Ignorant things people have said to you

[CebuShan]

   

I've been lucky enough to have the same fistula for almost 12 years now.  Unfortunately, though, I have basically a track mark that runs from about 2 inches above the rest (a little after where the fistula surgery scar ends) up to about an inch and a half shy of the end of my forearm.  I also am one of those who only wears short sleeves (even in winter), wear my hair long, and tend to have a stubble.

For the most part, the general populace asking me what happened to my arm doesn't bother me.  It gives me a chance to enlighten them a bit.  What does bother me a bit is two things...both usually at the grocery store:

1)  I can hear people whispering behind me in line, "Look at that guys arm," or "That guy must shoot up" or similar things like that.

2)  The cashier will be all friendly to me until he/she sees my arm (like if I hand them some money) and you can see their eyes quickly glance at my arm, then they get that nervous smile/attitude where they are trying to act like they didn't see anything but you know they did.  If I'm feeling particularly ornery when these happen, I'll sometime pretend to act all twitchy and meth-y.

I've always wanted to have two t-shirts made.  The first would read on the front (in big letters) "I AM NOT AN IV DRUG USER" and the back would read "I am a dialysis patient".  The second would read "Curious about the arm?" on the front and the back would read "It's okay to ask."

     That reminds me of when I first moved here. (I did not have ESRD at the time) I had very long hair that I had braided in tiny snake braids. The first Christmas eve, I had gone into town because my husband had asked me to get him a Reese's candy bar. Knowing my husband, I picked up a "six-pack" of Reese's. As I was standing in line at the checkout, an old man in front of me turned around and said "Druggie". I looked at him and said, "Excuse me?" He answered, " I know how you drug addicts are needing your candy." The only thing I could think of saying was, "Yeah, that's it. I'm also wearing long sleeves NOT because it is -20* but to hide the track marks!" He just kind of huffed and walked off. I wonder what he would have thought if he could see me fistula!   
BTW - I LOVE the t-shirt ideas! Might have to steal them!   

[Leanne]

I hate when this girl I know sees me out.  She always compliments me on my weight loss and how it must be nice.  She is very heavy so I guess me losing does look good to her.  But it makes me mad because I would trade with her any day.  Her weight can be fixed but I can' t be fixed. 


Or when I am in a store and people stare at my arm. Usually I have lots of bruising and I have even heard people whisper that Marc must beat on me.  Or people think you shoot up cause of the needle marks.

Also hate it when people think I have been a drug user cause they think thats the only reason a younger person would need dialysis....

[Rain]

A worker saw my arm.  My fistula is on my upper arm and i usually cover it with a cardigan at work cause I deal with lots of people.  He saw my arm cause I only had a 3/4 length sleeve cardigan that was rolling up so he saw my first bump.  and said oh my god will that every go away, your such a mess.  Your will messed up health wise I'm lucky I am not you.

All i kept thinking was geez thanks.  It put me in a depressed mood all day.  How do you all deal with idiots like that?  Besides my kidney problems I am in great health, I exercise etc.. And if I didn't tell people i am on dialysis they wouldn't know. 

[gothiclovemonkey]

you know, i think that sometimes people mean well but they aren't socially capable of expressing their concern or whatnot... its not like its taught in school. it should be. etiquit classes or something.

[jbeany]

I'm lucky I am not you.

  How do you all deal with idiots like that?   

Point to some flaw of theirs (bald head or pot belly, perhaps?) and sweetly say, "Golly, I'd hate to have to be you, too."   

[AnnieB]

What a  None of his business, you don't need to explain anything to rude people. He was obviously never taught manners by his momma.  You could always just smile sweetly in response and say nothing, mentally visualizing him getting hit by a bus; he'll never know.

My 

[Rain]

Thanks everyone.   He has been saying stuff like this on and off for years to me.   I just have to work with him for a month before I change jobs.  But if he says anything at all like that again I am going to file a harassment complaint against him.

[JasonEb]

Here's one that happens quite a bit and always makes me laugh...

I'm somewhere like a checkout line or at a fast food place and the cashier will ask (just being friendly), "How are you doing today"?  I'll respond with "Okay, I'm on my way/just came from dialysis." to which they'll then ask, "Oh?  Why do/What did you have to go to Dallas for?"

[okarol]

Here's one that happens quite a bit and always makes me laugh...

I'm somewhere like a checkout line or at a fast food place and the cashier will ask (just being friendly), "How are you doing today"?  I'll respond with "Okay, I'm on my way/just came from dialysis." to which they'll then ask, "Oh?  Why do/What did you have to go to Dallas for?"

 

[CebuShan]

Here's one that happens quite a bit and always makes me laugh...

I'm somewhere like a checkout line or at a fast food place and the cashier will ask (just being friendly), "How are you doing today"?  I'll respond with "Okay, I'm on my way/just came from dialysis." to which they'll then ask, "Oh?  Why do/What did you have to go to Dallas for?"

OMG! That is too funny!   

[WishIKnew]

"When are you going to get over all of this?"

[bleija]

i love my boss to death and it was os funny when she asked my ths...
she cmoes up- to me and says i dnt know how to ask this w/o it sounding in appropriate... im like ok... so with the dialysis and all, u wont die on me... like in the immediate future w/o a new kidney..
i first laughed,m bc i just thought it was funny and then answered
my boss is a get strait to the point kinda woman, and to see her skip around the p[oint was just funny... and the question too. she is not afraid to ask questions, and she will bend over backwards for me with my health and stuff.
right now 2 months post transplant she yell at me for what she beleives is too much lifting for me...i came back to work 1 month exactly.. and until the doc puts it in writing shes not letting me do much.... and one of the other managers just laughs and says im the only one that gets yelled at for working in this place...

