Parenting - Job Opening

[okarol]

Position: Parent

Job Titles: Mom, Mommy, Momma, Mother, Dad, Daddy, Papa, Father

Job Description: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities: Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

Possibility for Advancement and Promotion: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

Previous Experience: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Wages and Compensation: Get this... You pay them! And you continually offer frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

Benefits: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

[goofynina]

I am sooooooo NOT qualified 

[st789]

Wow.....talk about sacrificing.  Mother love and nurture are priceless.

[paris]

Best job I ever had!  I wasn't qualified but luckily we all survived and they grew up well in spite of me!

[angela515]

Luckily even if you don't qualify, as soon as they arrive in your life, your motherly instincts kick in.. and it's so freakin' wonderful, it's all worth it.

I LOVE BEING A MOMMY!! Hmmm.... I wonder what age I will become "mom" instead of "mommy"?

[goofynina]

OH dont get me wrong, i have raised nearly soooo many kids while running my day care    and i LOVED each and every one of them kids as if they were my own    But after running a day care for 12+ years,  it's all about ME and SAM now,  woohooo   

[angela515]

I know hun.. I meant I wasn't qualified before having them. 

Believe me, I am going to embrace it with open arms when my "me" time comes when they become adults.

[paris]

Just when you think it is your "me" time, grandbabies come into your life.    My daughter never wanted to be called "mama", she preferred "mommy" and then she had her son and all he has ever called her is "mama" and she loves it.    I have friends in their 50's that still call their mothers "mommy".  Of course, here in the south it is usually mama and daddy forever.  I don't care what they call me--just so they call!   

[KT0930]

I'm totally not qualified (especially the stamina requirement!!). Thank goodness for my husband (who's not even my son's biological father), since he's OVER qualified!

[mmmmdeedee]

I've never had that instinct. It takes so much to be a good mother and father. I can't believe my parents had seven.

My hats off to all parents that do it right. So hard to make the right decisions for children. I hate neices and nephews and it is so hard to tell them no and then to see them cry and not go back on your word.

I don't have children but neither have I had the real urge to have any. I guess that goes along with being sick most of your life. You kind of spend most of your time on yourself, and then when you're not sick, you're just happy to not have any responsibilities!

Cheers to all parents!

[st789]

I thought I am the only one with a large family.  I am the youngest among the seven.  As far as nieces and nephews, they bring me joys as well as angers when they just trash the place and leave.  The ironic thing is when they are around all the time, they become annoyed but they are also so easy to please and happy all the time.  Buy them a bag of cheetos or take them to the park would be sufficient.

[Sluff]

i refuse to do it again...thats all I can say about that. 

[Beth36]

That is a good one!  I'm almost 3 years into this Mommy Thing and even though it gets harder every year (I never thought it would be so hard to potty train another human being!), I love it so much more!  I'm the oldest of 4 and I appreciate my parents more and more every day!


Beth

[angela515]

Potty training... sheesh... don't get me started!

[skyedogrocks]

I am LOVING being a Mom!   Even though my little man has only lived in our house for 3 weeks, it just feels so natural.  He has really made our home so much more fun.  Although our 4 hours of homework today was excrutiating and he's only in the 3rd grade!!! 

[kitkatz]

I know homework can suck rocks.  However make a game of it with your son.  Have him challenge himself to complete an assigment in a certain amount of time.  Do it with him and race him. You spell words with him. Do the math besdie himt hen correct each other's papers. My sixth graders ove to challenge me on math papers. I tell them if they beat my score they get a treat from me. 

I loved raising my kids and I miss having them home.  Maria comes home in November for Thanksgiving. We will have a Thanksgiving this year at my house. 

[mmmmdeedee]

I thought I am the only one with a large family.  I am the youngest among the seven.  As far as nieces and nephews, they bring me joys as well as angers when they just trash the place and leave.  The ironic thing is when they are around all the time, they become annoyed but they are also so easy to please and happy all the time.  Buy them a bag of cheetos or take them to the park would be sufficient.

Hey ST.

I am also the youngest of seven. My sister complains all the time about having to change my diapers, babysit, etc. We are 16 years apart and she was the one that gave me my first kidney 17 years ago! I guess she is still having to do stuff for me huh?!

I love my nieces and nephews also. I also have grand n and n's. Whew, the older you get the harder it is to have the patience for them.

Hey parents: What do you do when you're on your last straw with the kids. How do you decompress from it?

I let my neice move in with her kids to help her out finacially. As I have been recuping at my bro's I have not had the full brunt of the  kids yet. Just in search of pointers for a sometimes grouchy woman!

[Hawkeye]

Just wait until they are teenagers.  My son just turned 18 and he is a typical teenager.  He is a great kid and an excellent student but he can be a real P.I.T.A.  He wants to be an adult and have responsibility, but only the responsibilities he wants not the rest.  We have basically come to the conclusion that he really wants nothing to do with us and we just have to hope we raised him good enough that he will make the right decisions.

[livecam]

All teenagers aren't that bad.  I have one at home who is actually pretty delightful.  She's an honors student, a good kid all around, and she likes her parents.  She does have a couple of vices, the mall which is typical and her music which I can't stand.  I think my parents probably didn't like the Beatles either.  I used to blare that stuff on my mom's stereo and she never complained (nice mom). Getting back to the kid thing, she's been fun ever since I first heard her fetal heartbeat a long long time ago.

[paris]

I loved my kids teenage years. They were so much fun and it was great seeing them grow into young adults.  Ours was the house that everyone knew they were always welcome and could call anytime if they had a problem.  I have had them show up at our door at 3 am, had one stay with us for months until her mom could get her life together- I always have a spot for the "trouble" kids.  Each age was a new discover and I loved it.