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UkrainianTracksuit
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« on: February 10, 2014, 05:37:58 AM »

I don't know if this goes under this section.  It's not about dialysis so I figured it went here.  I apologize if I made the wrong decision of sticking it here.

I know I'm not really close with anyone here and I'm just some random crazy person.  However, there are a fair share of people who have experienced loss here.  Can anyone provide some good resources you may have used to help you through mourning?  I've searched on my own and I find sources with pretty much the same information that isn't helping.  So, are there books or links or whatnot that helped you?

I'm at the point now where the emptiness I'm feeling is affecting my health.  I look terrible, I can't eat and as you can imagine, this is not working well with ESRD.
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boswife
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us and fam easter 2013

« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2014, 08:27:29 PM »

Hi there 'Tracksuit' ... I dont come here too much these days, but when i do, i usually find something that grabs me that i just want to do something about... Well, theres not much at all i can do for you actually, and beings i haven't kept up on people here either, i dont know what your greaving is about and i appologise for that.... but.............. I still wanted to send some love, and prayers for comfort.  I lost my hubby 6 months ago to this dreadful disease, and i can only offer this...... I prayed. I prayed till i almost did nothing but pray..  That and my amazing kids help, I have healed well.  So mostly why i even just had to hop on here is i know  pain and desire to rid oneself of it, and so i wish you Blessings, and peace with what ever it is your needing to deal with... I hope i've answered in some correct way.  I just wish you healing... be well, jill  aka 'boswife'
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im a california wife and cargiver to my hubby
He started dialysis April 09
We thank God for every day we are blessed to have together.
november 2010, patiently (ha!) waiting our turn for NxStage training
January 14,2011 home with NxStage
Jean
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« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2014, 12:28:25 AM »

 If they have Hospice where you are, they generally offer bereavement counseling.
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One day at a time, thats all I can do.
galvo
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« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2014, 09:10:22 PM »

Ukranian Tracksuit, I'm sorry for your troubles.

Have you had a look at Elisabeth Kubler Ross' 1969 book "On Death and Dying"? It details her theory of the five stages of grief - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. They are not meant to be a complete list of all possible emotions that can be felt, and they can occur in any order. They can't take the pain away, but they help you put it in perspective and to understand that whatever pain you are feeling is 'normal' for where you're at, and that you can work your way through it.

I am probably summarising her work quite badly. There's plenty about her on-line, and I suggest you have a look.

Let me know what you think.  I wish you all the very best.
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Galvo
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« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2014, 11:30:14 AM »

Oh Ukranian Tracksuit, this makes me so sad for you. I think, in the end, it's time that helps with grief. There are many websites dealing with this subject and perhaps sharing what you've been through that way might help. Someone available to listen in person would be great but we don't all have someone like that. I don't know if you have access to professional help but sometimes people need that. Sometimes the circumstances of a loss involve guilt too and that can make the loss complicated. My brother died a few months ago and my sister was very close to him. But he was a difficult person so there was a lot of guilt for her. She seemed to need to go over and over the same things and sometimes that's what you need to do and if there's someone who just listens to that it can be helpful. I will be thinking of you.
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SooMK
Diagnosed FJHN/UKD 2009
Transplant April 2014
Sugarlump
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10 years on and off dialysis

« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2014, 12:38:50 PM »

Time is a great healer.
My mother died last September and I don't really think the grief kicks in til after the funeral.
Although mine was tinged with some relief (after her long battle with Alzheimers) I felt deep loneliness that I
no longer have any living parents. My Dad died of cancer in 1986.
I still have moments when I remember the things we did together, or how she helped me out and I really feel
her absence. She was always on the phone or in my house and was totally interested in my life. I so miss that.
I think the only thing you can do is let grief take its course until you reach acceptance, and try to have other
friends/companions/relatives in your life.
Humans all need other humans.
You need to share your feelings and talk it through, with someone.
And to still talk about your loved one, and treasure the memories.
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10 years of half a life
3 years HD 1st transplant Feb 08 failed after 3 months
Back to HD 2nd transplant Dec 10 failed after 11 months
Difficult times with a femoral line and catching MSSA (Thank you Plymouth Hospital)
Back on HD (not easy to do that third time around)
Fighting hard (two years on) to do home HD ... watch this space!
Oh and I am am getting married 1/08/15 to my wonderful partner Drew!!!
The power of optimism over common sense :)
UkrainianTracksuit
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« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2014, 08:08:11 PM »

First of all, thank you boswife (Jill) for taking the time to reply.  Thank you for your heartfelt message.  A small message can mean so much.   :cuddle;

I thank each of you for your replies too. Galvo, my mother has suggested I read "On Death and Dying" also.  I kind of put it on the back-burner because my mother suggested it.  (Sorry to all the moms out there..)  However, it is the staple in dealing with grief so it may be time to read it.  Perhaps, it should've been the first step instead of some of the new age things suggested to me by others...

SooMK and Sugarlump, that is what most folks tell me.  Time is the best remedy for grief.  I think since it was a recent (and sudden) death, I can't wrap my mind around the concept of time.  Being "ill-er" than the last major loss, I feel this one with much more magnitude.  Thanks for sharing your personal experiences too.  It may not seem so but those mean a lot too.   :thx;
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billybags
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« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2014, 07:15:39 AM »

UkrainianTracksuit , I am going through the same thing, my husband passed away nearly two months ago. I have a lovely family that are close by and friends pop in, but I feel so lonely.I miss my husband so much. I keep my self busy, I go out every day to the shops, just for small things, I think you could eat of my floors, I am always cleaning. I have gone through the house spring cleaning thinking it will make me tired when I go to bed. But no, I do not sleep well on my own, I am up and down all night drinking tea and smoking. Not good. I think the worst thing is coming home to an empty house. I have a few clubs that I go too and I am fine until I come home. People say it will take time and it will. I believe my husband is still with me and looking over me. I wish you peace but we have to work through this. So every body keeps telling me.
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