I Hate Dialysis Message Board

Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Spouses and Caregivers => Topic started by: Darthvadar on July 05, 2014, 11:23:02 AM

Title: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 05, 2014, 11:23:02 AM
Hi All... My darling mum is fading fast... Not eating or drinking... Sleeping most of the time... Not even very coherent when awake, and I couldn't say she's really awake... She's also a very greyish colour... I think they plan not to give IV antibiotics when the next infection strikes... She's also very dehydrated... They couldn't find a vein to put her on IV fluids, so they're giving her sub-cutaneous fluids through a small needle under the skin of her abdomen, just to keep her comfortable... Nurse told me to come home and get a few hours rest... Please pray for us... Lord, please guide me...

I'm doing something that I hoped never to do... I'm packing a bag for the funeral director... Trying to decide what I'd like her to wear,... Bright colours, anyway... Going to ask people who are attending to wear something bright too... Mum was NEVER what you could call 'dull'....

This caring lark's an emotional mountain to climb....

Love to all....

Darth...
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: SooMK on July 05, 2014, 12:00:09 PM
Oh Darth. My heart is with you. May you find comfort in your faith.
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 05, 2014, 12:03:27 PM
Thank you, Soo...

Wish I had a strong faith....

Love... Darth....
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Jean on July 05, 2014, 01:18:45 PM
So sorry to hear this Darthie, we have all known this day was coming, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept it. Keep you chin up old girl.
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 05, 2014, 01:25:13 PM
Thanks Jean....

Feeling the strain!... Please pray for Mum...

Love...

Darth...
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: cariad on July 05, 2014, 02:12:00 PM
I am so sad for you right now, Darth. Having read about your mother and seen you two in an interview on television, I can only say that yours is such a beautiful relationship, overflowing with love, respect and admiration for one another - and one could never forget the wicked humour that you both clearly share. I don't know how you say goodbye to her, but I am hoping for strength, wisdom and peace for you through this heartbreaking time.
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: aharris2 on July 05, 2014, 03:07:59 PM
Darth.

You are and have been a wonderful daughter to your mother. I wish you strength in this hardest of times. Please find solace in all that you did for your mom. If this is your mother's time I hope she passes gently.
:cuddle;
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: MooseMom on July 05, 2014, 03:12:38 PM
Ah, Darth.  I am so sorry to hear this.  :cuddle;  I wish you both peace and comfort during this most difficult of times. 
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: willowtreewren on July 05, 2014, 03:36:02 PM
I understand very well what you are going through.  :cuddle;

I haven't seen my dad for a few days, but have heard that he was quite incoherent at times while I was gone.

You are so right: this ride is a rough one, but it does come to an end. I'll be thinking of you. My dad is not quite as far along as your mum, but my time is coming soon.

Sending lots of love.

Aleta
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: PrimeTimer on July 05, 2014, 07:20:48 PM
My thoughts and prayers are with you both -mainly with YOU, Darth. Please allow me to explain...I recently lost my Mother and know what pain and sorrow feels like. No doubt you are about to go through some of the same. Your mother? Well, she's about to have what sounds like a long awaited and deserving rest. But YOU are about to go through a lot of work just to get through grief. You will miss her but, she will be there in special places for you. You will have to look for those special places. Some days will be easier than others. I hope you will have or can make the time to let yourself grieve (something I wasn't afforded), whether that be by surrounding yourself with friends and family or some time alone. The ihd site seems to be a nice warm place to turn to. 
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Joe on July 05, 2014, 08:09:11 PM
Our thoughts and prayers for all that is needed are with you Darth.
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: okarol on July 05, 2014, 11:13:00 PM
BIG HUGS from me to you Darth - wish I was closer. Take care and lots of love to Mum.  :'(
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 05, 2014, 11:38:17 PM
Thanks Folks....

Just spoke to the nurse looking after her... She's asleep, and seems to be pain free... Best we can ask for right now.....

Appreciate your support...

I'll text Kitz if there's any major change....

Darth...
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: cassandra on July 05, 2014, 11:55:56 PM
All my love to you Darth. I agree with Primetimer. When my dad died he found his rest. And in a way that was, and is a huge comfort.

Lots of love, and strength, Cas
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: lainiepop on July 06, 2014, 12:47:22 AM
So sorry to read this Darth. Thoughts and prayers are with you xxx
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 06, 2014, 12:48:16 AM
Thanks Everyone....

Yes, at this stage I think the very best I can ask for is for my darling mum to have what we Irish call 'a good death'...

So much for me stressing about her going into a nursing home, and rushing around trying to find the 'right' one... Really don't think that'll happen now... And if I'm honest, I'd rather it that way... She knows all of the staff on Osborne Ward, they've been treating her for seven years... She feels safe in their care....

Please pray for us... For a gentle exit from this life for Mum, and acceptance for me....

Thank you all....

Darth....
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 06, 2014, 05:30:23 AM
Lazerus may have done it... Again!.... Nurses said she wasn't interested in food, or liquid at Breakfast time... Didn't even have a cup of tea...

