bah humbug? the anti holiday - fall of traditions

[gothiclovemonkey]

Im afraid I am not in a holiday mood this year...
Ive never been huge on holidays, I am not fond of being surrounded by assholes who dont talk to me the other 360 some odd days of the year... And as it turns out, I wasnt even invited to thanksgiving with my mothers side (not that im surprised, they have slowly been cutting me out for a few years now) And I cant even begin to tell you the last time my dads side has seen us.
And I havent heard word about Christmas yet, but even by some miracle they decided to invite me, Ive already made plans. My boyfriends family has opened their arms to me... im so not used to that, but they are great people.

my family hasnt been much into celebrating since key family members died. Their loss caused our holidays to be so different; traditions lost, along with them. Now all that holidays mean to me is stressing out about how I look, and hearing about how I am a no good piece of crap fatty.

When I was a kid I remember hating that we had to rush around so much on christmas and thanksgiving. We went to both sides' gatherings and happenings. Miles apart, driving late, food galore. But, it was tradition. And when that stopped I felt sad, and a bit lost. I remember all the decorations; thinking what a waste of time and energy to do, but secretly I loved the sparkle and twinkle coming from them, and thought how awesome it would be to leave them up year round. The smell of my mother and I baking cookies and snacks, dressing up and opening gifts...

Now I am trying to establish some type of traditions with my son, but he doesnt seem too interested, and my bf "doesnt do holidays" so I am left alone in my endeavors. I put up and decorated the tree and house by myself. I made decorations by myself....

Is my generation the last to remember these traditions? What is going to happen when we are gone?
I was not born in the time that I think I should have been... When families were actual families, did things together, loved one another unconditionally, and enjoyed time spent together.
The fall of traditions is probably the fall of our world as we know it.

But hey, Merry Chri.... I'm sorry, I mean Happy Holidays

[Mr Pink]

I must admit, I'm not really a holiday season person either. For me, Christmas as a child was dominated by the annual tug-of-war between my divorced parents. Given its religious significance, and the fact that I'm not actually religious made me wonder why it was that I bothered with Christmas at all. We ate ourselves silly, and spent the next couple of days sitting around like beached whales. Given that Christmas falls during the summer in the land down under, being a beached whale wasn't so pleasant. As an adult, Christmas meant that I was usually poor for the new year, not that I was ever particularly wealthy at any time of the year! For me, the holidays are good for sleeping in, and travelling somewhere, although my travelling has been put on hold somewhat. At least the annual tug-of-war has come to an end, mainly because I told one half of my family where to go... and they would not have needed a map to figure out how to get there! As for being nice to people you only see once a year, take solace in the fact that it only happens once year!

Happy holidays.

[Rain]

I turned into a Scrooge this year because of all the drama with loosing my access and my mother this year.  I agreed to host Christmas this year so it will just be my father and I and I had a hard time getting into it.  So we decided to gifts and to just spend it together cooking ( we both love cooking) and enjoying each others company.  All to get into the holiday mood I started doing 14 days of random acts of kindness.

Day 1 was buying a couple extra items at the grocery store to donated
Today day 2. Mail Christmas cards to a couple friends I haven't spoken to for a while
And make breakfast for my boyfriend since he had helped me through the loss of my mother and helped me pick myself back up.

They are just little things but it makes you feel good since we need more selfless people in the world.

[willowtreewren]

Gothic, you can create traditions that will resonate with your son at ANY time of year. Don't just think of them for holidays. 

Rain, I love the idea of random acts of kindness. It makes a difference for you and the recipients! I discovered by accident that November was the month of kindness. We had weekly quotes about kindness and started a kindness tradition of "catching" someone else being kind and writing that act of kindness on a slip. On Fridays we read the slips. Then I read about another teacher who went one step further. The person who was kind got to tie a ribbon on a wreath. We added that to our "tradition" and the kids are now focusing so much on being kind and seeing kindness. If has made a huge difference and they wnat to keep going all year. It is a lovely song about Christmas "down under."

