How do you handle dinner invitations?

[stauffenberg]

How do you handle dinner invitations on dialysis?  On a few occasions I tried to explain to the hosts all the dietary restrictions I had, but I could see that I was just filling them with anxiety about getting the meal properly prepared, especially since they could not show off any of their good recipes, nor did they know how to cook without salt.  Finally, I found I was getting fewer and fewer invitations, since people could not cope with the stress.  With my closest friends, however, the solution we adopted was that I would sit down to dinner with all the other guests and just eat nothing at all.  This was a little awkward at first and made some guests uncomfortable, but as the conversation got going, people seemed to forget about how odd it looked for one person to have no plate or glass in front of him.

[KICKSTART]

I never get any !

[MiSSis]

I guess you could call this one of the few blessing of PD over Hemo.  My blood counts are quite good each month so if invited I usually am able to eat much of what is served.  For cookouts, I avoid what my dietician calls "pink meats", i.e. hot dogs, ham, etc.  I can usually find something in the veggie area that's within my limits.  Fortunately those of us on PD have less dietary and fluid restrictions which is one of the reasons I chose it. 

My husband and I host several family functions through out the year and my father-in-law has to be one of the pickiest eaters I've ever known.  I no longer pay any attention to what is on his plate because I know it'll be only those items that my mother-in-law may have brought.  I know if someone had a specific diet to follow, I personally wouldn't be offended if they offered to bring a dish that included foods they could have.  Usually if we or our friends are hosting some sort of function, we always ask what we can bring.  I'm the one that brings the fresh veggie tray instead of the chips and cheese balls.  That way I know there'll be something there I can munch on.  In the future, do you think you could perhaps offer to bring along a side dish or something that you could enjoy?

[keefer51]

I very rarely get any but when i do they usually know my diet. Since it only happens once in a while i cheat a little!

[goofynina]

Would it be possible to perhaps bring your own food?  Is that wrong?  If you are amongst friends and family i am sure they would understand, afterall, personally, it's the company and the conversation i would enjoy the most, i think you should do what you can do to be there, if they invited you they obviously want you there right?  Just go and have yourself a good time my friend   good luck to ya 

[KT0930]

I'm also on PD, so don't have as many restrictions. Also, most people who invite us to meals are either family who truly make an effort to understand and make accommodations or people who would rather eat out than cook, then I can just order what I'm allowed to eat. Anyway, my potassium is really low, so that one isn't restricted and my phosphorous is in a good range, so I allow myself to cheat now and then.

[jbeany]

I tell whoever is cooking not to worry about it.  I will eat what I can, and avoid the stuff I can't have.  I also stick closely to the diet plan for the rest of the meals that day so that I don't have to worry about getting too much of something we're not supposed to have.

[kitkatz]

I just eat what I know i can eat off of the menu.  If it is something I know is Baaaad I just give it a bite or two or I adjust my diet around it, I have found moderation is good.

[Rerun]

I tell whoever is cooking not to worry about it.  I will eat what I can, and avoid the stuff I can't have.  I also stick closely to the diet plan for the rest of the meals that day so that I don't have to worry about getting too much of something we're not supposed to have.

This is what I do too Jbeany.  I eat what I can and a little of what I can't and call it good.  I can usually find something to eat.  My friends usually always have rice.  He is half Chinese!  When I go out to a restaurant I can usually find something.

[Meinuk]

For work related & more formal dinners, I usually eat ESRD friendly before  I go out - so I am not hungry.  Then at dinner I take a few bites of the less threatening food and enjoy everyones company.  People usually just assume that I am counting calories.

For friends & family, I take the stress off them and I host.  They all know that there is a salt shaker on the table for them.  Aside from last month's Cuban pork BBQ (that Monday I was 3k over!), it has worked out really well. The one thing that I hate though, is taking my binders while out at a restaurant.  it is really difficult to be discreet taking those horse pills. (renagel)

[angela515]

I never got invitations, basically all my family lives in other states... but if I was to go out to eat with friends... I would eat what i could, and basicall.. it's about portion controls if you come across something you like but aren't supposed to have, portion control is key.

