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Author Topic: My depression nearly took my life.  (Read 6199 times)
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius
« on: March 03, 2012, 02:30:41 PM »
Over the last few weeks, my depression and anxiety have been overwhelming me. I had literally reached rock bottom, and I skipped more and more treatments, and finally stopped dialysis completely. I went for about a week with no dialysis, and last Sunday I began to get very sick. It was then that the Lord gave me a nudge, and I realized that this just isn't right. I was too weak to get my own dialysis machine going, so I called an ambulance to come and get me. After five dialysis treatments in six days, I was released from the hospital and I feel much better. My doctor said that my potassium was so high, I probably would have died within 24 hours. I'm now getting treatment for my depression, and for the first time in quite a while, I feel like I have some hope for the future, and I feel I'm less likely to skip treatments. Please continue to pray for me.
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-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
cassandra
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When all else fails run in circles, shout loudly
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2012, 02:38:44 PM »
Dear Adam, I will ask my dad to pray for you, but I'm hopefull that the meds will help.

Keep strong, love Cas
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I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left

1983 high proteinloss in urine, chemo, stroke,coma, dialysis
1984 double nephrectomy
1985 transplant from dad
1998 lost dads kidney, start PD
2003 peritineum burst, back to hemo
2012 start Nxstage home hemo
2020 start Gambro AK96

       still on waitinglist, still ok I think
kristina
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« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2012, 02:55:15 PM »

Dear Adam,

I do hope the medicine will help and I am so glad
that right now you feel like you have some hope for the future
and you feel less likely to skip dialysis treatments.

I am thinking of you and I send you all my best wishes,
 
Kristina  :grouphug;

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Bach was no pioneer; his style was not influenced by any past or contemporary century.
  He was completion and fulfillment in itself, like a meteor which follows its own path.
                                        -   Robert Schumann  -

                                          ...  Oportet Vivere ...
boswife
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us and fam easter 2013
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2012, 03:08:51 PM »
My prayers are with you and so glad you got that nudge. Keep getting stronger. Hugs
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im a california wife and cargiver to my hubby
He started dialysis April 09
We thank God for every day we are blessed to have together.
november 2010, patiently (ha!) waiting our turn for NxStage training
January 14,2011 home with NxStage
willowtreewren
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My two beautifull granddaughters

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« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2012, 03:12:43 PM »
Adam, I am so sorry you had to get so low before starting back up again. Depression is simply awful. I'm glad that you are being treated.

Please take care of yourself.  :grouphug;

Aleta
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Wife to Carl, who has PKD.
Mother to Meagan, who has PKD.
Partner for NxStage HD August 2008 - February 2011.
Carl transplanted with cadaveric kidney, February 3, 2011. :)
Rerun
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« Reply #5 on: March 03, 2012, 03:13:49 PM »
Adam you are added to my prayer list and please come to IHD because we understand and can talk things out.

    :pray;
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Traveller1947
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« Reply #6 on: March 03, 2012, 03:43:57 PM »
I'm so glad you acted on that nudge, Adam.  When you're feeling depressed, it's hard to remember that the Lord is with you.  All of us here are with you too.  I'll be praying for you.  All the best to you.
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amanda100wilson
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« Reply #7 on: March 03, 2012, 04:16:42 PM »
Glad to hear that things are on the 'up'
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ESRD 22 years
  -PD for 18 months
  -Transplant 10 years
  -PD for 8 years
  -NxStage since October 2011
Healthy people may look upon me as weak because of my illness, but my illness has given me strength that they can't begin to imagine.

Always look on the bright side of life...
jeannea
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« Reply #8 on: March 03, 2012, 04:51:49 PM »
Depression can be really tough. I struggle with it myself. I'm glad you're ok and didn't die. Is there any chance you can start seeing a psychologist? It can be very helpful having someone to talk to.
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big777bill
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« Reply #9 on: March 03, 2012, 05:12:33 PM »
 Adam I will pray for you. Depression is such a terrible disease. I've been dealing with it myself as of late. No weapon formed against you shall prosper. I have no doubt many prayers will be sent up for you. God Bless, Bill
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liver transplant 3/22/2005
CKD 2008
 
fistula 11/17/2011
 catheter 2/07/2012
 started  hemo-dialysis in center 2/07/2012
 fistula transposition 3/08/2012
 NxStage at home  3/29/2012
 Using fistula at home 6/25/2012
 Using new NxStage S High-Flow cycler 3/04/2014
jbeany
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Cattitude
« Reply #10 on: March 03, 2012, 05:44:09 PM »
 :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug;
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"Asbestos Gelos"  (As-bes-tos yay-lohs) Greek. Literally, "fireproof laughter".  A term used by Homer for invincible laughter in the face of death and mortality.
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« Reply #11 on: March 03, 2012, 05:44:35 PM »
 :grouphug; caring thoughts to you Adam, and you too BigBill and Jean.  A happy day is in the mail for you, soon to arrive.  (If only the mail worked that way). 
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Natalya – Sydney, Australia
wife of Gregory, who is the kidney patient: 
1986: kidney failure at 19 years old, cause unknown
PD for a year, in-centre haemo for 4 years
Transplant 1 lasted 21 years (Lucy: 1991 - 2012), failed due to Transplant glomerulopathy
5 weeks Haemo 2012
Transplant 2 (Maggie) installed Feb 13, 2013, returned to work June 17, 2013 average crea was 130, now is 140.
Infections in June / July, hospital 1-4 Aug for infections.

