I need to vent out some anger

[Sandi1313]

Hello dear family of friends,
Please allow me to vent out some ANGER that I've 2ward my dialysis center.I think all of dialysis patients that are able to walk should be treated EQUALLY.2day I noticed that another dialysis (female) patient had one of the male staff member carrying her 2 bags to her chair/station.While she weighed her self & took her temperature.This male staff member did NOT offer to take my nags to my chair/station.These 2 people seems to be close friends with each other.I should mention that this male staff member was quite EAGER to take the bags to this gal's chair/station.Does this bad example of the staff playing favorite among the patients happen to other dialysis centers?

My boyfriend Thomas & I have found out that I've sleep apnea.We're hoping it won't  be a problem.We're hoping that I can stay on the official kidney transplant list.I'll be doing a sleep over night study in 2 weeks.I've been doing good.
Sandi






TOPIC MOVED to appropriate section - Bajanne, Moderator

[boswife]

Hi Sandi   Always, vent as needed    And what I think of is ..., i would probably smile at the kindness shown to her even if the same was not to me.  Now, if i saw someone doing for someone and not my hubby, well, i think it would hit differently as i would worry about his 'feelings' .  You shouldnt let it bother you (even if it may be wrong to 'favor' some) as theres others that favor you.. your boyfriend for example   He's a much more important person in your life than a silly ole staff member.  Your 'feelings' are always justified though.  After all, they are just that!! 'your' feelings.  I just dont want you to feel bad because of someone elses possible favoritism.  heres some  and prayers for your upcomming test.  I dont think it will effect your standing on the 'list', but someone els may know better.   

[cattlekid]

I've had sleep apnea for years and they never said boo about it when I went through my transplant evals. Will you be getting a CPAP machine? I highly recommend it, I never sleep without mine.

[WishIKnew]

There were definitely favorite patients in my clinic and, for the most part, I tried to not care.  I had to admit that I, too, had favorite technicians!  We are all human and are drawn to different people for one reason or another.  Now, I think it's a different story if the tech's favoritism effects patient care in any way, but niceties (like they always brought one man a cup of coffee as soon as he was hooked up, but never asked me if I wanted coffee, but I never asked for one either...) I saw as just human behavior.  I would suggest that if you would like him to get your bags while you weigh in you ask him next time.  Just a thought.

As for the apnea, I have no idea.  Hope someone else here does.

[YLGuy]

I think WishIKnew said it pretty well.  My last unit there were certain techs that made it more obvious than others.  I also preferred certain techs and nurses.

On a little bit of a tangent...My new unit has this patient. She gets what she wants or she screams across the room for her old tech. She just keeps screaming for her even though that tech is busy.  She needs her cold water and Tylenol right away. Then she needs her hot water for her tea because her stomach is upset again. (I think lay off the Tylenol and maybe your stomach might not bother you)  About half way through the treatment the, "I think I have to go to the bathroom" starts. (I think lay off the tea and maybe you won't need to go to the bathroom) After a tirade they unhook her and she locks herself in the bathroom for a minimum of a half hour. She comes back out and needs to be hooked back up right away.  During the session she yells for certain staff for a number of things like rides and to tell them things.  Near the end of her session she starts asking how much longer? (I think...you guessed it...If you didn't go to the bathroom you would be done by now)

I guess what I am saying is that the interpersonal relationships at a dialysis center can be interesting and also can be very frustrating.  It would be nice if everyone was equally nice to one another.  I really lucked out I hope.  My tech for the last 2 weeks has been a very nice young man,.  He grew up with his uncle and grandfather in the same house.  They both suffered from ESRD.  He is very compassionate and polite. 

[ChrisEtc]

Hello dear family of friends,
Please allow me to vent out some ANGER that I've 2ward my dialysis center.I think all of dialysis patients that are able to walk should be treated EQUALLY.2day I noticed that another dialysis (female) patient had one of the male staff member carrying her 2 bags to her chair/station.While she weighed her self & took her temperature.This male staff member did NOT offer to take my nags to my chair/station.These 2 people seems to be close friends with each other.I should mention that this male staff member was quite EAGER to take the bags to this gal's chair/station.Does this bad example of the staff playing favorite among the patients happen to other dialysis centers?

My boyfriend Thomas & I have found out that I've sleep apnea.We're hoping it won't  be a problem.We're hoping that I can stay on the official kidney transplant list.I'll be doing a sleep over night study in 2 weeks.I've been doing good.
Sandi

Honestly, you just sound angry.  The staff is naturally going to gravitate to people that are pleasant and friendly to them.  They largely don't have the first clue what you're going through emotionally and unless you make an effort to let them get to know you and you develop a personal connection with them then they're likely not going to bother.  Unfortunately it's not their job to care about your feelings or what you want.  They're there to work their stupid machines and take blood pressures.  If you want more than that then you need to invest yourself with them and give them a reason to care otherwise you're just another body on the dialysis treadmill to them.  The whole set up is impersonal and cold, it's designed for efficiency not your comfort or happiness.  That's just the hard truth of the matter.  Not trying to be rude but we all deal with this really.  At some point you have to accept that this is your situation and make the best decisions for your situation.  You can be miserable or you can make it all work for you with a bit of effort.  Good luck.

