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caringpct
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« on: February 07, 2010, 07:00:37 PM »

I understand that dialysis can make you feel horrible. I understand that some people may need more help then others. But that gives one of my patients to treat me like her servant. I will go get ice for them, adjust temps on the machines, and even try to find extra blankets. I am not there to take shoes off or put them on (however I will help those not capable of doing so), I am not there to turn your tv station for you, its not my job to adjust your pillow. I understand if some is not capable of doing these tasks but this patient is perfectly capable. She can't even get my name right, I very nicely correct her. I understand if my name was Christine calling me Christina or Kristen (not my real names) but its like my name is Melanie and she calls me Renee. (again not my real names) I have no idea what to do. I talked to the nurses and my boss and they said to get over it because this patient is use to having her way. Seriously! I try to treat everybody as nice as I can and I get treated like this. Other patients have even made comments about the way she acts. Any advice?








EDITED: Moved to worker threads-kitkatz,Moderator
« Last Edit: February 07, 2010, 07:02:48 PM by kitkatz » Logged
RichardMEL
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« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2010, 07:54:29 PM »

tough one.

We have a patient kind of like that at our unit. We call him "The Boss"

He's an older gentleman in his 70's and he gets very demanding (hence the nickname) - he HAS to have a big chair. He HAS to have a TV control(there are only a few remotes to all the TV's for reasons that escape me) - even if he then goes to sleep he gets mental if he doesn't have it. He comes WAY early in the hope a chair might be available early but cracks a wobbly if he has to wait for an hour or more (remember, he's come WAY early). So on and so forth. And even better when he wants something he doesn't say "Excuse me can you please...." or "When you have a moment would it be possible to..." but he just "You get me...." or "Do this" (!). I tried to teach him some manners but clearly you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

So what happens? Well he gets the big chair, and everyone knows to give him the bloody TV remote (this is a guy who if I am sitting next to him, will take it on to himself to turn the TV above me off - without asking!!! Now yeah I have my own laptop but sometimes I wouldn't mind to keep an eye on the TV). More often than not he is put on ahead of others - and I think this is because he has a wobbly if he thinks he's being unfairly treated (as in someone comes in after him, and gets on because the machine they've been assigned becomes available earlier - so he thinks that he's being treated unfairly). In the end it's the rest of us who end up being treated unfairly.

Don't get me wrong he's a nice enough gentleman(when he has his way!).

I think the point is that the staff would rather do these things and keep him happy than have him complain and get angry because it's just not worth the general angst that results. I think this is what you're seeing in your unit.

I agree that it's not your job to take shoes off, tune the channel or change pillows etc - I try and do all these things for myself. Now I can't get up and get a drink, so yes, I ask if that's something I need.. but I always try to be respectful and not demand stuff. Almost always the staff are happy to get me what I need if they're able (of course the joke continues about when we're going to order pizza and have a party! )

Unfortunately for communal harmony it is probably best to just do what this person wants and try to not let it get to you too much. If you like with the stuff she can do like change the channel (assuming she has a remote) and so on, I don't see ANY problem with saying to her "You have the control right there you can do that for yourself" and if she says "no I can't" or something just say well she's got plenty of time to work it out!!!

Good luck.
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3/1993: Diagnosed with Kidney Failure (FSGS)
25/7/2006: Started hemo 3x/week 5 hour sessions :(
27/11/2010: Cadaveric kidney transplant from my wonderful donor!!! "Danny" currently settling in and working better every day!!! :)

BE POSITIVE * BE INFORMED * BE PROACTIVE * BE IN CONTROL * LIVE LIFE!
tyefly
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« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2010, 08:23:01 PM »

You have to draw a line...... they were that way before they came to the center or getting sick...... some people just demand more attention than others...... and if they make a lot of noise then people will often do what ever to get them to shut up....kind of like when dogs act out and need attention...or children......   just dont do it....dont feel sorry for them   cause they dont have to act that way and I would not let them do that to me......  after all you would not be able to tell them what to do..and how to do it......
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  Hello from the Oregon Coast.....

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caringpct
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« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2010, 08:57:58 AM »

RichardMel: All my patients have their own tvs. So its not a matter if she has the controller. Never a please or thank you. That makes a big difference to me. I'm more then happy to help especially if I know its appreciated. I think you are right that my unit just doesn't want to hear the complaining of being treated unfairly.

