It all changed on a Thursday morning…

[CissyKay]

When my husband phoned me to tell me that he had collapsed in the parking lot of his workplace and couldn’t move due to crippling gout, I knew something was wrong – horribly wrong. He’d been feeling crap for months (years?), puking at night and every morning, blinding headaches, tiredness – in hindsight, every symptom one could possibly attribute to kidney failure.
By the time we got him to the doctors, the worst was confirmed: end stage renal failure. Not stage 3, or possibly 4, no diet and drugs to try and keep the ship afloat a while – as soon as we could get him to a major centre, he went straight into theatre to have a catheter inserted into his neck and dialysis started that same evening. The word ‘reeling’ doesn’t even come close.
It’s now a few weeks later and we’re battling to establish the return some sort of normality in our lives. Hubby goes for dialysis three times a week and I’m just trying to keep sane and the household afloat (and the kids’ hair from becoming dreadlocked – their general neglect has been a heartbreaker). I don’t have a terribly good support system (my own fault – I battle to ask for help) and at times (often!) it all seems too much.
Luckily I’m going on leave now and will hopefully regroup during the holidays. The kids, job, running around, paying bills, keeping track of diet and drugs, cooking, shopping, worrying, picking up dog poo – it becomes a bit much, doesn’t it?   

[SooMK]

I'm so sorry for the impact on your family that kidney disease has made. Even when you know it's coming it's a shock but when you are blindsided like this and are just trying to get a grip on your new reality--I can't imagine. Welcome to IHD. I hope this forum can begin to be part of your support system.

[Darthvadar]

  to our community...

Great to have you on board...

Come in and visit often... We'll be here for you....

Darth... Moderator...

[Vt Big Rig]

Welcome to our little family.......

I was lucky (?) enough to be able to plan for the disruption of my life with some warning I would need dialysis.  I am sorry it has had such a major impact on you all of a sudden.

Eventually and unfortunately it will become the new "normal" for you.

If you have questions or need support please ask. Many of the "family" on here have gone through the same journey and can help.

Good Luck

[kickingandscreaming]

Welcome CissyKay.

I am somewhat new here myself, having recently been through a similar crash as your husband.  But I knew it was coming. Some day.  That helps some.  I had just been through 2 weeks of what I thought was the flu, but turned out to be pneumonia. One night I found my legs and feet swollen in a way I had never seen before. Fortunately, I was due to see my Nephrologist the next day for our regular appointment.  She took one look at me and my test results and sent me to the hospital for a neck catheter, to be treated for pneumonia and to begin hemodialysis. 

Overnight, my life was thrown into chaos. So I can relate to what you must be going through and I'm so sorry it is happening.  Three weeks later I am settling into a rhythm (one that I never wanted to be in) and living the brain- and soul-deadening (for me) life attached to a machine 3 days/wk.  It is a shock to the system, but as with all shock, it is time limited.  This too shall pass, and will be replaced with a new normal.  You have now entered the country of kidney disease and the sub-culture of people who must somehow make peace with this new reality.  I wish your family the blessing of adaptability.  There is a lot of support on this forum, especially for those of us who can't or won't ask for help.
Best to you.
Kicking

[Michael Murphy]

The bad thing about ESRD is it just doesn't effect the patient it strikes at the whole family.  Three days a week is draining on the patient and it impacts all of you.  As you care for your husband and children please take the time to care for yourself.  This disease sucks if you know it's coming.  It must be a kick in the groin to arrive witnout warning.  As time goes by it will be easier for your husband if he stays on hemo and has a fistula installed after it matures the sessions will become more effective.  The really good news is there are several lines of research involving cloning and artificial implantable kidneys which may make this easier.  When you have questions this place is wonderful for finding answers and support.  Good Luck

[Hootie]

Hubby will get care he needs in center for now. Best thing you can do is take of yourself. Only then can you deal with kids and support hubby. YOU are the most important one. Find a stress reliever in a positive way! You will be fine. We all have had to deal with the ESRD in some form. I would say it gets a little easier along the way. Never easy though.
First stages of dealing with the disease are the toughest. As others have said its a family disease as it affects all.

[CissyKay]

Thank you, all. It's a huge relief to admit to the horror of life as we know it, destroyed. And people say the weirdest things, things they wouldn't say if he had cancer and was undergoing chemo, or had a heart attack and had a bypass. It's like kidney failure isn't really understood, but that might just be my neck of the woods? Not to mention my daughter: "So mommy, if daddy dies, can we get a new puppy?" Good thing there's always something to laugh about. Most of the time, anyway. Once again, a million thanks.

[Michael Murphy]

Every where I've been my dialysis becomes the out of sync focus when it comes up,  the one that makes me crazy is when I say I can't do something because I am going to dialysis then they say "oh, I am sorry". And I reply what for you did not give it to me.

[del]

Welcome to the site CissyKay    You will find lots of support here. 

[cassandra]

Welcome to the site CissyKay

   

Stay strong, it'll get 'better' some day, take care, Cas

[Simon Dog]

ot to mention my daughter: "So mommy, if daddy dies, can we get a new puppy?"

Is this because you are an obstacle to getting a puppy now, or because the puppy would replace you in the family?

[CissyKay]

Haha, Simon Dog - no, we have 2 dogs and 2 cats already but my daughter wants more. The standard excuse is always that we don't have enough space - in her 7-year-old mind, with Daddy gone (heaven forbid) a lot of real estate will be freed up.