Relationships and dialysis.

[Cynna66]

I would date an older man. I would worry that the age gap would be a thing. I am a pretty immature 34 year old. I have Peter Pan syndome pretty bad and people tend to get annoyed with me very quickly. But I am currently in a happy relationship.

As for life and dialysis and all that jazz. Yeah I try to have a nice relationship with both. You kind of have to have a sense of peace and humor or it's curtains.... lacy, gently wafting curtains.

[Ricksters]

After my 2nd divorce, I was very happy being a single mom and saying never again would I get involved....That lasted about 4 years until I met a member of my online single parenting group....We've been together almost 17 years, through thick and thin.  I figured if he didn't leave me when I was diagnosed with MS and was temporarily blind, and now with esrd and dialysis, he is the one I was meant to be with for the rest of my life.  Don;t know if it because we are older now (I'll be 60 (gasp) in 2 weeks and he is 68...but I could not have appreciated or felt I deserved what we have when I was younger.  And trust me, while I was considered attractive while I was young, I have never been a great beauty...personality counts more than looks, I think!
Ricki

[boswife]

awww Ricki, im so happy for you.  Who would have known what was to be if you hadent given it another shot...  Nice to read 

[geoffcamp]

Update:  so last night was valentines day and I took her (Melanie) out to the hockey game. She called early and we also went to dinner. Over all I had a really great time. But if one more woman I've dated comes back and preaches to me how great I am and apologizes for how they treated me I will scream!!  LOL. I have not changed!  So we had a nice dinner nothing special just a local place right by where we both live. Then we went back to her place to drop of her son (16 years old) and headed on the hour drive to Tampa for the game. We picked everything right back up again. Good conversation eye contact all was well. Of corse we had some libations pre and during game!  It was cold (for us in Florida) and she grabbed my arm and pulled me close walking up to stadium. Before the first period was over she was holding my hand. She was having a good time I could tell. We lost the game and we bolted a little early. We embarked on the drive back to Sarasota and I got an hour of how good of a guy I am and she has no good reasons or excuses to her past behavior. (She told me from day one she was a runner when things got serious the first time). She again brought that up and that is completely opposite of me. And last time I got really attached to her son and he was too. So I do not want to get back involved just to have the rug pulled out again. It was very difficult for me last time!!  But she apologized and sung my praises as a man. All thru the game and ride home she was psychically touchy freely holding my hand and just in general being loving. We got back to her place and she asked me to come in and I did. I purposely put pillows on her couch between us so she couldn't continue to be psychical with me. I stayed a short time then I got up grabbed my stuff and told her I was going home. I was happy I made the decisions because it was obvious she wanted me to stay. But I'm not rushing into a one week flame followed by months of hurt feelings. She walked me out to my car and hugged me and I kept the kiss friendly just to let her know i can't just pick up where we were before from one fun night. I still have trust issues with her, not about being faithful but that she could "run" like before and she again told me that's how she is. Says she doesn't know why etc...  But I can't live with that if you want to be with me you can't just break up and blame it on this and continue on. I get too invested for that. But again (like the first time she warned me about that) I think it's just an easy out if you don't feel like trying very hard. It's so easy to say I warned you, I told you what happens!!  But we had a very good time. I still am figuring where to take this. And I'm having a hard time reconciling the past and I'm hearing some of the same outs she gave herself last time. Part of me wants her to experience what it felt like by drawing her in and then get my revenge. The other part wants to belly flop in from 100 ft into an inch of water!!  It's that in between part of me that really wants things to work out for us!!  Well I rambled on far too long!!  LOL. Damn short story. So I'm still confused and still wanting something more but I will not pressure or rush anything. As she told me how great a guy I am she managed to also bring up all kinds of things for us to do and made it clear she wanted to be with me. The skeptic in me says she has her built in excuse to "run" if things get serious again so not much has really changed, the wrong word, look or disagreement and she can bolt. But the optimist says she is genuine. Guess I'll let both sides duke it out. Anyway I did have a good time and will take that at least!!  Just laughing at myself, like anyone is interested!!  Lol. But I love this place I can just spill things out and it's safe and is catholic. G

[noahvale]

*

[natnnnat]

I liked your long paragraph it was like an outpouring.  I'm in the mood for outpourings tonight.  I like that you left early, very dignified. 

