Donor Denied

[willowtreewren]

Sigh,
Third donor down. Just got the call from the transplant center that Carl's third donor has been denied. The first wasn't a match. The second withdrew after waiting 2 MONTHS!!!!! to hear from them and now this.

 

So.....

I guess I better get really serious about losing weight. Between that and not taking any allergy meds or ibuprofen, I'm hoping to raise my creatinine clearance enough to give a kidney to my husband.

But, in the meantime, I confess to feeling awfully down, today. I'll have to work extra hard at finding the positive.

I'll have to take inspiration from Wallyz. 

Aleta

[josie]

Keep hanging in there. Isn't it something how some days are just wonderful and full of hope and others you just want to crawl under the covers and hide from the world. But I guess thats just how life is. I feel so blessed to have someone by my side to help me and love me through all of it though, and I'll bet your husband does to. Keep the faith

[paris]

I am sorry Willowtreewren.  And I understand. Those calls are hard to receive.  My first donor rejection phone call , the family was out to dinner.  I wanted to sit and cry, but I just put on my "it is ok" face and went on.  But it kind of feels like you've been punched in the stomach.  After the sixth, we stopped testing and now are trying to improve my PRA.   It doesn't get any easier.  Take time to feel sad.  But, I know you will move forward and there will be a kidney for your husband.   Maybe it will be yours   

[willowtreewren]

Thanks Josie and Paris,

but I just put on my "it is ok" face and went on

That's what I am doing. My students have just finished setting the tables for lunch and it is almost time for me to give one of them his insulin shot and sit down to eat with them. Got to be all smiles.....

And I did really come to feeling okay with the whole dialysis scene within the past month or two. But hope for a kidney springs eternal.

I WILL NOT drown my sorrow in food! Nope. Gotta look at the long picture....
No s     

Thank goodnes for IHD!!

Aleta

[okarol]

I am sorry - it's tough to take the news. The ups and downs can wear you out. We were fortunate that Jenna had many donors offer, but as each was disqualified it felt pretty hopeless. The 10th person was a match and after 3 years on dialysis she had her hero! Hang in there!

[kimcanada]

I am so sorry to hear your news, rejection calls suck, I will be thinking about you and your family 

[rose1999]

 

[Wallyz]

Prayers.

[paul.karen]

Sorry to hear this news.

I have yet to be offerd a kidney.  But i am learning not to get to excited when one comes available.  That is if i make it on the list...
So many people wait so long, it is hard to watch let alone live through it.

[MandaMe1986]

I am so sorry Aleta.  I know there isn't a whole lot people can say to make it any better. But we are here for you.  You need a really long bath and a good book.  Always helps me feel a little better.   

[willowtreewren]

Thanks, everyone.

It turns out that it was the psychologist who nixed her. The nurses told her what the problem was and it turned out that the psychologist pulled her records from 20 years ago when she was going through a tough period. She is VERY determined and has already contacted the transplant team to arrange another evaluation. But I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. 

Aleta

[G-Ma]

Sorry Aleta for you and your husband.  I know it's difficult to go through the ups and downs and sometimes it feels like you have to crawl up a mountain again.  My husband used to say, just look at it as just another rock on a road you have to go around and if you think of it that way it will never become a boulder..unfortunately he's not around to be my rock mover anymore but he was right in what he said.

 

[petey]

Aleta,
My heart is heavy for you tonight.  Marvin and I know exactly how you and Carl feel right now, and it's tough.  Marvin's had 8 potential living donors turned down and 9 calls from the cadaveric list that didn't turn into a kidney for him.  You'd think that after so many "maybe" chances that it would get easier with each passing one that doesn't work out.  But it doesn't; it gets harder.   I know as your IHD friend that I should be trying to cheer you up, but instead I just want to cry with you -- and for you.  So...let me share Marvin's words with you.

Here's what Marvin said...
"Apparently, we are exactly where God wants us to be right now in our lives.  This must be our fate, and fair or not fair, it's ours.  There is a reason why (or why not), and we may never know what that reason is.  It could be worse.  This is the hand we were dealt, and we will not be remembered for the hand -- but rather how we played it.  Tomorrow's another day, even with a dialysis treatment in it.  It is, thank God Almighty, another day.  And Life goes on.  There will be another call and another donor  -- if not tomorrow, then maybe the day after that or the day after that or the day after that.  We just have to wait it out and be ready for it when it comes."

"The hope for a kidney springs eternal," you said.   Oh, how true!

...and we still have hope for Marvin, too.  That's what keeps me going.  Cling to the hope for Carl that another donor will come forward and will be accepted or that a call will come from the "list" that is THE ONE.  Cling to each other.

[willowtreewren]

All my IHD friends,
Thank you, thank you for your words of wisdom and support. G-ma, I'm so sorry that you no longer have your rock mover. Petey, it is hard to imagine that many hopes that did not come to fruition.

As hard as it is to live through the ups and downs of "the list" my heart is heavy for all the trials that others on this list have had to bear. It is surely true, that no matter how bad things are for us, there are others in far worse situations.

Our donor came to dinner last night and truly bared her soul about what life has been like for her. This fine, capable, caring woman has lived through the kind of hell that most of us could not even begin to imagine. She is really frustrated that the the unfair hardships that she lived through so many years ago are still affecting her life. The psychologist did not think that anyone who experienced the kind of things that she did would not come out of it completely scared and psychologically damaged. And yet, she is one of the sanest individuals I know, and one of the most empathetic. Instead of letting a devastating past consume her present life, she has turned to helping others. We are so blessed to have her among our circle of friends.

She did get a voice mail from the head of the transplant unit that he is willing to re-examine her status. We will just have to be patient.

Petey, I think our reason for this is exactly that we had the opportunity to have our donor share her life with us. It has brought us closer. It allowed her to learn that she has a wellspring of care that she can draw on in us, just as we value her friendship.

Life is certainly complex. That is what makes it so interesting.

Aleta