bah humbug? the anti holiday - fall of traditions

[Desert Dancer]

cariad, I never thought I'd meet another who had never believed in Santa at all!

Even though I'll be 45 in under a month my mother STILL insists he's real. With a wink, of course. 

[paris]

I am having trouble getting in the right mood.  My house has always been fully decorated, each room has a tree of some sort. The front porch has a 4 ft tree decorated with nature ornaments.  I LOVE decorating and after decades, have lots of things to use.  I kept delaying decorating this year.  Finally, I went to pull boxes out.  I lost it.  Barry always got them out, organized them by the room they went to and brought them to me room by room.  I couldn't get through one box.  I can't do this.   

I have gone to all our church's events and have the spirit of Christmas -- but our sadness just overwhelmes everything.   

Santa still visits our house.  He allways brought something that Barry would never dream of buying for himself.  And every year he would say -- "you did it again!".   So this year, since I can't do that, I am doing random things for people who have helped me this year.  Like the nurses who held our hands, the staff where Beth works (Methodist Childrens Home) who opened their building for all our were at the service to gather and share dinner.  So many angels in our life.  And it doesn't have to be big or expensive. 
There is a homeless woman who has joined our church - thought I could put together a package she would enjoy - maybe some food gift cards.     

Goth - I read you are making ornaments.  I found an easy fun one to make with the grands.  Cut off the bottom of any water, soda bottle.  About 2 inches.  Paint the inside with any acrylic paint -- any color.   Then after drying, turn the "bottom" side up--you will see kind of a snowflake shape. Trace those lines with a lighter paint (paint marker, craft paint in those little squeeze bottles).   Punch a hole for the ribbon to hang it.  Make lots and let Jareth hand them out to neighbors, mailman, ups guy, relatives.   They are cute.  And everyone loves an ornament that a child makes.  I am painting the insides first, then letting the grands make the snowflake part.  Easy, quick and no one gets too distracted!

[cariad]

So if I may ask, was it your parents the reason you never believed? or?

My grandfather made his money in the toy business and my father started his career working with his dad so I grew up around that. I knew where toys came from and how serious a business it actually was. My uncle (the cool one, not the a-hole) was on the cover of a magazine dressed as Santa when I was little and he dropped by after the photo shoot to give us presents. Also, I've always had this maddeningly practical mind that doesn't believe anything without scientific proof, and everyone in my family seems to be very similar in that regard.

That and my parents just couldn't be arsed to put the effort in that Gwyn and I have devoted to keeping the Santa belief going.

cariad, I never thought I'd meet another who had never believed in Santa at all!

Even though I'll be 45 in under a month my mother STILL insists he's real. With a wink, of course. 

We should have been sisters. Heaven knows I could do better than the three I already have. 

My mother and aunt were astounded at how thoroughly I've got my kids believing in Santa. One year I gave my younger son Spike, the remote controlled dinosaur. My aunt decided she had to have one (for she is as quirky as they come) and asked me where I got it and how much it cost. Aidan stepped in and said "Well, we got ours for free. Santa gave it to us." That's right, ladies, watch and learn. I did not spend years in theatre for nothing. 

[cariad]

Hugs to you, Paris, darling. It is the little things, always, that seem to have a way of sneaking up on us and bringing the memories flooding in. I wish there were a way to ease your pain - you know we'd all jump at the chance to do that.

[MaryJoe]

I believed in Santa until I was about 8 (hey, it was a simpler time, people!)  My cousin told me he didn't exist, no reason, just being mean and showing off that he knew something I didn't, I guess.  Our Santa gifts were always toys and never wrapped.  Santa did arrange them nicely under and around the tree, mine on one side, my sister's on the other.  We knew which toys were ours because we had asked Santa for them in our letter and when we visited him at the department store.   Santa also left a couple of toys for us under Grandma's tree each year.  I loved Santa!!  Even after we knew the secret we still got just what we wanted most from Santa.  My mother was a Christmas fanatic, I consider it a sacred duty to carry on the traditions with my children, and now my grandkids.

My mom died when I was 12, that Christmas my dad handed me an unwrapped box with a Kodak Instamatic camera in it and said "here 'ya go."  *sigh*

[gothiclovemonkey]

Cariad and Dessert Dancer, I often mistake you two, when reading posts from you. I agree, you could be related lol

Mary Joe, I too lost my mother around that age, and my father, try as he might, wasnt exactly a "go buy and wrap gifts" kind of guy, the first year he did wrap them, in a trash bag lol it was cute.

Paris, I cant even imagine what you are going through. I know when my mother passed, everything changed so much. And then when my grandmas died, nothing has ever been the same.
 FOr a long time I would go to my mothers graveside, and leave her a flower, the same gift I got her every year, a single red rose. I admit I have slacked these passed few years, mostly because emotionally I cant handle it. I am just NOW starting the greiving process... I dont even think im truly in the process yet, just starting to try...
Life is so crazy sometimes, you never really know what you will miss when its no longer there. we take sooo many things for granted. I try hard not to take any little thing for granted. Sometimes I still think about the smallest things, like my mom kissing my nose, or "tasting" my fingers and naming my freckles. (ya im totally crying now... wow)
Or bigger things like making those cookies for everyone and throwing her parties...
This is a time to make new traditions with your kids, in memory of him perhaps a donation in his name? involving something he liked?