[Jean]

Ohhhhh, I dont know, maybe I just have a dirty mind, but is the other female very attractive? Some women just attract men and that is all there is to it!!! In that case, just ignore them!!!

[Poppylicious]

Unfortunately it's not their job to care about your feelings or what you want.

I would disagree with this. It probably isn't included in the job description or contract, but if someone chooses to work with those who may be vulnerable, ill or in pain then surely part of their job should be to make you feel comfortable and more relaxed.  Unfortunately (regardless of the job) there are tasks which need performing and objectives which need to be met and it's these which may make it harder to treat someone as an individual with their own needs. 

People do develop favourites but the un-favourites shouldn't lose out on any sort of care because of this. As someone who works in the field of education I'm very aware that having favourites isn't a good thing, and I go out of my way to ensure that I'm not perceived as having favourites (I obviously do) but sometimes it may be more apparent due to the relationship I've built up with a student. 

Sandi, as long as your needs are being taken care of at dialysis then I'd try not to let it bug you (easier said than done, I know!) There may be other (private) reasons for this person seeming to favour another (not necessarily related to how attractive he finds her). As WIK wisely says, if you need help with something then just ask.  If this person doesn't help then you may have reason to feel hard done by and can question it.  But don't let this be the focus of your sessions.

*huggles*

[MommyChick]

My thought is if it really bothers you that much, ask them politely to help you with your bag because they cant read your mind.  But I do also agree with Jean.
Best of Luck!

[jeannea]

At my center, initially they carried my bag every session. I was very sick and could barely walk. As I got better it was carried less and eventually I did it all myself. I was glad to be more independent. Maybe she has told them she can't handle it.

Try to relax and file it under things you can't control. Or tell them you need help.

[jbeany]

My thoughts on why he might be carrying her bag....
You mentioned they seem close - perhaps a close friend, or family friend, or even a relative.  Having worked in the service industry, I can assure you that people I knew personally always got special treatment.  It didn't mean I shorted anyone else on excellent service, but that's a pretty normal way to treat those you have a relationship with outside of business, whether it's a medical environment or not.
Also, perhaps she has physical reasons to need help - joint pain, balance issues, uncontrolled anemia - there are plenty of reasons that might not be visible that give them reason to carry her bags.

There were plenty of instances at my center were patients were treated differently on a personal level.  Some of us were good friends with our techs and nurses.  Some weren't.  Some techs were (and still are) my friends outside of the center.  Some I barely talked to when I was in it.  The attention to our physical care was always provided in equal amounts, but friendships don't work that way.  I don't think what you describe would have upset me at all.

[Whamo]

Techs usually give more help to patients that the doctor has told them to watch the patient closely.  Usually it's the older, thinner, and weaker patients that get this kind of treatment.  Maybe they've had episodes where they fell or had a mini-heart attack or got real short of breath, fast.   

[Mr Pink]

Strangely enough, I find that I tend to attract more attention from the nurses than the other patients, possibly for two reasons; I'm relatively new compared to the other patients, and I'm considerably younger than everybody else there. I'm sure my charm, charisma and dashing good looks have nothing to do with it!

[WishIKnew]

At the very same hospital stay where I lost my PD access (June) due to recurring infections I was diagnosed with breast cancer, so shortly after I started in-center I had my first lumpectomy (July, unsuccessful).  A month later I had my second lumpectomy (August, margins still not clear).  Less than a month later I had surgery to create a fistula (September, unsuccessful).  A week later I had another surgery to try to make the fistula work (still September, still unsuccessful).  Less than a month later I had a double mastectomy (October).  A month later I had my gall bladder removed (November).  Three weeks later I got my PD access back (December).  8 surgeries in my 7 months while on hemodialysis.  Just to finish the story, a month later I got a kidney transplant (January - successful)  and two weeks later they removed my PD access (February). 10 surgeries in 9 months.

I got A LOT of attention during my 7 months on in-center.  I had never really thought about it, but  others there may have resented me for all of the help and attention I got.  I was SOOO sick during that time.  I'd have gladly traded no surgeries for less attention.  Being able to carry my own bag was a victory for me...

[billybags]

WishIKnew,  You came through all this with flying co lours. You are one strong woman to have gone through all these operations and come out the other end..