[natnnnat]

Well maybe not 'early' but before anything got underway...

[Mr Pink]

Update:  so last night was valentines day and I took her (Melanie) out to the hockey game. She called early and we also went to dinner. Over all I had a really great time. But if one more woman I've dated comes back and preaches to me how great I am and apologizes for how they treated me I will scream!!  LOL. I have not changed!  So we had a nice dinner nothing special just a local place right by where we both live. Then we went back to her place to drop of her son (16 years old) and headed on the hour drive to Tampa for the game. We picked everything right back up again. Good conversation eye contact all was well. Of corse we had some libations pre and during game!  It was cold (for us in Florida) and she grabbed my arm and pulled me close walking up to stadium. Before the first period was over she was holding my hand. She was having a good time I could tell. We lost the game and we bolted a little early. We embarked on the drive back to Sarasota and I got an hour of how good of a guy I am and she has no good reasons or excuses to her past behavior. (She told me from day one she was a runner when things got serious the first time). She again brought that up and that is completely opposite of me. And last time I got really attached to her son and he was too. So I do not want to get back involved just to have the rug pulled out again. It was very difficult for me last time!!  But she apologized and sung my praises as a man. All thru the game and ride home she was psychically touchy freely holding my hand and just in general being loving. We got back to her place and she asked me to come in and I did. I purposely put pillows on her couch between us so she couldn't continue to be psychical with me. I stayed a short time then I got up grabbed my stuff and told her I was going home. I was happy I made the decisions because it was obvious she wanted me to stay. But I'm not rushing into a one week flame followed by months of hurt feelings. She walked me out to my car and hugged me and I kept the kiss friendly just to let her know i can't just pick up where we were before from one fun night. I still have trust issues with her, not about being faithful but that she could "run" like before and she again told me that's how she is. Says she doesn't know why etc...  But I can't live with that if you want to be with me you can't just break up and blame it on this and continue on. I get too invested for that. But again (like the first time she warned me about that) I think it's just an easy out if you don't feel like trying very hard. It's so easy to say I warned you, I told you what happens!!  But we had a very good time. I still am figuring where to take this. And I'm having a hard time reconciling the past and I'm hearing some of the same outs she gave herself last time. Part of me wants her to experience what it felt like by drawing her in and then get my revenge. The other part wants to belly flop in from 100 ft into an inch of water!!  It's that in between part of me that really wants things to work out for us!!  Well I rambled on far too long!!  LOL. Damn short story. So I'm still confused and still wanting something more but I will not pressure or rush anything. As she told me how great a guy I am she managed to also bring up all kinds of things for us to do and made it clear she wanted to be with me. The skeptic in me says she has her built in excuse to "run" if things get serious again so not much has really changed, the wrong word, look or disagreement and she can bolt. But the optimist says she is genuine. Guess I'll let both sides duke it out. Anyway I did have a good time and will take that at least!!  Just laughing at myself, like anyone is interested!!  Lol. But I love this place I can just spill things out and it's safe and is catholic. G

This is a bit of a tricky situation, one that I'm glad I'm not in. A philosophy I have about life is to regret the things you did do, rather than regret what you didn't do. We are human, so we're allowed to make mistakes. Some mistakes feel pretty good when you're making them although sometimes they're not so good when you're dealing with the consequences. Years ago, a girl tried to warn me about chasing her, but of course I didn't listen and ultimately ended up getting very badly burnt. In our circumstances having a serious medical condition, dealing with such things is really the last thing we need. But that said, maybe this is the real thing. I must admit, when I read your story, I couldn't help but feel that this particular lady has some commitment issues, which don't necessarily disappear overnight. If she ran once, she's likely to run again. It seems as though she's done it a few times. And if she doesn't know why she runs, then that's indicative of a problem where there doesn't seem to be an answer.

