Would you change it?

[Falkenbach]

Also not to be all "look at the bright side of things" type of person (I'm not really a chippery type of person)

I can understand that, 'cause I'm not an overly bright-chirpy type myself, though I think I'm definitely happier these days than I have been in the past. But I still often wonder "why me?" - we are all but human, there'd be something wrong with us if we DIDN'T think this at least some of the time!

I spent too much time worrying about pleasing the world around me and no time taking care of myself. 

Oh my goodness, so did I! I can't tell you how much. When I decided to take care of myself - surprise, surprise, but some of those supposedly "good friends" melted away mighty quickly. It hurt badly for a long time, but eventually I accepted it. I don't need people like that.

[brenda]

I try not to think that I just got screwed George but always it's in the back of my mind. I try hard to be fairly positive, i am not always the most positive person in the world but I try to be for others more so than for myself. The world doesn't seem to revolve around me being personally happy anymore, it's more about the people around me being happy that counts. Right or wrong it doesn't matter. All I know is this is not what I had planned for my life. And what is selfish all about, wanting to be happy, wanting to be free to do the things you want, wanting to live pain free, wanting to see your children and grandchildren grow? I don't think any of us wanting our "before kidney failure" lives back is selfish at all. We just can't dwell on it. Yes our friends change, our relationships with loved ones and just the world in general seem to change with this disease but what can you or I do? I have learned to hold on tight to the people and things I have because I feel what is left is what is real. 

[Ken Shelmerdine]

Its threads like this where I feel humbled by the courage and sheer bravery of the people on IHD. The way you cope with some of the very worst aspects of this desease is truly amazing. One day I know that I will have to cope with all the kind of debilitating symptoms that many kidney failure patients have to live with because at the moment I am fairly symptom free and as they say 'I ain't seen nothin' yet' But when I do, I know there are  people here whose courage and support will inspire me to live through it in a positive way. Just wanted to say this.  

[MyssAnne]

Thank you Ken, for those kind words. I agree with the parents, who've talked about the impact dialysis had on their kids. My son is so much more aware of my situation, he lived with it, he was there when I had peritonitis for the first time, he was there when I tried manual AND the cycler, and he was there when I had to have the tube redone this past December. Kids remember that. It gives them more compassion for others, I think.

[Falkenbach]

I hadn't thought much about the impact on kids, as I don't have any, but this discussion does remind me of when my mother discovered she had type 1 (insulin-dependent) diabetes when she was a slim-built, 30 year old woman. She was quite unwell, and we didn't fully understand as we were quite young, but we certainly did learn how an illness can affect a person's whole lifestyle.