Hi :) Hew to IHD.... From Brooklyn, NY

[hillary]

Hi all...my name is Hillary.  I just had my surgery yesterday to create the fistula...so I guess I will start hemodialysis as soon as it it healed.   I have been procrastinating about this for over a year, but I know I can't any longer.  I have been so terrified. I don't know what to expect, except that I know my life will drastically change.  For a long time I had decided not to go with dialysis and just "die with dignity" for lack of a better term.  I still feel like I'm going against what I really want to do and that I am doing it only because I feel pushed by my family and friends. I feel resentful instead of feeling grateful to be loved.  I know this is very f-cked up. But I'm just so scared.

[cariad]

Hillary!

It is a scary time indeed, but now that you've found us, we can help ease those fears. Have your doctors told you that you will be starting as soon as the fistula is ready? It has to mature before it can be used which can take anywhere from weeks to several months. I hope this was all explained to you.

How are you feeling? Do you feel that you need to start sooner rather than later? They usually use a combination of your labs and how you feel to set your start date.

I look forward to reading more of your posts! 

[boswife]

Hello Hillary and    Im so glad you found your way here because its the best ever and should help you A LOT in easing your fears.  Yea, it sucks and all, but the more you know and understand, the easier it is on your mind and emotions.  I wish you all the best and please, please feel comfortable to ask lots of questions.  Someone here has most likley 'been there'.   
oh,, and im the wife of the D man.  We've been on d at home for 2 years now and its been great for us.  Our center was great though to so hope all of that is going to be good for you however you decide to go ..

[Rerun]

Hi Hillary, Welcome to IHD.  I wish more new people would find this site.  I'm so glad you did.  It is a scary time and I felt the same way.  I was not going back on dialysis after losing my transplant but it just feels normal to want to keep breathing......  So, you can say...... I'll try it and if I don't like it I will quit.  That will get you going without being mad at your decision.  Knowing I can quit anytime gives me the power to keep going.

You will be okay.   Hang with us and ask any questions if you want to.  Come here to vent also.  That helps and saves your family and friends who really won't get it.

Rerun, Moderator      

 

[billybags]

Hi Hillary,     to the site.

[lmunchkin]

Hi Hillary, Welcome to IHD.  I wish more new people would find this site.  I'm so glad you did.  It is a scary time and I felt the same way.  I was not going back on dialysis after losing my transplant but it just feels normal to want to keep breathing......  So, you can say...... I'll try it and if I don't like it I will quit.  That will get you going without being mad at your decision.  Knowing I can quit anytime gives me the power to keep going.

You will be okay.   Hang with us and ask any questions if you want to.  Come here to vent also.  That helps and saves your family and friends who really won't get it.

Rerun, Moderator      

 

I agree with Rerun.  You do not have to make a drastic decision right now.  Try it for awhile.  My husband wants to stop, but he doesnt want to leave just yet.  Im not rushing him to make that choice by any means.  He will make it when he wants to make it.

Listen, Dialysis is not as bad as people make it sound.  There are some that live for Years on dialysis and do quite well with it. So don't worry over making a permanent decision right now.  Dialysis for awhile.  It will allow you more time with the ones you love.

I can only imagine you are frightened, but don't be.  Look it in the face and move on!

Welcome Hillary & God Bless You,
lmunchkin

Yes, I realize that Im not the one on Dialysis. So I don't understand it from that side, but I live with it day in and day out.  We rely deeply on our Faith in all fascets of our life.  It has seen us through so many things and it will see us through death too.  So we are not afraid to die.  We all will one day, so try not to fret it.

[hillary]

I had my a/v surgery on Friday and the dr said it didn't take.  I am beyone disappointed and depressed.

[MaryD]

I am dreading the getting of a fistula, too.  I have chemo veins and have had three mappings, and the surgeons have all shaken their heads sadly afterwards.  Long live PD.

[hillary]

Yes, that's what my problem is...chemo veins.  But I am supposedly not a candidate for PD because I've had way too many abdominal surgeries over the past 10 years.

[MaryD]

Hillary - I had a ceasarean 37 years ago, and three years ago part of my small bowel removed (lymphoma).  There was some doubt about my starting PD because of these surgeries.  They had a good look around when they were inserting my PD catheter and decided everything looked fairly OK.  Then I had my run in with peritonitis and they checked everything out again while doing my second catheter - still pretty good.  You might still be a candidate for PD.

I hope you get sorted and settled soon