Everything has changed

[willowtreewren]

So, the questions that I thought up for the interviewer last night all began with "Where do you get off....?"

 

Excuse me, but where is the "This is Britain" chorus now?

 

That's the spirit.

I couldn't help chuckling while reading this and imagining you about to jump through the phone line.

Best wishes that it turns out exactly as you want it to!

Aleta

[MaryJoe]

I have to agree with Aleta - I had this great mental picture of you diving head first into the telephone receiver!  I don't know how you're staying same with all the changes and stress in your life.  hope the boys summer activities all proceed as scheduled.  By the way, how is your eye?

[cariad]

Gwyn had his second interview with two techies this morning. They said they were going to talk to the first guy who heads up the whole place, but essentially they've said "pack your bags, he's going to want to get you over here quickly". One of the interviewers this morning was director of engineering over there, and he wants to retire end of year. I asked Gwyn who was going to take his job and he said "me" and I asked why they were only referring to the position he's interviewing for as an 'engineering manager' and all Gwyn could say was "that' what they're calling it". I said "Well, they can call you an engineering director, too." Honestly, if he were to be offered Director of Engineering, then I would be OK with those hours that the first person mentioned, but for a manager in Britain? No.

I think the recruiter is an utter twit and that may be part of the problem. I suspect she lied to the executive to get him to even consider Gwyn, possibly telling him that we were already in the process of moving, and that is possibly why she asked if he would pay his own way. He said all through the conversation the two engineers were asking him how much he really wanted to move back to Britain, and he was noncommittal in his response. He just said "We're looking to leave this country." The recruiter kept asking Gwyn to email her and Gwyn kept phoning to say "you never gave me your email address" and it took 3 calls for it to sink in. Every conversation we have about her involves the phrase "sink in" as she seems to have slow absorption of information. She has told Gwyn every chance she gets to not discuss salary with them because that's her job and she's very good at it. I told Gwyn that if salary comes up he should discuss away! It saves time and I have to wonder what else she thinks she's good at? Communication? That would be alarming.

MaryJoe, my eye is completely recovered, thanks for asking. My skin is very dry all round it, though, so perhaps it was some sort of contact dermatitis.

Thanks for the well wishes, Aleta. We have been through so much crap with employment and so many job changes the past five years that it all sounds like code for "We *will* screw you over" to me.

Exactly, jbeany! They don't want to spend the money, but are not willing to find a creative solution? Isn't this technology supposed to make our lives easier and save us all time and money? On top of all of this, Gwyn's lease expires in a week. Landlord is willing to let him stay a few weeks, but it is not a long term solution. I don't know how he's going to get it all done himself. If we want to be mostly certain that the boys can go to the fantastic Spanish immersion school then we only have a very limited area where we can live and it has to be by end of August. Bah!

[okarol]

  Thanks for keeping us updated, Things seem to change daily, poor girl, it must be tough on you! BIG HUG!! 

[cariad]

Thanks, Karol! Yes, it feels like it's constantly changing to me, too.

G should be receiving a call from the recruiter any time now (hopefully she considers the time difference). They want Gwyn to go to England next week but the recruiter and executive are going to discuss salary and benefits first to make sure this is not a waste of everyone's time and expense. Finally, something that sounds reasonable!

I need help with this house! I am going to have to hit Craigslist and I have been considering phoning my parents. Part of me just wants to go and not tell them where. I have many, many questions for UK people, perhaps I will start a thread on that, they are mostly to do with school options for the boys. Do we have any UK members with school age children at the moment? Gwyn's brothers each have two kids, they are in their mid to late teens so we are hoping they can help. So, so much to consider. I'll return if we get any sense of direction from the recruiter.

[cariad]

OK, I sort of want to start another thread on this, but I've started so many lately that I don't want to clog up this whole section with my uncertainty.

Just off the phone with Gwyn after a long chat. He's been told what he would be offered if he gets the job in England. This is all happening so terribly fast. Of course the Affordable Care Act has been upheld today! Wow, I was in hospital recuperating from my transplant when Barack Obama brought that adorable little boy in to witness him signing it. This is all weirdly emotional. We rejected an offer from an English company in 2009 because of the possibility of the clinical trial. Current offer is good and great benefits and even a bit of relo which Gwyn may ask them to increase. Recruiter is still a twit but I don't really have time to get into that right now. We have so many tough decisions to make and soon. No word on the cash that his current employer is supposed to be receiving, and will play a big role in our decision process.

More later. Head a bit overwhelmed right now.

[jbeany]

Options are good things - even if they get overwhelming when they are all available at the same time! 

