depression developing on dialysis

[quietscream]

have been on dialysis about six weeks  , when i started i thought so whats the big deal.  wow have i found out why you say that.  last few times i have gone i bust into tears at some point during the procedure.  i didn't think i would  be such a baby  how ever i really do have a plate full  as they say.  i am not eligible for a transplant, i am terminally ill  with congestive heart ffailure , which is also inoperable and in hospice care . i also have diabetes and spinal stenosis and am also on wound treatment for some diabetic ulcers.
that stuff really don't bother me that much cause i know where i am going when i croak .
i guess you all k now its a combo when you got to dialysis , nurses with attitudes and trying to work out something with them as far as i have trouble breathing laying in that recliner. my heart is enlarged and then stomach push on it and i end up gasping for air and ask for oxygen which i haven't had to use much until now.  to top it all off had to go potty like crazy too LOL.  my hospice nurse is going over there to talk to the head nurse and see if we cant somehow fix this problem . i normally would handle this myself but i start to cry everytime i start talking to them.
on a positive note i was suppose to die 4 months ago and i am still here[/size]

[Sara]

I'm sorry you have to go through all that.  I hope your hospice nurse is able to talk some sense into the dialysis people and they are able to make you as comfortable as possible during sessions. 

[Rerun]

QuietSCREEM... I love your name 

As long as you know where you're going that is what counts.  Eternity is a LONG time and there is no dialysis there.  I'm sure in HELL everyone is hooked up to a machine. 

Just hang in there and remember we are here for you.   

[Bear]

                                                                                                           
NO ReRun, everyone in hell is hooked up to a demon (to those little red horns ^ see? ) 
...THIS way you are able to do much more, as the demon will move around with you.... 

  (I'm a born-again atheist, sorry    )

[Bear]

...on a more serious note, I don't think it's necessarily 'all your problems' (and GOd knows you have plenty Quietscream!!! )
I have had exactly the same thing happen a few times to me @ home (fortunately NOT in the clinic before that!  )
...and I think it has more to do with hormonal/checmical imbalances, altho some specific thing you think about might
actually trigger it.
Sometimes I'm sitting in that chair, pump doing 325, all working fine & I'm happy as Larry, with a cup of oriental spice tea.....
and minutes later I'm weeping like a tap. NOt every time on, but just the odd session is rollercoaster, emotionally 
....I suppose it helps lower your fluids

[Rerun]

Any significant life change causes emotional "fall aparts."  When I was losing my transplant, I burst into tears when I had to say the word "dialysis".  It was horrible.  I'm more stable now.

Okay lets move this conversation to the General Discussion~   

[Epoman]

Any significant life change causes emotional "fall aparts."  When I was losing my transplant, I burst into tears when I had to say the word "dialysis".  It was horrible.  I'm more stable now.

Okay lets move this conversation to the General Discussion~   

This is in the "General Disscussion" 

[quietscream]

  i dont know how many of you use the transportation to and from dialysis.  we have a lot of indy 500 wanna be as drivers.  one day i used my manual wheelchair cause no one could handle my blast 650 as the controller was messed up. i was just trying to make things easier on everyone by using the manual  chair. but i payed a price for it  the way the hell drivers are it ended up twisting my back and had spasms for three days after.
i didnt want to get an attitude this fast but it sure is obious why this sited is needed.  usually i just go with the flow so as not to be upset all the time. however this is becoming  harder and harder the longer i go .
i just wanted to say thanks for being here for us.

[Epoman]

i dont know how many of you use the transportation to and from dialysis.  we have a lot of indy 500 wanna be as drivers.  one day i used my manual wheelchair cause no one could handle my blast 650 as the controller was messed up. i was just trying to make things easier on everyone by using the manual  chair. but i payed a price for it  the way the hell drivers are it ended up twisting my back and had spasms for three days after.
i didnt want to get an attitude this fast but it sure is obious why this sited is needed.  usually i just go with the flow so as not to be upset all the time. however this is becoming  harder and harder the longer i go .
i just wanted to say thanks for being here for us.

