Gerald Slept Here!

[Gerald Lively]

In wrapping up the stats on the Lively Roots website, I noticed that we had 30 hits from this website.  I thank you. I love you all.  I'm feeling worse and worse after that bout with dehydration.  I complained today. Unhappiness.
gl

[JustDee]

Whenever my kids would complain about their aches and pains I would tell them stories about someone with worse aches and pains...good mom, right? Well my kids would end up telling me they didn't care if other people had no food, no place to sleep, unbearable pain...whatever the kids were going thru was much worse, hurt more and lasted longer then anyone else...and it didn't make them feel better to hear about other peoples woes they just needed for me to take care of them, spoil them and give them whatever they asked for.  I have very sympathetic, empathetic and pathetic children (at age 40 , 38 and 26) and I love them dearly but but but but....

[del]

Gerald,  I really enjoy reading your posts!!  Hopefully the doggie will make a difference.  Always check and double check the amount of fluid that is being removed. When he was in clinic doing dialysis hubby always wanted the dialysis machine turned so that he could see the monitor.  We had a few mistakes with taking off too much fluid at the beginning!!!    Home dialysis should make things easier.  You have your own schedule and can change it without impacting anybody else, if you make a mistake in calculating the amount of fluid to come off you have yourself to blame, plus your diet and fluid is a lot less restricted.  Hubby didn't really mind in center while he was doing it but he hates to even think about having to go back to in center now.  And the depression - I think a lot of people with kidney failure/dialysis or any chronic disease suffer from depression of some form. 

[Whamo]

That's gnarly, dude.  I had a similar episode last week, although nothing close to your purgatory.  I went in on a Wednesday at 189 lbs. and went out at 182 lbs, cramping, but finally getting the BP below 100.  Then I drove home, and on that drive, through crosstown traffic, cramped like a mother in labor, pulled over, paid a bum $10 to get me water, and waited for the ambulance.  After 1/2 hour I was okay, and drove away, wondering if the drive in where I parked, and  people freaked out watching me cramp, had called an ambulance.  I was in radical pain.  I'd been eating meat, and I'd gained a couple of pounds, so that threw my dry weight off kilter.  I totally get some of the things you write, like the existing to do doctor appointments comment, and I have to laugh to keep from crying. 

[Gerald Lively]

Something is wrong and I don't know what it is.  I'm wilting.  Slowly and surely feeling worse each day.

[ToddB0130]

Gerald ... I'm really sorry to hear you're still not feeling well.  I hope things get better for you in the days ahead.  I'm sure your wife is doing everything she can to help and support you.  I wish your medical support team could help figure out how to get you past this place you're currently at to a better one.  You've had so many challenges to your health in the past and from everything you've written thus far,  you have shown great strength and courage.  Wishing you the best.

[willowtreewren]

Something IS wrong.....

It is unconscionable that they would pull you down that much over a clerical error. Gerald, the depression is awful.....I know you said you are on medication for it, but dialysis is probably messing with your doses (as well as with your well-being!).

Oh, I do hope this gets sorted soon. 

And I wish I could write like you do.

Aleta

[boswife]

Gerald... no wilt   I know you know way more about your body than most but is your hemoglobin ok?  Hubby wilted almost to death just over this last couple of months due to hemoglobin falling.  It was so horrably sad for both of us and though i dont know that its back up to great yet (had second transfusion day befor Christmas) but can tell that it IS better than it was.  Please get better..   

[Gerald Lively]

My hemoglobin is 10.1, up from 8.4 in August.  It should be higher but this gets mixed up with the Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  Nevertheless, this is an improvement.

KT/V is only 1.09; Flow Rate is slowing to 227.  Worrysome!

Creatinine still moderately high at 3.3.  Still have diarrhea since the dehydration incident. 

Well now, there is my health profile, not so great but I am still above the grass. Haven’t felt well for some time.  Got the little dog (Auggie) who follows me everywhere, climbs under the bed covers at night, is a face licker, and the nurse/Doctor have told me that dogs are not permitted during home dialysis.  Arf, arf!  Wanna bet?

To live is life, to cope is death.

gl

[cattlekid]

Did they give you any particular reason why no dogs during home hemo?  I was told that as long as the dog wasn't around during hook up or take off I was okay.  Dog won't come near me when I am on the machine, just gives me soulful looks from across the room.

Well now, there is my health profile, not so great but I am still above the grass. Haven’t felt well for some time.  Got the little dog (Auggie) who follows me everywhere, climbs under the bed covers at night, is a face licker, and the nurse/Doctor have told me that dogs are not permitted during home dialysis.  Arf, arf!  Wanna bet?

To live is life, to cope is death.

gl

[Gerald Lively]

The Doctor was blunt about it.  Screw her!  Well, maybe not that!  Or, well, who knows?

No explanation offered by the Doc.

[willowtreewren]

Regarding having furry family members around, just adopt a "don't ask, don't tell" attitude.

As long as you maintain aseptic conditions during the critical start and end periods, there should be no problem. I have a friend whose dog stayed out of the room until hook-up was complete and then spent the entire treatment in his lap, leaving again for the unhooking!

Dogs are important family members!  I give Auggie two thumbs up!

Aleta

[Joe]

I have the same setup willowtreewren mentions, the dogs are out of the room when I'm connecting and disconnecting. The rest of the time they are typically curled up on my lap or against my legs.

[boswife]

im so glad you have your Auggie    Amazing helpers they are.  And you can, (and will..lol) or should i say you are alloud to have pets with home D.  At least with nxStage.  I think we all do and have pictures of LONG time NxStagers with their dogs on their laps DURING their sessions...   I wish i could *will* you to feel better but we know thats not happening or you'ld be better already, but i do have lots of good will going your way. 

