considering giving up dialysis treatment

[goofynina]

Rerun,  you are too much,  "skipping and bouncing"  LMFFAO....  NO, i may not skip and bounce out of the clinic but one thing i do on my way out, whether it be walking, in a wheelchair or help from the techs,  i smile, i wave goodbye, i thank the techs (even the ones that didnt work on me) and i tell everyone to have a nice day, patients, staff, visitors and i thank God for getting me through another day.  Now you tell me,  must you "try" and shoot down everyone who has a positive attitude here???  I was always taught, if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all.  you should try it too,  if someone has a positive attitude here, SO WHAT,  just move on to the next one, maybe there are members here that need to hear that it isnt so bad, maybe they need to see that it is possible to still be happy, but when someone like you posts something negative about the person who just posts something with a little positivity, i think it is plain wrong!!! 

[hyperlite]

Are you two the ones that go "skipping and bouncing out of the dialysis clinic"?

As long as I keep my fluid gains down, Im usually skipping and bouncing out of the clinic. In the winter, I had a hockey game after every wednesday night treatment. So for some people, the whole "skipping and bouncing" thing isn't so far-fetched.

[goofynina]

YOU GO HYPERLITE....  You "skip and bounce" all you can and all you want until you cant skip and bounce anymore.  I am glad to see other people "enjoying" their lives no matter what it deals us.

[Epoman]

YOU GO HYPERLITE....  You "skip and bounce" all you can and all you want until you cant skip and bounce anymore.  I am glad to see other people "enjoying" their lives no matter what it deals us.

"goofynina" and "hyperlite" the main difference between you two and "Rerun" is that "Rerun" has been on dialysis ALOT longer than both of you. Much, much longer. Your body has not had the kick shit out of it like she has. You both are fairly new to new dialysis.

When I was new to dialysis, let's say the first 5 years I was feeling pretty good too, sure I had problems but I was at least able to walk still, being able to talk with BOTH of my vocal chords, my bones were not like an 80 year olds, Am I was able to get on the floor and play with my son. But now here I am with almost 13 years of straight dialysis, I  can't "skip and bounce" out of dialysis, I would fall out of my wheelchair, and break every GOD-Damn bone in my body. 

so "goofynina" do me a personal favor and cut "Rerun" and anyone else who is a little or lot "negative" some slack. Remember that old saying "Do not judge a man until you have walked in that mans shoes" 

This site is NOT here to make the negative become positive, it is here to learn from each other and take that information and make decisions, oh and to rant and vent of course. 

- Epoman

[kevno]

Skipping and bouncing out off the unit Think I was about ten years old last time I did that, could not get out of the unit quick enough.

Hyperlite, goofynina you are still in the honeymoon part of dialysis, It usually lasts for the first few years. But unfortunately the dialysis always catches up with you. That is if you do not get a transplant first that works. I do remember when I felt the way you do.

I do agree dialysis keeps us alive. After a while you will realize, that is all it does.

Maybe a bit negative, but the truth   A positive, I have been back on dialysis for 18 years and still here

Kevno

[hyperlite]

haha yeah I'm not saying that everyone should be "skipping and bouncing" afterwards, im just saying that for some people, dialysis isn't as hard on their body as others. And yeah i know im "new" (haha if you hadve told me when i started that 2 years of dialysis was "nothing" i would have thought you were crazy!), but there are people in my unit that have been on dialysis for 10+ years who havent really been affected by dialysis (to the extremes that some people here have). So I'm not trying to say you guys should be skipping and bouncing after dialysis, im just saying that there are some people out there who do. And as for waiting another 5 years of being on dialysis to see if my outlook has changed, forget that! If i don't get a transplant soon, there will be a lot of people waking up in bathtubs full of ice, with a kidney missing!  hahaha

and rerun, be as negative as you want! its a free country! and goofynina be as positive as you want...just dont try to force your negativity, or positivity on others...

[Rerun]

I haven't been on dialysis that long.  Nine months back in 1987 and then a transplant for 17 years and back on dialysis for 8 months and counting.  But during that "short" time, I had 3 fistulas, been on CAPD, Hemo, 3 catheters in my neck, 5 blood transfusions, etc...

The difference between me and Goofy and Hyper is I was at the TOP and then my kidney failed on me.  I was a grade 12 working for the United States Department of Agriculture traveling all over the United States for National Meetings, Compliance Specialist for California.  When you are use to living at $70,000+ a year and then all of a sudden you are looking at disability you tend to have a different attitude then if you were working at K-Mart and lost your job and lifestyle. Or let's say you have never worked; then it is not that hard when you hit the ground. When you are at the TOP of your career and then you are told your kidney is failing and you KNOW what it is like to be on dialysis, you pretty much lose your positive attitude. 