Aleta

[gothiclovemonkey]

ive tried to do little random things for traditions with my son, but  he just doent really seem to get into it.
i dont think he really understands yet.

random acts of kidness are awesome, my bf and i were just talking about it last night, that if we had the extra cash we would love to pay someones bill at a resturaunt we go to, or grab someones gas, etc
earlier this year, i saw a homeless man with a sign that said he was hungry, so i went and got him a sandwhich and took it too him, he said he didnt want it because he has false teeth ... i said well i can go get something softer if u like, he declined... it kind of put me out of the mood, since thats the second time thats happened to me. One other time I did that though, and the guy was so thankful.

[willowtreewren]

Random acts of kindness do not have to cost anything. The other day, I was coming out of the Post Office after mailing off several gifts. I was about 25 feet from the entrance when I saw a man crossing the parking lot with three boxes stacked up. He was also wearing a boot for a broken foot. I simply turned around and went back to the door and opened it. Then I went into the second door and opened that one, too. Sure, it took a little time, but we were both smiling by the time he got inside the post office.

Random acts of kindness can be a simple smile a someone, or striking up a conversation with someone who looks down. Any connection with another person can be an important and kind act. You never know how your actions will affect someone else, even profoundly. Just make kindness a way of life. It will enrich you as much as it will enrich others.

 

Aleta

[lmunchkin]

What an awesome idea, Aleta.  The ribbons are an excellent idea!  Is this done in your school?  What a great teaching tool, to pass on to our youth.  Never heard of "Christmas Down Under".  Don't know about that, but the ribbon tying for acts of kindness is great!
GLM, as for getting in the mood, I sometimes struggle with that myself.  Especially, since our children are grown & gone.  But I still do the decor and have a tree even though their gone.  After all, I still have John and Me by the way, to keep the festivities alive. 
Your son is happy with your just being there, Im sure.  Just enjoy what he brings to your life, and everything else can fall by the wayside!

Merry Christmas, GLM and everyone else!
God Bless,
lmunchkin

[willowtreewren]

Funny, and serendipitous, I went to Pinterest after posting here and found this lovely post:

http://dcwvinc.blogspot.com/2011/04/note-on-kindness.html

Yes, Lmunchkin, we do that in our school. Those pictures were from our kindness ritual on Friday last week. It took about 30 minutes for all the kids to tie all their ribbons. I consider those 30 minutes quality time for teaching.

Aleta

[Rain]

MY random act of kindness has been mostly free as well.

For example the other day I was made a point to say Hi and smile at everyone. 

Also I left a magazine at dialysis for the patients the next day.  It was a free cooking magazines I got in the mail.

I also helped open doors for people and giving up my seat on the bus.

[MooseMom]

For years, Christmas to me meant sitting on an airplane for 10 hours with my autistic son so that we could spend the holidays with my parents.  I am not a religious person, but the holiday season seemed to grow more crass each year.  I always looked forward to the time when I could do something more worthwhile to celebrate Christmas and make it more than a mere shopping spree.

My parents are deceased, my son is across the ocean, and my husband is pretty much estranged from his own family, which is fine because they are crazy, selfish people.  So on Christmas day, we go out for a curry.  Not exactly "traditional", but for us, it's a new tradition.

It depends upon what values you want to teach your son, GLM.  You are free to pursue your own meaning of Christmas.  You are an adult now, with your own child, so you do not have to choose to be handicapped by which people do or do not invite you to their own celebrations.  This is the perfect time to surgically remove yourself from the people who hurt you.  Take your son and teach him the lessons that are important to you.

Even if you are not a religious person, there is no reason why you cannot take your son to, say, a Christmas concert or a Christmas service at a nearby church.  Maybe there is a church close by that is doing some kind of Christmas charity drive.  A few years ago when my son was here for Christmas, we took him to the local homeless shelter where we brought a dish and had Christmas lunch with other supporters and inhabitants of the shelter.

I was at Ace Hardware today, and they had a Christmas tree on which there were tags that had the names of local children in need and their holiday gift wishes.  You could find someplace nearby that was running a similar scheme, take your son and let him choose a gift for one of these children.

