The charge nurse is irking my noodle

[raina]

I've been on dialysis for 2.5 years.  I've never skipped a treatment or cut a treatment short for any reason other than a sincere concern for my safety. 

Sometimes when I'm on dialysis I suddenly feel the symptoms of low blood pressure.  I usually wake up to it. My hair feels like its on fire.  The room is spinning.  I feel like I'm drunk all of a sudden. Why they don't have call buttons, I don't know, but I manage to get a tech's attention.  Seconds seem like hours when I'm this sick and it really CHEESES MY NOODLE when they tell me they have to get the nurses permission to give me salene or stop pulling fluids.  HELLO?  I'M DYING OF LOW BLOOD PRESSURE HERE!!!

Last week I wanted to get off the machine 20 minutes early because I felt really sick.  I couldn't stop throwing up/dry heaving, I was shaking violently, and felt really hot and miserable.  The nurse kept telling me that I was fine and blood pressure of 90/30 was not a good enough reason to cut my treatment short.

Ahem.. excuse me whilst I rant.

I DON'T NEED A REASON TO GET OFF THE MACHINE EARLY.  I DON'T NEED THE NURSES PERMISSION.  I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO ARGUE WITH THAT WOMAN EVERY TIME I NEED THE FLUID REMOVAL TURNED OFF FOR A FEW MINUTES SO I CAN ADJUST TO WHAT'S ALREADY GONE.  AS A HUMAN BEING, AND ALSO LEGALLY, I HAVE A RIGHT TO REFUSE TREATMENT AT ANY TIME.

In addition, I'm tired the nurse complaining about my fluid intake.  I'm try to keep it under 3 kilos, but when its 3.2 I don't need a nagging.  "I thought you wanted to keep it under 3 kilos, for your heart.. blah.

Finally, I'm tired of the nurse butting into my personal life.  Ok, so my boyfriend drops me off and picks me up every treatment for a year.  We get in a squabble and decide to take some time off so I arrive on the bus one day.  No, I don't want to talk about it.  No, I don't need to talk to a social worker.  No, don't ask me about it again.  I told that lady I needed some space from my boyfriend and didn't want to talk about it.  She kept asking me, is he cheating on you? Hitting you? Why he gone then, don't you love him?   Did I mention 20x already that I don't want to talk about it?  Especially not while you're putting those needles in my arm!!

A week later my boyfriend is back to dropping me off and picking me up, and guess what.. he doesn't want to talk about it either!  Now that we are getting back together, are we goign to ever get married?  Gee.. we hadn't thought of that.. what a great idea!  This is all none of her buisness!  We're just now getting back together and dealing with her questions is not helping.

I'm sure she's mostly well intentioned, but I think she treats me like a child because at 27 I'm her youngest patient, the youngest on this shift by over 30 years.

[AlasdairUK]

You know your rights and you are correct. If you can learn how to work the machine and just make your own adjustments instead of waiting for a nurse.

[Sluff]

Only you know how you feel so you must take charge. just my 

[angieskidney]

Wow I feel for you! I have a nurse who treats me like a kid because I am 33 and the nurse keeps thinking I am only 23 because I look young and talk softly. Everyone else is over 50. But you are right about how you feel. I guess all dialysis units are different and I only know mine and when I say I am feeling dizzy or cramping they always shut off my UF for a few min (this past Wed they had to take me off 8 min early .. I usually don't come off early but having 4.8kg taken off I guess was too much for my heart). Only you know what is best for you and as most will say here, being a dialysis patient means fighting for your own needs. At least you found the right place to vent! Is there anyone at your unit you can talk to about them not listening to your needs? They are important and no one knows you better than yourself. Is it just that one nurse or is it a rule at that unit that they can't just give you salene or stop pulling fluids?

[Sara]

Maybe you need to have a heart-to-heart with this nurse.  Or if that doesn't work, a chat with the center director?  You could always start yelling.  Nobody wants a scene.  "I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE.  STOP HARASSING ME!"  or "I AM FEELING ILL, I NEED TO TAKE A BREAK, I KNOW MY RIGHTS!"

