Feeling Left Out(I guess I'm venting a little)

[mike22]

I recently graduated Vanderbilt University while doing hemodialysis a year ago. I gave up job searching to come home and switch to PD. It has been very stressful and frustrated because I'm from a small town and it is not a  here in terms of jobs or anything else.  I will be looking for jobs in Dallas, this is where I want live and start my life.  Right now I dont have a lot and that worries me a lot. My friends all have cars but sometimes I feel like the leave me hanging. During my toughest hour, I only had ONE person visit me. It was my pastor and he is not from where I live.  I guess i get frustrated because I know I can do more and things move slowly and it frustrates me. I have had people patronize me and even ask me did I "actually get my diploma".  It does hurt that I have had to put my life on hold for a year for PD and not really have much friendly support. Right now I'm in the process of looking for jobs in Dallas. Honestly, I wish I could leave in one day. I just ready to move and start my new life. I've had a lot of pain in my life and I hope I can have a better lilfe while dealing with PD. Sorry I wrote so much, but I just wanted to get this off of my chest.

[jbeany]

 

Vent away - we'll listen, no worries. 

It's hard to see your friends taking their health for granted, and easily doing the things you want to do and have to struggle to accomplish.  They are young and healthy, so they don't understand, and it's easy for them to forget what you are going through.  Plenty of people, regardless of their age, are clueless when it comes to facing other people's health problems.  They don't know what to say or what to do, so they do nothing at all.

Good luck with your job hunt.

[lmunchkin]

Awe Mike, I can only imagine the loneliness you feel. I have no idea where you are currently living, but if it is near Vanderbuilt (Go Dores- my team by the way) I can come visit or you can come see us if you want.  If you need transportation, I can pick you up too!  Just PM me and we can arrange it.  I just can't understand people myself, and I don't have this ESRD, but my John will always have my love & support.

Hope you get to Dallas if that is your wish and desire.  One of our daughter's live in Sweetwater, but they are talking bout moving back to Tenn. Please try to be keep your chin up, I know it must be tough right now, but hopefully, things will go your way!

God Bless,
lmunchkin

[Annig83]

Don't feel like you're the only one.  I have the same issues, although I can't work at all due to how tired I am on PD, and if I do work, I'll lose some of my disability, and lose my apartment.  I barely make enough to live as it is on SSI.  I feel you on your friends.  I have one close friend who would do anything for me.  All my other friends live in Illinois (I live in Indiana), I hardly speak to them anymore after I started dialysis.  If I do talk to them, they ask me questions that just irk me.  Why aren't you working? Why can't you come and visit more often? Are you drinking plenty of water?  Can't they fix your kidneys?  Etc.  They don't seem to understand how difficult this disease is, and that I also have a 19 month old son to take care of.  They have rich fulfilling lives and have never had a health issue.  Keep your head up because you will find other friends out there who will want to know the real you and overlook the fact that you do PD.   

I would rather have 1 good caring friend, then have to deal with the others who don't understand and don't care to.  You have friends here, even though it may just be through internet.  If you need to talk at all about anything, I'm here, and I'm sure others would agree that they are here for you too.!

[lmunchkin]

Annig is right.  This site is full of us who totally understand.  Learn to lean on these people, you will be glad that you did.  Don't stay a stranger, we can help if by just the cyber world, we will do our best.

Im hoping you still live or reside close to Nashville, cause you are a hop & a skip from us!

God Bless,
lmunchkin

[Whamo]

First, congratulations on graduating from college.  That's a real accomplishment.  It's something to be proud of.  It's hard to function without a car, but don't give up.  Be creative.  My advice to you is to do what you want to do.  What is on your bucket list?  You only live once, so make the most of it.  Don't settle for doing something just to exist.  Live.  Starve, eat out of trashcans, sleep in dumpsters, if you have to, but follow your heart. 

[tiredandthirsty]

hi,

i don't know what to say to you, but i am right there with you.  i do feel left out as well and i do feel as if all my friends seem to have deserted me, bar one or two who regularly keep checking up on me.  and it's not like i don't message/call them.  it works two way i know that, so i do make it a point to call/message them keep in touch with them, them being the ones who check up on me on a regular basis.  but the rest, it seems they have moved on without me.  and i am here by myself.

hang in there, chin up.  chest out.  cop one on the chin and keep moving. 

[Stu]

I feel you too Mike, I've come to the conclusion over the last 20 or so years with ESRD that people just generally suck

One thing I would say is important is don't make the same mistake I did and alienate yourself from everybody. I withdrew and then got pissy when people no longer contacted me.

So yeah, don't be afraid to reach out to people, and make sure that they understand that you want to be included with the stuff they do.

[Gerald Lively]

Yep!  I got lonely so I made friends with the nurse who hooked me up for dialysis.  Then one day she farted.  I had no where to run, I just, figuratively speaking, took my seat in the back of the bus.
Life is filled with adjustments and toxic air.

[gothiclovemonkey]

Its very hard when people abondon you, maybe out of fear, or they dont understand, or simply dont know what to say, or they are not truly friends... reguardless of the reason, it sucks. i know.
the way ive looked at everything is that something "worth it" takes time. So you cant jump right up and go there right this second, if its worth the wait, then it will be worth it!
try to stay strong.... 

[mike22]

@ALL. Thanks to everyone. Starting this month I will be drafting cover letters and sending resumes to Dallas.  My goal and dream is to go to school and take science classes. I want to either go into research or become a doctor in hopes of solving the complexities of kidney disease. Its my way of giving back and to help those whom are not as fortunate as me with this disease. I am blessed to have strength and courage and have the opportunity to finish school,especially one like Vanderbilt. I know this disease takes a lot of people. I am fortunate to be one of the strong ones.

[slipkid]

Trained in three scientific disciplines, it warms my heart to hear of someone interested in science.

There is a lot more going on in Texas besides oil and cattle.  Widen your horizon a bit and take a look at what is going on in and around Austin.  Big, big university there, with attendant corporate research offices!

[lmunchkin]

Mike, I know Vandy is a tough school to get into.  They require very high academics, you went there, then you have really accomplished the ultimate. 

I hope you get to do the things your heart desires.  And I hope you are feeling little less left out.  I believe you will be good at anything you pursue.

Good luck & God Bless,
lmunchkin

[MommyChick]

Hello Mike,
I must say what you want to do with science & kidney research is awesome!!I know it takes a lot to do school & deal with D & other kidney issues.
I know you might feel left out/behind by friends at this time, but just wait till your day comes & you out do your friends in whatever you was to accomplish. Then you can tell them all to kiss your  haha 
I wish you the best of luck & I'm always around if you ever need to chat.

Lots of Luck & God Bless
~ Marna

[mike22]

@MommyChick. LM :sir keno!!!!!!!  I have a funny feeling once I'm gone. Thats when they will want to call me. But by then I want have time because I'll be to busy with my new life. 

[mike22]

@slipkid.   During my medical leave from school is when my heart turned to the sciences. Funny thing I've always enjoy watching medical procedures on tv every since i was little. Math was my favorite subject in high school. But I didnt major in any of that stuff in college. I think a lot of it was my confidence. Throughout my college years I LEARNED A LOT about study skills and academics that I wish I knew earlier. But now I much wiser and know going forward I can really do well. I want to atted Texas at Dallas to complete a certificate in biomedical science and the move forward.

[lmunchkin]

Good Luck Mike!!!

lmunchkin