I guess the good thing is that no matter how badly some patients treat me, I can't bring myself to be rude or ignore them. That makes me feel better inside, however it does give opportunity for people to take advantage.
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glitter
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« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2010, 09:43:10 AM »

I agree there is no excuse for rudeness, HOWEVER, your patients have no choice but to be there, or they die. Day in, day out- watching other patients die and never come back, she might be just a rude bitch, BUT she also might just be scared, and frustrated, and you really do not know what its like to be a dialysis patient, you can only imagine the fears. My husband was a difficult dialysis patient, he was very sick for three years, he was scared and frustrated and that did come out of him in rude ways at times at dialysis.  When you (get your paycheck) and go home at night, it ends for you. For them- it ends when they die. So excuse her for being a bossy old crank- she knows how it will end- how would you like to know that about your life? If you think of her differently, maybe you can come to terms with her without resenting her, and if your very kind when shes being an ass- maybe your kindness will eventually get through to her. You might be the only person in her life to treat her with compassion.
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Jack A Adams July 2, 1957--Feb. 28, 2009
I will miss him- FOREVER

caregiver to Jack (he was on dialysis)
RCC
nephrectomy april13,2006
dialysis april 14,2006
Hanify
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Hadija, Athol, Me and Molly at Havelock North 09

« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2010, 02:04:25 PM »

I see what you're saying Glitter but I think there's probably a big difference between a patient who is grumpy cos of the situation they're in (we've all been there!) and a rude person.  I would guess this woman has always been a rude person - I don't think being sick would make you forget to say thankyou when someone does something for you.  And if she demands all the time, she has probably always demanded!  Caringpct would it be possible to sit and just be honest with her?  She may just not realise how rude it comes across.  I know that would be quite hard though.
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Diagnosed Nov 2007 with Multiple Myeloma.
By Jan 2008 was in end stage renal failure and on haemodialysis.
Changed to CAPD in April 2008.  Now on PD with a cycler.  Working very part time - teaching music.  Love it.  Husband is Paul (we're both 46), daughter Molly is 13.
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« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2010, 04:21:48 PM »

Some of my co pacients are so demanding I just wanna tell them chill out! We have this one pacient although he doesn't do it anymore when he would not get his way he would try to pull his lines, and yes he succeeeded while I was there and blood of course went all over the place then he was mad cause he got blood on him. He'd get  mad when you were a female and you wouldn't be his lover, when he was told not to eat on the floor do to multiple vomiting epasodes, or when techs told him they couldn't heat up his food.
Troy
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May 13, 2009, went to urgent care with shortness of breath
May 19, 2009, went to doctor for severe nausea
May 20, 2009, admited to hospital for kidney failure
May 20, 2009, started dialysis with a groin cath
May 25, 2009, permacath was placed
august 24, 2009, was suppose to have access placement but instead was admited to hospital for low potassium
august 25, 2009, access placement
January 16, 2010 thrombectomy was done on access
RichardMEL
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« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2010, 10:06:35 PM »

Glitter - you make a fair point and I understand it but in my book there's no excuse for being rude like that. I hate dialysis, I don't want to be there, but that's no reason to take it out on the staff who, while it is their job, they are there to help me get the best treatment possible... yelling at them or being a rude *#)@*#@ won't make it any better for me. I am always most careful to say please, and thank you and be polite - even to the ones I don't really like (there's not many, most of my staff are lovely and it's easy to be friendly with them - plus I bribe 'em with peppermints  & chocolate :) ).

Hanify - I don't think sitting down and trying to be honest with the patient in question will do much. They are probably very set in their ways and used to getting what they want by virtual of being so annoying that most people will just do it to shut them up. If it works, keep doing it (*sigh*) and all that would probably happen is the patient would get on the defensive, either claiming they're not like that or some other justificication for their behaviour that makes them right... either way it would more likely than not just probably worse to get on with.

As I posted earlier with the guy in my unit who I tried so hard (but nicely mind you!) to teach some manners to and common courtesy... he just wouldn't have a bar of it and even the staff told me to give up after a couple of tries.
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3/1993: Diagnosed with Kidney Failure (FSGS)
25/7/2006: Started hemo 3x/week 5 hour sessions :(
27/11/2010: Cadaveric kidney transplant from my wonderful donor!!! "Danny" currently settling in and working better every day!!! :)

BE POSITIVE * BE INFORMED * BE PROACTIVE * BE IN CONTROL * LIVE LIFE!
Hanify
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Hadija, Athol, Me and Molly at Havelock North 09

« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2010, 12:58:55 AM »

Maybe you should hold on to the remote or whatever and say "what's the magic word?????" next time lol.  Works with small children!
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Diagnosed Nov 2007 with Multiple Myeloma.
By Jan 2008 was in end stage renal failure and on haemodialysis.
Changed to CAPD in April 2008.  Now on PD with a cycler.  Working very part time - teaching music.  Love it.  Husband is Paul (we're both 46), daughter Molly is 13.
RichardMEL
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« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2010, 04:47:33 AM »

Maybe you should hold on to the remote or whatever and say "what's the magic word?????" next time lol.  Works with small children!

Funny you should say that! When I was trying to edumacate (that's a real word - ask Homer Simpson!) the guy in our unit when he'd say something commanding like "You get me control!" I'd say "WHat's the magic word?!!!!" omg it took forever for him to get that it was "please."

