the "God" syndrome, don't send him to see God, instead kill him with kindness. It might be hard to do (trust me I know) but it will work for you too.

[devon]

Maybe you could just bust out the windows of his car while he's inside with Marvin!  

It's really difficult when you are the voice in the wilderness, crying out for something you need and no one seems to listen who should be.

Thanks for sharing this with us. It helps remind us that advocating for ourselves and our loved ones in very important. We can't be meek in these moments.

There's a story of a fellow encountering another beating his mule. He tells him he shouldn't beat him. The mule owner responds with, "So why don't YOU try to get this mule moving!?" Whereupon the fellow talks into the mules ear and pulls on his harness. No action. So he grabs a stick and bonks it on the head. "See! Now YOU are beating him!, the owner says. "Oh No I'm not!" the fellow responds. "That was  just to get his attention!"

Moral of the story: You don't need to beat on it. But you do need to get its attention!

[MyssAnne]

I like that. SIT ON YOUR HANDS. THEN tell him he goofed up. Badly. And next time you call him, he WILL listen to you. Or else.  THEN punch your pillow, heck, tear it to shreds!!!!

[xtrememoosetrax]

How about printing out the account you just gave us, above?  (oops, maybe you should erase the final sentence first ).  What you just said is brief and factual, not too emotional-sounding, and might help impress upon the nurse exactly what has occurred, including the timeline and the extreme gravity of the situation.  If it were me in your shoes, I can already feel my voice getting high and tight and my BP going up, and this is why I'm suggesting the print-out method.  Just a suggestion; hope it helps.  Please stay out of jail; I don't think you'll look good in an orange jumpsuit!   Best of luck tomorrow. 

[Sluff]

Remember good friends will help you hide the body.  Seriously though, just tell him how you feel and if you don't hear what you want tell him you'll find someone who will do things the way you want them done.

[The Wife]

I'm in the same mood today with my partner's nurse, but that's another story.

You go girl.  Don't kill the nurse but stand up for Marvin.  WE are their advocates, live with this daily, and darn it, we know them better than anyone else.  Just because we're not nurses doesn't mean we don't know things.  We have our knowledge of how our husbands usually are we have our intuition.  How dare they ignore what we say?!  Instead, they should be thankful, because if they would stop long enough to think, they would realize that we are their lifeline to their patients.

Okay, I'm done my rant.  And I'm with you.  Be strong, firm, and kind.  If that doesn't work, be strong, firm, and give him hell.  Whatever you have to do to get the best care for Marvin, do it!

[willieandwinnie]

petey, Len calls all nurses. ROYAL NURSES. They know everything and they are always right. 

[glitter]

I do hate that superior attitude. i would take that 'sitting on your hands' advice- BUT tell him how serious that low-grade fever turned out to be so maybe he will take it more seriously next time- and next time your gut tells you the DR. needs to be called and a nurse says no- call yourself.

[boxman55]

Shoot the bastard in the knees...Boxman 

[willieandwinnie]

Way to go Boxman 

[The Wife]

Shoot the bastard in the knees...Boxman 

   

And when he starts screaming, tell him he's making too much out of this.

Oh, I'm bad.

[BigSteve]

It's bad enough when Doctors have the "God complex" but nurses too. I volunteer for the burial detail.

[Lori1851]

I would ask for a different nurse. That is just me overprotective mom hehehe. No really I would.
Lori/Indiana

[jbeany]

Hey, we'd pass the hat for bail; we promise!

Go ahead and set the @#$%#$& nurse straight!

[angellady07]

Does the nurse have a supervisor ? If so report it to the director of nursing. Next time call the doctor yourself and explain your concerns went unheard. I'm sorry Marvin went through such an ordeal.  

[Romona]

 
You guys are too great. 
Since I don't have bail money,
I'll bring my shovel. 

[PMP]

Petey,

My dad has been running a low-grade fever, on and off, for a couple of months.  His temp goes up at night.  It's okay in the morning and during the day, but goes up at night.  Nothing else to go along with it...just the low-grade fever.  He has a graft.  He's been on hemo (in-clinic) for about a year and a half now. 

Anyway, I've thought maybe his fever is just one of those things that can go along with dialysis, but your story is making me wonder.  How was the MRSA discovered?  Do you mind sharing that?