[gothiclovemonkey]

i do plan on doing the charity tree next year, i will save up just so we can both do one. i wanted to this year but unfortunately its not  possible. last month my sons check was taken away because his deadbeat dad didnt report that he had worked for a few years, so we were overpaid... sounds silly to me, we dont even have contact with him at all, and it really wasnt much to begin with, so now all we have is my check. great thing to happen right before christmas! So, since we are on an even more limited income, i made all of our decorations and most of his presents. thankfully i am pretty artsy so it was fun and cheaper than shopping! (and less hastle, i hate shopping!) he loves super heroes and ninjas so i just made him some costumes and stuff! hes pretty easy to please, and i was able to get him his #1 on his list, so thats awesome.

since im new to the area im not sure what type of other charity things they have, i have been looking into it, not for christmas, but other times of the year...volunteer work and such. i did some in the town i lived in before. something ive done since i was a little girl, not so much as an adult.
 
We are starting a tradition tonight I have some art crap just collecting dust, and one of those is a picture frame thing, im going to have jareth make a frame for his school pic for gma and gpa for a christmas present! and make our xmas cards (which i usually do, but i think ill have him start helping! kid art is fun ) i just hope i have the energy and patience haha

[MooseMom]

We are starting a tradition tonight I have some art crap just collecting dust, and one of those is a picture frame thing, im going to have jareth make a frame for his school pic for gma and gpa for a christmas present! and make our xmas cards (which i usually do, but i think ill have him start helping! kid art is fun ) i just hope i have the energy and patience haha

That sounds really fun!  Something nice for you and Jareth to do together.

[cariad]

I am not really in to the holidays this year, either. I've been too distracted by this gianormous move and trying to get my boys into better schools and all of their activities. We do not have room for a Christmas tree this year, which is a little sad because one of our few traditions is to go to a cut-your-own tree place and wander around looking for our perfect holiday companion. I remember when I was a teenager a friend showed me pictures of their holiday trip, and they couldn't get a tree so they decorated a chair with lights. I am trying to think of something similar we could do - just seems silly to spend £30 on a little tree that will barely hold any ornaments. Maybe we could tape lights to a window in a tree shape. The kids seem absolutely fine with skipping it, and I would enjoy a break from spending hours hanging ornaments. They suggested making a sign with "Presents Go Here" on it and putting it somewhere in the living room. 

I think this will finally be the year that we tell Aidan that there's no Santa and I wish we could end it on a better year, but it's time and Aidan is such an upbeat kid, he'll find the positive in it immediately.

Our other Christmas tradition is to drive around Christmas night looking at lights and decorations. So long as Gwyn is not too merry, there are all sorts of places to explore this year.

[gothiclovemonkey]

I thought my place was too small for my tree, but it actually fit... it looks crowded as all get out, but its up. Ive never done real trees, my aunt did, and they seem messy, i dont need more mess LOL
I saw a charlie brown tree at walgreens! That would be perfect, i think, and it was around 10 dollars, i think? maybe it was 20? i cant remember... but thats not terrible, and you can use it again and again...

I havent really ever told jareth there is or is not a santa... When he asks me questions about anything, i try to be honest without being a jerk...
Last time he asked about santa, I told him that santa was a real man, you know saint nick, and blah blah, and those people we see at stores and such are his helpers... which is true, if you ask me, because those people are keeping his spirit alive... Maybe im too honest with him? but i see no point in lying to anyone.  We do the "santa stop here" sign, and all the fun things that go along with the holiday. I dont suck the fun out of it, but i try to keep it real. same with other holidays and such... I look up what the origin is, and we talk about it when he asks.
maybe thats our tradition? lol

i realized something though, after I wrote this, I just needed to give him time and opportunity to want to do these things. He mentioned how plain our tree was,so i suggested we made some ornaments and things to put on it, and he wanted to. he and i made some really cute foam ginger bread people, and decided when it gets closer to xmas break, hed take some to his teachers. and we also put some candy canes up. Tonight we are going to make some christmas cards, OR make a christmas frame for his school pic for his grandparents. his choice. Hes slowly getting into it

[Riki]

My parents never told us that there was no Santa.  We just kind of figured it out on our own.  It probably didn't help that we recognized the handwriting on the gift tags. *L*  We still get one gift from Santa every year, even though we're both grown up, and Bro has 2 step kids that are almost teenagers.

We weren't allowed to open presents until Mom and Dad were up, but we were allowed to get into our stockings.  They usually had some candy and small presents in them.  My daughter's pride ring was in my stocking one year.