At the end of the day, it really comes down to the choice that you make, to plunge into a situation head first with a high risk of disaster later on, or to steer clear, saving yourself for another day. I don't really know what else to say. If I put myself in your shoes, I'd probably go for it, although playing it cool as you have is commendable. If you are indeed going to take the plunge, I'd do it sooner rather than later. Stringing it out will only put doubt in her mind, which is likely to cause her to bail... again. Go forth and conquer, but remain cautious, just in case she bails again. If she does, no more chances after that. A second chance is one thing, any more is just taking the piss.

Good luck.   

[cdwbrooklyn]

Geoff, I’m so glad you had a good time.  However, I would be kind of nervous to jump in a relationship with someone who’s not sure what he wants.  So if someone else comes along and she wants to give him a chance, where would that leave you?  It sound like she wants you now because there’s no one else right now (hope that not the case).  I don’t understand why she will tell you she’s a runner once again.  In my opinion, I feel she thinks that you are available so maybe she can get back with you until someone else comes along.  Then again maybe I’m reading too much into it; but if she really wants you back, she will not attempt to run again. Why would she tell you she’s a runner once again?  Anyhoo, if you want to test the waters to see where it goes, be very careful and try not to give her your heart unless she gives you her heart first. 

We never know what a person’s intentions are until it’s revealed.  

[cariad]

I liked your long paragraph it was like an outpouring.  I'm in the mood for outpourings tonight.  I like that you left early, very dignified.

Yes, this. Emotion that raw does not need paragraphs. Showing her with your perfectly-timed departure that you would not be lured back so easily was a fine move. She needs to earn your trust or forget it.

Well done, Geoff.

[boswife]

I love your 'pouring out'     I am behond happy for the great time you had.  It just made me smile all over the place knowing you had this great time, and, you kept control of it to boot     Of course you and all of us want to protect yourself, thats only natural, but if somehow, you can enjoy the 'friendship' w/o letting her take over your whole heart, just be honest with you, and her, and have some good times................... let a 'new' relationship grow.  My son has the 'bolt' kind of issue which is due to a heartbreak causing trust issues.... Each has their own reason, but as 'time goes on' that thought of being 'tied' doesnt look so bad..  The excitement  of young life fades some, and the homebody type person may come out.  People mature at different times in their life.  It would be a shame to miss this opportunity because of your own sorta' wanting to bolt' before giving it a 'watchful' go at it....  Just my thoughts of course.  Sending love and prayers, and ohhhhhhhhhhhhh so many best wishes.  Thanks for sharing.   

[ChrisEtc]

Geoff!  Don't let her play you man.  Unless you make it clear that stuff won't stand going forward, she'll do it again.  No reason you can't have fun without any strings for a while.  Good luck.

[geoffcamp]

Another update!!

So since last time she has contacted me a few times. I have seen her once since v-day and it was ok. I think she expected a lot more that night and when I didn't fall into that trap she realizes I will not be so easy for her. So she has been sporadic about calling texting or offering time to be together. The few times she suggested I meet up with her I've had to decline due to my schedule which I think is not exactly what she was expecting. I still have feelings for her. But I'm really unclear on her intentions and needs. I'm thinking I'm In the dreaded "friend zone" but the night of the hockey game didn't feel that way. Maybe it was beer goggles on her part!!  I enjoyed spending time with her this past Sunday but she seems distant. It might be me and my expectations making me feel that way. We have plans today to go kayaking and ill get some more time to feel her out and distinguish how she sees me. As a friend to do things with to avoid the loneliness we all feel when there is no special person in our life's or if she truly feels a second attempt at a relationship is possible. I almost want to lay it out there and just tell her my thoughts but the fear of rejection and letting her into my head and my feelings is holding me back from doing this. This time, in my mind its up to her to Pursue me and be clear on her feelings and intentions. So I'm not so patiently waiting to see, it has a tendency to consume my thoughts. I don't want to be a fool again but I can't help to see some light at end of tunnel. It's a very confusing time that has me up then down and repeat!!  LOL. Hopefully it will be a nice day and she and I can enjoy some time together and I'll learn more about where she places me in her life. As for the friends zone I have to say I'm not good at that, I want more so if it goes that way I think it's probably best for us both if that's how she feel that I walk away. Not that a good friend to hang out with would be bad but given our past and my personal wants and needs trying to be a friend to her would not go well for me. I'd always be wanting and trying for more. I'm being as smart and open as I can but my guard is fully up for the just in case out come. There are a lot of bricks In the wall and I'm doubting she really wants to work at tearing them down. I really hate these in between feelings, I wish I could read minds!!  But alas it will become evident sooner or later. For my sake I'm hoping sooner!!  And so the saga continues...