The saying goes "If you don't have anything nice to say......sit by me."

Goofina:  FOYRHOL!

[Epoman]

haha yeah I'm not saying that everyone should be "skipping and bouncing" afterwards, im just saying that for some people, dialysis isn't as hard on their body as others. And yeah i know im "new" (haha if you hadve told me when i started that 2 years of dialysis was "nothing" i would have thought you were crazy!), but there are people in my unit that have been on dialysis for 10+ years who havent really been affected by dialysis (to the extremes that some people here have). So I'm not trying to say you guys should be skipping and bouncing after dialysis, im just saying that there are some people out there who do. And as for waiting another 5 years of being on dialysis to see if my outlook has changed, forget that! If i don't get a transplant soon, there will be a lot of people waking up in bathtubs full of ice, with a kidney missing!  hahaha

and rerun, be as negative as you want! its a free country! and goofynina be as positive as you want...just dont try to force your negativity, or positivity on others...

Very well said hyperlite. 

- Epoman

[goofynina]

Rerun, i am really sorry for all that has happend to you, really i am,  BUT, i am not going to worry about how i feel about dialysis in 10 years or maybe 2 years for that matter, what i am trying to say is that i am alive NOW, and i am living what life i have NOW.  Yes, i would love to have my life back the way it was, i did Daycare for 13 years and it was the best and most rewarding job i ever had, (and paid almost as much as yours did) but SHIT happens and you deal with it, everyone deals with it, whether it be ESRD, cancer, liver disease, whatever it may be.  If you dont like me being so positive or you dont like my posts being so positive, isnt there a way you can ignore them?   
Epoman,  I am not trying to convert anyone in anyway, i just want people to know how i look at my disease and how i deal with it.  Sure, i can bitch and complain just as much as the next person but i really dont see any reason in it.  It aint going to get me anywhere but if thats what you want, i am sorry but i cant deliver.  I am not saying i have it so good,  i've been bedridden, been confined to a wheelchair, used the walker, had the fistulas in my arms, clotted serveral times in fact, had the ones in my neck 3 times, numerous blood transfusions, lost use of my limbs due to high potassium, more than i would like to have, and i am the champion cramper and crasher on the machine,  i too lost my job, my house, my kids (daycare) the only ones i had to call my own,  had to get rid of my dog, BUT, i still have my Faith.  I think that is a good thing, dont you?  well, for me that is.  I know this is all about ranting and all but cant those who are on dialysis with a GOOD story to tell for once be welcomed here too and not be bashed for thinking or posting something positive?    I know, maybe you should make a section for only positive people to go to, is that possible,  we tell each other uplifting stories and when someone needs to hear it (or read it) then they can go in there, but it would be their choice.  It's just a thought. 
Kevno,  yes, dialysis keeps us alive and isnt that all that matters?  you said "thats all it does"  well, thats all i want it to do for me.  I dont see a transplant in the near future for me,  even though i have a donor that matches and i have the resource to pay for the donors portion,  i am finding it hard to lose the weight so i am just taking it one day at a time and living in the NOW,  i am not going to let this beat me and make my last days, weeks, months, years, (who knows)  i am not going to waste them with being miserable and angry.  Nope, not me. 

[kevno]

What I mean by that is all it does, is that here in the UK you only get Dialysis 3 x a week for four hours. That is not enough for every renal patient. I can only get pump speeds of 200 - 250 never over 250 so my URRs are at 62% they should be around 75%.  Plus it catches up with you not being dialyzed properly. For me, I was a lot better on CAPD. Which you get dialyzed every day. So many people feel a lot better, as long as you get no infections. Which is one of the down sides with CAPD. A lot of people seem to get a lot of infections. I only got two in twelve years. Both times I was in hospital when I got the infections. To feel very well after being on Haemo for 10+ is very rare. I know of only one patient. But he does dialysis 3 x week for 6 hours on a F10 kidney. I know just now I am not as positive as I usually am. Just now I have a decision to make, which I am finding very hard to make.