So speaks the voice of experience - who won the bid on a second house just as she was re-offered the first one she thought she had lost.
 (We need an eyes-crossed smiley!)

[cariad]

Options are good things - even if they get overwhelming when they are all available at the same time! 

Absolutely true. I'd much rather be overwhelmed with options than the alternative.... which is fortunate because: Gwyn received an email from the first British company that was interested in him at the same time the California company was writing their offer. No details, just a "we would love to hear from you" note. Gwyn contacted them just a week or two ago and they had nothing. When I told Aidan's best friend's mother that we were probably going to the UK instead, she was a bit frustrated. She had been placating her son by telling him that they would visit us in California. Her husband is English, though, so it's not like visits there are out of the question, either.

I am crunching numbers for our house and checking on rentals in the UK. Wheeeee! 

[MooseMom]

I can't wait to see where you end up!  I hope you have some answers and certainty by the end of the summer, if not sooner.

[cariad]

I can't wait to see where you end up!  I hope you have some answers and certainty by the end of the summer, if not sooner.

Thanks, MM. We are moving to wherever Gwyn is in mid-August, once the kids' summer program ends, if not a bit before. I am tired of living this way and will never do it again for any amount of money. Today is my anniversary and I miss my Gwyn. 

Nothing else to report really....

[jbeany]

 

Long distance relationships stink!

[YLGuy]

I can't wait to see where you end up!  I hope you have some answers and certainty by the end of the summer, if not sooner.

Thanks, MM. We are moving to wherever Gwyn is in mid-August, once the kids' summer program ends, if not a bit before. I am tired of living this way and will never do it again for any amount of money. Today is my anniversary and I miss my Gwyn. 

Nothing else to report really....

Happy Anniversary! I am sorry that you guys have to live this way.  You know that I am secretly hoping for California but I really want what is going to make you guys the happiest.  You definitely deserve it.

[cariad]

Very true, jbeany!

Thanks so much, Marc. So very sweet of you to say, and you and I and the boys will get together some time for camping/hiking/chatting, no matter where we live. 

With regards the anniversary, I told the kids yesterday that their dad probably won't be able to visit for Aidan's birthday. It's so unfair, because he did fly in for Elliot's. Aidan took this very maturely, so the least I can do is provide a good example that we don't need to be hung up on specific dates and that just being able to live together again is going to be worth missing a few special days.

Elliot burst into tears after this conversation. He said "I just feel so sad for people who can't make friends easily because that's practically all you need in life." Oh my god, I could feel my heart being crushed. He was completely sobbing. This dates back to me stupidly telling him the story of some obscenely wealthy heiress (believe it was Doris Duke) who was told by her father that no one would ever care about her for anything but her money, and she believed him and apparently had few, if any, real friends. The story seems to be haunting my little guy and I regret ever saying it - he was too young for it.

Gwyn got answers to most of our questions: start date in England would be immediate, holiday is standard for Brits (yay!!!!), and a few other questions about benefits were answered favourably. Gwyn had a few drinks with his current company's treasurer Friday night and he said the company is due to get funds that will keep them afloat until the end of the year, then it's back to the scramble. All things being equal, I am fairly certain I would pick California for the friends, dual immersion school, and weather. (in that order) Unfortunately, CA cannot offer us any kind of stability, and I wonder if there will ever be stability in US Auto again. I feel weird about this decision. Where Gwyn is now, I have to say that they have treated him better than any other company operating in America. They have been very flexible with him, they have given him a good offer and loads of assistance. I just have to remind myself that they would not hesitate to sack him if it were in their best interests, and so we should not feel guilty for abandoning them. I need to start a "help me navigate life in England" thread, because that looks like where we are headed....

[willowtreewren]

It sounds like things are getting pretty well settled, then.

Another one of life's adventures. 

Aleta

[cariad]

Another one of life's adventures. 

Yes! I am seeing it this way, too. My kids are going to have quite a childhood to look back upon.

Gwyn said he's been told it's a guarantee, that they just want him over there to look around and be certain he wants to work there. We had an argument about this last night because he wants to do the whole thing so quickly, plus drive himself everywhere, he is going to get himself killed.

But enough about that, I had such a fantastic time yesterday at the little league game. Aidan pitched! Aidan pitched!!!! I so wish Gwyn could have been there. It was Aidan's first time pitching, and the coach waited for them to have a sizable lead before sending him out in the last inning. His good friend C and his teammate H (a great kid) went out to the mound with him as he was warming up with L, the catcher. C and H were standing behind Aidan and you could see them assessing each pitch, saying "that's a good pitch, that's really good."

