Trying to face my fear

[needlephobic]

My Psychologist I have been seeing for my needle phobia has ordered the staff at my D center to lay a D needle next to me while I am doing dialysis. It is to be still in the wrapper for now until I get comfortable with it. Then it will be removed from packet and taped to my arm until I am comfortable  with it then we will try sticking me oh boy. Sounds stupid I know but this fear is hard to get over. We tried it today freaked out but thanks to the D.O.N who stood buy to get me  focused and help me get the needle off my mind sure helped. and I was able to set there my whole treatment with it next to me. Still have along way to go.

[MooseMom]

Oh, that's really interesting.  Thank you for writing about how they plan to help you with this fear.  Keep telling us!  I do hope this works for you.  I am so glad that they are finally really addressing this situation.  Step by step by step.  Be strong and patient with yourself.  I'm really proud of you.

[YLGuy]

Kudos to you for trying to work through this! 

[okarol]

  I can imagine how tough it is, I too have a fear of needles, but look forward to hearing about the process you are trying.

[needlephobic]

It is really hard for me to set there with that needle looking at me. My Psychologist told me that I am not afraid of needles. I am afraid of what ever traumatized me will happen again that is why I fight or run if somebody comes at me with a needle. That's why I asked the D.O.N if somebody can be there to talk to me and help me get the needle off my mind and it worked was still nervous but still did it hopefully as every time I do D it will get better. As I was told it is a start.

[boswife]

dang, this brought me close to tears... I so hope this works for you..  It just gives me the hebie geebies to think of it so i am very proud of your accomplishment so far.  I wish you the very best with this....  so proud of you, i KNOW it's so hard. 

[Ang]

well done for trying to overcome this fear

baby steps and you'll get there, might take a bit of time though

[The Noob]

yes, baby steps! can i relate a story that might help?

when my middle daughter was 18 months old, i had a 3.5 yr old, 8 yr old, and was 8 months pregnant. my H (then) was active duty and gone alot. this one daughter was tiny and petite and a loving little thing.
she contracted a virus, which over a 6 week period did not get better with meds. it resulted in her being put in the hospital for a week. during this time she had tests and IV, catheter, and other interventions. these were necessary because she was very sick. i stayed with her during the day, H stayed with her at night. she finally responded to the meds and was able to come home.
for the next month she was traumatized and clung to me 24/7. when i couldn't go on without sleep, i slept on the floor next to her crib. this was the only way to get her to sleep and rest for me.
i had a psychologist to help during this time and she had me purchase a small toy medical kit and a "Dr.Barbie".
each day, just for a few minutes, she and i would work with these toys. only a few mins at a time. at first she couldn't even see them without crying in fear. we would bring them out, look at them a few mins and then put them away. very slowly we began to open them and handle them. gradually i showed her what they were for (on myself), and even slower, she began to handle them and use them, like the plastic thermometer and stethoscope. we role played with the doll, again very slowly.
after about 2 weeks, she would toddle over, open the dresser door and take them out. another few days and she was carrying them around. she wasn't verbalizing like an adult of course but i knew she was relaying best she could. about a week after that she was sleeping with the doll and carrying the med kit around with her.
and she was able to sleep in her crib (without me on the floor). within a month she had recovered a decent amount and though she and i still worked on this for a few more months, she eventually recovered from the trauma. today, this is the daughter (age 22) that works in a nursing home and volunteered to donate a kidney.

this was good because just over a month after this, i delivered a 10.3lb baby girl by C section and hurricane hugo swept through our town.

it sounds like a good plan he has you on, you can do it! 

[Jean]

Great story Noob and you really had to work at that, but you succeeded. Noob, you can do it too. Hang tough.Give it the time it needs too.

[monrein]

This doesn't sound at all stupid needlephobic..it sounds like a courageous move and a good plan.  I too will be interested to hear how things go. 

[Desert Dancer]

That sounds like a great plan! Baby steps, right? (Makes me think of "What About Bob?") I know you can do this, just don't rush it. I don't think I have to tell you how very proud we all are of you for your persistence. That's half the battle. 

[Hazmat35]

Back in the "day" when a child use to have to spend days in the hospital to have their tonsils removed, I had a MALE NURSE, grab me by the arm, and just about jerk me out of the bed, and told me:  "STOP YOUR CRYING OR I'LL GIVE YOU A SHOT WITH A NEEDLE AND GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!!!!".  Of course, he was hold a syringe with a needle in it at the time. 

Till this day, I have a FEAR of needles, and I can NOT STAND to be grabbed or touched in the "spot" on my arm.  It has been over 40 years, and the thought of a needle, terrifies me!!!!  That is why I LOVE DIALYSIS so much!!!!!!  Sometimes, I still have panic attacks, just thinking about it! 

Your are NOT ALONE!!!!! 

