I just want to cry

[Shihtzulover]

My husband was diagnosed with interstitial nephritus in 1985.  I kept him on a pretty strict diet for years.  He had a heart attack in 2003, the doctors said it was related to the kidney disease.  On his birthday in February of 2008, he started dialysis.

I have handled things pretty well until this past November when his access became infected and he ended up in the hospital with blood poisoning in critical condition.  He is now on 24 hour a day IV drip because the infection was so bad that it invaded the spinal column and his heart.  Now I am having a really hard time coping.

I, myself, suffer from severe clinical depression.  I wish there was a live chat group or some kind of support group for spouses.  This whole thing has really gotten me down.  All I want to do is cry, eat and sleep.  I try so hard to be "up" for my husband, but I don't know how much longer I can go on.

[mikey07840]

I am sorry that you are dealing with all of this. One thing that is helpful for my depression is medication from my doctor. Talk with your doctor to see if something could be prescribed that could help with your depression. I hope you feel better soon. 

[okarol]

My husband and daughter both struggled with medical issues. It takes a toll on your spirit. I hope you share often, many of us here are good listeners. It must be so difficult for you now. Here's a hug  - take care. Please let us know how you are doing.

[2_DallasCowboys]

Hi,

I also suffered from  severe depression when Les (hubby)
got sick.  2006 was a very horrible year for us from beginning
to end.
I also feel you should have a talk with your Dr, you are going
thru a very bad time right now and may need to take something
to help.  Please don't take this the wrong way, but at times
we can be so overwhelmed we need something just to be able
to cope.
Don't know if you saw my answer to you in the intro section-
I think we have alot in common.
Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk

Anne

[willieandwinnie]

Oh Shihtzulover, I know exactly what you are saying. Please take care and keep us posted. 

[monrein]

 

[pelagia]

I think lots of caregivers here will understand where you are coming from.  I echo the opinion that you should consider talking with your doctor about depression.  There are meds that can help.  Counseling is also helpful for some people. 

[Sunny]

Caregivers are very special people. It's hard to stay strong enough all the time for the both of you. It's not unusual to feel depressed and overwhelmed. Talk to your doctor about this so maybe they can offer a helping hand. We are here for you too, but sometimes you need people face to face going through things like you are going through so you don't feel so alone.
I hope your doctor or hospital, or nephrology unit can refer you to a caregiver support group.

[rookiegirl]

I'm so sorry for your heartache and pain.  I just want you to know that you are not alone and I empathize how you feel.  I pray that you will find some comfort and relaxation really soon.  Please know that we are thinking of you and your family.

Take care 

[lola]

 

[David13]

We are all here for you.  Please keep posting and letting us know how you are feeling and what is going on with you and your husband.

The members of this site have experience with just about any subject and are always willing to offer helpful advice.

A visit to the doctor is a good place to start in terms of coping with your depression.  He or she can offer treatment options (medications, counseling, etc.) and may be able to point you in the direction of a good face-to-face support group in your area.  

 

[peleroja]

Please know that you have friends among us already.  Many of us have done what you're going through.  Please come back and post as often as you need.  Take good care of yourself.  Those suggestions about seeking meds and/or talking with your doctor are right on.  In the meantime, I'm sending you lots of warm fuzzies and tons of hugs. 

[del]

 

[paris]

It helps a little to know you are never alone.  When you want to cry, come here and talk to us.  The support the members will give you will help get you through the dark days.  Please tell you doctor how you are feeling.  I never thought I would take any thing for depression, but it has helped me so much.  Let us know how you are.  We are here for you   

[petey]

I know what you're feeling, s-lover!  As a caregiver myself, I have cried often and hard (though I try not to cry in front of my husband Marvin).  I always feel so helpless, but Marvin tells me I'm his biggest help just because I there.  But, I wish I could do something to make him better.  Hang in there.