LOL !
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3/1993: Diagnosed with Kidney Failure (FSGS)
25/7/2006: Started hemo 3x/week 5 hour sessions :(
27/11/2010: Cadaveric kidney transplant from my wonderful donor!!! "Danny" currently settling in and working better every day!!! :)

BE POSITIVE * BE INFORMED * BE PROACTIVE * BE IN CONTROL * LIVE LIFE!
glitter
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« Reply #10 on: February 10, 2010, 06:05:18 AM »

Quote
Glitter - you make a fair point and I understand it but in my book there's no excuse for being rude like that. I hate dialysis, I don't want to be there, but that's no reason to take it out on the staff who, while it is their job, they are there to help me get the best treatment possible... yelling at them or being a rude *#)@*#@ won't make it any better for me. I am always most careful to say please, and thank you and be polite - even to the ones I don't really like (there's not many, most of my staff are lovely and it's easy to be friendly with them - plus I bribe 'em with peppermints  & chocolate  ).

I did say she might just be a rude bitch....but like I tell my daughters, you never know what people are going through in thier lives, you just can't always assume why someone is a miserable person.
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Jack A Adams July 2, 1957--Feb. 28, 2009
I will miss him- FOREVER

caregiver to Jack (he was on dialysis)
RCC
nephrectomy april13,2006
dialysis april 14,2006
dwcrawford
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Getting the heck out of town.

« Reply #11 on: February 10, 2010, 06:55:50 AM »

Erased all of my posting two times when I backspaced.  I give up.
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Come to think of it, nothing is funny anymore.

Nothing that I post here is intended for fact but rather for exploration into my personal thought processes.  Any slight, use of words with multiple connotations or other percieved insults are totally unintended.  I reserve my insults for private.
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Getting the heck out of town.

« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2010, 06:59:55 AM »

Probably a good thing, because what I wanted to say is I don't understand what the big deal is. 
There is rudeness everywhere you look whether it be techs, patients, people on the street or others pretending to be a suppost group.  I guess you either accept it and deal with it, slap the crap out of them, or move somewhere you don't see them anymore.  You won't be able to change them. 
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Come to think of it, nothing is funny anymore.

Nothing that I post here is intended for fact but rather for exploration into my personal thought processes.  Any slight, use of words with multiple connotations or other percieved insults are totally unintended.  I reserve my insults for private.
Rerun
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Going through life tied to a chair!

« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2010, 07:48:23 AM »

Dialysis is like Hell.  We all come from different levels of society and different financial situations... but end up in the same place.  So you have people who have always had it rough and tough and think of dialysis as a social outing and love the thought of just being around others.   Then you have people who have had to leave a $150K a year job where they had 50 people under them and have had to drop several rungs on the ladder of life to hit bottom (dialysis).  You have people who are just on Medicare and others who are on Medicare AND private insurance.  Are they worth more?  They pay more!  They probably STILL pay more taxes!

I wish we had a choice to go to the SPA dialysis if you have private insurance and then the other place for those with just Medicare.  But we don't.  We ALL end up in the same place and we don't have a choice of who we sit by or who takes care of us.

So I guess I'm saying thank you for taking special care of this person who obviously needs more than most at this time in her life.
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JennyGiggle
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« Reply #14 on: February 10, 2010, 02:37:44 PM »

I really feel for you caringpct, I am a dialysis patient but i also work part time in a retirement nursing home. Its hard, we deal with patients with dementia, so outbursts and rudeness sometimes just have to be tolerated. When a resident is compus mentus (think that is how you spell it) and is rude, it is not always tolerated. Yes, they are the people dealing with the illness but we have choose to work in a profession to care and help people and deserve to work without being abused! When this happens in the home we try and get to the bottom of things, if it is something that is upsetting them we have to try and help, if they are just rude then well measures have to be taken to make sure its at least kept to a minimum.

Quote

I did say she might just be a rude bitch....but like I tell my daughters, you never know what people are going through in thier lives, you just can't always assume why someone is a miserable person.

being miserable doesn't give you the right to make other people miserable, and if as a person you decide to make it change how you react to people (ie make you rude) then its only reasonable that you accept the consequences(someone comfronting you about your behaviour). Just because I am ill doesn't mean that my happiness is more important than those around me. We as dialysis patients can't assume that those who treat us have less complicted lives, so therefore we should never put our happiness before theirs.

If I was in your position I would confront her. If you are unhappy then someone needs to do something.

Fixed Quote - Rerun- Moderator
« Last Edit: February 10, 2010, 07:40:25 PM by Rerun » Logged
Bub
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« Reply #15 on: February 10, 2010, 04:13:11 PM »

I have seen techs being treated as errand boys and I try to not do that.  I tend to feel guilty about making the simplest of requests.