[Kitty Cat]

paris, I totally understand where you are coming from. I am in the same boat with you. After Mark passed last year, I think I was in shock, this year my heart is not into it. My daughter and grandsons helped me pick out a tree last weekend, it is really nice, one of the best I've ever had but it has 3 balls on it.  I know I have to get it all done up for Xmas, when the boys are here, I don't know how I'm going to do it.

I'm also discovering it makes me feel better to do for others since I can't do for Mark anymore. On Thanksgiving, I volunteered at the cat shelter where I adopted my Rocky from, I had such a good time and it felt so good to be around others who had the same interests. Once I came home, I finished a jigsaw puzzle that had stumped me.

I send hugs to you, somehow we'll get through this season and on to the next.

I've always loved Christmas like a child. Mark always loved that in me. I hope someday I can muster that feeling back up, but for now, I'm trying the hardest I can to get through.

[Rain]

this is the firsdt Christmas without my mother.  She passed away a few months ago.  I am trying to keep the traditions alive.  Every Christmas eve we would rent a movie and have a food spread of veggies, dip, crackers and cheese.  And for dinner my mom would make an apple pie.  For the last couple years I took that over since she wasn't feeling well.
The little things are whats makes it special. 

[gothiclovemonkey]

i had d today and feel like crap, so jareth and i watched some christmas movies and cuddled on the couch.... not much for a good xmas eve for him. and as for dinner... im ashamed to say, it was mcdonalds. i lacked any energy to do anything. i should be in bed but i want to make sure everything is perfect for morning, and im hoping to get some energy enough to at least do that...
im really disliking myself right now...

[cariad]

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

Do not tell a child directly that there is no Santa, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy, even if said child is 10 years old. Do not assume that he has already mostly worked this out and that you are just confirming what he already knows. To do so may just result in tears, horror, and you forced to admit that you did not think this through properly. Telling this child that you'll probably take a different approach with his younger brother will do nothing to ameliorate this situation.

On a possibly-related note, not feeling like the greatest mom today!

[gothiclovemonkey]

oh no im so sorry hun!
that had to suck 

knowing that, i think ill just keep it quite and hope he figures it out by the time he has kids hehe

[cariad]

oh no im so sorry hun!
that had to suck 

knowing that, i think ill just keep it quite and hope he figures it out by the time he has kids hehe

Thanks, gothic! I hope he is over it today because he talked to his dad for about an hour last night - more tears. I told him once again that I just had to tell him, that I need his help keeping this going for his brother. Last Christmas he had horrible insomnia and was awake until about 2AM, which meant I was up until nearly 4. This was going to be the one Christmas where we were on top of everything and did not stay up half the night, but poor Aidan tanked that plan. He was about to walk out of his room Christmas Eve when I was piling presents at the top of the stairs and I had to grab the handle and go into his room before he could come out. I did *not* want him to find out that way. I think it was just a big shock, too much to take in all at once for him. If I had it to do over again, I would start more conversations with him about the plausibility of those stories and try to steer him toward the conclusion without just dropping it on him like that. I told him "I'm sorry, I've never done this before! I should have come up with a better way."

I hope he gets into the idea of working behind the scenes. He is a part of the magic now. As Eugene O'Neill wrote "Seeing the secret, you become the secret".

[gothiclovemonkey]

thats a good quote

thats kind of what ive done, when jareth asks me questions like that... Like, is santa real? I tell him that there was a guy once... etc.
rather than straight up, Yes, yes he does...

[CebuShan]

I'm going to chime in here with my   

I absolutely love Christmas! My grandmother & my Mom always made it magical for us. Even though my grandmother is gone & my Mom is 2700 miles away, I still try to keep to some of the traditions we always did. Even if I really don't feel like it, I put up a tree and decorate. I got all of my grandmother's Christmas decorations when she passed. That's all that I wanted. I still put them up in her memory. My husband doesn't have as many happy memories of childhood Christmases, so we make our own.

I even sold for a company called "Christmas Around the World".We would start selling Christmas in May! Usually by Christmas, I was done!   

I don't remember actually being told that there wasn't a Santa, just kind of out grew it and figured it out myself.

When we went to Finland a couple of years ago, we went to the Arctic Circle and on of the places we visited was called Santa Claus Village. There were 4 of us adults (no kids) and we went to see Santa. The guy they had was sooo good that I would have believed! He was better than anyone I ever saw in a department store! Between the 4 of us, we spoke 3 languages, so did this Santa! He was very convincing!   

Paris, I am so sorry for how hard your Holidays were this year. I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you but I don't Just know that we all care about you.   

Cariad, I'm sorry that things didn't go so well with your "confession".   

GLM, I think it's great that you are trying to come up with your own traditions for Jareth.  He may not appreciate it now, but he will in the future.