Ignorant things people have said to you

[jbeany]

 I've seen men killed in front of me in WWII and this is much worse than that. Awful. Just awful."

Much worse?  Seriously? I just don't get that attitude at all.  How can you possibly equate the misery that is young men dying on a battle field to dialysis?  Oh, I grant that it can be miserable, and it is horrible that we're sick - but how does that even begin to compare?

[Desert Dancer]

I've seen men killed in front of me in WWII and this is much worse than that. Awful. Just awful."

Much worse?  Seriously? I just don't get that attitude at all.  How can you possibly equate the misery that is young men dying on a battle field to dialysis?  Oh, I grant that it can be miserable, and it is horrible that we're sick - but how does that even begin to compare?

You got me. I was gobsmacked when he said that and thought he surely couldn't be serious. He just seemed utterly horrified and kept repeating, "Awful. Just awful".

I couldn't seem to convince him it was better than the alternative so I just gave up. What the hell do you say to that?

[okarol]

Today a woman asked why Jenna is still looking for a kidney donor. She said she just needs a person willing to swap if she doesn't have a match. Right! We don't have a donor. These swaps and chains are wonderful, but if no one is willing to get evaluated on Jenna's behalf, she cannot swap! There is no pool of willing living donors. You have to bring your own. It's not easy.

[MomoMcSleepy]

A worker saw my arm.  My fistula is on my upper arm and i usually cover it with a cardigan at work cause I deal with lots of people.  He saw my arm cause I only had a 3/4 length sleeve cardigan that was rolling up so he saw my first bump.  and said oh my god will that every go away, your such a mess.  Your will messed up health wise I'm lucky I am not you.

All i kept thinking was geez thanks.  It put me in a depressed mood all day.  How do you all deal with idiots like that?  Besides my kidney problems I am in great health, I exercise etc.. And if I didn't tell people i am on dialysis they wouldn't know.

I'm pretty sure should just be peeved instead of depressed.  I am a crazy person, and I can't tell people exactly what I think because I have a naturally sharp tongue and so spend a lot of time saying "nothing at all" rather than being a jerk, so I know I would be pacing and talking to myself, going through all of the nasty things I COULD have said, once I was alone at home.  Then my husband would walk in, laugh at me, pick up one of the cats and say "Mama is crazy.  See?  Mama's crazy ADD is making her talk to herself again." 

ugh.  That guy was a jerk. I may go home and pace and think about YOUR situation, it's such  a maddening one.  Side note, I forget that my fistula is pretty bulgy now, and I get excited and show people, not realizing that at their angle it looks pretty hairy.  Whatever, dude.  They can deal.
 

[MomoMcSleepy]

So, this wasn't about me specifically, but I keep hearing similar complaints, and today had to post!

I work for a university, and people call me and complain about handicapped parking.  At our university, students can get University-issued handicapped parking stickers, even if (for whatever reason) they haven't gotten a state-issued tag or sticker.  I get calls multiple times a week, send officers to check, and invariably for the last half-dozen at least, these have been those disability office-issued stickers (they have very tiny symbols on an otherwise normal parking sticker). 

Today I got a call from an irate female student, and I tried to explain that the University gives out these stickers, so while of course I will send an officer,  it is likely an authorized vehicle (which I found out a few minutes later, it was).  She was very upset, and said the person was walking and "wearing a backpack and everything."  Sigh.  I said, she could have  CF, or other breathing problems, or kidney disease, etc., and though she might not LOOK disabled, she might indeed have an issue necessitating the sticker.

Usually people are mollified by this, but the girl exploded, and said that "There aren't that many SPECIAL students on this campus that need to suck up all these parking spaces!" 

Meanwhile, I am getting other calls on the radio, and my timer says we've been talking 4 minutes, and I'm  thinking of my bosses who have asked "why don't you just hang up on [people who are just complaining for no good reason] ?"  So I said, "I can't stay on the phone much longer, so if you haven't got anything else that you need help with, I have to go.  I am sending and officer to check, OK?"

I  keep the nice in my voice, but wanted to be mean, for sure.  Usually all I want is to help and calm people, but she really got me revved up.  She was also distracting me from my work with BS that is none of her business.  She asked how I knew that people weren't using other people's handicapped tags.....I answered that that was not a common problem.  She kept bringing it up.  What does she want us to do, hunt down all the people who don't walk with a limp and demand their papers like little parking SS soldiers?  Does she think police can do that?  Would she be comfortable having her medical information demanded of her?  I was flabbergasted, because, really, what the heck does she think I am going to do?  We have no authority to demand proof from people.  If people do get caught using another person's tag (even if you are actually disabled), the real owner of the tag will LOSE the tag and possibly pay a fine.  We caught someone the other day on that, and gave her a stern warning (she had broken her foot).  If you really need the tag, get a temporary or apply for a permanent, but don't put your disabled loved one at risk for fines and loss of the tag. (tangent, sorry).