[jbeany]

I think a slow approach is wise.  Nothing like being burned to make you more cautious...especially when it's the same fire.

[lmunchkin]

Habits are hard to break!!!  Forgive her and move on!  She could be a very lovely person, Geoff, but those "habits" (Boltingor runing) will be hard to give up.  I would keep her at a "friends length" but not till time has passed.

Just my 2cents!

I know when John & I met, the love had not happened yet.  We got to know each other and grew to love one another. When we married in 1994, we cared for each other but we were not IN Love.  We both had come from a previous marriage. I was his second and He was my third.  We both had our walls up at first, but over time our Love grew.  We have a very rare kind of Love.  It is unconditional.  We havent done the "physical" side of our marriage since 2002.  Unbeknown at that time, his ED was because of what his issues he is having now!

I remember thinking & telling others, "something is not right with John".  I knew something was wrong, but I did not know exactly!  I went through all the "oh, Im not sexy enough" or "what am I doing wrong".  I went through all the "its got to be me."  He never said one deroggatory comment about it.  He would tell me that it wasn't me.  Heck, he would reassure me that it wasn't.  I don't know what may have run through his mind at that time, but I was hurt in my mind because of what was happening at that time in our lives. 

I think the thing that was so confusing about it all, was the fact that we get along great!  We really loved each other and always faithful. Now, I know, it wasn't me & nor was it him!  It is this disease. His body is broken!  I could never leave him. Sex's has never really been a priority for me.  I can live with out it, heck, Ive gone 10 years without it.  It really is mute point! When I was younger, I never really thought about it much.  I was more interested in sports/or the competiveness of it. Boys were boys, I just never gave it much thought.

I think making love is very important.  I loved having babies, wish I could have had more, but couldnt.  I always wanted more children, but in this day and time, I quess someone up there knew better.  Im happy & Blessed beyond measure! Anyone can have Sex, but not everyone can make Love.  My love making days are over, and like I said, I can do without it. But my marriage, my vows & all that go with that, is what I strive to maintain.  With God's Blessings, we can keep it together through any storm.  He would do the same for me, He is a real Man, quiet and Humble and so loving in so many other ways!

Well, I don't know how this disease has affected others "intimacy", but that was not the reason we married. We love being with each other as friends at first then love came a little further down the road!

God Bless,
lmunchkin

P.S. I think too many young & Old, put to much enfaces on the "physical" side of a relationship, when it is much more than that......

[geoffcamp]

Great point. It's the invisible elephant in the room!!

As I've aged with CKF my ability psychically has almost become non-existent. I am 43. I tend to date my age group mostly a few years younger. When it comes to the point of intimacy the inability to preform the ways I could just a few years ago has become an issue. Perceived or non perceived in my mind.

I applaud you and your realizations and understanding the reasons. However me (in my mind) wants both aspects.

The women I have dated have wanted to have both sides too and who can blame them?  Because my CKD has largely taken that side of my ability does not in anyway mean that I don't really want to!  In fact it's the opposite (in my mind). I've been there before and realize how frustrating it is for me, I can't imagine being on the other side. I've explained it's a combination of all the medical issues and medication I take but I can see vividly it becomes an "is it me" deal.

