Things To Do On Dialysis~

[aahsheitt]

well i must be really lucky because my unit lets me bring my playstation 2 or x box in and hook it up to those rolling tvs if you know what im talking about ya my dialysis unit ROCKS

[kitkatz]

Must be nice.  Mine will let me bring my own DVD player and own headphones, and battery pack, and movie.  And watch it all by myself.  Too bad the battery pack only last 3 hours.

[Rerun]

Kitkatz!  You are Twisted!  No wonder Kevno and you get along!   

How about.... Bring an umbrella and put it up in case it rains!   

[kevno]

Things to do, to make the dialysis faster:

Ask if the nurse could use her arm

Already got patients singing silly songs. It drives me crazy

Play Frisbee, used to do that a few years ago, with those paper plates.

Bring a ketchup packet, did not need to a few months ago. Fell asleep and pulled the needle out, BLOOD all over the place Would have needed 100 ketchup packets.

I get called a lot of names by the nurses, but I do torment them a bit, well maybe a lot

I have phoned the office to say may BP was dropping The buzzer was out of reach.

I am always calling the nurses by the wrong name, so I have given them all nicknames.  Like nurse pushy, trouble, vandal, sneaky, viscous, popoff and so on

Kevno

[kitkatz]

I am the one patient that comes in and wakes the place up.  It is pretty calm till I show up.  How about:

Ballroom dancing while on dialysis. Uh, one, two three four.

Bring a small keyboard and play it with your toes.

Fart! Burp! Say really loudly "Excuse me" every time.

When someone asks you how you feel, ask them how they feel and of you can get them anything.

Make up an Ode to Dialysis and sing it.

Post the IHateDialysis.com posters all over the unit bulletin boards, then wear the T-Shirt or hat you bought on the site to treatment.

[kitkatz]

Adding to the list:

Sing to the techs: I Got Friends in Low Places,

 sing "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" as you get into your chair.

Tell them how low you been this week.

SMILE, it'll make them wonder what you have been up to.

Make up new names for the equipment. Ask for things by your made up names.

Tell them "I want my Mommy" as they are sticking your arm.

[kevno]

Tell them "I want my Mommy" as they are sticking your arm. I do that, whats wrong
Are you trying to say something Kitkatz

Just a few to add to the list.

Ask a tech for a drink every five minutes!

Take a big bar of choc in and eat it in front of the other patients.

Turn the machine up on a patient you do not like, so it takes off 20kg.

Play Darts with the needles, then put them back into the packet.

Clamp a line so the machine alarms every five minutes, to drive to techs crazy.

Take a fog horn with you, when you see a patient nodding off BLOW IT.( in Reruns case I do not think she would need the fog horn )

Kevno

[kitkatz]

Evil Kevno, evil.  What fun! I think I will try a few.

[Tracy Lynn]

When the techs go to get something, I say "I'll wait here." Like I have a choice.

I give each of the techs grief in an individually tailored manner, thus keeping me on my toes.

I use my portable DVD player and Netflix for most of the year, but now it's baseball season, and my unit has pretty good cable.
I have a hard time reading, because I can only use my right arm; my left has to be straight out, so my right hand cramps up if I read too long.

Mostly I watch TV and make smartass remarks to whoever happens to walk by. Sometimes when the doc asks if he can do anything for me, I say things like "Can you help me sex my goldfish?" It's pathetically easy to crack him up.

[Barry1]

Hi Everyone

I am new to this site, and I am enjoying it very much.  My dialysis unit is very small, and we have 3 nurses and 2 techs. My sessions are Mon, Wed, Fri.  I am hooked up by 5:15 am.  I usually catch up on all the news on the television (with headphones).  We are allowed to bring our own food to eat, or else they provide juice and crackers.  The head nurse thinks he is a Nazi, because he prefers no food during the dialysis session.  The nurses and techs are very loud, and do not seem to care if  you are asleep.  I was dialyzed in a Gambro unit in California, and it was terrible.  They did not even have ice to eat.  Talk to you soon again Bye  Barry1

[Rerun]

Ask the Tech to "Please get you a cup of Ice".  When he/she brings it, say "Oh, I said water, no ice".  When, he/she brings it say "no, just ice, no water."  Keep doing that but be ready to get it dumpbed on you!

[kevno]

Very dangerous to do, but I did. Guess the age of the Female Tech
                                              Guess the weight of the Female Tech

Only just got of the unit with my life

They did ask me to guess, not my fault if I was a few years out, plus a few 10s lb out.

Kevno

[kevno]

Rerun can now take up knitting Now she has two hands free

[jdat]

haha I love some of the replies in here, keep them coming!

I thought I was the only one who loved to tease the nurses at my center 


At my center everyone gets served food .... it usually consists of some bread with butter and jam.
Some tea, and on occasion they have yogurt or fruits for 2 or 3 people only 


The way I spend my time ( monday,wednesday,friday, 8pm to midnight ) is by bringing a bag full of crap ... it ways a ton seriously.
I am also one of the only people that seems to bring anything!
Everyone is always watching tv ( but they do have to bring their own headphones no speakers allowed ).