[CebuShan]

             
That is so awesome that you took the first step and now they are trying to help!
I still have my fear of needles but I'm slowly dealing with it. I absolutely cannot watch while they stick me! It's not the pain so much as the thought of that thing going into me! I was very conflicted about letting them start using my fistula (which I put off getting for as long as I could!) I didn't want to get stuck BUT I was getting tired of not being able to take a proper shower or go swimming. (I LOVE to swim). I had my cath pulled one year to the day that it was put in (April 28). They told me not to shower that night so the next day, I got under that stream and stood there until the hot water ran out!     This Summer, I practically lived in my pool! For me, that outweighed the ease of the cath.
You will continue to be in my prayers     Maybe I'll call in a few "prayer warriors" that I know!
You know you are not alone! Just think of us all dialyzing there with you, keeping you distracted.   

[willowtreewren]

I am sooooooo glad to hear that you are working on this, Needlephobic! I have been worried about you.

I have confidence that this plan will WORK! 

Let us know every victory. This first one is huge. Congratulations! 

Aleta

[Steve-0]

I had a fear of needles before I started dialysis.  Used to refuse to get blood draws and stuff.  Then when I was diagnosed with ESRD, there was no other option really.  So I said screw it, swallowed my fear and realized it couldn't kill me - or even really hurt me.  So I took the needles like a man (which was odd, because before dialysis, I considered myself to be kind of a wimp and a baby, it turns out I'm like freakin' Rambo, actually.  I just deal with stuff now!) and I learned to be afraid of other things.... like colonoscopies.  I've had two since then.  They still suck.

Anyway, babbling aside, I hope this helps you man - I know you've struggled with this, but I also know you can do it - you're obviously of strong mind and heart, with all the posts you placed on here, I see so much passion poured into the struggle and into the fear.  Hopefully you can transfer some of that passion into accepting it.  Good luck man, you deserve it - I want to see you get as well as you can be.  Dialysis sucks, for sure.


~Steve

[sullidog]

I hated needles, but now I take it like a man, I would have this thought running through my mind, being stuck with a needle is a small price to pay for living, would I rather do the alternative and greeve my friends and family, or do I wanna pay that small price and be stuck 3 times a week, I chose to be stuck with the needle.
Good luck to you!

[The Noob]

when DH and i worked the rig, he would be ready to put iv in, and at that moment i would be chattering like a chipmunk to the patient and all of a sudden i'd make a kind of long weird noise and tuggle the patients ear, it distracted them as they were suddenly looking at me wondering why i'd made such an obscene noise, they didn't realize the iv was already in. ok it didn't work on everyone but alot it did..just something to hopefully make you chuckle..

[wbdoug]

After following your other thread, I was very happy to read this post. I am very new to dialysis but I can already see how easy it is to just give up. There is nothing easy about any of this. We all have our fears and some are harder to deal with.

I am so glad that you are making progress and I hope you continue to move forward. You give us all hope!!

Bill

[lmunchkin]

Iam so Proud of you, Needlephobic.  You did it!   I know it was hard, but hey, you should give yourself credit.  I know you will do it again too!  As time goes on you will find that, although the stick may hurt, the needle is what keeps you going.  You will learn to tolerate it better.

So glad to hear that they are willing to help you through this!  God Bless you, Needlephobic.  It took courage to do what you have done!   

lmunchkin   

[needlephobic]

Thanks everybody for your support and kind words. With my phobia it has been a very hard road to go down.

Iam so Proud of you, Needlephobic.  You did it!   I know it was hard, but hey, you should give yourself credit.  I know you will do it again too!  As time goes on you will find that, although the stick may hurt, the needle is what keeps you going.  You will learn to tolerate it better.

So glad to hear that they are willing to help you through this!  God Bless you, Needlephobic.  It took courage to do what you have done!   

lmunchkin   

I have not been stuck yet but working to get to that it just takes time. Right now the needle will be next to me so I can get use to it then taken out of wrapper and taped to my arm so I can get use to it being there then the real hard part getting stuck (((shivers))) freaking out thinking about it. They put the D needle in my bag that holds my blanket and pillow for me to take home why ? I don't know. I won't touch that thing .

[Riki]

They put the D needle in my bag that holds my blanket and pillow for me to take home why ? I don't know. I won't touch that thing .

Perhaps you could take it out and look at it, after you've gotten used to it sitting next to you in the package, of course.  It may make it a little easier to take it out of the package when the time comes.  Just a thought

[billybags]

Really proud of you, keep it up   

[needlephobic]

They put the D needle in my bag that holds my blanket and pillow for me to take home why ? I don't know. I won't touch that thing .

Perhaps you could take it out and look at it, after you've gotten used to it sitting next to you in the package, of course.  It may make it a little easier to take it out of the package when the time comes.  Just a thought

Not ready to touch that thing it still freaks me out it will help if they had somebody every time I do D to set with me to calm me down but alot of the staff don't understand my fear. At one time they thought I was jokeing and waved one in front of my face.  She almost got hit. I am taking it one day at a time

[MooseMom]

You know, needlephobic, I went back and read some of your very first posts here on IHD, and you may not realize it, but you've already made some real progress.  I'm awfully impressed.

[CebuShan]

You are not alone in this. Here is a link to an article on the fear of needles:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trypanophobia

I thought it was kind of cool that they listed a number of famous people that also share our fear.

Good Luck to you. Keep it up, you CAN do this!