Thanks.  And if you need somebody to help "take care of the nurse," I have four brothers I can send your way.  )

Pat

[petey]

PMP, the low-grade fever went on for six days.  Like I said, no other symptoms -- then, on the six day, we noticed his old graft had a very small red spot (about the size of a penny).  The graft was long -- from the elbow almost to the armpit, so it appeared to be very minute.  It was, like, one minute it wasn't there and the next, it was.  When I saw that, I freaked!  We called his vascular surgeon that morning and had an appointment for three hours later (it's a three-hour drive to the vascular surgeon).  The MRSA was discovered when the surgeon took cultures during surgery to remove the old graft.  I don't want to scare you, PMP, but I wouldn't wait another minute with your dad.  Get it checked out!  It may be nothing (and I'm hoping it is), but if it's the start of an infection, time (without treatment) will only make it worse.  Get on the phone!  Call somebody -- now!

[Lori1851]

Hey all,
I know of 2 people in teh last 2 weeks I know personally that had Mersa!!!!!! One DR farted around (sorry for the pun) for 2 weeks until his wife sent him to her dermatologist which did another blood test that was positive for Mersa. Another was a lady I work with at school.

Scarey!!!

Lori/Indiana

[petey]

Thanks for all the advice, guys!  I especially liked Boxman's idea of "shooting the bastard in the knees," but I think I'd aim a little bit higher -- OUCH !!

I'm usually a very, very outspoken person.  Marvin always tells me to watch my tongue -- my words and tone can be quite vicious when I want them to.  I'm known far and wide for not being able to keep my mouth shut.  When angered, I can also get very loud and very demanding -- Marvin says don't argue with me when I'm mad either because I'm relentless and will turn your own words around and use them against you.

Our problem is ... this is the only home hemo nurse at the clinic we're currently assigned to -- we have to continue to work with him if Marvin wants to stay on home hemo.  See, home hemo is really new in North Carolina.  Last summer when we first started looking into it, there were three clinics in the state that trained for home hemo (Charlotte, NC -- a four-hour drive from us; Durham, a three-hour drive; and Wilmington -- a 45-minute drive).  We picked Wilmington because it was the closest (and you have to go back every month for check-ups, etc.).  Marvin was the second patient trained in the Wilmington clinic.  This bozo is literally our only way to do home hemo (without transferring to Charlotte or Durham).  From the first day we met him, Marvin and I both decided he was a "doctor wannabe" with the MISTAKEN idea that he knows everything.

I'm going to try really, really hard tomorrow not to say anything that will jeopardize Marvin's chance to continue on home hemo (when he gets done with antibiotics in-center -- middle of March).  Marvin is "Mister Nice" and doesn't believe in causing waves.  I, on the other hand, rather enjoy a good fight.

I told Marvin that I wanted to hurt his nurse, and Marvin said, "He'll whip your ass."  Hey, I'm a  *ahem*  healthy girl (real big bones on this 5'5" frame, you know).  I'm strong.  I'm mean.  I'm fearless.  Marvin repeated, "He'll whip your ass."  (Marvin's nurse is an ex-Marine and an ex-cop -- his arms, neck, and chest are thick and pure meat -- pure meat, I tell you.)  I told Marvin I could give that nurse a slap to the face, a claw to the eyes, a kick to the groin.  Marvin said, "He'll still whip your ass."  I'd get my dog Hop-Sing to bite him, but Hop-Sing is shy and has never bitten or even growled at anyone (unless you count that cat at the vet's office).  Maybe by tomorrow I can teach Hop-Sing to pee on the nurse's leg.

I'm going to try to keep my composure tomorrow, but I have to say something.  I can't let this go.

Keep your shovels handy.  If I lose it, I may need your help.  

[petey]

Lori,
MRSA is very, very scary!  Marvin's surgeon told us that it was extreme difficult to stop.  Marvin's particular type showed in the lab that only two antibiotics would even stand a chance of stopping it -- the daptomycin that he's on now and another one that has to be given only in an ICU setting because it has a bad side effect of messing with the heart.

There are two types -- one is considered a "community" infection.  Wash your hands!  Wash your hands!   Wash your hands!  Wash your hands!  The other type is a "hospital" infection, spread through sick people grouped together in a common setting (dialysis clinic?, hospital?  doctor's office?).  We think Marvin contracted it in the clinic when he went for a check-up, but we can't be sure.

[MyssAnne]

Petey...

Any chance you could be running errands when dough boy comes tomorrow? 
I don't know that I could trust myself to be calm around him just yet either!

He does need to know what happened and to take responsibility for his actions.
Someone else could die if their caretaker wasn't as vigilant as you were.

Also, the supervisor needs to have a written account of this, in their files. That might
subdue dough boy's aspirations to be all-knowing and all powerful doc. (Maybe.)