I alternate between internet because the center has wifi!
Sometimes I bring my portable dvd player and watch movies or listen to music.
I often read the paper, or books.

I tried to take up origami during dialysis but it's too tricky 

And I might add a big plus for me is that I am on a tunnelled catheter so I have bigger mobility than if I I had one of my arms taken for you know what.

Lastly .... I usually take a 30 to 45 minute nap cause really it would be silly not to considering the sessions take place in a comfy bed 

[Bajanne]

Does 'tunnelled catheter' mean that it is permanent, or is that the same catheter that will have to come out eventually?
I like the sound of your centre. Internet?  TV with speakers?  Comfy bed?

[Panda_9]

Our in centre unit has the TV with headphones thing. Only you share a TV between 2, and if you want the channels changed you have to ask, which I really hate doing. Not one to like asking for anything. Its nice doing it at home, your own TV with remote, dvd player, mags, or better still, sleep! Since Ive been on nocturnal I only have the TV in the room, as I usually go to sleep not long after I hook up. I have just started getting into making greeting cards, so that something others could do on the machine easily.

[jdat]

Does 'tunnelled catheter' mean that it is permanent, or is that the same catheter that will have to come out eventually?
I like the sound of your centre. Internet?  TV with speakers?  Comfy bed?

I am certainly no expert on the subject but I believe the main issues are air embolism, clotting, infection and thrombosis.
I don't do any of the handling myself so that leaves me out of the picture for messing it up 

I have been told it could be permanent. And statistically I am falling under the transplant call in time .... yeah I can tell you how eager to find out how this so called statistic will live up to it's promises.

Otherwise internet, stritcly Wifi and you have to bring your own laptop! ( I wasn't even informed they had it .... I just happened to bring the lappy one day and figured I should check if they had wifi and they did!! )

Tv with the speakers on is forbidden so you must bring headphones as well as your own universal remote if you want to change channels. There is only one remote for the whole room of 16 beds as the patients took the remotes!

The beds are standard hospital beds and they're somewhat comfy I guess but nothing beats my bed at home for comfort 
But I do certainly prefer that to the idea of a chair like in a lot of countries!

They just redid the whole center in the past year so everything is so nice and clean for now. The hospital is quite recent so that's a big reassuring point ( versus the transplant center that is an hour 1/2 away with a building that dates back to before world war II I think .... it's so old and unclean  )

Our in centre unit has the TV with headphones thing. Only you share a TV between 2, and if you want the channels changed you have to ask, which I really hate doing. Not one to like asking for anything. Its nice doing it at home, your own TV with remote, dvd player, mags, or better still, sleep! Since Ive been on nocturnal I only have the TV in the room, as I usually go to sleep not long after I hook up. I have just started getting into making greeting cards, so that something others could do on the machine easily.

Individual tvs rock

[Bajanne]

So, jdat, you are totally bilingual?  Which do you consider as your first language?

[jdat]

So, jdat, you are totally bilingual?  Which do you consider as your first language?

Totally bilingual ( and working on adding german to the mix ).

I have no first language.
My parents spoke a mix of french and english ( franglais )growing up but the dominant language was english.

To be honest .... a lot of days this bilingual thinking totally screws me up not because of the language itself but the mentally of the different countries ....but when I moved to the US in 2001 that totally changed and now I handle it better.

[Bajanne]

Which region are you from?  I spent my year in Vichy.

[jdat]

Which region are you from?  I spent my year in Vichy.

Mulhouse, Alsace. Right next to Switzerland and Germany.


And I just thought of something to add to this to do list. I should work on my german while at the center! 

[Bajanne]

I see why you plan to add German to your mix.  When I was in Vichy a basketball team came from Mulhouse.

[GuyIncognito]

I highly reccommend the James Cavell series of books (Shogun, Taipan, Gagin, Noblehouse, King Rat & Whirlwind) however you'll probably have to prop these books up with a pillow considering the size but there very long and addictive which can keep me interested for 3 out of 4 hours.

[kitkatz]

Find your butt with both hands. Prove you can do it without a map or a flashlight.

Play pat the tummy and rub the head, then reverse it.

Sing Little Bunny Foo Foo to the techs, or some other song you know that is silly.

Bring in the loudest rap music you can find, ask to put in on the centers CD players. Jam to it.

Find your way out of a paperbag without any help.

Write little notes to other patients. Have the tech pass them for you.

Make paper airplanes and fly them.  Have contests with other patients in the clinic.

Bring the Victoria Secrets catalog or a Sex Toys catalog and make your choices after loud discussions with other people.

Celebrate being on dialysis. This will make other patients think you are completely nuts and they will leave you alone.

[Rerun]

I bought a book called "Easy Sudoku".  It is that new "Fad" game with numbers 1 thru 9.  We'll see if I can concentrate on it during dialysis.