Playing the Kidney Card

[Brightsky69]

  I am soooo evil.
My BF is basically PMS-ing. He is stressed (about his job) and can’t sleep so he tries to take it out on me. Last night he couldn’t sleep so he turns on the TV and blares it at 10:30pm. I was like “whatever” I am not going to let myself be bated into an argument. I went and slept upstairs.
One thing about my BF, he is more afraid of me losing my transplant than I am. So…what do I do??? I totally and completely play on his fear. 
The conversation went something like this….

Me: “Thanks a lot for the stressed filled night…right before I have my labs and clinic. That’s just what I needed!!!!”
Him: “Well I can’t sleep because of you and your phone going off.”
Me: “My phone went off because you wanted to go to bed at 7:30pm and I usually take my med at 8pm and to accommodate YOU  I took my pills early and ended up with diarrhea most of the night. The phone going off was an accident. You blaring the TV was on purpose! Now because of YOU my creatinine is going to be thru the roof. YOU better hope they don’t put me in the hospital AGAIN! If I lose this kidney because of YOU…God help you.”
Him: I am sorry to have stressed you out I love you…but I need my sleep.
Me: Sorry isn’t gonna cut it….you stress me out and my labs are going to be messed up and my creatinine is going to be thru the roof all because of YOU!!!


I know…that’s bad but mess with the bull you get the horns.

[rsudock]

so the phone went off at 8 and he couldn't go back to sleep so he blamed you and then started watching tv? oh boyfriends...can't live with and can't live without them.

Aaron's been stressed with his job too. Is your guy an accountant too? I hear that it is busy season right now.

xo,
R

[Brightsky69]

No, he is a computer programmer. He is always stressed that people at work don't like him...they are gonna fire him...for whatever crazy reason he can think of. Last week it was they didn't get him a card for his birthday so they hate him and are gonna get rid of him. 

I feel like telling him...dude, get over yourself. I also feel like telling him no stress you could be going thru could compare with living on dialysis/transplant and dealing everyday with your own mortality. So shut it!

[rsudock]

I also feel like telling him no stress you could be going thru could compare with living on dialysis/transplant and dealing everyday with your own mortality. So shut it!

LMAO I totally get what you are saying and I feel that way too, but I try not to say that to the boy. I don't want to minimize his healthy person stresses. Of course to us everybody's problems are a walk in the park.

No, he is a computer programmer. He is always stressed that people at work don't like him...they are gonna fire him...for whatever crazy reason he can think of. Last week it was they didn't get him a card for his birthday so they hate him and are gonna get rid of him. 

Aaron is constantly worried that people don't like him either at work. Gawd it drives me nuts!! He is only an intern for right now and he is constantly, "Well I don't think they like me." He has no proof of this either just a feeling. Yesterday he messed up something on a tax form and he could just tell the boss was mad at him. I was like, "Well tell the F***ing boss that maybe if they had a better mentorship program that you would feel more confident in filling out these forms and would probably make less mistakes!" Then I went on to say, "You need to start telling them how you feel and sticking up for yourself. You are doing the best damn job you can without anyone helping, training, or mentoring you. Yes I know interns have to take some abuse, but stop feeling bad about things you can't control....otherwise STOP complaining to me!!"

Then I start to feel bad for not being more supportive...geesh!

xo,
R

[Brightsky69]

I know.... I probably wouldn't say that either. I suppose everyone thinks their stress is the worst ever compared to anyone elses stresses.

Our BF's must be twins separated at birth!! Mine won't stick up for himself either. He constantly moans about work and who pissed him off that day. God forbid if I try to do the same thing.....all I get is "huh?? what were you saying?"
I have walked in from work with him on the Playstation and he barely even looks up much less says hello when I walk in.
I swear he gets PMS at least once a month. It's like living with a woman.

[RichardMEL]

lol sometimes I'm glad my cat really couldn't give a crap either way as long as she's fed and warm! 

[Brightsky69]

I am in a better mood today. Not a cloud in the sky and it's in the 60's and it's almost Friday! 

[Sugarlump]

Come to England 
its barely 40 degrees, drizzling and only clouds in the sky!
But it is very nearly Friday and that means  chinese takeaway and a bottle of wine 

[MooseMom]

Noooooo!  Friday in the UK means CURRY!!!

[Sugarlump]

Not in my house 
Don't do curry
Walk the dog to the Chinese collect takeaway
Plan my week according to my fortune cookie!

[Brightsky69]

Yuck! Curry is capital Nasty!   

[KarenInWA]

I've been trying to play the "kidney card" at work so I can get a schedule that works with my needs.  Instead, I get told to get counseling for my "life issues" of having a terminal illness, needing to see the dr and other medical appointments, and needing to be at work M-F from 9am-6pm.  Oh, and I must use Personal Time for any dr appointment that will take me off my schedule by more than 2 hours!  Nice, huh?

I have filed an fmla, but I don't want to waste those hours on dr appointments when I can more than make up the time.  Take advantage of my "healthy enough" status now, folks!  It's here for a limited time! No telling how long it will last!

They don't know who they are dealing with.  I'll be sicking the union and the ADA on their asses, and they WILL work with me.  Or, I will go to the media and tell them my work is threatening my life.  Want media exposure??? I'll give ya media exposure!!!!

This is all because I refuse to let this disease win.  I like my job, I like working, I like having regular paychecks and really good medical benefits.  It would be tragic to let "them" win this one when there is no reason for them to. And they won't.  And they'll LIKE it!!!

I'm a vindictive one, aren't I?

KarenInWA

[Sugarlump]

Yuck! Curry is capital Nasty!   

