Kidney donation deeper than brotherly love

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Kidney donation deeper than brotherly love

LINDA CONNER LAMBECK lclambeck@ctpost.com
Connecticut Post Online
Article Last Updated:10/28/2007 12:00:45 AM EDT

Senior citizens at Faith Tabernacle Missionary Baptist Church in Stamford are counting on the Rev. Stanley Lord, 47, of Bridgeport to escort them on a trip to New York City before the weather gets cold and the associate pastor is not one to disappoint.

A former high track coach who spent years in the fields of human services and education, Lord has spent more than two decades setting up Bible studies and directing the Seasoned Adult Ministry at the church.

His fraternal twin, Stuart C. Lord is busy, too. He a dean at Dartmouth College in New Hampshire. He and his wife, Adderly, are in the final stages of adopting a baby from the Caribbean island of St. Vincent.

Oh, and in less than three weeks, Stuart will be donating a kidney to Stanley.

"Once it became clear that a donor would enhance the quality of his life, it wasn't a question. I don't think he asked me. He didn't have to ask me," said Stuart Lord. "It's the price of love. He's my brother."

Though fraternal rather than identical twins, the brothers were a 100 percent tissue match, making Stuart an ideal donor for Stanley.

Stuart Lord is taking a leave of absence from Dartmouth. He travels this week to St. Vincent to claim is 21-month-old daughter, Chloe, then will return to undergo a final blood test and surgery the week before Thanksgiving.

Stanley Lord, on dialysis since 2001, told his brother there's no rush. "Technically, I'm healthy. I don't need the kidney yesterday. We'll wait," said Stanley Lord.

It was 2000 when Stanley, who is single with no children, found out his blood pressure was high and he started to lose weight. An ultrasound showed one of his kidneys was smaller than the other. His kidney just stopped functioning the way it should. He's not sure why. He never drank. Never smoked.

"Once you are on dialysis, you know you need a new kidney. But I never pushed the issue," said Stanley.

Even on dialysis, Stanley Lord was able to work, first in the personnel department for the Bridgeport school system, then as a local director for the state's Alternative Route to Certification Program. He also coached track in Stamford.

Three years ago, he went on disability.

He's never thought "why me." It's not his personality.

"I never had one negative thought about it. My personality is 'stuff happens, deal with it, move on,' " said Stanley.

It's a philosophy that has carried him and his brother from the start.

The twins grew up in a foster home in New Rochelle, N.Y. Both describe it as a stable, Christian home. Their foster father, however, died when they were 5. Their foster mother died when they were in high school. From that point, an older foster sister became their guardian.

Both brothers say teachers, pastors and others in the community also stepped in to support them.

"We had lots of positive role models in our lives. When my mom died, me and my brother committed to taking all the positive resources we had and multiply them and do something good with them," said Stuart Lord. There were challenges. With every challenge, Stuart Lord said someone was there to catch him.

It helped that both boys were athletes and fast runners. To this day, Stanley Lord holds the New York State high school record in the 600. His speed helped him earn a scholarship to Kansas University. He later transferred to Iona and earned a degree in Business Administration.

Stuart Lord went to Texas Christian University, also on a track scholarship. There, he said he found another extended family in a dean, professor and chaplain.

Today at Dartmouth, he is dean of the Tucker Foundation, an associate provost and recently completed a term as interim vice president for diversity and equity.

"Whatever I have, it's mine because someone helped me. I have the choice to share everything I have with others. Giving a kidney is just an example of the principle I've always lived by. It wasn't a choice, it's a value," he said.

Stuart describes Stanley as very giving and especially concerned about young people.

"Friends are very important to him. Family is very important. He lives his life trying to help others. He shares what he has with others," said Stuart, who was born first.

It's harder for Stanley to describe Stuart. "That's my other half," he finally said. "Personality-wise were a little different but technically were the same. Stuart, how would I put it, is more academia. When Stuart wants to deal with common everyday things, he calls me."

The brothers bounce ideas off each other all the time and have never let distance separate them. "There's nothing we can't talk about. Nothing about me he doesn't know," said Stanley.

Both brothers admit they look young for their age and always have. It's in their genes. They know because in college, Stuart was successful in tracking down their biological mother.

It turns out, she ended up marrying their biological father. When they were 10, she told them she tried to find them get them back. She stopped trying when she was told they were in a stable home. "She could have found us. We were in the paper all the time with sports," said Stanley Lord.

Still, he said he has a beautiful relationship with his natural family.

"We say we have two families, to this day. When we go to the hospital, there will be two families at the hospital," said Stanley Lord.

After the surgery, Stanley Lord is hoping to go back to work and perhaps coach some track again, and enjoy being a new uncle.

http://www.connpost.com/localnews/ci_7301826