I am truly worried that one of these days, these kids who don't want to park a little further away and threaten each other over front-row spots, will see another disabled but healthy-looking person, and just pound them, or key their car or something, in retaliation for a supposed wrong.
 

10-31-12 (Happy Halloween!). I edited this cause of the gross amount of auto-correct errors. Also, this woman has called a few more times, and the last time, she advised that she saw a woman put her bag in her car (in a handicapped spot), and walk towards the school.  She was "young, and looked totally fine, just walking," so the caller approached her and angrily asked if she "Really needed to be here."

Ugh.  The girl reportedly looked scared and "ran off."  Wouldn't you?  She might be malingering, but really.  I asked the caller if she was this upset when she talked to the girl, and she said "Yeah!" Derp.. Next time I'm pulling a kidney card on the kid.

[jbeany]

So, thesis about me specifically, but I keep hearing it, and today had a soapy.

I work for a university, and people call me and complain about handicapped parking.  At our university, students can get University-issued handicapped working stickers, even if (for whatever reason) they haven't a state-issued tag or sticker.  I get calls multiple times a week, send officers to check, and invariable for the last half-dozen at least, these have been those disability office-issued stickers (they are very tiny symbols on an otherwise normal parking sticker). 

today a got a call from a on irate female student, and I tried to explain that the University gives out these stickers, and that I will send and officer, but it is likely an authorized vehicle (which I found 8ut a few minutes later, it was).  She was very upset, and said the person was walking and "featuring a backpack and everything."  Sigh.  I said, she could have  CF, or other breathing problems, or kidney disease, etc., and though she might not LOOK disabled, she might indeed have an issue necessitating the sticker.

usually people are mollified by this, but the girl exploded, and said that "There aren't that many SPECIAL students on This camous that need to suck up all these parking spaces."  Meanwhile, I am getting other calls on the radio, and my timer says we've been talking 4 minutes, and I'm  thinking of my bosses who have asked "why don't you just hang up on [people who are just complaining for no good reason] ?"  So I said, "I can't stay on the phone much longer, so if you haven't got anything else that you need help with, I have to go.  I am sending and officer to check, OK?" I  keep the nice in my voice, but wanted to be mean, for sure.  Usually all I want is to help and calm people, but she really got me revved up.  She was also distracting me from my work with BS they is none of her business.  She asked how I knew that people weren't using other people's handicapped tags.....I answered that that was not a common problem.  She kept bringing it up.  What does she want us to do, hunt down all the people who don't walk with a limp and demand their papers like little parking SS soldiers?  Does she think police can do that?  Would she be comfortable having her medical information demanded of her?  I was flabbergasted, because, really, what the heck does she think I am going to do?

I am truly worried that one of these days, these kids who don't want to park a little further away and threaten each other over front-row spots, will see another disabled but healthy-looking person, and just pound them, or key their car or something, in retaliation for a supposed wrong.
 

I hate to wish ill of anyone - but don't you wish some people would come down with a horrible illness?  Karma just doesn't work fast enough to suit me some days....

[Annig83]

I'm in the hospital due to a catheter infection (CCPD).  I had to go on Hemo Perma-Cath. for now until I decide what is best for me do to in the future.  I may do home-hemo.  Anyways. My friend's mother asked me today If I thought about going off dialysis and getting a transplant instead?  Um.... HELLO?!  This would not be my first choice if I could get a working kidney!!!

[JasonEb]

I'm in the hospital due to a catheter infection (CCPD).  I had to go on Hemo Perma-Cath. for now until I decide what is best for me do to in the future.  I may do home-hemo.  Anyways. My friend's mother asked me today If I thought about going off dialysis and getting a transplant instead?  Um.... HELLO?!  This would not be my first choice if I could get a working kidney!!!

I get this one quite a bit.  I think despite the constant news about the scarcity of of organ donors, most people think that it's easy to get a kidney. 

"Why don't you just get a transplant?" they ask. 

I usually respond (depending on my mood), "Are you offering to donate a kidney to me?  Great!"

You can see the horror subtly creep into their face.  Quite often, I get back, "Umm, well, errr...I don't think I'm the same blood-type/probably not a match/some other lame excuse."

For that, I respond with, "Oh, that's okay.  They can cross-match kidneys now!  You'll kidney will go to someone who matches you who has a donor who will matched with me!"

After getting them trapped in a corner without a way out without making them look like a complete tool, I'll let them off the hook with, "Oh, I'm just kidding.  I'd never ask you to do that for me."

Heh...guilt....

