Laying the Line

[zendadachick]

A little background on me: I am a college student helping out my aunt the first month of her dialysis.  She is 75.  This is our 2nd week on CAPD.

Today was when my aunt and I agreed that she will do her entire dialysis by herself with me watching her.

When we first started she took her own blood pressure, weighed herself, and recorded it in her flow sheet.

She then heated up her solution bag. She then gave the bag to me and said could you do it because I don't feel well. I said, "No, you need to learn to do it yourself and if I keep doing it the longer it is for you to learn it." She kept begging making moaning sounds and excuses saying that her back hurts (the reason why her back hurts is because she lays down all day and night in bed watching tv).

So we sat there and she did nothing. I asked her why does she not want to do her own dialysis and she said she didn't feel well. That's all she kept saying. So I called the nurse and told her symptoms and the nurse said she's fine but she needs to learn to do it herself.

I told my aunt, "It's up to you. It's your dialysis and if you don't do it, then that's your choice. If you don't start doing it yourself today, I will call the clinic and tell them you are not a good candidate for home dialysis and switch to hemodialysis in hospital."

She still didn't want to do it, so we skipped one of her exchanges which is fine but I guess if she doesn't want to do the next exchange I will have to do it.

She's stubborn and I feel like I'm wasting my time helping her, I was supposed to help her get on her feet not enable her.

In the meantime, my cousin is still talking with the social worker. :/

Anyone have ideas on how to coerce her to do her dialysis on her own or do you think she is a lost cause?

[paul.karen]

Welcome to IHD.

Sounds and seems to me like she would be better off doing PD with the machine.  Only one set up per day and she can do it while she is sleeping (or watching tv).  I skipped doing manuel exchanges and went right to the cycler for various reasons.

Good luck.

[zendadachick]

Thanks for your response. 

I don't know if switching to the cycler will make her do it herself.  She doesn't want to seem to want to do anything for herself (not even light housework, cooking, etc).  She wants to lay back and have everyone else do everything for her.  It's a habit of hers, even before she went on dialysis. She always says she doesn't feel well but when we go out shopping, or go out somewhere she suddenly feels well.  It seems like she's using the 'not feeling well' as an excuse not to do the things she doesn't want to do.

[greg10]

Thanks for your response. 

I don't know if switching to the cycler will make her do it herself.  She doesn't want to seem to want to do anything for herself (not even light housework, cooking, etc).  She wants to lay back and have everyone else do everything for her.  It's a habit of hers, even before she went on dialysis. She always says she doesn't feel well but when we go out shopping, or go out somewhere she suddenly feels well.  It seems like she's using the 'not feeling well' as an excuse not to do the things she doesn't want to do.

Some of those behavior you described are symptoms of chronic kidney disease.  Age is also a factor.  She may be better off doing in center dialysis for a while, at least till she gets better.  Please consult a good nephrologist.

[Lovebelle]

I am very new to all this myself, but perhaps she is just depressed. People tend to lack motivatation to do things for themselves when they are feeling down or discouraged. I know you are trying to talk to her and she just deflects and says she isnt feeling well. Perhaps someone should assess whether she wants this treatment or not. Either way I admire you for what you are doing for your Aunt and taking care of her.  to you!!

[Jean]

Any signs at all of dementia? Maybe she cant remember how to do it from one time to the next. Or, by the way you are describing her, maybe she seriously does not want to do anything for herself EVER?

[kitkatz]

A few needles at hemodialysis may make her change her mind quickly.

[Bruno]

Luv, I'm 75 and I do it myself without help and I think you have a real problem. Your Aunt should be in a centre in my humble opinion. I don't mind a bit of help but that's means a nice cuppa once I'm on. Sometimes a bit of help coming off (pressing one of the sites)is welcome but I don't mind if people don't want to do that.
You HAVE to do for yourself  if you are on home dialysis. You are right to refuse...if you were to be a helper you would need some training.