I'm having a hard time keeping my mouth shut

[Riki]

i need to get this off my chest, and I can't say it on facebook because members of my family may plot my demise if I did.

My uncle died this morning.  Please don't send condolances, because the man was a piece of crap who was finally bit by Karma, as far as I'm concerned.  He was a child molester.

His victim, and the only one that we know of, is his daughter, who is a year younger than I am.  she was 6 years old at the time.  Her mother, my father's sister, sided with her husband when the authorities got involved, even going as far to say that the girl was coming on to her father.  She ended up giving both her children up for adoption, something which broke my grandmother's heart, a pain she carried until her death.

When my cousin was 16, and was given up by her adoptive family, she went to the phone book, remembering only her mother's maiden name, and started calling.  Fortunately, my grandfather's name began with a C, and he was at the top of the list, and that was the begtinning of her going back to her biological parents.  Her brother met them after he turned 18, and decided that he didn't want anything to do with them, but he still keeps contact with my mom, because she treated him well, even after he decided he wanted nothing to do with his biological parents.

Now that he's died, my cousin is making out her father to be this great man, who was loved by everybody, which was not true.  The man estranged my aunt from her father, and more recently from her sisters with young grandchildren.  I'm finding it very hard to sit and watch all the things that's being said by my cousin about him, when he was the reason she didn't grow up with her only sibling, and the reason she had such a hard childhood.  It's like she's forgotten.

I can't forget.  I can't forget the hurt in my grandmother, because she was missing 2 of her grandchildren.  I can't forget that when I met my cousins after they'd been adopted by other families, that I wasn't supposed to know them, even though I did.

And it may be a terrible thing to say, but I'm glad he's dead.  Good riddance.

[Jean]

You have every right to your opinion. Don't worry about venting!!!

[Rerun]

That is a heartbreaking story.  It goes to show that no matter what your parents do to you; you will always love them. 

Then there is my brother whose wife divorced him when the 3 kids were 6,4,2 and he paid child support and fought for them on his time when his bitch wife always made plans for the kids and my brother "looked" like the one always breaking the plans.  When in truth it was his weekend.  They have not much to do with him.  He was always the bad guy.  That exwife was really at fault.   I won't care when she dies either. 

I know you want to remind her.  But, let it go.  Talk it over with your Mom who does remember.  See what she says and thinks.

Go spit on his grave.  That may help.....

[Poppylicious]

It's like she's forgotten.

Maybe she has.  Maybe it's her way of dealing with her memories and the life she's lived.  You've both had to deal with this from different perspectives which doesn't help.

I have a similar situation whereby a victim I know still has regular contact with her abuser and when I see photos of her children and this Monster on Fb it chills me to the bone; it makes me feel angry and sad and frustrated that she can allow him to be near her/her children.  And physically sick, but that's another story.  Her sister refuses to let him see her children.  Nobody has ever gone to the police.  When this Monster dies I won't shed a tear, except for what might have been.

*huggles* (not of condolance, but of feeling your frustration with the situation.)

[willowtreewren]

Ah, the human mind is a very complicated thing. I agree with Poppy, it may be that she has pushed that memory so far down that it isn't there any more as a way to survive.

You may want to talk with a professional yourself, in order to get this horrible piece of your past put to rest. I understand your bitterness and lack of sympathy for your uncle. It is well-deserved. Poeple who perpetrate these horrible deeds should not get off scott free. 

Aleta

[SooMK]

I agree with Rerun. No good can come from confronting anyone on this. You won't even feel any better. You don't need to say what a great guy he is though. Silence speaks volumes and isn't quotable. It's such a sad story but she either doesn't remember or cannot afford to remember.

[Jean]

OR, you could go and pee on his grave, provided the line isn't too long!!

[okarol]

UGH! Good riddance. 

[Riki]

I don't even know when/if he's going to be buried.  Apparently, he's donated his body to science.

I'm just glad that my aunt hasn't asked us to go to any kind of funeral or memorial service, because I wouldn't want to go.  I'd have a hard time saying no to her, luckily, I wouldn't have to do it.  My mom would. *L*

[Emerson Burick]

I don't even know when/if he's going to be buried.  Apparently, he's donated his body to science.

Well just remind yourself that even if you can't make urine there's always someone out there who can.

[Riki]

I guess there was a memorial service for him yesterday.  We didn't go mostly because we didn't know about it till last minute, and we couldn't afford the trip anyway.  My dad made the trip, though, considering it's his sister's husband.  He said that there was about 25 people there, mostly friends of my aunt's.  I'm guessing that only a handful of them knew of his past, and those who did, weren't going to talk about it, out of respect for my aunt