[bleija]

thats because on almost every tv show.. they go to the hospital, and they have kidney failure.. and the next day they walk out with a new kidney...
when im watching anything and the person goes to the hospital and is diagnosed kidney failure... i wont even watch anymore...
about the handicapped parking..before i was on dialysis, i used to get kinda upset when i saw ppl my own age in those parking spaces. i figured they were using someone else's car like their grandparents. now i am sure some of them did but perhaps not all of them
I was 18-21 when i was on dialysis, i had a smooth transition and i ddnt really notice a difference. i ddnt look or act as if anything were wrong with me. when i started my job as a server, nobody even knew for the first 6 months... if i hadnt gotten an infection, im not sure if i would have told them. but im glad thing played out as they did. i know i have an awesome boss that will bend over backwards if i needed anything healthwise.

[Riki]

thats because on almost every tv show.. they go to the hospital, and they have kidney failure.. and the next day they walk out with a new kidney...
when im watching anything and the person goes to the hospital and is diagnosed kidney failure... i wont even watch anymore...

That's true.  There was a show on a few years ago, called Three Rivers.  It was about a transplant centre.  Some of what was going on was inaccurate, but for the most part, it was pretty good.  It only lasted one season, though.

[Emerson Burick]

thats because on almost every tv show.. they go to the hospital, and they have kidney failure.. and the next day they walk out with a new kidney...

Kind of like how every local news station has a story about how someone "needs a kidney transplant to live." No, they don't. They can go on dialysis like everyone else. Friggin' drama queens.

[bleija]

Amen to that . i doidnt mention that about the tv shows. but they say that all the time, and also love this one, we will get her moved to the top of the list... um hello, what about all the other people that are aparently dying for their kidney too. so aggravating. also theyt treat it liek la cure. like changing a tire on a caar. heres ur kidney now ur good to go u'll never have to come to a dr or hosiptal again. its a trreatment not a cure, still have to take pills for the rest of the life of the kidney, and still have to be conscious of symptoms of rejection. and some people will have to have more than one or two, or possilbly 3.
when my hbby watches these episode... half way through im yelling at the tv, and my hubby telling me its just a tv show. this is wher ppl seem to think they know everything about kidney failure, like we choose dialysis over a new kidney.

[WishIKnew]

My transplant was Jan 26, 2012, my brother's was 2 days ago.  My mom keeps calling me to tell me all about my brother's pain and procedures and medication and restrictions like she's never heard of these things before.  Which she hasn't because she NEVER listens to a word I say!!!!!     GRRRR!

[midges]

I love this thread! I'm glad I'm not the only person who has to suffer through the stupid comments of family, friends and strangers.
     I think the most common question I've gotten since I was diagnosed with ESRD a little over a month ago is, "won't your kidneys ever come back (or start up again)?" I have also had a number of friends suggest I see an herbalist or massage therapist or even try reiki. One friend offered to send me "distance Reiki" (Whatever that is) to heal my kidneys.
     The worst thing that anyone has said to me was right after I was diagnosed and I was still in the hospital. My father's wife insisted that I had to repent to Jesus right away because I didn't have time to hesitate. Way to make someone who has just been given a life-altering diagnosis that they don't know much about totally freak out at the possibility of their own death! Fortunately there are forums like this that make me feel much better about the long-term prognosis of ESRD.

[Riki]

thats because on almost every tv show.. they go to the hospital, and they have kidney failure.. and the next day they walk out with a new kidney...

Kind of like how every local news station has a story about how someone "needs a kidney transplant to live." No, they don't. They can go on dialysis like everyone else. Friggin' drama queens.

Thank God.. I knew I couldn't be the only one who thought this.  People who advertise for donors bug me.  I know I'll get b*tched out for that, but it's true.  I'm going on 8 and a half years on dialysis, waiting for my 3rd kidney, and I've never once gone to a newspaper or tv station to tell my "story" and I dono't intend to.  Any time I have talked to reporters or others about my experiences, it was for advocacy, not personal gain.

[AnnieB]

I'm in the hospital due to a catheter infection (CCPD).  I had to go on Hemo Perma-Cath. for now until I decide what is best for me do to in the future.  I may do home-hemo.  Anyways. My friend's mother asked me today If I thought about going off dialysis and getting a transplant instead?  Um.... HELLO?!  This would not be my first choice if I could get a working kidney!!!

I get this one quite a bit.  I think despite the constant news about the scarcity of of organ donors, most people think that it's easy to get a kidney. 

"Why don't you just get a transplant?" they ask. 

I usually respond (depending on my mood), "Are you offering to donate a kidney to me?  Great!"

You can see the horror subtly creep into their face.  Quite often, I get back, "Umm, well, errr...I don't think I'm the same blood-type/probably not a match/some other lame excuse."

For that, I respond with, "Oh, that's okay.  They can cross-match kidneys now!  You'll kidney will go to someone who matches you who has a donor who will matched with me!"