The person I'm semi dating now and I have been to that point on our first attempt at a relationship. I think that this issue was certainly an underlying factor in her ultimate decision to end it. She is 37 and I'm sure she wants and expects that part of her life not to be taken away. We have shared many great intimate moments only to come to that point that the mood changes, my body is in conflict with my thoughts and desires.

There isn't much I can do about it, I've seen my doctor and as per usual it's "here try this pill". I even went as far to actually try it and for me the results were not as promised not to mention you have to "plan" out when to take one and hope for the best!!  LOL. That alone kills some of how special it is to be in that spontaneous moment.

It's a tricky subject and probably the single biggest factor we (I) have skirted around talking about in this post. Just knowing how your body reacts when it come to "the moment" can leave serious doubts and questioning yourself, why bother?  No one (at least no one I know) wants to be a disappointment in this area!!!  But inevitably, even if its not right away most of us will have to find a way to come to terms that it will effect us in proceeding to the psychical aspect of our relationships.

I know for a fact that "most" women (at least the ones I've dated and become serious with) are not wanting to lose their sensuality. It's a large part of the courting, attraction aspect in relationships not to mention an ego thing for men and women. Nor do or can I judge for wanting that aspect of a relationship. It's ingrained in our DNA. It's part of the reason we become attracted to a person. And for me (personal thoughts) it's a difficult issue to handle.

I can only go on so long before it comes to the point of being right there in the moment and hearing the warning sirens going off in my head that now after all this build up I'm not going to be able to preform in a "normal accustomed" way. After all, I made the decision and effort to take it to this point, fully understanding that disappointment and inevitable questioning of the other party thinking it is them is most likely going to happen. Even though I've attempted to be open about how my body reacts.  I still very much enjoy the intimate times two can share.

As for me, I'm full into my CKD for 15 years now and the opportunity to have met that "right person" while I was still fully able to keep my side up (so to speak!) just will not happen. And I can certainly see from the other side how this can seem like just another excuse or rational behind what they perceive the real reason to be.

I can and do appreciate the women friends I have in my life but for me I'm left wanting more. Usually, in my experience, the relationship I want and the women I date platonic love is not the ultimate goal. I know for sure I want more than that. There may be a day that it fulfills my needs (and my partners needs) but now I want and expect more from her and from myself. Even if that is delusional.

Reconciling these wants and needs is where in lies the problem. My body may not function as I wish but boy my mind certainly does!  And, who am I to take those needs and wants out of the equation for another person. Everyone wants to be able to experience that level of intimacy, it's a natural progression in seeking and finding a "true" life partner.

I have not even mentioned the emotional thoughts acted on or not that even though there is a true deep love for each other one may wander elsewhere to fulfill the "other" part of the relationship (a thought that has more than once popped into my head). That's not an avenue I wish to go down however, like I said who am I to deny anyone from the physical needs they have?  But the green monster, jealousy now becomes a factor that can quickly and easily ruin what might otherwise be a wonderful relationship. I don't think any of us can deny that, we are not talking about "first time" experience here so there is good reason to feel that way. In my personal case I've been down that road and its the main reason I've never married. I'm a one woman type of man and expect/require that from someone special in my life.

I'm certainly happy and encouraged by your understanding and faithfulness. Its sweet and your amazingly strong woman to have the relationship you have. I do not wish you to take what my emotional needs and wants are as a slight on the relationship you enjoy, quite the opposite. I really admire you and him for having what sounds to be the "one" person for you in life. And appreciate your reading between the lines, seeing how the physical side of a relationship is a large underlying issue in our thoughts and posts here. I think you nailed it!  Put out a great point to where we are going and what our expectations are and I thank you for that. Because honestly it's been there all along but it's easier not to think or talk about it.

