What do you say when...

[eroomk]

Someone asks you (if on Dialysis) or a loved one who is on dialysis how they are doing?  It is a nice gesture, but on one hand I don't want to say "GREAT!", because it isn't great and my husband has lost 30 pounds and gets very sick from it.  On the other hand, who wants this to define who you are.  The last thing I want to do is get a violin out and sing a sad song, because this is the new norm and we are working through it day by day.

.... here is what I say "My guy has an incredible attitude".  - which by the way is absolutely true! 

Do people continue to ask forever?
Is there a "right" answer to the question?
What politely detracts them from asking again?
Do you like when they ask?

My husband's favorite saying that cracks me up is "its great to be on the green side of the grass".... it is hilarious seeing people's reaction.
What do you say?





EDITED: Thread moved to proper section: "Dialysis General Discussion" – Rerun, Moderator

[Jean]

I am not on D yet, so can't really say. But, I do love your husband's attitude. Good for him.

[galvo]

Im afraid that I've given up being truthful and trying to explain the complexities thatwould comprise the answer to the question. So it's "great" from me. You guys are the only ones who truly understand.

[Darthvadar]

I get asked that about Mum all of the time...

There's just no point in trying to go into it all, or even a fraction of it... People's eyes just glaze over!....

So when I'm asked "How's Elsie doing on dialysis?"... I reply, "She's still battling on and flying the flag!"... It's the truth, but not the whole truth.....

Darth....

[bette1]

I always say that I can't complain.  It keeps it short and honest.  They don't  really want to know anyway.

[jbeany]

"It keeps me breathing." was always good. "I'm fine."  works too.  It's best to keep in mind that "How are you doing?" is a conversational lubricant, like "How's the weather?"  No one is really looking for a real answer.  If you do run into the occasional person who actually wants a real answer, they will ask for more details.

[thegrammalady]

i just say as well as can be expected. actually i'm doing better than can be expected, but that would just open another kettle of fish and i really don't want to get into it. your husband sounds like he has a fantastic attitude.

[MooseMom]

I'm always appreciative when someone asks.  I tell the abbreviated truth, and then I add something entirely unrelated, so my answer is usually something along the lines of, "I'm feeling the effects of kidney failure, but I am pressing on, and the other day I felt well enough to do some gardening.  My bluebells are in bloom; what's blooming in your garden these days?"...something like that. 

[-Lady Noir-]

Alot of people don't understand dialysis/transplant/renal failure. Even so, do they really want to know?
Mike just says, "Same shit, different day".. 

[Jelena]

I always say "the best he can be under the circumstances, we are grateful for that ... " something along those lines, and that is the truth. Yes, if you go into too many details, peoples eyes do get glazed over, and then you feel worse, so I avoid it, unless it is someone close to us...

[kitkatz]

"I'm okay." is the best reply I have found.

[RichardMEL]

I think it really depends who is asking. 90% of people who ask are like the girl at the supermarket - it's polite to ask, but they don't really care.. and those are the ones that deserve an "I'm fine" or "I'm looking forward to the weekend"(even though I'm not) line. For those that know you and the situation, and understand even a little.. then I think it's appropriate to be a bit more honest about it - up to the point of what you're comfortable with sharing. Sometimes it is easier to say "yeah, I'm doing OK thanks for asking" rather than whinge on about this little bugbear, or that cramp, or the other thing that is going wrong... then you just sound like a whinger, and when something more seious does come along they may not take it to be as serious as it is.

With my dialysis crew though I'm totally honest. Of course they need to know for professional reasons, but I also know when they ask just generally it's OK to let them know if I'm feeling a bit down, or whatever.

[*kana*]

I always reply that I am doing just fine even if I am not.  Honestly. everyone answers that way because people just don't want to hear that you aren't doing well.  I  have come to realize that just because I am on D, doesn't make my life any worse then someone elses.   

[sullidog]

I usually say pretty good then I go into detail about my dialysis and I'm just truthful with them. It doesn't bother me when they ask.
Troy

[KICKSTART]

No one ever asks , except my mum and she knows how im doing anyway ! 

[RightSide]

When someone asks me: "How are you doing on dialysis?"

My usual reply is: "About as well as can be expected."

[Wallyz]

I can be a jerk, so I'd often say "Aside from the cramping , vomiting, diarrhea, and fatigue, I'm just peachy.  By the way, what's your blood type?"

[brandi1leigh]

I usually say, "I have good days and bad days. You know how it is." If they're really interested, they'll ask follow up questions. If not, I haven't lied and we can move on to other topics.

[Bub]

Im afraid that I've given up being truthful and trying to explain the complexities

Galvo I too have given up.  Now when asked how I am doing, I be honest but limit the details. I say simply that I am having a good day or I am having a bad day.  Thats enough for most people and leaves it open for questioning for those who are close to me and really care.  That seems also to be enough for my fellow dialysis patients because they will generally know exactly what I am talking about.

[peleroja]

If folks ask how I'm doing, I tell the truth.  It's either good or not so good.  I refuse to use the word bad!

[eroomk]

That is a great way to put it.

[-Lady Noir-]

One thing i've noticed, especially lately is, people saying they hope Mike moves up the transplant waiting list 
If only they understood how it works

[Jean]

Even tho I am not on D yet, people still ask me how I am doing. For now, I just tell them I am doing wonderful. However, if they are people I really am not all that fond of, I tell them Iam sick, so very very sick. Dont know why I am alive still and on and on and on. Generally, they then avoid me. I like that.

[-Lady Noir-]

 
Thats class Jean.. Love it!

[eroomk]

A bit of a delay, but Jean I just read your post and needed that little giggle!