Would you change it?

[Falkenbach]

No problem, I appreciate that. I'm sorry my original wording was not ideal.

[kitkatz]

In my previous post I said I would change it in a heartbeat.  However I did not say why.

Dialysis sucks any way you look at it.  It make me tired all of the time and I have medical people in my life constantly monitoring me. I can't eat what I want. I can't drink what I want.  I can't travel without massive amounts of paper work changing hands.  Dialysis is just plain damned annoying!

So yes, I would change having ESRD as part of my life. You bet I would change it, in an instant!

[George Jung]

This chronic condition is ruining me, my health, my friends, my family, my careear, my outlook on life, my views of people.......you name it and this crap is ruining it.  There cannot be anything good to come out of this that I couldn't have had without it.  It's not about staying positive because I do and everything falls to pieces around me, it's about REALITY, the realities of living with a chronic condition.  "Ignorance is bliss."  AMEN.  I wish I didn't have some of the realizations that have been forced at me.  I was not a materialistic person to begin with and I knew what was important in life to me so what more did I really need to know to make it through this life happily.  Hell, I would give up this "learning experience" and take my old self and be an asshole and live happy as can be.  Am I happy now?  Has this condition brought me happiness?  p*ck NO!!!   

Has your condition given you a change of perspective about life in general (positive or negative), and if so, is there anything that you would change about that renewed outlook?

Yes.  It has absolutely changed my perspective.  Is there anything I would change about it?  Hell yes.  I would give it right back, I think it sucks!!!

[LightLizard]

i know what you're saying george. my life isn't what i would like it to be anymore, either. i doubt that anyone's is, who has to deal with our burden. but, what are the alternatives?
the best we can do is hope for an occasional 'good' day. a day when we actually have enough energy to get through the day without constantly being reminded of what we have lost.
there's too few of those to spoil them beforehand by choosing to curse and blame ....what?

there is no blame or person or cause to curse. stuff happens, and we deal with it well, or not.

again, i ask, what are the alternatives?

there's only one that i can think of and the only thing i know for sure is that i'm not ready for that, yet.

so, to make the best of a bad situation...what does one do?

[LightLizard]

there was a time in all of our lives, i'm almost sure, that we had some level of enthusiasm about life. about our possibilities, our potentials.
but now, no matter what we do or want to do, we are still in the same position.
if we could change it, we would. but how could we change it?
we can't. it is what it is.
and we are who we are.
or are we?

[Falkenbach]

This chronic condition is ruining me, my health, my friends, my family, my careear, my outlook on life, my views of people.......you name it and this crap is ruining it.  There cannot be anything good to come out of this that I couldn't have had without it.  It's not about staying positive because I do and everything falls to pieces around me, it's about REALITY, the realities of living with a chronic condition.  "Ignorance is bliss."  AMEN.  I wish I didn't have some of the realizations that have been forced at me.  I was not a materialistic person to begin with and I knew what was important in life to me so what more did I really need to know to make it through this life happily.  Hell, I would give up this "learning experience" and take my old self and be an asshole and live happy as can be.  Am I happy now?  Has this condition brought me happiness?  p*ck NO!!!   

Has your condition given you a change of perspective about life in general (positive or negative), and if so, is there anything that you would change about that renewed outlook?

Yes.  It has absolutely changed my perspective.  Is there anything I would change about it?  Hell yes.  I would give it right back, I think it sucks!!!

Well all of this is quite valid, and an answer I would have found (and do find) perfectly acceptable.

[karen547]

Being sick basically my entire life, what with having Spina Bifida and then being hit with ESRD , I would say yes and no to changing it.  I think that I AM a  much stronger person because of the adversity in my life, but on the other hand, I feel cheated out of a life of being healthy and not worrying about meds, etc.

[angela515]

I would definately change it. It's a horrible thing to go through... and especially at such a young age... 

[Falkenbach]

I posted this thread before I'd had my transplant. Obviously the transplant was no fun, and this last week I spent in hospital with a virus was no fun either, frightened the hell out of me. Some of the problems I'm having with the medications are certainly no fun.

But at this stage, I still appreciate the outlook this whole experience has given me. I also feel cheated, being in my early 30's and frankly, right now I can't do anything more than walk, and even then not far (no exercise or anything fun for me). But boy, have I learned how to NOT sweat the little stuff, the silly and petty things that some people let their lives be controlled by! I am really glad for that.

So, I think I still stand by my original feeling. Though once again, I certainly understand why people would say otherwise.

[Redbomb]

Would I change my condition if I could?  I know I'm just starting out on this road and I'll probably have a lot of ruts and pitfalls ahead of me, but I don't think that I would change my condition.

When I was first told I had Kidney Failure, my first thought was why me, and then in about the next breath it was, "O.K. Lord, I don't know why I have this, but YOU do.  I don't know what is in my future, but YOU do.  I don't know what's going to happen next, but YOU do."

I still don't know for sure exactly why I have Kidney failure, but I do know that God is in control of my life and that through HIS help and my Faith, I will get through this!

[Romona]

This was such an interesting topic to read. I was fortunate enough to get a transplant and be spared dialysis. I respect people on dialysis, they are so inspiring. I have learned so many valuable lessons the last few years.

I don't hold doctors in high reguards like I used to. They don't always know what they are doing. I have had some good ones and some that almost killed me.

And like others here, I don't sweat the small stuff.

My mother always says "everything happens for a reason". Now I am trying to figure out what the reason is. 

[Falkenbach]

My husband is also a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason". I'm not so sure, but the way I figure it - whatever does happen, happens. We must find a way to handle the cards that are dealt to us. This is often easier said than done.

