Ignorant things people have said to you

[Mizar]

My Husband has never been a Big Man. Top Weight, His whole Life was 140. He was in Good Health, but one Day, stopped Eating and started Sleeping. He thought He had the Flu ( He actually went to Our Family Doctor, who told Him this was Probably the case, Dumb Doctor ) This went on for Two Weeks and then He had a Seizure and was rushed to a large University Hospital. I was told that He was in Complete Renal Failure and in as Critical Condition as He could be and still be Alive. I got to the Hospital and ran to the ICU Unit, where He was in a Medically Induced Coma and was met outside the Door, by Two, Top Notch Nephs, ( who had never seen this Man Before ) the first thing they said, to me was " Your Husbands, so Thin, Do You Cook for Him?" What? What? What? 

No, Doctors, In Forty Years of Marriage, it never occured to Me to Break out the Pots and Pans.

[staceyand joe92]

I have PKD and have HUGE kidneys so my stomach is a little rounder than I would like. I have had several people ask me "when is your baby due?" I also bruise easily so when I have an infiltration I have been asked if I had been in a car accident? 

[BeachLover]

My husband actually said that he had seen Natalie Cole on TV and she said that "dialysis was no big thing, that she had dialysis all over the world." It must be that my attitude wasn't too good.
Well after beating him silly he has never said that again. Matter of a fact he has offered me a kidney so he is forgiven. Unfortunately he is over 66 which is the cut off age for donation and he hads heart problems to boot. But at least  he offered.
My children must be i hiding because they haven't offered. No one else in family is young enough except for one sister who calls every so often and tells me how much she has been thinking about me. LOL
I thinkI would give any of them a kidney so it kind of hurts. I don't like to admit it, but it does.

[pdpatty]

The dumbest thing was asked about me by one of his sisters. Sort of went like this
Sister- How's Pat doing?
Husband - She is pretty tired,she had dialysis this morning
Sister -Well she only had to go one time  didn't she?
Husband- No she goes 3 times a week
Sister- Thought she had to do it once and she would be cured.

DUH?

[Des]

When some lady at church found out about my kidney disease.....

She said : It can't be .! You do not look ill at all.....

I wanted to say. Just wait, I will grow big humps on the outside of my body soon... not just on the inside.

Why does one have to LOOK ill to be ill...... I am ill. I am thinking of bandaging something.... maybe I will look more ill.

hehehhe

[cherpep]

My son's girlfriend was a senior in high school last year (wonderful girl!).  She had an Advanced Biology class where dialysis was being discussed.  As part of the discussion, the teacher spoke of it lightly and told the class that dialysis doesn't hurt.  My son's girlfriend raised her hand and basically said that it depended upon your definition of 'hurt' - she discussed in detail the effects of dialysis that she has seen - the class heard some stories of the needles and poking, nausea, cramping, exhaustion - and struggle to just get through the day. 

I don't think the teacher will use that phrasing again.   

[dwcrawford]

I think that  this, like a  majority of the things we think are stupid, are not stupid but rather ignorant.  Like this teacher.  What is needed is not disdain for these people but rather education.  Hey, Hooray for you son's girlfriend.  That's the way to handle these issues. 

You know, just a few short months ago I would have thought that one dialysis treatment is all that'd you need.  Rather,  I wouldn't have heard of the word dialysis.  Many of these things I see in this thread could have been attributed to me before last November.  I wish I had been educated on the issues... cause I ain't stupid.  Actually if I had been better informed years ago I may have avoided (or at least postponed) my situation.

Sorry folks, not trying to be confrontational.  Just speaking how I feel.

Dan

[Zach]

Many of these things I see in this thread could have been attributed to me before last November.

I think you're exactly right.

How many of us know what a person with myasthenia gravis goes through?  Or for that matter Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, Muscular Dystrophy or Endometriosis?

I think in general, we all need to be more tolerant of those who don't understand our illness.
Besides, some of the most ignorate things I heard have come from fellow patients with CKD.