Kevno

[goofynina]

Kevno, I am in my first week of PD and i am not too sure if i feel better than when i was on Hemo.  My body is still sore, they say that is normal, it just doesnt feel normal,  AND, i think i keep getting air in me when i fill,  i know how to get the air out of the lines (but i am afraid of how i am supposed to get it out of me, lol,  ohhhhh, my poor hubby), but every once in a while i see little ones and by that time, whooop, they are up in me, lol,  BUT, one good thing is i sure dont eat like i used to,  i dont think there is any room,  when i do eat, i get so full so fast and then i am totally stuffed the rest of the night, i am talking to the point where i just cant move, and i know i am not overloaded with fluids cuz i am afraid of drinking them cuz they dont seem to be coming off as much as they should be. how is that possible if nothing is in my stomach?  I really hope i get the hang of this soon.   And, not only do i hope you are able to make your decision, i hope it is the right one and everything goes well for you.  Hang in there, seems like that is pretty much all we can do at this point right? right!     And i am sure you know this by now but there are some pretty awesome people in here that i am sure are willing and able to help with your decision if needed.   Take Care.....

[Epoman]

Rerun, i am really sorry for all that has happend to you, really i am,  BUT, i am not going to worry about how i feel about dialysis in 10 years or maybe 2 years for that matter, what i am trying to say is that i am alive NOW, and i am living what life i have NOW.  Yes, i would love to have my life back the way it was, i did Daycare for 13 years and it was the best and most rewarding job i ever had, (and paid almost as much as yours did) but SHIT happens and you deal with it, everyone deals with it, whether it be ESRD, cancer, liver disease, whatever it may be.  If you dont like me being so positive or you dont like my posts being so positive, isnt there a way you can ignore them?   
Epoman,  I am not trying to convert anyone in anyway, i just want people to know how i look at my disease and how i deal with it.  Sure, i can bitch and complain just as much as the next person but i really dont see any reason in it.  It aint going to get me anywhere but if thats what you want, i am sorry but i cant deliver.  I am not saying i have it so good,  i've been bedridden, been confined to a wheelchair, used the walker, had the fistulas in my arms, clotted serveral times in fact, had the ones in my neck 3 times, numerous blood transfusions, lost use of my limbs due to high potassium, more than i would like to have, and i am the champion cramper and crasher on the machine,  i too lost my job, my house, my kids (daycare) the only ones i had to call my own,  had to get rid of my dog, BUT, i still have my Faith.  I think that is a good thing, dont you?  well, for me that is.  I know this is all about ranting and all but cant those who are on dialysis with a GOOD story to tell for once be welcomed here too and not be bashed for thinking or posting something positive?    I know, maybe you should make a section for only positive people to go to, is that possible,  we tell each other uplifting stories and when someone needs to hear it (or read it) then they can go in there, but it would be their choice.  It's just a thought. 
Kevno,  yes, dialysis keeps us alive and isnt that all that matters?  you said "thats all it does"  well, thats all i want it to do for me.  I dont see a transplant in the near future for me,  even though i have a donor that matches and i have the resource to pay for the donors portion,  i am finding it hard to lose the weight so i am just taking it one day at a time and living in the NOW,  i am not going to let this beat me and make my last days, weeks, months, years, (who knows)  i am not going to waste them with being miserable and angry.  Nope, not me. 

I can't believe you think this place is all about ranting and venting. Have you read even half the posts? There are MANY positive posts here and many helpful posts. I guess you just don't get the whole purpose of this site. I can't believe you even think we need a so-called positive section. If you have an inspirational story then please by all means, post it in "General Discussion".

OK Nina you are super-duper positive, GOOD! Others are NOT. I myself am NOT, but I do have many things in my life I love and I am positive about some things. I promise you this though the time WILL come when you lose your elitist positive attitude.

Let me ask you this, don't you think spending my personal money (this site isn't free you know, bandwidth costs money) and many hours working on this site to give dialysis patients a voice and a community, a positive thing? I think it is.

You said: but if that's what you want, i am sorry but i cant deliver. When did I ever ask you to be negative or not to post "positive" threads. You are positive good for you, we understand that. But do not EVER try to force me or other members here to be positive. Bottom line is don't worry about the members here, do not try to "save" them. You can help them, encourage them, give them advice, be their friend, but don't EVER look down on them for their negativity.

Now if you will excuse me I need to go throw up some more blood, I am feeling sick (all weekend) and when I feel sick in my stomach, throwing up makes me feel better, and I throw up blood because I have tears in my esophagus, that's what happens when you throw up for 13 years because of kidney failure. One time I bled so much from my throat I had to be given transfusions because my Hematocrit got to about 10, I was in the hospital for a 6 days. Oh, but sorry it that sounded to negative to you. It's just a story from MY LIFE! Let me add this I can tell you some stories about some of the things I have gone through that would make you cry.

And just for the record, to make sure you understand, you are indeed welcome here and I value you as a member.