[kitkatz]

Excuse the language, but my husband told our girls that Santa was "the fat bastard" at an early age.  No illusions or delusions there.  LOL.

[Jonndad]

You mean there really IS no Santa?  Bummer.....

[gothiclovemonkey]

i still write "from santa" on my older family members gifts, even the dog gets "from Santapaws"

this year my main goal was to make sure i actually put who the gift was TO...And do it correctly last year was interesting LOL Here you go, brother... as he opens up a dog collar........No no I wasnt implying, thats for Hoppy, No, I... I... here..
HAHA NOW that would be a fun tradition, No names on packages, open them and try to figure out who belongs to what! ROFL

[Riki]

*LOL*  Christmas present roulette??

[gothiclovemonkey]

exactly! hahaa that would be so fun!

[cariad]

I never believed in Santa, thus the obsession with making sure my kids had that experience. Whenever the subject comes up, I always grill people on what it was like to believe in that and how they found out it wasn't true. My parents always treated the whole idea of Santa in this cutesy, perpetually winking sort of way. I got presents (in Mother's hand) from Santa until I stopped going home for Christmas.

Gwyn and I are just too good at this is the problem. I am very careful to have separate paper for Santa, disguise the writing, answer their letters, and I occasionally make mistakes (I've accidentally given Aidan things he already owns) which only served to make the whole thing more believable. I am worried about telling him because I'll have to tell him the tooth fairy and Easter Bunny are not really stopping by, either. I have to think he has his strong suspicions by now. Apparently there is a film out (Rise of the Guardians) that has all of these characters together. I would like to see it before telling Aidan so that he can perhaps get more absorbed in the story.

[Riki]

my parents only really fooled me once... I'd left out a piece of cherry pie for Santa one year.. I was probably about 8... in the morning, there was a letter from Santa, thanking me for the pie.. but the letter was in my dad's handwriting, which I didn't recognize, cuz my dad didn't sign anything that I took to school.. *L*

[gothiclovemonkey]

cariad, i think that is absolutely awesome of you, and I would wait until after the movie!

I have always been on the fence about that kind of thing, because I want a completely honest relationship with my son. I didnt like that my parents lied to me, so i dont want to lie to him.
 I havent spoiled it for him, he still believes, he asked me the other day if santa was real (we have had this convo many times, he must forget?) and i explained yet again about St. Nicholas, and how the mall santas are his helpers, not the real guy.
and we still leave cookies and milk, he loves rudolph, and i want him to have that fun imagination. but if he asks, i want to be honest.

i was angry when i found out, my brother and grandmother took it into their hands to tell me when i was about 8ish.

[cariad]

Aidan once asked if the Santas we met were real and I told him when he was about 8 that no, not all of them. He was so disappointed. I was hoping that he was going to ask if Santa was real, because I was going to just tell him there, but when he didn't ask that specific question, I decided it wasn't the right time. He only sort of asked once, when we saw the film Elf for the millionth time and there is that part where the Bob Newhart elf explains that some people think that parents actually put all those presents under the tree. I love that part, but Aidan jokingly asked if we had been doing that. Gwyn and I both did not want to break this to him during a comedy film, so we just told him "Of course not."

I can understand being angry, but to me, it is a lot of work to keep up the plausibility year after year, and it isn't about lying, giving a gift of magic to the kids. I've always thought it must be so fun to really believe in Santa. I collect stories of how people found out there was no Santa. Some of them are sad, at least one is comically horrifying. My husband saw his parents putting gifts at the foot of his bed, so he's got the standard tale.

I am going to tell Aidan that now that he knows, he gets to *be* Santa, which can be every bit as much fun as believing in him. He can help us keep this going for his little brother. Also, I'll want to interview him about what it was like to believe in Santa - I do this to everyone. I just can't really imagine it for myself, so I make everyone else describe it to me.

[gothiclovemonkey]

So if I may ask, was it your parents the reason you never believed? or?

i still technically believe in santa... think about this... If santa was a real dude, St. Nicholas, and he did do the charitable things that he did, He in fact existed. Therefore, I do believe parents are following in that tradition, keeping his spirit alive.