[Gerald Lively]

boswife:

What should I write about next? 

[MooseMom]

author=Gerald Lively link=topic=25300.msg409170#msg409170 date=1325607823

What should I write about next?

Something that has nothing to do with dialysis, and something that has nothing to do with you.

Your writing is entertaining, and your stories are poignant, but enough of the navel gazing.  I suspect it is contributing to your depression and to your wilting.  If you still feel the need to drain the boil of ESRD, maybe you could write about it from a different perspective.  Perhaps you could write in your wife's voice and share what you imagine she is seeing through her eyes.

Look outward, and write about what you observe.

[boswife]

Hum,  will think about that but I gotta say something   I was jus smilen so big I thought that avatar of yours was my reflection.  Lol

[justme15]

this is a bit off topic, but this is excellent advice! I think I will use it for myself.  I, too, tend to get in depressing, self- pity moods fairly frequently. I think it is a great idea to instead think about what my husband is going through.  it will probably help my marriage a bit.

Something that has nothing to do with dialysis, and something that has nothing to do with you.

Your writing is entertaining, and your stories are poignant, but enough of the navel gazing.  I suspect it is contributing to your depression and to your wilting.  If you still feel the need to drain the boil of ESRD, maybe you could write about it from a different perspective.  Perhaps you could write in your wife's voice and share what you imagine she is seeing through her eyes.

Look outward, and write about what you observe.
[/quote]

[boswife]

How are you this morn GL?  I've had a big hit of anxiety    (sorry for neg thoughts)  but.... Trying hard to kick them.  Hoping your feeling even a tad on the upswing..  Im certainly working on gathering strength and willing to share when i get it 

im guessing this must sound kind of petty comming from the "somewhat" healthy one here, but i tell ya, this kidney crap effects us both   

[Gerald Lively]

Ms Boswife:

Yes, I know I have been whining.  If I loaded you up with my problem, please forgive.

How am I feeling today?  I haven’t slept in two nights. Why?  I think it has something with that bout of dehydration.  I have pills for tonight.  Saw the eye doctor today.  Macular Denigration.

About writing something that isn’t about me or dialysis - - sorry for not having responded right away.  I have to be in the mood to write like that.  I do have a book I wrote in the early 1990s but that would be overkill.  I thought I could serialize it by posting one chapter at a time.  Won’t work.

Then I thought about writing something about our local agriculture industry, pot.  And that reminded me of the time NBC was here during a forest fire (Poe Fire) and they interviewed a fellow who said he was ruined, that the fire wiped him out.  The reporter asked, “You lost your house?” 

“No,” the big guy answered, “It burnt my entire marijuana crop and I don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills this year.”  Tom Brokaw didn’t use that piece of film. True story.  Brokaw said on the Nightly News that the community was made up of “rugged individualists” and just showed a picture of the 300 lb (est) man in his bib-overhauls. No dialogue.

gl

[MooseMom]

Yes, I know I have been whining.  If I loaded you up with my problem, please forgive.

Nope...the whining prize goes to me, and I will not relinquish it. 

There's no such thing as "loading up" anyone with your on IHD.  If you whine and rage and vent here, then the people you love will spared all of your outrage.  Come here to unload; it's safe here.

[del]

LOL!!!  boswife you are right this kidney crap does affect all of us!!! I have been really sad over Christmas not just because of dialysis but because I feel shunned by both our families.  Every time I contact my brother or one of my sisters(except the one that is 17 years older than me) I feel like they do not want to talk to me at all and they never call me or contact me in any way.  Hubby only has one sister who lives about 2 minutes walk from us.  We go visit but often feel like we aren't welcome.  They never come here.  It has always been like this with her but worse since we had to put his mom in a home because of dementia.  Has been some really bad feelings between hubby and his sister because of this!!    We try to be as nice as we can be and get along with everybody. I really think the way they treat us has a lot to do with the dialysis.  They do not understand how it has affected our lives.

Hope you feel better soon Gerald.  Sorry for ranting on your post.
Don't worry about whining.  We all do that and can help each other.  I grow a lot of flowers and I wish one of my flower beds was a "pot" bed sometimes LOL!!

[boswife]

dang it del, stupie families   They can hurt the worst without even knowing ....


and GL  where are you??  I would love to hear *anything* from ya... it's all experiences i love to read... 

[willowtreewren]

Then I thought about writing something about our local agriculture industry, pot.  And that reminded me of the time NBC was here during a forest fire (Poe Fire) and they interviewed a fellow who said he was ruined, that the fire wiped him out.  The reporter asked, “You lost your house?”

“No,” the big guy answered, “It burnt my entire marijuana crop and I don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills this year.”  Tom Brokaw didn’t use that piece of film. True story.  Brokaw said on the Nightly News that the community was made up of “rugged individualists” and just showed a picture of the 300 lb (est) man in his bib-overhauls. No dialogue.

 

I love this story, Gerald! 

Del, you can't choose your family, but you CAN choose your friends. 

My dad is getting up in years and I know I will miss him when he is gone, but GRRRRRRR. He is so aggravating. My brother and I are amicable, but not close. Carl's sister, well, that's a long story, and I'm not going to get into it.

But friends are really the best thing all around, including you, Del.

Aleta

[del]

I`ll tell a little story while Gerald is away.  Many years ago(long before I came into the picture!!) hubby`s parents made corn whiskey.  At the time they had hens.  When they strained the liquid from the corn after it brewed they threw the corn outside next to the fence.  the hens were free running and ate the brewed corn!!  All the hens got drunk and were staggering around with their wings out trying to stay upright.  They would bump into each other and fall over.  I can just picture the drunk hens staggering around the yard.  I wonder if the hens had a hangover!!!  Too bad there wasn`t any video cameras back then!!