That's what this site is all about, NOT being negative just a place to have an "outlet" to vent some of the daily frustrations we must endure being on dialysis. This site will always be here even after my death, thanks to "our contributers". It gets me upset when people think our site is full of people who hate their life and just love to bitch. But as you can see we use this place to inform others in our situation and let off a little steam at the same time.

- Epoman

[Rerun]

Well, and there are those of us (okay me) who are negative and hate dialysis and bitch about everything!   

Remember......if you don't have anything nice to say...... sit by me!   

[kevno]

You are not the only one Rerun After so long on Dialysis, I have lost the feeling to show emotions for anyone who dies. That includes my Gran from October 2005. I went to her house 3 times a week, took her out in the car. I loved my Gran.  But I could not even cry. When I went back on dialysis I used to cry if any patient died.now nothing at all,  But now I do not get to know the patients that well. I have been on Fluoxtine tabs for Depression, they did work at first.

Kevno

[kitkatz]

Oh man !  Talk about a topic.  I get depressed about twice a year for awhile and I know it is the disease talking to me telling me it is going to get me eventually.  I live with a predator every day of my life.  I can get depressing alright.

I know there are people I can talk to and groups.  This board is a great stress reliever even if I have only been here a week. I was looking on line for a site just like this one where I could bitch if need be.  Seems everywhere else is little Miss Merry Sunshine,"It's just dialysis." I am going to choke her one of these days!!!!  So I am grateful and will let you all know when the crazies hit me.

Katherine

[Bajanne]

Feel free.  That is exactly what this site is about.

[Epoman]

Oh man !  Talk about a topic.  I get depressed about twice a year for awhile and I know it is the disease talking to me telling me it is going to get me eventually.  I live with a predator every day of my life.  I can get depressing alright.

I know there are people I can talk to and groups.  This board is a great stress releiver even if I have only been here a week. I was looking on line for a site just like this one wehre I could bitch if need be.  Seems everywhere else is little Miss Merry Sunshine,"It's just dialysis." I am going to choke her one of these days!!!!  So I am grateful and will let you all know when the crazies hit me.

Katherine

Sorry I must have missed this post. YES, feel free. I want to hear rants, this is your "outlet", SCREAM BABY!!! Let it all out!!! Hell yes this can get depressing and I have had my share. That is why this site is here!

- Epoman

[kitkatz]

Rerun
we should make quite a pair sitting together in the back bitching about everything!  We can even tell the techs and nurses how to run things!

Katherine

[Rerun]

That would be FUN Kitaktz!  I bet we would only sit together once before "one" of us would be moved to a different shift.

But, THEN we could go visit each other!   

[kevno]

You two, sitting together on dialysis

No one else would get a word in

There would be complaints from the Techs, could not get any sleep,because of Rerun and kitkatz 

I know Rerun could spend DAYS talking about her Pica

[kitkatz]

Oh boy!  What a ride we would have!  Can you imagine?!

[quietscream]

 
its been a while since i posted. between dialysis and doc appts. i am on the run everyday and then weekend gets here and all i can do is sleep.  i  sure am learning what some of you have talked about dialysis being like.   such as  nurses who hate their jobs , bitchy nurses that ignore you when you try to get thier attention. and even a little racial discrimination.  i cant help it i was born white.
have had a few bouts with uncontrolled bleeding after that treatment.  then to top things off i got kicked out of hospice this week because i am activedly seeking to stay alive.  ,,,, go figure. now  i will have to have more expenses for heart drugs. because o f this.  what i really want to say is   i hate dialysis.

[kitkatz]

O Geez! Isn't that just like hospice, kicking you out just because you are trying to live!  What a crock of crapola!  I hope you take someone by the throat and give them absolute hell about your situation.  At least you are not sitting there crying anymore.  Now the yelling can begin.  Good luck!

Katherine