Feeling depressed, stressed, mad and every other emotion possible

[KathyT1311]

I've been on and off pd for about 2 years or so. Here lately I have had to go to the er so many times for dehydration and other medical problems that I have hardly any veins left. When I went the other day they stuck me 7 times (twice in the foot) with no luck. My primary doctor suggested going to support groups so here I am.....I feel so drained. I have no energy to do anything. I am to the point that I have been sick so much lately I feel like giving up. I would never hurt my self and when I say I feel like giving up its not that way. Kind of hard to explain. I guess I am just so tired of being sick and tired all the time. I miss feeling well. I miss having the energy to do a load of laundry or go grocery shopping. My dr gave me a couple of new prescriptions to try so hopefully they will help.

I guess just needed to vent a little instead of crying (which I have been doing so much of here lately)

[highway61]

Kathy, thanks for sharing your feelings with us. I can't say that I have felt the way you are feeling or even have gone through what you have.

Things are never as bleak as they seem. It is good to hear that you aren't they type to  hurt yourself.

No matter how bad things seem at any one time, it is important to keep in mind that time keeps moving on and things do get better.

I can relate to feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired. I experienced that while I was losing kidney function. It wasn't diagnosed  as that at the time. I just kept getting worse, my legs were swelling badly, and my blood pressure was out of control. My doctors at the time just treated my symptoms with more pills and didn't look for a cause. When I moved and got a different doctor he was more interested in why I was the way I was and he was the one that discovered that my blood pressure issues were due to diabetes and my kidney failing. Of course by then my kidneys were to far gone to be saved.

Well, this is probably not a whole lot of help.

Just try to keep a positive attitude and try to keep in mind that things will get eventually get better.

[MaryJoe]

Kathy,
I'm sorry you're having such a bad time.  i can sympathize with being a 'hard stick'.  Lousy veins seem like a small problem in the greater scheme of things - unless you're the one being stuck for the 7th time!  I think sometimes things just pile up on us until it seems like too much to bear.  I wish there was something profound I could say to ease your mind, but I think you're at a place where you just have to push on and get through.  i hope knowing you can come here and let your feelings out is some small comfort.

MJ   

[smcd23]

Kathy, hang in there. I am not the one with ESRD, I am the caretaker, and I see my SO go through this a lot. It's not fun. It really does suck, and feeling constantly run down and "sick" is no way to live.

What I can tell you is that you will get through this. Instead of thinking of all the things you can't do, make sure you give yourself a little pat on the back for all the small things you DO accomplish. Did you get up and shower today? If you did, way to go! If you didn't, give it a shot. It might seem like an insurmountable task, but taking a shower and feeling clean can help lift your mood and make you feel a little better, and you'll be accomplishing something. Small stuff, seemingly trivial things that you don't feel like doing but make yourself do is something to feel good about.

And getting stuck in the ER 7 times? Don't sweat it - happens to my SO all the time, you're not alone. It stinks and HURTS (I know that from personal experience!) but use this as a learning experience. If there is another trip to the ER, ask for the IV nurse, or the most experienced nurse on staff. Tell them you're a hard stick and would prefer the most experienced person to give it a whirl. Also, is there a "spot" that is usually good? My SO has a spot that his PD nurse uses, and he recommends the ER and new docs to try there first.

Hang in there, today was just a bad day. Tomorrow is a new day.

[JLM]

I, too, an a "hard stick".  One time I needed 3 blood draws, each one an hour apart.  After a total of 10 sticks by 5 people they got what they needed.  (The last one was one who drew blood on babies) I told they if they stuck a water hose up my butt and put me on the lawn I would wave my arms around when they turned the water on and I'd water the grass!  Another time I had so many  band-aids holding gauze I told to look at all the tampon I had on my arms.  When they looked strange at me I explained, "Well, they're cotton and they are catching blood!"  The nurses had to laugh.  I know I'm a challenge and I try to go in with a sense of humor

[MomoMcSleepy]

Oh, poor baby, 7 times is tough, I'm sorry you had such trouble.   

My veins have been shy the last few years, too, and I get nervous before pokes now, when I didn't before.  One thing I do (I know you probably have fluid restrictions, so drinking tons of water is out), I ask for a warm blanket to wrap around my arms, and I advise them that I am a tough stick, and I make a big deal of it and say "sometimes only the IV team can start a line" (which is true). That sometimes scares the nurse into calling on a friend who's a good sticker.  When someone gets in without trouble, I make sure to praise them, and thank them, and hope that they will help me next time, too!

Can you get hydrated under the skin?  They did that with my cat.  It might sound stupid, and I don't know how it works, but I know that you don't have to find a vein that way....the fluid is put in under the skin with small needles.  I forget why they did it that way, something about it being faster.  Maybe that's just for cats, but if humans can do it, perhaps it's a better option.

Hopefully whatever these new meds are help and you do not land in the ER so much, and therefore have no worries about starting veins..  Why does this happen so much?  Does everyone have this problem?  I thought it was just me until I read these responses.

[KathyT1311]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I needed a nice  Today has been much better (except for not sleeping since Sunday) and I know that we all have our up days and down days. I think everything just kind of hit the fan so to speak yesterday. I usually have the outlook that there is always someone going through what I am or have something worse so be thankful of for every good day. Most days it works.  Started some of my new meds tonight so keeping my fingers crossed that they will work but I also know it can take a few weeks before they are in your system enough to be benificial.