[AnnieB]

Here's one that happens quite a bit and always makes me laugh...

I'm somewhere like a checkout line or at a fast food place and the cashier will ask (just being friendly), "How are you doing today"?  I'll respond with "Okay, I'm on my way/just came from dialysis." to which they'll then ask, "Oh?  Why do/What did you have to go to Dallas for?"

 

[mamagemini]

This was not said to me but on my FB news feed:

"Oh horrible day! They had to take blood from me, it hurt so bad! I just hate those needles! Why oh why do we have to do this once a year?"

I read this after my Friday dialysis....ya. I was a bit** and posted back: "Well how about every month, then M-W-F and two 16 gauge needles in you arm 3 times a week and then you cannot move for 3.5 hours?"

I know I should of been nice and ignored it but it was just a looooooooooooooong first week on dialysis.

[KarenInWA]

This was not said to me but on my FB news feed:

"Oh horrible day! They had to take blood from me, it hurt so bad! I just hate those needles! Why oh why do we have to do this once a year?"

I read this after my Friday dialysis....ya. I was a bit** and posted back: "Well how about every month, then M-W-F and two 16 gauge needles in you arm 3 times a week and then you cannot move for 3.5 hours?"

I know I should of been nice and ignored it but it was just a looooooooooooooong first week on dialysis.

Not to mention if/when you're post-tx and having issues. Then they'll take blood from you every day/week/twice a month depending on the transplant center and how long it's been since your tranplant, and if you're having issues or not! I'm lucky, I'm an easy stick and needles don't bother me. For those who whine about once a year, all I can say is - WIMPS!!!

KarenInWA

[JasonEb]

This was not said to me but on my FB news feed:

"Oh horrible day! They had to take blood from me, it hurt so bad! I just hate those needles! Why oh why do we have to do this once a year?"

I read this after my Friday dialysis....ya. I was a bit** and posted back: "Well how about every month, then M-W-F and two 16 gauge needles in you arm 3 times a week and then you cannot move for 3.5 hours?"

I know I should of been nice and ignored it but it was just a looooooooooooooong first week on dialysis.

You only use 16-guage needles?!

Psshht...you've got it easy.

 

[Whamo]

My new fistula works, but I hate needles.  I plan to go CAPD soon.

[MommyChick]

This was not said to me but on my FB news feed:

"Oh horrible day! They had to take blood from me, it hurt so bad! I just hate those needles! Why oh why do we have to do this once a year?"

I read this after my Friday dialysis....ya. I was a bit** and posted back: "Well how about every month, then M-W-F and two 16 gauge needles in you arm 3 times a week and then you cannot move for 3.5 hours?"

I know I should of been nice and ignored it but it was just a looooooooooooooong first week on dialysis.

You only use 16-guage needles?!

Psshht...you've got it easy.

 

I hate when people complain about that, they wouldn't last a day in our shoes !!! 

[Sydnee]

Ed and I have had other dialysis patients at his center and several nurses.
"your are so lucky, he knows what you are going through" or "that's great you are both having kidney failure, because you know what the other is feeling"

I still don't know how anybody could think it was a good thing. If their loved one was ESRD they would not think it was a good thing!

[jbeany]

"your are so lucky, he knows what you are going through" or "that's great you are both having kidney failure, because you know what the other is feeling"

    

[AnnieB]

"your are so lucky, he knows what you are going through" or "that's great you are both having kidney failure, because you know what the other is feeling"

    

I LOVE your reaction to this jbeany... but somewhat understated, don't you think 

[jbeany]

"your are so lucky, he knows what you are going through" or "that's great you are both having kidney failure, because you know what the other is feeling"

    

I LOVE your reaction to this jbeany... but somewhat understated, don't you think 

Seriously, they might as well say, "It's so convenient that you both have a terminal illness at the same time!  Whoever dies last won't be alone long that way." 

[Riki]

"When are you going to get over all of this?"

I'd answer  that with, "when you bend over and kiss my a@@"

"your are so lucky, he knows what you are going through" or "that's great you are both having kidney failure, because you know what the other is feeling"

I had a dream while in dialysis once, that my best friend was there as well.  I watched her getting out of her chair, and saw the big, white bandaids on her arm, and watched her go to the scale.  Then she came and sat next to me, waiting for me to be finished.  When I woke up, I looked around, and almost asked one of the nurses where she went.  Then it clicked in that she wasn't there, and I don't think I was ever so happy, because she's not on dialysis.  It's not something I would wish on anyone, especially not someone that I love

[Ricksters]

The stupidest thing was when someone asked if I was contagious and if it was legal for me to be cooking, and serving food!  I would have asked if stupidity was contagous, but decided I wanted to keep my job.

Smiles,

Ricki

[Desert Dancer]

I've been volunteering recently and had an older gentleman (early 80s) come into the office. He pulled up a chair and wanted to talk and eventually noticed my fistula/buttonholes. Naturally he asked about it and I explained; I had my dialysis photo album in my laptop bag and showed him a few pictures of my set up. One of the pictures is me flashing a big grin at Andy after I was up and running.

He pointed at that picture and said, "You can SMILE about that? That's awful. Just awful. I've seen men killed in front of me in WWII and this is much worse than that. Awful. Just awful."

I was completely unable to get him to see the bigger point, i.e: that we wouldn't be having this conversation without dialysis because I'd be six feet under! He just couldn't see it and kept shaking his head saying, "That's awful. Just awful."

Gee, thanks!