- Epoman

[kevno]

I feel that nearly ever renal patient have gone through a lot in there lives. More some than others, we have no choice and have to get on with living.

Kevno

[kitkatz]

Okay, okay.  I think we all need to lighten up just a little.  It sounds like children squabbling over who has it worst around here.  It's okay to be positive and it's okay to be negative.  The coin has two sides folks.  I for one, will try not to holler at positive posts when I am feeling negative and down.  It's okay.  I know we are all at different stages in the process.   I tell and make up morbid jokes about dialysis to cope with it.  (You know like diet is die with a T at the end, think what dialysis is...)   Oh boy the BS around here goes on forever doesn't it.  I like the different view points.  Sometimes it is refreshing to see someone enjoying life despite dialysis.  That is great!  Keep going!  I, for one, am just putting one foot in front of the other.   
    One the other hand who cares what I think!  Just keep posting.

Katherine

[goofynina]

Epoman,  I am sorry for all the things this dialysis has put you through,  It just seems everytime i post anything positive, someone, not mentioning any names, has something negative to say about what i post.  I know people are going through their depressions, their griefs and so on and I am sure the day will come when i do feel the same BUT until it does, i am going to enjoy life no matter what i am going through,  it's too short and i am not going to waste it nor will i sit here and wallow in my sorrows and i am glad i can come here and read the posts just as much as i was glad i could come here and add my posts BUT it just hurts that when i do, there is always something someone has to say to bash it, then i have to defend myself.  I am a lover, not a fighter, lol,     I guess what it comes down to is that I am just not going to post anymore, i'll just read (if you dont mind)  I do enjoy some of the jokes on here, and you have an awesome gameroom,  they make me laugh, (jokes)  (some of them do)  When have i ever tried to "force" anyone to be positive?  I dont think i have other than saying "hang in there" or "keep your chin up"   I believe all this started when I followed Kitkatz post about asking God those questions,  well, i used that to remind "ME"  how good "I"  have it.  Sorry if it offended you, Kitkatz or anybody else, that was not my intention at all.   And I cant even imagine how much it costs to run a website such as this one but if it costs too much, why dont you ask for a small membership fee, i would pay, any little bit will help you keep this going and i am sure there are and will be many that will need this site, today, tomorrow or whenever.  Maybe like a annual fee of $20.00 or something, i definetly think it is worth at least that much for all the info you provide other than the giving us the ability to vent, rant, be positive, meet others, tell jokes, ask questions and so on.  This is a great thing you have created and i, for one, look forward to coming here everyday. 

[kevno]

Who cares if a member of the site is positive or negative. It is up to that individual person how they feel. What they want to say. Plus how they want to say it. Over the last few days, I do not know what as happened. But it seems the site as gone way of the course. It is not the same site I joined in December. All that is happening on a few of the threads is a lot of arguing. We used to just put our point across, and that was that. The advise was taken or not. But we never argued, it was a lot happier site. Yes we do still torment each over, but now I am not sure if that is being taken the wrong way.

The way I saw the site at first: It was just a place to come, maybe have a rant about dialysis. Try to find out about something to do with dialysis that you are not sure about. Ask advise about dialysis. Have a joke and a laugh with other patients/carers. That is the way I understood, Epoman wanted the site to be like.

What has happened

Kevno

[goofynina]

Well Kevno,  I think "Goofynina" happend,  me and my positive and argumentive self.  I posted a reply and it started it,  SORRY PEOPLE FOR BEING SO FREAKEN POSITIVE, UGH,  WHAT A BIYOTCH HUH?  LMAO....  And here i told Epoman i wasnt going to post anymore,  sorry again, i guess i just cant stay away from this place.  I understand if ya kick me out, lol,

[Rerun]

In most families people fight and argue, but still love each other.  That is how this site is.  I have to put up a front all day and so this is my refuge to be a smart alic and let my true feelings out.  Just keep posting and be honest. 

I have one positive thing about dialysis.  I went from a size 12 to a 4.  I've always wanted to be thin!   

[hyperlite]

The difference between me and Goofy and Hyper is I was at the TOP and then my kidney failed on me.

hahaha if the difference between you and me is that you were on the TOP when your kidneys failed, does that mean that I was at the bottom?

[Epoman]

The difference between me and Goofy and Hyper is I was at the TOP and then my kidney failed on me.

hahaha if the difference between you and me is that you were on the TOP when your kidneys failed, does that mean that I was at the bottom?

Rerun means she was well established well into her career, and you Hyperlite are young and still in college. So yeah you are at the bottom. 