[Inara]

I think Zach is 100% right. 

How many people really understand what dialysis is?  And how it affects people?  Too few, unfortunately.

At least there are 2 mainstream cartoons support the education of the public....South Park and Aqua Teen Hunger Force.  Love ya, Meatwad!!   

[cherpep]

When I was diagnosed with kidney failure, it was like learning about a whole new world.  Previous to that I was ignorant about dialysis.  I don't find that insulting, just the truth.  I had no knowledge of dialysis, therefore I was ignorant. Now I know waaaay too much about dialysis, but yet find it funny and yes, sometimes frustrating when coming into contact with those that are still ignorant.  I especially find it frustrating when people talk about it as an authority, when in reality, they know nothing.  I appreciate being able to come to this site and be able to vent some frustration or share a laugh with those who do understand. 

Personally, if I think this is a thread that offends you - stay away from it.  I, for one, really appreciate it. 

[Zach]

Personally, if I think this is a thread that offends you - stay away from it.

I don't understand.
Who said they were offended?

[cariad]

This is a really intersting topic.

One of my more memorable incidents was in a biological anthropology class. We were discussing transplant. I mentioned that this subject was meaningful to me because I had had one. At one point, a student asked in all sincerity if transplants should even be performed, because it interfered with evolution.   

I had had a class with this woman before, and knew she was very bright and seemed a genuinely nice person. I don't think she realized that to me, it sounded like she was saying "It would really be better if you were dead, you know, for the sake of evolution." So, I just pointed out to her the widely-accepted fact that humans interfere with evolution in countless ways, and then the discussion went off in some other direction.

[dwcrawford]

Here we go again... l and I had decided to post nothing .  Perhaps, cherpep, you should read my last post again in a less judgemental way.  People in hear are centrainly not ignorant regarding kidney diesease (for the most part).  I was and you people educated me somewhat.  For that I am grateful.  By the same token, Cherp, I was commending your son's girlfriend for education her professor.  I mean we all are ignorant oh some subject and we simply need the information.

True, many things in here are funny.  That's why I read it.  By the same token, what's funny about people not know how often you dialysis or expect there is a cure and it won't last forever.  Those things, in my humble and mostly disregarde opinion, need the education.

[cherpep]

Sorry folks, not trying to be confrontational.  Just speaking how I feel.

Same here.  I'm sorry if I came off so judgemental, that really was not my intention.  I understand how you dislike a lot of the negativity, and I was simply making the point that I really appreciate this thread, even if it could be interpreted as negative.  I personally don't find it negative, just chances to share, vent, and laugh.  Based upon your comment about not being confrontational, I was honestly making a sincere suggestion (not an attack) that if threads like this do bother you, then you could just not read them.  Why trouble yourself with something that displeases you? 

[cherpep]

True, many things in here are funny.  That's why I read it.  By the same token, what's funny about people not know how often you dialysis or expect there is a cure and it won't last forever.  Those things, in my humble and mostly disregarde opinion, need the education.

I did actually find those original comments funny.  For me, dealing with this disease and its treatments have become so commonplace, that occasionally when I hear a naive comment like that, I laugh.  I was in those naive shoes not so long ago, but I gotta chuckle when I think about it now.  I deal with a lot of things with a chuckle - it's what gets me through.  It's nice to be able to share those experiences here with others who feel the same way.  It's OK that you don't find humor in it, different things tickle each of our funny bones, and we each deal with these issues in our own way.

I think of these comments like those funny quotes from students.  Like when the teacher asks what the 4 seasons are, and the kid replies salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.  I think that's funny.  The kid needs to be educated, but his response is still funny.  Just because the teacher finds humor in is answer, she doesn't think less of the kid or stop teaching - she just finds his response funny. 

