Lost my Mother today..

Quote from: Rain on October 24, 2012, 12:33:50 PM

Moosemom
When my kidneys failed I was devastated but I sucked it up because my mom has been thru so much more and was still in good spirits. The couple of years her good mood started fading. She had only 1 access site left and went through a transplant that rejected hours after surgery. I knew she was hanging around because of me. The last few weeks she has been telling me I have to let her go. I am happy knowing that my father and her had a great day on Monday before she passed. I also have comfort knowing she is no longer in pain. Near the end dialysis was painful for her that her bones would ache for hours afterward.
But I do miss her.

Does the emptiness feeling get better? I have also been getting sever headache since yesterday. My bf thinks its due to the stress of the situation.

Even though I was diagnosed with fsgs back in Jan 1992, it didn't become an issue, ie, I didn't realize how badly my renal function had declined, until October 2004. I'm sure my mom was in shock; no one wants to find out that their only child has an incurable illness.

At the time, my mom had recently remarried (my father had died a few years before), and she was embarking on a new phase of her life. She was in her mid 70s. Some months later, she was diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm. During the surgery to have it repaired, her spleen was damaged, and she had to have an immediate second surgery to remove it. By what I've come to understand, the first surgery required having the blood flow to her kidneys stopped temporarily so that they could repair the aneurysm. Unfortunately, this caused her kidneys to fail, so the operation that saved her life also destroyed her kidneys. It took a very long time for her to recover from that experience (if she ever truly did "recover"), so I never felt like I could really unburden myself to her. Compared to what she had to endure, my troubles seemed so minute. So I can really understand "sucking it up".

I can't say that I feel "empty". My mother was just short of 82 when she passed away, so I had a long time with her. She didn't die young like your mom did. Technically, my mother died from septicemia from a UTI. I spent 10 days with her in ICU, and it was horrible, just horrible. While I miss my mother terribly, I am so very thankful that her suffering has ended. I will always be haunted by her last days.

I do hope that the empty feeling gives way to happy memories.

I wouldn't be surprised if your headaches are due to stress, but since you do have CKD, I don't think you should dismiss them out of hand.