Things will get better, right?

[justagirl2325]

I just need to rant.  I'm getting to the end of my rope emotionally.  Hell, I might be way past the end.  He's back in centre for now after his surgery, which should be easier on me, except now the only time I see him is when I'm home from work, he's exhausted, sleeping and cold, sore from surgery, crabby as hell, I feel like I can't make noise at night as his bedroom is right next to kitchen and the dishes sit and stink and the clothes are in the dryer unfolded and his bathroom is mess from him being sick and now his nurse is sending him cutesy texts which are pissing me off (really do you have to text him good morning and a cute pic...that's something we first did as lovers).  I'm just mad all the time lately.  I've used up all my holidays taking time off when he's sick, not that it would matter, we are about $21,000 in medical expenses so far with no reimbursements yet (thanks Canadian government for taking six months to process anything).

I'm in therapy but not sure how this will ever get better.

 

[PrimeTimer]

What I've been doing is tackling just one thing at a time. I try to knock something off my list every day but if I can't, I let go of it. For instance, I use to be able to clean my entire apartment in a day. Now I'm lucky if I can mop the floor in just a day. So I just do one chore a day and if it's not on my list, I emotionally let go of it until I feel ready again. Been like this for a while now and it sucks but I feel I have to do it my way or else have a complete breakdown. You've been overwhelmed for quite some time. Perhaps we are going thru different things but mentally we seem to have some things in common. Glad you came here to vent because this is the place to come. Here, you are among friends who can console you, offer advice and just plain agree and let you get it all out. Rise up, girl! We can do this! And oh, I've had stinky bathrooms before too. Months ago I had projectile vomit to deal with and couldn't clean it up til after I checked hubby into the hospital. It happens but I wish it didn't.

[cassandra]

   


And love, and strength, and what the hell is that texting from his nurse about?

[Michael Murphy]

It's amazing that you are still hanging on, what you are describing would try the patience of a saint.  First off you are being held hostage in your own house.  By noise restrictions.  As long as dishes are a problem switch to good paper plates, my wife is busy taking care of her father i use paper plates and a microwave and I can just through out the plates when I am done. I use one fork and knife and wash them when I am done.  You need help!!!!! Since I don't know what's available in Canada my only recommendation is speak to the social worker at his dialysis center, or if you are a church goer talk to your pastor.  Don't feel bad about how you are feeling it's probably just what anyone in you position would feel.  Last but not least talk to your husband you may not be alone in feeling strained.  A honest expression of how you both are feeling would clear the air.  Maybe between the both of you you can figure a way to handle the problems you mentioned.  I mean maybe doing the laundry and dishes may not bother his sleep. I hope things get better for you.

[LorinnPKD]

Michael Murphy is right: Disposable cutlery and paper plates have been a godsend for me in those times when the dishes just can't get done.

[justagirl2325]

Thanks everyone for the responses, it's amazing the feeling just from someone else understanding.  I talked to my mother and she offered to help if I want her too... haven't taken her up on it yet as I also spoke to my husband last night and we agreed that we are going to find and hire a cleaner to come once a week to help out. 

I love the idea of paper plates I'm going to do just that.  Now Primetimer if I could only find the energy (or desire) to do one thing each day  

He's done with the centre today so we are going to go back home and the nurse will not need to contact him as much. I find this part hard. I've known her since we were teenagers and it could be just a really friendly gesture on her part but when it gets combined with him telling me that she's always complaining about how unhappy she is in her marriage and that he thinks she has a crush on him it bothers me.  And well what do you say to her?  The other ladies in the centre are very professional, her not so much.  It's the kind of thing you shrug off when everything is fine but one more thing to push you over the edge when it's not.

[PrimeTimer]

The fact that you both made the decision to hire someone to help clean ought to bring enormous relief -help is on the horizon! As for Nurse Crush, I'd let your husband know. Maybe he doesn't realize just how she or the thought of it is affecting you.  Cheers to some really good paper plates! Now who is going to take out the garbage? lol

[kitkatz]

We have taken several measures to help us cope with life:
1. Paper plates and plastic silverware
2. Hired once a week housekeeper.
3. I have hired extra help to help me through Christmas cleaning and decorating.
4. I make sure to do one thing that makes me happy or I enjoy every day.
5. I used Amazon to purchase gifts this year.
6. I say no to requests from other people. Enough is on my plate.

[KatieV]

5. I used Amazon to purchase gifts this year.

Besides gifts, I've been buying most everything online except for food (hence why the fridge is empty!).  Needed a new mattress - ordered from Amazon; new dress shirts for my husband - Cyber Monday Sale on kohls.com!  Why brave the crazy rush of the mall when you can do it from the comfort of your dialysis recliner!

[nursey66]

 

[Angiepkd]

So sorry you are going through all of this.  And the Holidays are surely adding to the stress.  The weekly cleaning should help a lot, because no one likes to look at a pile of dishes and unfolded laundry. Try to be easy on yourself, and let things go.  It's hard for people to understand unless they have been there. I still haven't finished shopping, and can't go to the mall or store until 6 weeks after my last velcade treatment.  The date for that is December 24th.  Looks like people are getting money this year  I haven't decorated at all, and doubt I am going to.  Just too many other things going on.  Praying that we all have a better 2017.  2016 has pretty much stunk. Hang in there!