You can come to my house for Chinese then!!!

[galvo]

May I please come too?

[Jean]

Karen In WA, Good on you girl, let em have it. I use the kidney card occasionally when I dont want to go to a boring meeting or some social occasion, and it works very well, and I am not even on D yet, LOL.

[Sugarlump]

Yeah Galvo and Brightsky anytime (usually Friday night) but had to be rescheduled for tonight this week to coincide with the rugby!!!
Still plenty of Chinese takeaway, wine and beer, and when the rugby is on turns into a riotous party!
Don't forget the fortune cookies ... we all need improvement of our fortunes!

                         

[MooseMom]

@KareninWA, you know, Americans these days are really loathe to give anyone a break, especially if that person is unemployed.  I think you should really consider going to the press to point out that you WANT to work and that you CAN keep working if only your employer would work with you.  If you can't work, that means the American taxpayer is going to have to fork out money to help support you, and the American taxpayer HATES that!  Throw in words like "terminal illness", and I'd bet you'd have a lot of sympathy that you can use to your advantage.

When dialysis was first "invented", it was given special funding status within Medicare.  The rationale was that if you spent money on getting ESRD patients good dialysis (which was often performed at home), they could "repay" the taxpayer by returning to work.  Dialysis was supposed to rehabilitate people so that they could get back to work and pay taxes like everyone else.  But then the big dialysis companies got involved, and some bright spark lied to Congress and told them that people needed treatment only 3 times a week.  This has resulted in more people being disabled by their dialysis treatments instead of rehabilitated.

You know how certain segments of our society have been banging on about how they want their country back?  Well, we want our dialysis back.  We want dialysis the way it used to be...at home, more frequent and resulting in better health.  So you get out there and fight for the right to keep your job that you love so much.  ESRD/CKD robs us of so much, and we have to fight to stop this appalling thievery.

[cariad]

Karen, I really wish you luck with this. You wanting to work and not able to receive simple accommodations is just wrong. I would see if there are advocates who can help you negotiate. I'd have to say that as much as I think this deserves media attention, if you are successful in getting that attention it will likely not solve your problem and could make continuing your job all the more difficult.

When dialysis was first "invented", it was given special funding status within Medicare.

Let's back up a dozen years first. Out of respect for the individuals that went through the life or death committees, whether there was a decision in their favour or no, we need to tell the accurate story of dialysis. While it was before my time, and thankfully before my time on dialysis, these are people who were judged worthy or not of life by our fellow Americans, and the only crime they had committed was to fall ill. The formal name was 'patient selection committee' and it's a term that is still used today for transplant. (I told them at USC I found that offensive. Surprise, they did not care.)

Some accounts have dialysis being invented in the 1940s, but it seems to be Scribner that takes the real credit for the machine and its advancements, beginning in 1960. There were a dozen frightening, ugly and shameful years that we should not fail to mention. Apparently, it was a Life magazine article that brought this to the attention of the general public, who were well and truly horrified that doctors and laypeople were meeting in secret to decide who would live and who would die. Can you imagine the glossy, perfectly-lit, full-page photos that must have accompanied that shocking article. (By the way, I've always wanted to read that article. Anyone know where to find it?)

The way I have always heard the story of the Medicare entitlement is that it was one of those pivotal moments in which patients advocated for themselves to get this measure in front of congress. It was not just handed to us at the start. In fact, the story I've heard is that the committee had the sheer gall to turn down a 15-year-old girl. What do you think the odds are that any non-white person was ever handed a ticket to dialysis while the committees were operational? Sorry, I don't mean to sound pedantic, but I was a dialysis patient who averted having to have someone plead my case in front of a committee by less than a decade. Where's my man Bill? wj13, is it? He came even closer to that nightmare scenario. I don't want anyone to forget where we've been because I don't want to see this country go backward.

[Brightsky69]

Yeah Galvo and Brightsky anytime (usually Friday night) but had to be rescheduled for tonight this week to coincide with the rugby!!!
Still plenty of Chinese takeaway, wine and beer, and when the rugby is on turns into a riotous party!
Don't forget the fortune cookies ... we all need improvement of our fortunes!

                         

I'd be glad to join you for Chinese.    Wait a second...you live in England?? I'd have to get a plane ticket then...I live in Virginia. 

[Stoday]

Apparently, it was a Life magazine article that brought this to the attention of the general public, who were well and truly horrified that doctors and laypeople were meeting in secret to decide who would live and who would die. Can you imagine the glossy, perfectly-lit, full-page photos that must have accompanied that shocking article. (By the way, I've always wanted to read that article. Anyone know where to find it?)

I don't have a copy of that article, but I think this must be pretty similar. Click to read

"Patient Selection Committees" are still active in South Africa. In my opinion, that makes the article even more shocking because it is happening NOW.

[Brightsky69]

I don't think playing the kidney card with my BF is gonna work anymore......he knows too much.
He knows what my usual creatinine level is....whats good and whats bad. I can't BS him like everyone else in my life who knows nothing about kidney disease or transplants.

Welll....I suppose thats a good thing.   

[Riki]

I used the 2 day break on the weekend from dialysis as an excuse to not go to a baby shower a few weeks ago.  I told the mother-to-be that my moods were hit or miss on Sundays because of the higher toxin levels.. I really just didn't want to go because she and the rest of her family make me unconfortable

[Brightsky69]

I don't blame you Riki. My BF now is getting into useing the kidney card to get us out of stuff.   

[Sax-O-Trix]

I have used the kidney card to stay away from the out-of-state out-laws for two years now