It also helped to come here and just vent and have people respond. I think just realizing hey your aren't alone in this makes a huge difference so again Thanks

[purgatory]

Kathy, glad to hear today is a better day for you.  From personal experience, lack of sleep makes the down days even more down, some days I feel like you, it's all just too much.  Constant lack of sleep turns me into a crazy wheepy person, and I also have quite a bit of dehydration with PD, even on yellows.  I try to plan at least one thing I really enjoy per day so I have something positive to look forward to, but I have those days where it doesn't work and I give myself permission to drown in misery for a while.

I hate and dread blood draws, and I know when you go to the ER you can't always plan ahead plus you're dehydrated but EMLA cream really works.  I recently tried it for the first time for my regular bloodwork, virtually no pain.  In the ER, could you ask for a topical like they use when the put IV's in?  In any event, 7 sticks is bound to give you trauma for a while.

JLM - are you available, my lawn needs watering 

[theone]

Hang in there; you will be fine afterward.

You can always come here and vent. We will do our best to make you feel better.

theone

[Grumpy-1]

JLM - when you get done watering purgatory's lawn, can you swing by my place?

Kathy - glad you are up today.  It seems there are a lot of us that are hard sticks.  Normally, it takes 4 tries with me before they get enough blood and sometimes they just give up and we try again another day.

purgatory - what is EMLA cream?

Kathy - we all know that feeling sick and tired comes as a by product.  You said the Dr gave you some new meds.  I suggest talking to the Dr and instead of MORE meds, see if you can cut back on some.  I found that some of the meds I was taking were contributing to my being sick and tired.  Eliminated those and I'm feeling better and have more energy.  Grumpy

[purgatory]

Grumpy - it's a lidocaine (numbing) cream designed to make dialysis less painless for hemo patients.  You have to put it on about an hour before they stick you.  I learned about it (yep, once again) through this site.  I am the princess on the pea when it comes to pain so I was always dreading my bloodwork, and another PD patient on IHD wrote about how painless it made her blood draws.  Tiried it this week for the first time, worked great.

[paryapta]

I totlally relate to your problems. My veins are almost thrombosed and destroyed in my right hand because they have messed up with every possible vein at the hospital and I have an Av fistular in my left hand so they can never use that for IV. They always end up cannulating my neck and I have so many marks in my neck I look like a bunch of vampires attacked me. Lol!

I can also understand the tiredness you're talking about. If I go grocery shopping for an hour, then I end up sleeping for 2 hours from the exhaustion. I try to keep my spirits up and do as much as I can when I have the strength. Good to be on this forum where people understand these problems.

If you're not diabetic try driinking some glucose solution now and then. It helps... I am hypoglycemic and I never realized it for a long time.

[paryapta]

I, too, an a "hard stick".  One time I needed 3 blood draws, each one an hour apart.  After a total of 10 sticks by 5 people they got what they needed.  (The last one was one who drew blood on babies) I told they if they stuck a water hose up my butt and put me on the lawn I would wave my arms around when they turned the water on and I'd water the grass!  Another time I had so many  band-aids holding gauze I told to look at all the tampon I had on my arms.  When they looked strange at me I explained, "Well, they're cotton and they are catching blood!"  The nurses had to laugh.  I know I'm a challenge and I try to go in with a sense of humor

Like.

They once pricked me 8 times within a few hours for ABG (arterial blood gas)... it hurts like hell when they prick the artery and I had to bear it 8 times. I was so mad at one point I was swearing at the nurses. Lol!

[nanadar]

I totally understand...I've been there to the point that I couldn't even get out of bed I was so depressed and in pain. I've been so far down that I was just.... why am I fighting the natural order of things and wanting to stay alive on man made things... just let me die.   With the help and support of my friends, family, co-workers and good drugs from my dr. ( my happy pills ) the veil lifted and I have a new outlook on life. It seem lame to say it will get better... but really it does. hang in there and remind yourself to smile at least once a day.
hugs... sending healing energy to you across the miles.
Nanadar.

[komomai]

Hang in there....yes there are days towards the end of the month when I have zero energy and so anemic.  I go in for my monthly checkup and get shot up with what I call genki juice (EPO?) and zoom feeling good again.  I am a really 'hard stick' that they use a babies needle to draw the blood, and being in a Japanese hospital they always say sorry for causing me pain before sticking me.  I hope things start getting better for you, hang in there.

[nanadar]

Hi Kathy, Glad you found this board. This is a great place to vent. I'm there with ya. I've cried buckets and slept for days to ignore the pain I'm in. I'm a grandma so surrounding myself with pictures of my grand children remind me of reasons I need to stick around on this planet. Whenever i get down, I ask myself... who's gonna teach the grand children to bake cookies? I know it's just a little thing but it gives me hope and makes me feel better just to set up a cookie making date with one of the kids. ( They range in age from 1 yr old to 13 yrs old) I think we all get depressed. I have a poster that says " don't believe everything you think" When I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and everything is dark I just read it and think... " maybe I'm wrong  and there really is hope out there" then I go to bed and when i wake up, life seems just a little bit brighter. Hang in there you will feel better, and then you'll feel bad again but you will always go back up at some point. Enjoy the good moments and ignore the bad.
keep posting and venting ... it helps to get it off your mind.
hang in there. We're here for you.