[BeachLover]

Sister number two called tonight to tell me all about her hysterectomy and how well she had done and that she had no pain. It was good to hear she was OK and all but here I am with a new fistula and she acted as if it were a walk in the park compared to her operation. she had a vaginal one with no complications.
I am beginning to see that others don't view kidney problems and dialysis as anything very big,as long as it doesn't happen to them. They know very little about it.
I am at least glad I have you guys to talk to. It seems I am pretty much alone.

[The Wife]

I didn't know anything about dialysis until my partner had to go on it....

BUT...when you tell someone all about it and later they say, "So, he's on the mend then?" 

[Des]

I get what you's are saying that we cannot judge the ignorant as stupid but....that they are not stupid just uninformed.

They should rather not say anything STUPID if they do not know about it ... they should rather ask questions or not say anything at all.

It goes with anything in life ... if you do not know what you are talking about ..... rather keep out of the conversation. (or go and read up on it :0 )

[Des]

ps...

like me now

hehehehhe

[dwcrawford]

If you don't discuss it how will you ever learn.  I find that few people know everything about anything.

[dwcrawford]

The whole situation is similar (though not the same before you jump on me) to younger people thinking that because you are older you have no more mental faculties left – at least none worth listening to.  It seems that some think you’re old and I’m young so I know better.  How could I educated people regarding the fact that an old body doesn’t cause the mind to go?

Let me try a little trick.  Let’s think of communication of ideas as a current going through the line from a sender to a receiver (maybe a text message or something as antiquated as a phone line).  Regardless, the idea is to transfer a message from one to the other.  Whose responsibility is it that the message gets transferred?  50/50 sender and receiver,  60/40 sender and receiver, 20/80 sender and receiver?  Think about it a second.  How about 100/100 both sender and receiver?  Hey, if I'm the receiver and it is to my advantage that the receiver gets the message then is 100 percent my responsibility.  Conversely if you are the receiver and you really need the information, then it is 100 percent your responsibility.  Conclusion: If I want you to give this issue some thought then it is 100% my responsibility to convert your thinking through communication.  Anybody agree?

Maybe this will apply to the education vs. stupid (or ignorant) discussion.  I have ESKD and I’m on dialysis.  If my friend asks how long I’ll be on it, I need him to understand that this is for a lifetime.  It is 100 percent my responsibility to make him understand. To use a common word, it is my responsibility to teach him.  (If you’re ever interested I’ll explain when I don’t use the verb to teach.).  And he being my friend, it was 100 % his responsibility to get the information.  Wow!  That rarely happens that the information is equally valuable to both parties.

Conversely, when I joined IHD in March, I had ESKD.  I knew nothing.  I thought a kidney was an organ meat.  It became 100 percent my responsibility then to gather as much information as possible from as many different view points as possible.  Two guys on here that I greatly admire gave me the information I needed.  I was rewarded with a life.  Hopefully they both are rewarded with the gratification that they saved a life – such a life as it is.  I don’t know what percent of responsibility they took but it was enough to total 100 percent plus.

I only said that old people aren’t stupid.  I NEVER once said they weren’t boring.

[willowtreewren]

I only said that old people aren’t stupid.  I NEVER once said they weren’t boring.

And that wasn't boring, either. In fact, quite informative. 

[cherpep]

Dan,

I think your example of communication is very interesting, and I think most on here agree that it is up to us to share this information with others in order to educate those who don't have the knowledge.  Why can't we do that, but still share a chuckle with those who do understand?  I again draw the example of the student who says something funny.  The teacher finds it amusing, but doesn't stop teaching.   She shares an amusing anecdote with other teachers, but continues to educate the child. 

[willowtreewren]

To that point, Cherpep, I really applaud your son's girl friend who took time to educate the class she was in.

And, I frequently get a really good chuckle out of "ignorant" things said by folks. I get the biggest chuckle when I realize that I have said something ignorant. (Although that is sooo infrequent I hardly ever laugh.  )

I point out to my students that there is nothing wrong with ignorance. The problems arise when people decide they prefer to BE ignorant instead of becoming educated on a topic.

Aleta

[dwcrawford]

Amen Aleta... beautifully said.