CKF has been such a weird ride for me. Mostly because to look at me from the outside you could never imagine I was sick and have all the health issues I do. It's a blessing and simultaneously a curse!!  Simple fact of the matter is the general population does not have the knowledge or understanding of this disease as they do say cancer, MS or other diseases that seem to have the benefit of a spotlight being shined on them. And to me looking at the numbers of people affected by CKF seems to be quite large. I've often wondered why it is not one of those diseases people recognize or have a cursory understanding of. It may well be the fact that I could stand right next to anyone and appear to be perfectly fine. Until such a time comes it is up to us to bring CKD into the light by educating more and more people. I have had the true blessing (in my personal opinion) to experience life with a transplant (and hold hope for another) but even then life does not just go back to "normal" and in my experience most really believe that transplantation is a total complete cure. Never fully understanding like dialysis it's simply a patch not a cure!  Of course maybe it has been for some but in the many many years I've dealt with CKF I've seen transplant actually make things worse acutely or long term.

Well I'm sure I could go on and on for days!!  But I think my point is made and this post is plenty long enough!!   
I so enjoy being engaged here on IHD forums. It really helps to take in the views and experiences of other riding on the same ship! 

Regards,  G.

[geoffcamp]

Well Melanie my kind of girlfriend, I'm still not positive!!  LOL. just got back from a 5 day cruise. We had fun but she is still moody and weird at times. I had our beds separated when I booked but when we got to the room it was one bed. So no big deal we can sleep in the same bed. I'm still taking things very very slow. We had fun with plenty of things to do on the ship and a full day in Cozumel. Still working things out about how or if this relationship will go. I had the cruise because I needed to cancel so when I got the email I had to use it or loose it we booked it. When I go alone I have to pay full rate. So since I already paid for the cruise I invited her. Only things we had to pay was booze and activities. We still didn't get physical. I didn't intend on it or expect it so that's fine for me. I just wonder what she thinks. Maybe she thinks I've put her in the friends zone. I just think that since the last time I want and expect her to chase me this time. So I have not done anything to really try for a physical either. Sometimes we just don't seem to communicate well. I sometimes don't follow what she wants. It seems like she try's to skirt around just being clear!!  I guess I'll never get women! LOL. Any way so after spreading v-day, lots of time together and a5 day cruise I STILL have no clue as to how things are going!!!  Guess time to man up and talk about it!!  G

[Angiepkd]

From a woman's perspective, you need to talk to her!  I always feel better when the cards are on the table and expectations are clear. You seem like a great guy. Maybe companionship is enough?  If not, keep moving forward until you find what you need and want.  You deserve to be happy. Don't settle for less.  Glad you had a good vacation.  Good luck and hope it works out the way you want it to! 

[Rain]

Geoff,

Sit down and talk to her about your intentions and ask her point blank her intentions.   I have been with the same man for 8 years.  We were together 2 years before I started dialysis.   The one thing i learned is to ask the tough questions out in the open, it's the only way, since games just hurt people. 

[cdwbrooklyn]

Geoff, I do understand your concerns but I think you are being to hard on yourself and her.  I've been in her shoes.  I've left a guy who really cared a lot about me and he got hurt badly.  I realized I was wrong and wanted him back the same way thing use to be.  Like you, he was very leery of my motive.  He was accepting me back from a 10 foot pole sort of speak.  He was not the same person I use to know.  I felt I did not know this guy.  He explained to me that he wants to take it slow because I really hurt him and he does not want to get hurt again.  Well for a few months it was okay as I was waiting for the guy I use to know. Anyhoo, to make a long story short, I became very moody and frustrated because I did not know how long he was going to put me through the ring.  So finally, I told him his actions were making me feel distance.  He kept saying the same things over and over again to the point we both got into a nasty argument and we went our separated ways for good. 

What I'm trying to say is that you have to forgive her and show her that you forgave her.  She's trying to do things your way but it seems like you are making her suffer for leaving you.  What's more important now,  is that she is back and wants to show you how sorry she is and want to start something with you.  However, you have a wall up and it's hard for her to knock that wall down.  At least give her a small window if you are not going to open the door.  It seems like you are talking to her through a close window.  You cannot have a healthy relationship if you keep holding on to the past.   Do you want her or not?  If not, then let her go so she can move on.  Stop making her paid for what she done in the past.    We are not perfect human beings.  We will make mistakes.  Just like if you made a mistake by hurting someone and you were truly sorry, you wouldn't want him or her to hold that over your head?   Let it go Geoff, and enjoy your girl while she is still there.

