phew I think this brings it home for us all just how serious the fluid overload can be and they don't put us on restrictions for the fun of it!
It can be very tough to keep to those restrictions but I know I am doing my body and future life by enduring "pain" (as in not living the way I'd like) for the future "gain"
I am so sorry your father was not compliant and passed away. I guess though it is our own choice how we wish to live. I know another patient who seemingly does not follow the renal/dialysis diet and drinks a fair amount and every time I see him I think he's destined for a unhappy end.. but that's the way he wants to live (in some sort of denial it seems) and well he's got nobody to blame but himself. In the same vein your mother should not blame herself. While she could oversee what he was doing she really couldn't stop him, and he would have been informed of the likely consequences and seriousness of what he was doing time and time again by the staff, docs and you(family)... Maybe he got sick of being told and just wanted to enjoy *something* - who knows? I don't think your mother should shoulder the blame though. As adults we make life choices and decisions every day. He made choices in the way he lived.. your mother is not responsible for that.
I am sorry you all are going through this...