Aidan struck out his first batter. He walked another, who then stole second. Then Aidan's friend L from the other team, the one who hit him with a pitch over the weekend, was up. He popped right to Aidan, and it was a really slow rising ball, Aidan was casually watching it the entire time and I could tell by the look on Aidan's face that he had it, he knew he had it. After he caught it, I shouted "Aidan, you gorgeous thing!" and he looked at me with a tense curl to his lip. All the other parents were teasing me about how Aidan was now going to walk everyone as he would surely be pitching with his hat pulled over his face. Then he did walk two more, and I felt a bit bad. Then someone Aidan describes as a power-hitter was up. The bases were loaded, and Aidan and the catcher L had to aggressively walk the runner on third back to base a few times, the runner was trying to goad them into attempting to pickle him, but both Aidan and L are very intellectual players, they both have exceptional emotional control. So, 3 balls and two strikes later, the bases are loaded, full count, power hitter at the plate, rookie pitcher - it was every baseball cliche imaginable. Aidan pitched, and the batter struck out swinging! Cool little cat that he is, Aidan just made a tiny 'yes!' gesture with his fist, and the game was over. 11-4.

I have already found a youth baseball club in our area in England. I don't know what age group it's for, but I hope Aidan can play. I'd love for him to meet a few other ex-pat kids, especially at first, and I think baseball would be a good way to go about this. Plus he loves it.

[MooseMom]

Oh, you are one proud mama!  What a great kid's baseball story!  I wish I had been there to see Aiden pitch.  Who was most excited and nervous, you or him?

I love the idea of "help me navigate life in England" thread.  Promise me you'll start one if that's where you end up.  It would be fascinating!

Oh, I really hope everything works out well for you all.  I know it will in the end.

[willowtreewren]

What a heart-warming story. Loved it!

I doubt there are many adults alive today who didn't have some kind of challenge while growing up. The thing is, we all just kind of accepted it as the way things were. I spent a great deal of time in the hospital having my ear worked on, and weekly visits to the ear doctor in between. And I couldn't go swimming AT ALL for the ten years from age 6 - 16.

Plus I nearly died from encephalitis when I was 10.

When I look back on it, it really doesn't seem "unusual" but I do wonder how my parents coped!!! It must have been hard on them. I remember that my mother was crying ALOT while I was afflicted with the encephalitis!

Other than that, life just WAS. I think that kids take their cues from the adults around them. So, DO look at this as another adventure that will broaden your boys' experience in a positive way.  It will, indeed! And think how much easier life will be once you and Gwyn are back together and you aren't having to live as a single mom!

Aleta 

[Poppylicious]

Help me navigate life in England?

Okay.

Start calling soccer football, invest in an umbrella and prepare your little cuties for the wearing of school uniforms. Eat fish & chips, buy a caravan and savour the fact that almost every programme on the tellybox is American.  Oh, and start using that dreaded 'u'! Save your money for petrol (are you in for a shock ... *snigger*!) and enjoy less house for your poundage.

Where in England will you be headed, if England does happen?  I don't mean specifically, but north, south, east, west or London?

 

[cariad]

MM and Aleta, thanks so much. So sweet of you two to share in my joy with me.

Oh, you are one proud mama!  What a great kid's baseball story!  I wish I had been there to see Aiden pitch.  Who was most excited and nervous, you or him?

Most excited - definitely Aidan
Most nervous - definitely Mom

Aidan would rather die than go onstage but with anything athletic he has no fear. I hated it when his soccer coach used to put him in goal because that's the one position where errors by one person are magnified. I was by far the most high-strung parent with that team and boy would the other moms rip on me for it (in a nice way!)

Hey, if you can get up here for tomorrow evening or Saturday morning, you could join me in cheering for your very own Texas Rangers (they all play teams named after the MLB). Sadly, Saturday is their last game and you may just have to come back to England to see Aidan pitch in future!

Oh, Aleta, I know, now that I'm a parent I wonder how my parents got through it with me, and my brother. Encephalitis makes kidney failure seem rather miniscule in comparison. Or maybe that's just me and more proof that what we go through as kids seems normal to us.

I spent most of my time at the splash pad with the kids frantically texting back and forth with Gwyn. The first British company has already interviewed him. They are a contract house, they can match the salary, might offer more relo, benefits seem comparable. They would want him to start on a job further north, in the East Midlands. G has many questions for them like how much moving around people normally have to do with them. I don't want to move anymore. Last job they wanted him for was in East London. I don't want to be in a major city either, it's just too hard with kids, so they suggested we live in Essex. I told Gwyn there was just no way.

Oh, and guess who left his passport here? Same person who leaves for England Saturday.

[cariad]

Help me navigate life in England?