    

[lmunchkin]

What I'm trying to say is that you have to forgive her and show her that you forgave her.  She's trying to do things your way but it seems like you are making her suffer for leaving you.  What's more important now,  is that she is back and wants to show you how sorry she is and want to start something with you.  However, you have a wall up and it's hard for her to knock that wall down.  At least give her a small window if you are not going to open the door.  It seems like you are talking to her through a close window.  You cannot have a healthy relationship if you keep holding on to the past.   Do you want her or not?  If not, then let her go so she can move on.  Stop making her paid for what she done in the past.    We are not perfect human beings.  We will make mistakes.  Just like if you made a mistake by hurting someone and you were truly sorry, you wouldn't want him or her to hold that over your head?   Let it go Geoff, and enjoy your girl while she is still there. 

I totally agree with this, Geoff!!  And something tells me that you know it to be the right thing to do too!  You never know what may happen.  You need to sit down and communicate for sure, but stringing her on because of the past, is just not right for You or her.  Talk to her and definately forgive.  None of us are perfect, that is for sure. ESRD or not, its just common descency.  The golden rule, right?

Good luck & God Bless,
lmunchkin

[geoffcamp]

   yea I agree. I don't think she has really changed her mind about me and really respects me and because she still is so difficult to be around sometimes (jekyll and hyde) I have a very hard time forgiving her. I just don't see any thing going differant this time around.  I'm wasting my time hoping because I'm lonely and really want someone in my life. I don't think it is her. Time to talk and let the chips fall. I've given as much as I can to try and forgive but I think she had a one night of a beer too many and gave me hope telling me how she made a mistake and how great of a guy I am. But in reality she still treats me the same way and it didn't work because of that first time around. I gave it a shot, now I think it's time to get back out there and find a good woman. Anyone know any in Florida!?!?!?  LOL.   THX for your thoughts. I'm pretty clear where this is going and prolonging it any longer is just beating my head against the wall!!  G.

[cdwbrooklyn]

And I'm not mad at you; do what you feel is right.   You are a handsome man based on your picture and you will find someone else.  I'll put you in prayer that God will bless you with a good woman just be ready for her.   

[mike22]

@NoahVale. I graduated from Vanderbilt University while doing hemodialysis. I would get off and walk a block back to my room. This includes rain, heat, and snow. My plan is to take science courses and someday become a doctor. I am now on PD and looking to intern at an organization called FasterCures. I've read this story before and was looking for it. Thanks for posting.

[geoffcamp]

And I'm not mad at you; do what you feel is right.   You are a handsome man based on your picture and you will find someone else.  I'll put you in prayer that God will bless you with a good woman just be ready for her.   

I never got the feeling you were mad at me!!  I think you gave excellent insight and advise. Your pretty much dead on!!  I do really like her (99% of the time) but it how she treats me that is not acceptable to me. I'm a grown man and she is used to spending all her time with her 15 year old son. So she tends to talk to me like a child not a peer and I hate to say this but I'm much smarter than she is (not bragging just true) so she needs to find a way to relate to me as adult. It's a big problem for me. I'm used to being respected and people come to me for help with problems.  She is no dummy but intellect wise we just are not at the same level. That does not bother me. We all have differant levels if education and street smart. It's the treating me so nasty like chastising me at times right in front of her son that really gets my blood boiling. I'm non confrontional so I won't stand up and waste my time arguing back especially when her son is there. It's not the adult thing to do. I'm not feeling this relationship moving in a good direction. I think it's time to have a heart to heart sit down and see what becomes of it. I'm trying to forgive but her falling into the same patterns does put even more blocks up on my huge wall. Time will tell. But at our ages people rarely change non do I expect someone to HAVE to change to be with me. If that's how she wants to live great. Your right, I have plenty of opportunities out there, just a matter of finding the right one for me. All I want is some peace and grace in a healthy relationship. I don't think I'm asking too much!!  G.