Soooo tired of this....wish someone would shoot me and put me out of my misery

[Lillupie]

 
 Im soooooooo sick and tired of this dialysis bullshit. Im sick and tired of people getting a transplants and i have yet to get one. I have been doing this bs for over 4 years now. Im sick of hte time consumption that this takes. Im tired of not being abe to have more kids, but yet i cant get on birth control. Im sick and tired of the diet and having to strave myself to prevent from cheating. Im tired of all the damn meat every  day. Im tired of being called in the clinic at the last minute to retake a lab that stupid Davita labs made too high and when I go and get the test retested my lab(s) come back normal. Im tired of all the threats my center likes to tell people. They tell us if we are late on kt/v, dont turn in the log sheets, miss a clinic Medicare isnt going to pay. I understand/get that the logs, going to clinic, kt/v is important but do they have to threaten us or black mail us?

Lisa

[willowtreewren]

 

Oh, Lisa. I know that it can be overwhelming. I'm sorry.

 

Aleta

[jbeany]

 

[Gerald Lively]

Bang!

[texasstyle]

how about a hug instead?  Aww... I see at home as a care taker how you must feel.  Oh by the way, you sure are pretty!  Hope tomorrow you feel a little better physcially and emotinally.

[YLGuy]

I am sorry.  I know. 

[lmunchkin]

Lisa, nothing I can say is gonna help take your pain away!  Im so sorry. I wish I had a magic wand!

lmunchkin

[CebuShan]

        Wish I could make it all go away. I understand. You're not alone.   

[glitter]

I am sorry too, I hope this is your year to get a kidney, but vent away! sometimes it may help a bit? 

[galvo]

 

[fearless]

I'm sorry Lisa.  I feel the same f*****g way.  I only feel better when I'm somehow able to forget about the past and the future at the same time and find something pleasant right now and try to make it last. 

And I've gained comfort from the people here too.

 

[billybags]

Lisa it is a shitter but what can you do. This is the hand you have been given. I really feel for you, hope to-morrow is better for you. I send you lots of hugs.

[Poppylicious]

Awww, Lisa.  Sending you many *huggles*.  I know they're absolutely no use to you at all, but it's the best I can do I'm afraid.

 

[Jean]

Lisa, I am not even "there" yet and know how you feel. This sucks!!!!   

[Riverwhispering]

Lisa I know your depression,  I'm not "there" (dialysis) yet but will soon be and seem to be depressed at least 80% of the time.  It's freaking me out since I've never been a depressed person. 

I wish there was a silver lining to this dark cloud   

River

[kellyt]

Four years is a long time to have to deal with all this.     You're time is coming!  Don't give up or let anyone get you further down.  Fight through this and you will come out on top!  We are here for you always!  Rant away if needed!  There are so many people here who are either where you are, have been where you are, or will be where you are. 

[monrein]

Sorry this is getting to you so bad Lisa...it does suck!!!  I hope your call comes soon.   

[plugger]

I think you are doing the right thing blowing off some steam, I'm praying you will find the good and the strength in your life to get you through this.  You remind me a lot of my own daughter.   

[Whamo]

Hey, girl, go on FACEBOOK, and tell your story, and ask for a new kidney.  It's a numbers game.  Somewhere someone would like to help you.  It's your job to go find them.  I do feel sorry for young people I see with kidney problems.  Especially young, attractive people, in the prime of their lives, missing out on a lot of things I took for granted at the same age.  I've worn out most of my body organs through living hard, but at least I got to live it up.  And, even with dialysis, I feel great.  You might try Mind Aerobics to get your mind in a deep, relaxed state.  A half hour on the headphones and my mind is at rest.  Do a search on the internet for multisync "Mind Aerobics" and you can check it out.

[jshabanian]

I can't even tell you how many times I thought the same thing...someone please just shoot me and get this over with.  Then I remember my family and how sad they would be if I weren't here.  I too am sick and tired of thinking about my health 24/7.  What helps me is this:

I know this sounds trite but when I start to feel sorry for myself I remember all the little kids that go through worse than I do.  The kids with leukemia or cancers or other terrible painful diseases.  They spend their whole childhood in terrible pain, undergoing painful surgeries and procedures.  Some live most of their lives in the hospital.  Yet they always seem to have a smile on their face. They find joy where they can. My suffering pales in comparison.

None of this makes my suffering go away but it puts it in perspective.

The nurses at your center sound like real jerks.  They should be supportive of you and be there to help you along this path. At my center the nurses and wonderful and so helpful.  Can you switch centers? 

I am so sorry you are having such a terrible time right now.  Hang in there and hopefully things will level out and become tolerable.  Since you hate the meat so much why don't you eat more eggs and protein shakes?  Hide your meat in yummy things like soft tacos with lots of salsa and lettuce.

Good luck!

Janet

[ToddB0130]

I am sorry you are so down right now and that dialysis causes so much unheaval in your life.  I too hope that you get your call soon and get some semblence of normalcy back in your life.  Sorry people at your center are not more compassionate.   Your transplant will come .... and until it does,  remember your child and the times you are with her when you're not on dialysis.  It does suck, but for now, it's helping you to have time with loved ones and for them to be with you too.

[kyshiag]

You are so strong for even being willing to state your feelings out loud.  I'm praying for your strength to continue

[Dannyboy]

Lisa,
I want to add my note as another who can identify with your feelings.
--Dan

[plugger]

I found Karol's old article on living donors: http://kidneytimes.com/article.php?id=20090730163148

[HSM]

Hey Lisa, I've been on for over 4 years too, all I know is, you never know what's around the corner in life, for better of for worse! Keep your head up, things can get better in the blink of an eye.

I know the diet can be annoying, I'm a vegetarian/ vegan, it's difficult while on dialysis, but I have plenty to live for. It's about ability not disability.

You've got a whole family of people on here you can chat to when you feel down, never give up!

"It is my utmost dream and desire to reach out to other kidney patients for them to know that they are not alone in this"!

Those words ring a lot of truth. If you need a dose of positivity, bite my ear off! That goes to all of you!