After getting them trapped in a corner without a way out without making them look like a complete tool, I'll let them off the hook with, "Oh, I'm just kidding.  I'd never ask you to do that for me."

Heh...guilt....

You mean you can't just go to the kidney store and pick one up?

DUH   

[Riki]

You mean you can't just go to the kidney store and pick one up?

DUH   

now, wouldn't that be cool....

[gothiclovemonkey]

I love this thread! I'm glad I'm not the only person who has to suffer through the stupid comments of family, friends and strangers.
     I think the most common question I've gotten since I was diagnosed with ESRD a little over a month ago is, "won't your kidneys ever come back (or start up again)?" I have also had a number of friends suggest I see an herbalist or massage therapist or even try reiki. One friend offered to send me "distance Reiki" (Whatever that is) to heal my kidneys.
     The worst thing that anyone has said to me was right after I was diagnosed and I was still in the hospital. My father's wife insisted that I had to repent to Jesus right away because I didn't have time to hesitate. Way to make someone who has just been given a life-altering diagnosis that they don't know much about totally freak out at the possibility of their own death! Fortunately there are forums like this that make me feel much better about the long-term prognosis of ESRD.

heh reminds me of my brother who told me i had failing kidneys because i am a sinner, and that im also possessed (at which point he slapped me on the head with a crusifix and said devil be gone)
ive been told to pray by countless people, to heal myself... which is a kind though, ok, but really, even if i prayed every day for the rest of my life, my kidneys wont heal... its transplant or dialysis forever.

[MomoMcSleepy]

I just saw my recent post, and I apologize, bits of it don't make sense.  My touchpad rewrote my words, and I can't always scroll up to edit for some reason.  Sorry, I have no idea what I even meant to write in the first line....

[MomoMcSleepy]

I'm in the hospital due to a catheter infection (CCPD).  I had to go on Hemo Perma-Cath. for now until I decide what is best for me do to in the future.  I may do home-hemo.  Anyways. My friend's mother asked me today If I thought about going off dialysis and getting a transplant instead?  Um.... HELLO?!  This would not be my first choice if I could get a working kidney!!!

Wait, you can transplants now?  Awesome!

[jbeany]

You mean you can't just go to the kidney store and pick one up?

DUH   

If the University of Toledo Medical Center was running the store, that "trashy" nurse would be on the PA system yelling, "Clean up in OR 6!"

[AnnieB]

You mean you can't just go to the kidney store and pick one up?

DUH   

If the University of Toledo Medical Center was running the store, that "trashy" nurse would be on the PA system yelling, "Clean up in OR 6!"

 

[CebuShan]

I love this thread! I'm glad I'm not the only person who has to suffer through the stupid comments of family, friends and strangers.
     I think the most common question I've gotten since I was diagnosed with ESRD a little over a month ago is, "won't your kidneys ever come back (or start up again)?" I have also had a number of friends suggest I see an herbalist or massage therapist or even try reiki. One friend offered to send me "distance Reiki" (Whatever that is) to heal my kidneys.
     The worst thing that anyone has said to me was right after I was diagnosed and I was still in the hospital. My father's wife insisted that I had to repent to Jesus right away because I didn't have time to hesitate. Way to make someone who has just been given a life-altering diagnosis that they don't know much about totally freak out at the possibility of their own death! Fortunately there are forums like this that make me feel much better about the long-term prognosis of ESRD.

heh reminds me of my brother who told me i had failing kidneys because i am a sinner, and that im also possessed (at which point he slapped me on the head with a crusifix and said devil be gone)
ive been told to pray by countless people, to heal myself... which is a kind though, ok, but really, even if i prayed every day for the rest of my life, my kidneys wont heal... its transplant or dialysis forever.

Here's your response to anyone that says you're kidneys failed because of sin and they'll get better if you repent: Ask them about the Apostle Paul. He had a "thorn in the flesh". He asked GOD 3 times to remove it. GOD refused. We are no better or worse than Paul (who murdered Christians just because!) So ask them to explain it to you again! That usually gets them to shut up long enough to think a little. I've never had anyone come up with a good explanation after that.

Some people are sooo ignorant!   

[Annig83]

I know this has been posted before, but I am SOOOOOO TIRED of people everywhere saying... "Oh, you're so young!"  Yes, I know, I'm 29...things happen to young people too. However, they make it out to be somewhat of a tragedy... like it's my death sentence... sure it's life-threatening, but I'm not giving up. 

[midges]

I am SOOOOOO TIRED of people everywhere saying... "Oh, you're so young!" 

I'm 38, but I look much younger and I get this all the time! I don't know why people say this. It just makes me feel worse because I already feel too young to be in kidney failure, so I don't really care to be reminded of it.