Life after being caregiver

[pamster42000]

In loving memory of IHD members  and family members who have passed away this year:

YouTube-My First Christmas In Heaven Australian Country Music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ef2w6wY-1s4

[pamster42000]

I posted this Dec. 14 and nobody responded....is it that  depressing......I thought it was showing respect ....I thought of Sarah when I first heard it

[boswife]

oh mom of Sarah, i will give my explanation through shaking hands..  Im in such a 'place' in life that i am afraid to venture to 'places' that will take me to a depth im afraid i cant handle.  I am moved deeply by music and then knowing your heart and loss, i feard i would be too sad.  I think thats wrong of me, but its like i cant take much these days so i was afraid to listen.  What may help, at least me, would be that ifi know it's even a bit uplifting, and reasuring, crying is ok if it has a light at the end.  But if its just a sad missing or something, i just cant risk it. Ya know what dear "mom" im going to go listen now... I'll be back with you shortly...   

[boswife]

I cried,  I smiled, was warmed, and grateful to you for sharing this beautiful gift.  And yes, reasured..  It was beautiful and should be listened to by us all.  Again, thank you...  Merry Christmas Sarah, and Merry Christmas  Sarahs mom and family, and to all who have lost a dear one, I pray for comfort and Peace and a Merry Christmas..

[pamster42000]

Thank-you for responding.....I was deeply moved by the song and wanted to share it with others.

[dwcrawford]

Some of you people, pam and all, never cease to make to make me ashamed of the moments when I feel sorry for myself.

[fc2821]

A big  and for all the care givers. It is a hard "labor of love" to preform.

I posted this Dec. 14 and nobody responded....is it that  depressing......I thought it was showing respect ....I thought of Sarah when I first heard it

I am sorry I didn't coment, I just didn't know what to say. There are no words I can write that will make the loss of your daughter easier for you. I wish there were I would write them. All I can say is I know you are a great mother and a fine human being who loves Sarah so much you shared her with us here on IHD. Thank you. Rob

[pamster42000]

I am sorry if my posts make people feel sad or ashamed of their own feelings sometimes. That is not my intention at all.
 We traveled the road alot of you are on right now beginning at the diagnose of ESRD to our own personal loss of Sarah. I remember days when I felt sorry for my daughter having to go through the things she had to and yes for me. That is only human. I feel a kinship with you......I can make a statement and people on IHD know  .......family and friends don't seem to understand the trials that are endured with a chronic health issue.  There are the wonderful times when everything is going well and then you have the bad events when you have to take it one day at a time.

I feel privileged to share Sarah with you.....you are a wonderful group of people!!

Remember: Think Positive! 

[Mizar]

I don't know You and I didn't know Your Daugher, but Everytime, You Post and I look at Your Avatar, I know, that the Lovely Woman in it, is, " Sarah "  She will not be Forgotten. A Blessed and Wonderful Christmas to You and Your Family.

[glitter]

Dear Pamster,
   I am ashamed I didn't post- I too- was afraid to listen, I have cried so much this year, getting through Christmas this year is so sad, I just didn't want another sad moment.

However, you inspire me to keep on living, I know my Dear Husband would not want me to be sad at all...but I can't help it this year-its my first in without him. I keep coming here and posting because I need to, the last three years, ESRD was the most prominent thing in our lives.

I love reading about your Dear Girl Sara, she was so beautiful, her short life touched a lot of others, even after she passed, here today we enjoy hearing about her, and getting to know her. Thank you for that. Keep sharing,   

 love Julie

[petey]

Pam -- beautiful song!!!

It helped me a lot, as my husband's family is struggling this year.  He lost two brothers since last Christmas (one in January, one in September -- both to cancer).  We are all a little weepy thinking about Buddy and Walt and how they were here last year but they're gone now.    Thank you for sharing!

[pamster42000]

The first Christmas after Sarah passed away was hard. I missed not having her quick wit and smile present. It felt empty in a way. This was the third Christmas without Sarah and I still wanted to cry because she wasn't with us. We were playing cards and all the sudden I thought of Sarah and wanted to cry.....but I didn't because I didn't want to freak the others out. We were losing at the time and didn't want my family to think I was a poor loser. 
My brother's daughter gave me a hug when they were leaving, which was unexpected by me. Just made me feel better.

Even today I thought of Sarah at work and I did cry for a little bit, but there is the times when I think of Sarah and smile so I figure time does eventually heal all wounds.

[cariad]

We were losing at the time and didn't want my family to think I was a poor loser. 

Pam, I love how you slip humor into your moving posts about Sarah. Glad to hear that Sarah still gives you those smiles, too.

The song was lovely and very appropriate and respectful. Thank you for sharing it. 

[paris]

Your posts are always like poetry.  So very moving and real.  Your thoughts help each of us face tomorrow because you have gone through one of the worst things in life and you still keep putting one foot in front of another and living a good life to honor Sarah.   

[okarol]

I could cry just thinking about you losing Sarah. I appreciate you sharing her with us. She'll never be forgotten.

[pamster42000]

I am thinking I am out of the loop because I haven't been involved in the dialysis or transplant area for a couple of years now. The medical field is always changing and my info that I know is out of date. Still I know how it feels to be a caregiver, all the emotions involved so I will still continue to be a part of this wonderful support group in any manner that I can.

[okarol]

Still I know how it feels to be a caregiver, all the emotions involved so I will still continue to be a part of this wonderful support group in any manner that I can.

That's what is helpful, to have another person who understands.

[glitter]

I am kinda out of the loop too- but I have much love for this place- and its nice to be in the company of the only other people who get what I went through as a caregiver. I feel like I have an ongoing relationship with all kidneys now, I learned so much here. Dont you feel like coming here is honoring her memory amoung people who want to hear about her? Your daughter was a beautiful person, and so are you, and your needed here- just because. 

[pamster42000]

There is life after being a caregiver....It will be three years Oct 1st that Sarah passed away. I still have alot of dreams with her in them...usually relating to when she was a young child. I say daily to her that I love her.
I think being my other daughter, Savannah gave birth to a son a month after Sarah died helped the feeling of loss, he didn't replace Sarah, he just helped ease the pain some.

Beings I was involved through the progression of Sarah's disease it helps me at my job at a nursing home. I know what the family is going through and it helps me relate to them better. When I take a resident to a Dr. appt. I know the questions to ask and that makes the resident feel more comfortable. Also when a resident's family member passes away I can relate to how they are feeling. I have gotten compliments on how much family members think of my actions....all I can say is...Sarah has given me the courage and strenght to help others.