The techs at the center I use are almost all angels.  The RN's can sometimes be a pain, especially the charge nurses.  They took it badly when they figured out that it was my body and I was going to be in charge.
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dwcrawford
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Getting the heck out of town.

« Reply #16 on: February 10, 2010, 04:57:19 PM »

Depends doesn't it.  My nurses and charge nurses are great.  Most techs are too.  Some are just a little too push for my taste.  I've had problems the last few days with a tech over riding what my nurse and I have decided to do with fluid removal (ending in the worst treatments I've had).  This same tech told me if I came in  early and rushed her that she  could slow down (well,  I don't see how) even more and see to it I'm the last person on the machine.  She then proceded to   gouge holes in my arms with the needles with me hollering all the time for a competent person to come over.

See, we were both rude.  Everybody can be rude at times.
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Come to think of it, nothing is funny anymore.

Nothing that I post here is intended for fact but rather for exploration into my personal thought processes.  Any slight, use of words with multiple connotations or other percieved insults are totally unintended.  I reserve my insults for private.
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Hadija, Athol, Me and Molly at Havelock North 09

« Reply #17 on: February 11, 2010, 01:42:06 AM »

That is true Dan but I'm not talking about those times - they are completely understandable.  This woman is constantly being rude in other ways - demanding things that she could easily do herself etc.  I don't think Caringpct or anyone would begrudge us feeling grumpy and yelling if something is going badly.  But yes, Glitter you are right - we don't know what has created this rudeness -  and what a lovely thing to teach your children.
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Diagnosed Nov 2007 with Multiple Myeloma.
By Jan 2008 was in end stage renal failure and on haemodialysis.
Changed to CAPD in April 2008.  Now on PD with a cycler.  Working very part time - teaching music.  Love it.  Husband is Paul (we're both 46), daughter Molly is 13.
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« Reply #18 on: March 11, 2010, 06:09:19 PM »

I just came across this Post and it made Me feel Sad. My Husband is a D Patient and is the most Undemanding Husband/Patient anyone could have. If He was turning Blue, in the Chair, He would not bother Anyone, unless, He saw, they were not Busy. He likes His Techs and thinks, they do a great Job and I have no Complaints. That being said, -------
I have found, that Kidney Failure/ Dialysis, tends to be the " Elephant in the Room "  Family, Friends, would rather, not Talk about it, Take care of it, because, they don't Understand it and Don't know What to do.
I Understand, that there is no Excuse for Deliberate, Rudeness, but is it Possible, Just Possible, that the Extra Attention, this Person, asks of You, might be the Most Attention, they Receive, in any Given Day, or Week? They are on " Life Support ." You know it and they Know it.  Just a thought.
This is in no way to Offend, the Doctors, Nurses and Techs, that do the Great Job, they do, just another View, from a Spouse, who has a Husband, that, puts the rest of His Life, in Someone eles's Hands, Three Days a Week.
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MooseMom
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« Reply #19 on: March 11, 2010, 08:25:47 PM »

I agree with Mizar.  There is no excuse for this patient's rudeness, but there are probably plenty of explanations.  Chances are she is not going to change.  So that leaves you to be the one that has to change.  Unfortunate, but true.  It is easy to be compassionate to a sick person who is maleable and undemanding.  The challenge comes when a difficult patient comes to you and literally trusts you with her life.  That is a difficult position for anyone to be in.  Perhaps this particular lady feels out of control of her life.  There is nothing like dialysis in clinic to remind you how few choices you have over the direction your life is headed.  Maybe her demanding demeanour makes her feel more in control.  Maybe this is her way of grabbing her life back.  I think the important thing is to not take it personally. 
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"Eggs are so inadequate, don't you think?  I mean, they ought to be able to become anything, but instead you always get a chicken.  Or a duck.  Or whatever they're programmed to be.  You never get anything interesting, like regret, or the middle of last week."
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« Reply #20 on: March 12, 2010, 03:09:50 AM »

if you want to keep your job, I guess to have to get used to it --
it is not right --
our techs would not do what you are doing --
they get you one cup of ice --
and do nothing else
you are a nice person ---
 :sos;   - I just wanted to use this one -- it is new to me
and good luck
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« Reply #21 on: March 12, 2010, 06:17:52 AM »

I have a friend that nurses a woman w/ dementia. I say this because she had been treated very nasty by this woman. My friend finally started putting this woman in her place no matter what her health condition was. The woman has finally gotten the picture. I hope I don't sound mean but sometimes you just have to put your foot down
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caregiver to husband using in-center dialysis 4 years
Rerun
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Going through life tied to a chair!

« Reply #22 on: March 12, 2010, 06:26:56 AM »

Like I'm going to pay someone to put me in my place?

                       :rofl;
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