[TynyOne]

I agree pretty much with what everyone has already said, just go and eat what they have that you CAN eat and if there are things you know you are not suppose to eat, just eat it in moderation.  Also, like one other person said, eat before you go, so, you won't be all that hungry and if they ask, "why did you eat before you came?"  You could always say well, I was feeling shaky (or something like that) and I had to eat something before I began to feel sick.  Also, I noticed one other person said they don't know how to take their kidney meds discreetly..............my answer to that is, I forget exactly how it goes, I am sure someone else knows it word for word better than I do, but something like this, the people that don't mind, won't matter and the people who do mind, don't matter..........so screw 'em! (especially if they are your friends/family)  LOL   

Tammy from Alabameeee

[Amanda From OZ]

Sorry to hear about your experience, when i go over to family or friends place they all already are very familiar to what i can and cant eat, if not they would call me or ask me how to cook or prepare food so its ok for me (like leaching the potassium out of potato's).

I don't believe its fair for you to sit down to dinner with all the other guests and just eat nothing at all. If i went to a dinner party and they new my situation my honest reaction wouldn't be a very nice one.

I have a friend that is a celiac and before she comes over i make sure we make a visit out to the super market to get something without wheat in it, and we always make a special meal that she can eat.

I guess my advice would be to eat what you can. I would hope there would be at least one thing that you could eat there.  Or else maybe find a new group of friends. 

[meadowlandsnj]

How do you handle dinner invitations on dialysis?  On a few occasions I tried to explain to the hosts all the dietary restrictions I had, but I could see that I was just filling them with anxiety about getting the meal properly prepared, especially since they could not show off any of their good recipes, nor did they know how to cook without salt.  Finally, I found I was getting fewer and fewer invitations, since people could not cope with the stress.  With my closest friends, however, the solution we adopted was that I would sit down to dinner with all the other guests and just eat nothing at all.  This was a little awkward at first and made some guests uncomfortable, but as the conversation got going, people seemed to forget about how odd it looked for one person to have no plate or glass in front of him.

I feel bad for you to sit with an empty plate while everyone else is eating.  Maybe eat small portions of food you can't eat and larger portions of food you can eat.  I had this situation a few times myself and it is awkward.  I know what it is to play around with the food on the plate and sneak some off the plate to give to the dog!    Anyway--there seems to be a whole thing about food being the center of everything we do socially.  I find that the case in my family, a whole social gathering revolves around food and alcohol. 

Donna

[BigSky]

I just eat.

I just take smaller portions of stuff that is high in Na, K and PO₄ and eat more of the stuff that is lower.

[karsts]

I eat pretty much whatever is served but in moderation.  Since I'm on nocturnal home hemo and get approx. 32 hours of dialysis per week, I can eat most anything in moderation and my blood chemistry results are still all within norms.  I just make sure that I take my phos. binders with all my meals and extra tabs when I eat a little bit more 

[Falkenbach]

Would it be possible to perhaps bring your own food? 

I often do this as I get invites to places where I am going to be the only vegetarian. Some people are more than willing to provide something for me, but I always tell them that I don't expect them to make anything special for me, and that I can just as easily bring something along to save them the hassle.

[RichardMEL]

Good topic!

I don't really get invites, except to work functions. Usually that's ok if you're going out in a group you can order something that is acceptable diet wise... and most of my co-workers know that I have restrictions so are pretty understanding of that sort of thing.

If I was invited to someone's home I'd do what others did.. have little bits of what I felt comfy eating. If someone asks "don't you like the food or something?" I'd say no it isn't that I have to watch my diet. If it's questioned more I'll go into gory detail. I would never respond to an invitation saying "I have these restrictions..."

In a way I'd treat it like.. well.. a treat... make sure to balance up with fluids and other food the rest of the day (or couple of days if it's a big meal ) and just go with the flow. Heck life's for living! I figure a little extra tomato or potato or cheese in one meal isn't going to ruin me. If it was every day then yeah.. but on the off chance I did get invited somewhere well that would be the focus, not the food.