Over the years:  skin cancer; thyroidectomy, pneumonia; CMV; BK; 14 surgeries
Generally glossy and happy.

2009 - 2013 PhD research student : How people make sense of renal failure in online discussion boards
Submitted February 2013 :: Graduated Sep 2013.   http://godbold.name/experiencingdialysis/
Heartfelt thanks to IHD, KK and ADB for your generosity and support.
sullidog
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« Reply #12 on: March 03, 2012, 07:27:47 PM »
I myself and seeing a psycologist and it really helps.
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May 13, 2009, went to urgent care with shortness of breath
May 19, 2009, went to doctor for severe nausea
May 20, 2009, admited to hospital for kidney failure
May 20, 2009, started dialysis with a groin cath
May 25, 2009, permacath was placed
august 24, 2009, was suppose to have access placement but instead was admited to hospital for low potassium
august 25, 2009, access placement
January 16, 2010 thrombectomy was done on access
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius
« Reply #13 on: March 03, 2012, 08:05:39 PM »
I'll be seeing a psychiatrist on Monday and I will be receiving a combination of proper medication and therapy. I think it will really help. Plus I'm getting more support from friends and family.
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-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
billybags
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« Reply #14 on: March 04, 2012, 03:53:41 AM »
Adam you poor thing, letting your self get so low. I am pleased you got the nudge and that you are getting support now, don't let this happen again or we will slap your wrist.      :Kit n Stik; :Kit n Stik; Hope you go on all right to-morrow. let us know. Sending hugs.
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Riverwhispering
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« Reply #15 on: March 04, 2012, 07:23:37 AM »
Adam so glad you decided to take that sharp turn on your road of life.   

I've been thinking that depression is something everyone in the IHD family has to deal with now and again.  Been there done that often. 

love ya
River
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It's only one step from the Jungle to the Zoo
Poppylicious
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« Reply #16 on: March 04, 2012, 07:46:42 AM »
How fabulous that the nudge came just in time ... so pleased you're getting help to get through this now.

*huggles*
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- wife of kidney recepient (10/2011) -
venting myself online since 2003 (personal blog)
grumbles of a dialysis wife-y (kidney blog)
sometimes i take pictures (me, on flickr)

Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt.
okarol
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« Reply #17 on: March 04, 2012, 01:51:07 PM »
 :cuddle; Love you Adam, thanks for staying with us.
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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
Sluff
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« Reply #18 on: March 05, 2012, 10:14:49 AM »
Try to stay busy with your hobbies, that helps.
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lmunchkin
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"There Is No Place Like Home!"
« Reply #19 on: March 05, 2012, 10:23:37 AM »
 :pray; :pray; &  :grouphug;  to you Adam.

lmunchkin
 :kickstart;
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11/2004 Hubby diag. ESRD, Diabeties, Vascular Disease & High BP
12/2004 to 6/2009 Home PD
6/2009 Peritonitis , PD Cath removed
7/2009 Hemo Dialysis In-Center
2/2010 BKA rt leg & lt foot (all toes) amputated
6/2010 to present.  NxStage at home
beachbum
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« Reply #20 on: March 06, 2012, 07:12:39 AM »
I've been to that low spot and it sucks. I've never taken it as far as you did but I'm happy to hear that you got help and you didn't die. Depression sucks and so does kidney disease. The two mixed together REALLY suck. Just remember you have friends here that care aout you.
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looneytunes
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Wishin' I was Fishin'
« Reply #21 on: March 06, 2012, 07:23:16 AM »
Isn't it wonderful that the Lord is so faithful to us?  I'm so glad you are getting the help you need.   :grouphug;
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"The key to being patient is having something to do in the meantime" AU
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« Reply #22 on: March 06, 2012, 09:49:47 AM »
Glad to hear you are coming out of it!!!
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DE responsible for:

*2000 US Senate hearings

*Verified statistics on "Dialysis Facility Compare"

*Doctors have to review charts before they can be reimbursed

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« Reply #23 on: March 06, 2012, 11:36:36 AM »
 :grouphug;  Sorry that you are feeling bad right now.  Things will improve.  I just wanted to give you a BIG hug!
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Deanne
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« Reply #24 on: March 07, 2012, 07:33:01 AM »
I know might take a little while for things to turn around for you. Hang in there. We're all rooting for you!  :grouphug;
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Deanne

1972: Diagnosed with "chronic kidney disease" (no specific diagnosis)
1994: Diagnosed with FSGS
September 2011: On transplant list with 15 - 20% function
September 2013: ~7% function. Started PD dialysis
February 11, 2014: Transplant from deceased donor. Creatinine 0.57 on 2/13/2014
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