[Sluff]

Hang in there Shihtzulover,

You are not alone. Have you tried our chat room yet? I know it doesn't get real busy there at times but other times there are at least 5 to 10 members in there. If you ever need to talk to someone you can see who is on-line when you are and PM them. No one here would ignore you intentionally. Then just ask if they would like to chat. I can not tell you that I know how you feel, however I can tell you that I understand how you feel. Take care friend and post all you want.   

[Yvonne]

I also know how you feel, how often I feel like walking out, this illness seems to make John so bad tempered. Or is it me being bad tempered.  Who needs the pills John or me or both.
I just wish I could turn the clock back about 3 years when everything in the garden was rosy  Yvonne the wife

[Ladyhawk]

My husband and mother-in-law are both  in end stage renal failure.  I also wish there was a live chat.  If you would like some one to talk to let me know I will send you my e-mail address. Try and stay strong I am sending you a big hug.

[twirl]

your dog looks like Buster Brown   
Buster Brown is Kimcanada's dog
it is hard for me to consider my husband and how he feels about all this
I get to wrapped up into how I feel
you are wonderful for being there for your husband
glad to know you

[2_DallasCowboys]

All of us on this site want you to
know we are here for you, so
please feel free to emial me also if
you need to talk.

Going thru this as a caregiver is very tough-
sometimes you need to talk to someone who
is going thru or been thru the same thing.

Please try and stay strong

Anne

[bwisern]

I so understand how you feel!  We have been on this road for so long.  There are days (and today is one of them) that I don't think I can live like this anymore.  He is always cranky, tired, irritable.  I am cranky because I have full responsibility of the family ( 3 kids aged 13-9), work, house, finances (oh don't get me started on that one).  Some days I feel like I could walk out and not look back.  We have had a difficult marriage to begin with and then add the dialysis and everything that comes with it on top.  I worry about the effect all of this has on the kids, worry that they don't have a strong male figure to model themselves after, worry I am not here enough because I have to work to support the family.  Antidepressants and therapy help.  I  have also decided that I need to take for myself- get back to exercising, and scheduling a girls night out with friends once a month- we meet for dinner and sit and talk.  I hope you have better days.  There are there, sometimes we have to look a littler harder for them.   

[rose1999]

Me too!  I had 7 years of my husband suffering from cancer, with the last 2 being awful - I was only 46 when he died and now I have my dad ill with kidney failure, heart failure, low platelets, an aneurysm, PAD......I won't go on.  I can never go anywhere, I have to be 'on call' all the time, I feel as if I have no life, BUT then I tell myself I am only 51, I can (God willing) have a life when all of this is over and I am still a lot better off than an awful lot of people - I have my health, a roof over my head and food in my stomach, I am not suffering the pain of the illnesses, just suffering the stress, emotion etc. and it will not go on for ever.

It is hard, I am the only one caring for my parents and I sometimes wonder how much longer I can go on, but the best way to cope, I find, is to try to take one day at a time, (I often sing the song 'One Day at a Time' in my head) and try not to worry too much about tomorrow (although that is hard). I try to have a laugh when I can and I try to give support to others who need love and prayers or just a shoulder to cry on. 

I hope it helps you to know you are not the only one who feels like this - resentment, anger, pain, grief, sadness, depression, helplessness, a sense of drowning in it all - they are all part of caring for those we love.  This place is a godsend for people like us and I am so grateful that it is open to caregivers and that no-one judges us for feeling like we sometimes do, we are surrounded by some of the most caring loving people I have known. I have found such support here that I don't know how I would have gone on without it. 

I'm sending you a big hug 

[Romona]

 

[jessup]

I have only just read this thread
Oh dear mate
Hang in there
How you are feeling is not unusual
I too feel that being a care giver is relentless and at times think WTF I need a break
As a member of your IHD family I can assure you we do care about you both
Don't forget what others have said about taking time for yourself
I now make an appt. once a week for a massage
Wow - it is just a little "treat" just for me

Take care mate
Lots of love and prayers coming your way
 
 

[The Wife]

I just wanted to pop in and send you a big hug and lots of love.