Etiquette

[girliekick]

Feel free to explain your vote, why or why not or even your Etiquette rules

Here is the short version of what prompted this poll   

A stranger has recently offered to donate their kidney to me... I am gratefull, but I am scared this potential donor may be a lil . I honestly don't believe its possible for this person to pass the eval, therefore I don't have to worry about a life long relationship. We both know our blood type is incompatible, but never the less this person believes we are still a match. In the beginning of our 2 DAY interaction, I told this stranger to feel free to contact me if any questions came up, I also told said person I was OK if they decided to back out or didn't get approved. Just as I do with any one makes such an offer. In this time there have been inappropriate things done on potential donors part that make me feel violated and mostly just uncomfortable

[okarol]

My suggestion would be to only involve the transplant team if you think the potential donor is a good possibility, other wise you are wasting their time, and yours.

[Hanify]

It's a hard one but I agree with Karol.  I don't think you should let your friend waste everyone's time.  Tell her there's no point testing if she's not the same blood type.  Unless she wants to do an altruistic donor to someone else.

[Des]

The safest and the most professional way is to give her the transplant coordinator's info and tell her to contact them directly.... then if they pick up something wrong ... or suspicious then they will take care of it.

My donor, also a relative stranger (co-worker, not friend, not close) contacted them directly and I get informed by the coordinator how things are going.

It is good for both of us... If she wants to back out there is no personal confrontation. It also ensures that everything is legal and above board.

Good luck

[Romona]

When people that I wasn't close to offered, I thanked them. I would tell them I appreciate the gesture. I would also say I had family members waiting to be tested.

[RichardMEL]

I'm a bit confused by the OP however I think the key here is from Hanify and Des. If you're not the same blood group that is a major stumbling block, and not all units do ABO incompatable transplants anyway. Des's suggestion to have them go to the co-ordinator is totally appropriate IMHO. Take it out of your hands and let the professionals handle this person.

The other main issue for me is actually irrelevant to the blood group and all that - and that is that YOU are uncomfortable with this person - for whatever reasons. That would be enough for me to not proceed with the donation.

The whole idea is that all parties involved are 100% comfortable with the process and procedure. Clearly you are not.

At any rate if they insist on being tested because "you are a match" then just give them the co-ordinators details and tell them to take it up with them. When my brother and sister were tested I gave them the doc's details and really had nothing to do with it apart from them telling me what was happening. That is appropriate I feel.

[girliekick]

I sent an email to the potential donor, and told her that I would be more comfortable getting to know eachother slowly and through email only. I told my self months before getting on the transplant list that i would simply give the transplant number to who ever asked for it and try my best to leave it at that. I am now a lil more at peace with the whole process. If some one wants to donate their kidney, thats is there decision. If I want to accept, that is mine.

live and learn
girl

[kimcanada]

What I do is this:   First someone offers to get tested, I am never sure if it is an off the cuff offer or a serious, so I first tell them in an e-mail that I have high antibodies, but there is 2 ways to donate... paired donation and , then also straight to me.

Then I have on my websire all of the coordinators info , phone # and name for them to call.

I try to stay out of it, its to hard on me when it doesn't work out.  This system works for me.... one step removed