- Epoman

[kitkatz]

Geezzzzz!  Mea culpa to anyone I might have offended with any comments back and forth.  I thought we had a free exchange of ideas here.  If a post is here, then we have put it out to the world to be commented upon.  That means if we do not like it, then we can say so.  I was not particularly offended at your posting a positive prayer to my rant I posted.  I figured it was your right to say anything you wanted about it. However, expect an answer back, no matter what form it takes whether positive or negative.

Goofynina:  I keep telling you, you are just in a different phase of progress than I am. And it is okay.  I am okay with that!  You are probably miles ahead of me in figuring out how to stay healthy on dialysis.  If the positive attitude is good for you, great! I am happy for you and do not want you to stop posting on the site just because we are a bunch of grumpy old dialysis patients! Your bits of positiveness brighten what can be a very dark and dreary world.  Like I said to everyone Lighten up.  I figured you had a right to answer my rant any way you wanted to.  I answered back and we had a good discussion over it.  Great!  See something positive. (Oh no, it's catching!)

Trying not to scream too loudly over here in Hell land!

Katherine

[Epoman]

Epoman,  I am sorry for all the things this dialysis has put you through,  It just seems everytime i post anything positive, someone, not mentioning any names, has something negative to say about what i post.  I know people are going through their depressions, their griefs and so on and I am sure the day will come when i do feel the same BUT until it does, i am going to enjoy life no matter what i am going through,  it's too short and i am not going to waste it nor will i sit here and wallow in my sorrows and i am glad i can come here and read the posts just as much as i was glad i could come here and add my posts BUT it just hurts that when i do, there is always something someone has to say to bash it, then i have to defend myself.  I am a lover, not a fighter, lol,     I guess what it comes down to is that I am just not going to post anymore, i'll just read (if you dont mind)  I do enjoy some of the jokes on here, and you have an awesome gameroom,  they make me laugh, (jokes)  (some of them do)  When have i ever tried to "force" anyone to be positive?  I dont think i have other than saying "hang in there" or "keep your chin up"   I believe all this started when I followed Kitkatz post about asking God those questions,  well, i used that to remind "ME"  how good "I"  have it.  Sorry if it offended you, Kitkatz or anybody else, that was not my intention at all.   And I cant even imagine how much it costs to run a website such as this one but if it costs too much, why dont you ask for a small membership fee, i would pay, any little bit will help you keep this going and i am sure there are and will be many that will need this site, today, tomorrow or whenever.  Maybe like a annual fee of $20.00 or something, i definetly think it is worth at least that much for all the info you provide other than the giving us the ability to vent, rant, be positive, meet others, tell jokes, ask questions and so on.  This is a great thing you have created and i, for one, look forward to coming here everyday. 

If you wish not to post anymore, that is your choice. I myself hope you continue to post, there is nothing wrong with your posts, you have done nothing wrong, no one has. I made this site so dialysis patients can speak their mind. You do not have to defend yourself if someone tells you something you don't like, you can reply or don't reply, it's your choice. It's good to have positive people here, if we didn't have positive people, this place would be grim. You haven't offended me except for you not understanding the main purpose of the site, it is not about being negative. Thank you for the kind words about the site, it makes all my work worth it.

Also about the "money" issue, soon members will have a way to help in the running/maintaining of the site, but it will be 100% optional, not a requirement. This site will ALWAYS be free to dialysis patients.

- Epoman

[Panda_9]

I have one positive thing about dialysis.  I went from a size 12 to a 4.  I've always wanted to be thin!   

I agree with that one!!! I have lost almost 30kgs since starting Dx. Mostly caused by having my head in a bucket day in day out, but its got me on the road to getting a transplant quicker.

[GuyIncognito]

What drives me daily is the need to overcome this diesease which took my grandfather, Uncle and put me on Dialysis... the only proof I need is to look at my Da, uncle and aunt all of whom have a transplant, my father with the longest at 14 years.
Not only will I dominate this "Bump in the road" but I will also work endlessly to raise money and awareness for the cause... the only thing that gets me down is the absurdity of not signing a donor card... why are we forced endure what we do when the answer is within our grasp. HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO SELFISH?

DRIVEN BY SPITE

[Joe Paul]

I think some people are "superstitious" about signing the donor cards. Think about that a minute, that means thinking of dying, a thought none of us want to do EVER, but since this disease, is something you cannot help but to think about once in a while.
Also, at least in Pennsylvania, the only time the chance comes along to sign the card, is when you receive, or renew your drivers license, or if you have a living will, again that brings up the thought of death. I doubt many think of the gift of life they can give others, like all of us, but again, thank God for the ones who do.