I, too, was very fortunate that I was able to have a transplant without needing dialysis first.

[goofynina]

My mother always says "everything happens for a reason". Now I am trying to figure out what the reason is. 

You know we will never find out the reasons why things happen to us but in the long run, they are usually all somehow Blessings in disguise in one way or another 

[angela515]

It's kind of hard to not want to change things if you could when you get sick at age 12 and almost die 3 times and have no life after age 12 for many years again... and mine wasn't even from ESRD, it was Lupus at age 12. ESRD came at 16... I will never change things obviously and I have learned a great deal, and am thankful for at least learning from the process... and I can teach the things I learned to my children.... so that's a good thing.

[Redbomb]

I totally understand where you are coming from and in no way did I mean to even remotely imply that what I had worked out for me was something that would automatically work for someone else! 

If anyone took it this way, please realize that the only message i was trying to get out there was a personal one about the thought processes that are going through my mind daily. 

If anyone thought I was dissing them, i wasn't and I'm begging  you to forgive me.  (I think this might be more effective it if was Puss-In-Boots peering over the top if his wide brimbed hat with those BIG BIG beautiful cat-eyes) 

[Ken Shelmerdine]

Yes I would definately change it but I can't say it with as much conviction as other people on this site. Although I have PKD I am not as yet symptomatic except for restless legs. I know that sometime in the future I will be and I hope and pray it holds off as long as possible but I'm amazed at how I have been able to continue life almost as normal. I do PD on a Baxter cycler and I'm dry during the day so other than setting up the machine and dismantling the equipement next morning, changing my dressing and checking my stock, life has continued as normal.

[stauffenberg]

What this thread proves is that patients who have had a transplant without suffering through dialysis first, or who have not yet had to go on dialysis, simply cannot comprehend the horrors people go through on dialysis, since otherwise they could not even pose the question of this thread.

No doubt I learned things and in some ways matured from renal failure, but the total value of that learning and maturation was less than 1% of the loss of value I experienced in my life from the disease.  It is also possible that I could have learned the same lessons in some other, totally painless way.  Also worth considering is the fact that the damage to the patient's understanding of life, personality, and maturity that can come from severe illness, which may more than outweigh any gains in these areas from the disease.

Even if you assume that God exists, it is extremely difficult to determine which human tragedies could be consistent with his 'higher purposes' or not, since he has to be assumed to be an entity more weird than our wildest nightmares, given the horrors he imposes on innocent children by the tens of thousands every day.  Just consider what his purposes might be in the case of infants born with Hutchinson-Gilford's Disease, which causes them to age very rapidly, so that by the time they are teenagers they have cataracts, arthritis, two hearing aids, thick glasses, complete baldness, numerous diseases characteristic of 80-year-olds, and the appearance of a tiny plucked chicken, as it has been described.  On top of this, God gives them an extraordinarily rapidly developing intellect, so they can savor with exquisite torture the full horror of what they are experiencing, until they die of a heart attack, usually around age 20.  Can anyone tell me what the divine purpose of this is?

[angela515]

Well said stauffenberg...

[paddbear0000]

I would definitely change things--both my diabetes and kidney failure! I have struggled with severe depression for 24 years because of the diabetes and have been miserable. Now, not only am I unhappy, but uncomfortable due to the side affects of the kidney failure. And I hate seeing my husband so upset over this too. I wouldn't wish either of these 2 diseases on anyone and  would start my life over in an instant if I was free of them (but only if I could meet my husband again)!

[Falkenbach]

What this thread proves is that patients who have had a transplant without suffering through dialysis first, or who have not yet had to go on dialysis, simply cannot comprehend the horrors people go through on dialysis,

This is true re dialysis, but what you are not taking into consideration is that these patients (including myself) may well have been through many other conditions and horrors during their lives which you are unaware of, so it is not fair to say they cannot pose the question.

[stauffenberg]

I grant your point: but the other experiences would have had to be extraordinarily bad!  Generally, though, I think the knowledge and maturity acquired through misery is seldom worth the suffering and is often outweighed by the way the horrors of life can sometimes warp the personality and way of thinking, so that the sufferer may have been a better, more mature, more balanced and mature persono without it..

[Falkenbach]

Generally, though, I think the knowledge and maturity acquired through misery is seldom worth the suffering and is often outweighed by the way the horrors of life can sometimes warp the personality and way of thinking, so that the sufferer may have been a better, more mature, more balanced and mature persono without it..

Well, that's valid, and we all experience things differently too. It seems most people here agree with you, and therefore my hypothesis was proven incorrect, but that's okay, because a hypothesis is just that. I wasn't trying to tell anyone what they should think or feel. 

Certainly I accept that if I was in the same boat as say, Amanda, right now, I might well feel differently. I have also read Epoman's story and think that I would most definitely feel different if I'd been in his shoes.

[George Jung]

Cycobully, as you may know, there are no rights or wrongs.  Every person has a different set of circumstances and a different point of view, it doesn't make one person right and another one wrong, I mean we're not talking mathematics here.  I don't think your hypothesis was incorrect at all, it is defiantly not how I see it , but it's not incorrect either.  That is one of the great things about this site....the no-holds-bared discussions/debates, the sharing of thoughts and opinions.  I just want to say I appreciate yours (thoughts and opinions) and I hope you continue to post for a long time to come.

[Falkenbach]

Thanks George. You are right, we do all have a different point of view. As long as we can share them with each other in a civil way (which I think we are doing quite well) then that's what is important, imo. I don't want anyone to feel personally insulted, and I don't want to feel personally insulted myself, so I just hope that is not the case for anyone.

 

[George Jung]