Okay.

Start calling soccer football, invest in an umbrella and prepare your little cuties for the wearing of school uniforms. Eat fish & chips, buy a caravan and savour the fact that almost every programme on the tellybox is American.  Oh, and start using that dreaded 'u'! Save your money for petrol (are you in for a shock ... *snigger*!) and enjoy less house for your poundage.

Where in England will you be headed, if England does happen?  I don't mean specifically, but north, south, east, west or London?

 

This is an excellent start!

Boys sometimes call soccer football thanks to the Spanish language. I once got into a conversation with someone who wanted to know where the word 'soccer' comes from. I thought it was French. Years later I researched it and it turns out it is most definitely ENGLISH, possibly due to I believe it was the Oxford tradition of abbreviating words and then using -er at the end (brekkers for breakfast, that sort of thing), or there was some other theory that I think had to do with once calling football boots 'socks'.

Boys say 'tomato' and 'basil' the British way, in fact contrary little Liot once corrected a school friend's father, telling him it was 'to-mah-to' when the dad was reading something aloud. The dad thought it was hilarious, I said Darling, I think they're the same thing....

Only American television I care about is Colbert Report and Daily Show, and I've heard neither is available over there? This is when a good computer proxy comes in useful.  I expect we'll just use a Roku as I am so pleased with ours.

Gwyn would be working in the West Mids. There are a few towns I like around there. I want to live walking distance to a train station so I won't have to drive as much. Even here, my 3 1/2 year old car only has 24,000 miles, easily several thousand of those due solely to Chicago. I walk everywhere I can and try to not leave the city on a regular basis.

Better save further comment for the new thread.

Oh, but a court order could not get me to say (or write) aluminum any differently. Gah, I'd just trained Gwyn out of that, too. Well, the move may be called off now....

[cariad]

We had a magical July 4 yesterday, marred by a single, disturbing incident early in the day.

Took the boys to a splash pad and they were having fun. Then they had had enough and I was admiring this adorable baby there wearing only a diaper, a white top, and blue water shoes. As I'm watching this child the mother smacks the baby on the side of the leg. I was saying to the kids "Oh, you should never spank a baby. They don't learn from it! And it's awful!" Then the baby, who was walking around happily before then, starts crying. Aidan remarked how now the mother has to deal with a crying baby, and that this has not worked for either of them. I am aware how touchy criticizing other parents is, so I said "It's none of my business, let's just stop watching this." I turned around, saw Aidan flinch and make a noise of disgust, then stand there with his mouth gaping. He said "She just hit the baby in the face."

There were so many people there. I did not know what to do. When I told Gwyn about it he agreed that I should not have tried to intervene, he said in all seriousness "She would have hit you." Which, once I thought about it, if you'll hit a baby, you wouldn't think twice about assaulting an adult. And I have no idea what other friends or family were with her. Still, I feel guilty. Oh, and she was expecting another. 

We went to a park that was nearly deserted, high on a hill near downtown, and had a panoramic view of the fireworks. Gwyn spent July 4 at a Dodger game on some all-you-can-eat deal, then they shot off fireworks there, so he got to see that as well. We texted each other pics from our various locations.

[cariad]

So, Gwyn was not offered the job on the spot, but as he made his goodbyes today, the interviewers said things like "we hope to see you again soon". He said it went really well. Only a handful of concerns. First, they neglected to tell him that they do not know where he will spend the bulk of his time, at the headquarters, or at the plant an hour away. This changes where we should be looking to live. Second, he gets the standard five weeks, but they make everyone use two of those weeks in early August for a shut-down, and then usually one of those weeks must be reserved for Christmas-New Year. So really, we only get the standard two weeks to use as we please. I am a bit disappointed by this, was already planning to spend January in Spain or similar, but I guess that's not an option now. Although, we can now take short holidays to Europe at a moment's notice. I'd love to use the two weeks to take the kids to Africa. We've been promising that we'd go back, and that trip will be a bit less brutal now. There was another minor issue with one of his benefits, but Gwyn says he is not concerned.

He would be Director of Engineering. If I had known that, I would have held out for higher salary, but if/when he is offered this job, we won't exactly be able to complain.

It's a very good offer, and if we can just survive the next 6 weeks, all will begin to smooth out.

[gothiclovemonkey]

Jeeez. I'm sorry ur kids had to witness the baby slapping

Sounds like good news hopefully it all works out!

[cariad]

Thanks, GLM! Liot was talking about it just last night. I asked him to please stop mentioning it.

I am normally a pessimist by nature, but I think this job offer is going to happen!

[MaryD]

In Oz the woman would have been charged with assault.