[kitkatz]

I think you may need to cause a scene just once.  Then they will stop and think before starting in on you.  I burst into tears one day after a really stressful day at work when a nurse was just teasing me.  HE felt bad and I felt bad, but after that they really checked with me first, then went from there depending on my mood. 

[Sluff]

  Maybe I need to go with you next time  We'll get it straightened right out. 

[kitkatz]

I could join you all with my big stick!

[Sluff]

I could join you all with my big stick!

We will get em Kit..

[kitkatz]

I think we need to put a poster up of our pictures with " Have you seen these dialysis patients?  Is you have, run!"

[goofynina]

Hi Raina, Welcome to Ihatedialysis.com.  This is an awesome first post and a very good rant   Can you please go to the introduce yourself section and tell us all a little more about YOU.  You have found the right place and your gonna fit right in   Lookin' forward to hearing more from you...

[Panda_9]

She sounds like an annoying cow, very nosey. I would either be looking into home dialysis, or if that isnt possible see if you can learn how to give yourself saline and turn on/off or adjust the UF accordingly. It is very very easy to do and wouldnt take them long to teach it to you.

[boxman55]

I have the same argument everytime I show up I try to tell them my dry weight should be changed because I gained some weight from quitting smoking but they wont change it so I wind up getting serious cramps I am ready to kill someone if they won't listen to me. SHIT WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET THESE NURSES TO PAY ATTENTION

[stauffenberg]

Any medical treatment given or continued without the patient's expressed agreement is in law an assault, just as much punishable as a criminal act as if the person imposing the treatment on you were punching you in the nose.  Doctors, nurses, and most of all, patients, seem to have no idea that this is the law throughout the common law world.  I have even heard some patients in a hospital say they did not think they had the legal right to leave the hospital without the doctor's permission.  But of course they do: keeping any patient, no matter how sick, in the hospital against his will is the crime of unlawful arrest and punishable by a prison term!  You don't lose your rights or cease to be a human being just because you are a hospital patient!

Unfortunately, healthy people tend to view sick people with contempt, as if we were all children with none of the normal social barriers against intrusion from the outside world.  If you nurse or social worker ever bothers you about your personal life again, just turn around and ask her the same intimately personal questions about her own life.  That should remind her that you are both equally people.

[Zach]

Unfortunately, healthy people tend to view sick people with contempt ...

How did you come up with this theory?  Is it really "us" against "them?"

[gizmar]

Gotta love the "I am G-d" charge nurse.  Here's my 2 cents for what it's worth - don't even engage with the charge nurse about your personal life.  If there is an issue with your treatment - discuss it with the doctor and ask the doctor to expressly give direction to the nurses about your agreed treatment.  If the nurse pushes too far I would have no issue with telling her that she is crossing a boundary and that you would prefer not to discuss your personal life with her.  As well, you better than anyone knows how your body reacts and you always have the final say in your own treatment.  Maybe the nurse needs to be reminded of that.

If you have no success, file a formal complaint - ask them to make it into an incident report.  If you have the option of another nurse for your care, request it.  There are a couple of nurses in my unit who I simply don't trust - I've made a point of telling the charge nurse that I would prefer they not be assigned to me.  Usually, hospitals are pretty accomodating.

[BigSky]

Unfortunately, healthy people tend to view sick people with contempt, as if we were all children with none of the normal social barriers against intrusion from the outside world. 

     I have never seen contempt.

 If anything most seem to be overly compassionate to the point many do what they do because they truly thinks they know whats best for those that are sick.

[del]

Tell that nurse to mind her own stinking business and if she doesn't put in a report to her supervisor.  You don't have to put up with that crap.  As for getting off the machine early my understanding is that dialysis is a treatment of choice.  A lot of centers have you sign a paper if you insist on being taken off early.  You're the one who is going to suffer if you don't hsave adequate dialysis not them.  If the centers are like the one hubby was at everybody is in one room very close together-no privacy at all.  Who wants everyone else hearing their problems??

[nextnoel]

Hello, Miss Manners here  (not really, but I am a genuine "Southern lady" when I need to be, and that's the same thing).

Next time the RN (in this case, "Rude Nurse") asks you a personal question, just look at her with a perfectly blank face (and glaring eyes  ), and say, "I BEG your pardon!", with a hefty emphasis on "BEG".  That's Southern for "go to Hell".  If she persists, say "Now, WHY would you ask me THAT?"  If she comes up with an excuse (she's just trying to help, just interested, whatever), just reply, "Oh."  but don't answer the question.  She'll be left hanging, and with luck, she'll feel awkward enough to avoid getting into that situation again.  If she's really dense, you'll have to do this little verbal dance a couple of times until she gets it, but she WILL get it!   

[mallory]

Hello, Miss Manners here  (not really, but I am a genuine "Southern lady" when I need to be, and that's the same thing).

Next time the RN (in this case, "Rude Nurse") asks you a personal question, just look at her with a perfectly blank face (and glaring eyes  ), and say, "I BEG your pardon!", with a hefty emphasis on "BEG".  That's Southern for "go to Hell".  If she persists, say "Now, WHY would you ask me THAT?"  If she comes up with an excuse (she's just trying to help, just interested, whatever), just reply, "Oh."  but don't answer the question.  She'll be left hanging, and with luck, she'll feel awkward enough to avoid getting into that situation again.  If she's really dense, you'll have to do this little verbal dance a couple of times until she gets it, but she WILL get it!   

Okay, nextnoel, I have to comment on the "Southern lady" thing.  One of my very good friends is from Alabama.  She is just a wonderful person, and she, too, is a Southern lady.  She told me the other day "You can say anything you want about a person, but at the end you need to say 'bless their heart' because that makes it sound like it wasn't insulting.  For instance, say that you look at a lady and you say 'That dress is so ugly, bless her heart'.  See? Doesn't that sound better?  We do that all the time in the South."

I thought it was pretty funny, but now I find I do it all the time.  I was at work the other day and I said "That marketing person must be an idiot, bless her heart."  And it really did feel better to me than just saying she was an idiot, even though she is! 

Do you do that, too?  I find it's very effective.

[nextnoel]

Yup, I do the "bless her heart" bit on occasion, but I've been away from the South for many years, and that habit has faded a bit.  And of course, there's a wide world of inflections available in just how you say the words - I've found that a slightly limp smile with perhaps a slight tip of the head works best to impart the sarcastic aspect of that phrase.

Aren't I helpful?  (bless my heart . . . .)

[Sara]

Hello, Miss Manners here  (not really, but I am a genuine "Southern lady" when I need to be, and that's the same thing).

Next time the RN (in this case, "Rude Nurse") asks you a personal question, just look at her with a perfectly blank face (and glaring eyes  ), and say, "I BEG your pardon!", with a hefty emphasis on "BEG".  That's Southern for "go to Hell".  If she persists, say "Now, WHY would you ask me THAT?"  If she comes up with an excuse (she's just trying to help, just interested, whatever), just reply, "Oh."  but don't answer the question.  She'll be left hanging, and with luck, she'll feel awkward enough to avoid getting into that situation again.  If she's really dense, you'll have to do this little verbal dance a couple of times until she gets it, but she WILL get it!   

Excellent reply!

[goofynina]

Gotta love them "Southern Belles"  and yes,  "Bless their hearts"  (in a good way) 

[meadowlandsnj]

Tell that nurse to mind her own stinking business and if she doesn't put in a report to her supervisor.  You don't have to put up with that crap.  As for getting off the machine early my understanding is that dialysis is a treatment of choice.  A lot of centers have you sign a paper if you insist on being taken off early. 

I had a problem a few weeks ago and the nurse took me off the machine 5 minutes early.  Okay.    A few days ago I asked to be taken off 5 minutes early because I really really had to use the bathroom.  The nurse pulled out the paperwork and I said to her you have to be kidding me.    It's all fine when you decode to pull me off but when I do it I have to sign the papers for 5 minutes early??  I didn't sign anything and she put the paper away. 

Donna

[kitkatz]

I believe you do not have to sign anything if you are less than fifteen minutes away from your time to get off of the machine.
Foot stomping and nagging seems to work!