I went into her expecting her to be asleep... Wide awake!... Had a little chat... Then lunch arrived... Roast pork, cabbage, swede and mashed potato... She looked at it, and said 'Oooh, cabbage... Think I'll have some of that!'... Then asked where the butter was for the potato???... When I went off to get some butter from the kitchen, she drank half a glass of milk!...

When I left her to here meal, she issued me with my instructions... A bottle of Pepsi, and some bullseyes sweets!!!... I'm going to bring a flask of ice, too... She may drink more if the drinks are cool... Oh Lord... This roller-coaster's got me shattered!... Thanks for all the support, and the lovely thoughts... Please keep it coming!...

Love...

Darth...
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Bambino_Bear on July 06, 2014, 07:53:15 AM
 :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :grouphug;
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Jean on July 06, 2014, 10:56:27 AM
Way to go Elsie!!!!!!!!   :bandance;
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: okarol on July 06, 2014, 02:17:00 PM
 :flower; Thinking of you both.
Your post made me smile Darth.  :waving;
Please give Elsie a hug from Jenna and I!
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: nursey66 on July 06, 2014, 08:51:58 PM
So sorry to hear this , and happy there are some good changes , too. Good to know she isn't in pain.
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: galvo on July 06, 2014, 11:50:22 PM
May she go peacefully when the time comes and may you find the strength to soldier on!
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Poppylicious on July 08, 2014, 10:35:58 AM
Oh Darthie, sending oodles of *huggles* for both of you ...
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 08, 2014, 12:14:03 PM
Well, Mum a bit more alert this evening...

Slept most of the day, but had an egg and onion sandwich, and a cup of tea.... She fancied some Pepsi, so I brought a flask of ice in with me, filled a Thermos mug with it, topped it up with Pepsi, and she drank most of it... Amazing how much easier it is to drink a cool Pepsi!... Ice machine on the ward hasn't worked for months...

Anyway, I can only plod on until the next crisis strikes!...

Humour hasn't gone, though, although any little bit of tact certainly has... One female doctor hasn't got the nicest legs in the world... Mum said today, loudly 'Doctor Stumpy Legs was here today!'... The other patients howled with laughter!.... I didn't know where to put myself!...Thank God ' Dr Stumpy Legs' wasn't there!!!...

Love to all...

Darth...
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: MooseMom on July 08, 2014, 01:51:00 PM
Thank you so much for the update!  I'm glad she is doing a bit better.
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: willowtreewren on July 08, 2014, 05:15:40 PM
This certainly is a roller coaster ride!
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: okarol on July 08, 2014, 10:55:28 PM

Humour hasn't gone, though, although any little bit of tact certainly has... One female doctor hasn't got the nicest legs in the world... Mum said today, loudly 'Doctor Stumpy Legs was here today!'... The other patients howled with laughter!.... I didn't know where to put myself!...Thank God ' Dr Stumpy Legs' wasn't there!!!...


Bahahahaha!!! That's funny!!  :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: MaryJoe on July 08, 2014, 11:38:15 PM
 :2thumbsup;  I Love Elsie's sense of humor! It's good to hear she seems to be rallying.  I think she's letting everyone know she'll move on when she's ready, and not a minute sooner! i know this is a very hard time for you, emotionally and physically. I hope you listen to the nurses and take care of yourself as much as possible. Remember to eat and rest when you need to. Praying for strength and peace of mind for you both. I'm glad Elsie is with people she knows and trusts, let that ease your mind. You are a wonderful, loving daughter, always looking for ways to make your mum feel more comfortable and I'm sure Elsie recognizes the love that goes into everything you do for her. Hang in there Darth, keep us posted as you can.

 :cuddle;   :cuddle; to both of you! 
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 09, 2014, 05:45:45 AM
Thanks everyone....

They've stopped waking her now... They realise that when she's woken, she's never 'with it' and is inclined to be very confused... So the strategy is now to let her wake when she's good and ready (Was 10.30 this morning)... They got her a cup of tea, and some toast which she ate and drank... They then washed her, changed her, put a fresh nightie on her, tucked her up again, and she went back to sleep... I think this is how it will be now...

I'll bring her in some more ice for the Pepsi this afternoon... She told me yesterday that she'd like a banana and some jelly beans... She LOVES her jelly beans... Whether she'll eat many, I don't know, but hey, she'll have them there if she fancies them...

And God help the poor doc, I hope she never walks in on Mum when she's been spoken of...  Dr Stumpy Legs has been abbreviated to 'Stumps'!!!... Oh dear Lord... She certainly doesn't have much of a future in the Diplomatic Corp... LOL!....

Love to all....

Darth...



Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Zach on July 09, 2014, 05:47:14 AM
You have my love.
 :cuddle;
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 09, 2014, 05:52:30 AM
Thanks Zach....

Much appreciated!....

Darth....

P.S... Tried your chili recipe a few weeks ago... VERY tasty!... Thanks!...
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Rerun on July 09, 2014, 10:15:36 PM
Hi Darth. Blessings to you.

                  :flower;
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 10, 2014, 12:49:08 AM
Hi Darth. Blessings to you.

                  :flower;

Thanks Rerun.... Appreciate that....

Darth...
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: willowtreewren on July 10, 2014, 05:29:27 AM
I'm thinking of you every day as I journey this road with my dad. ..

 :cuddle;

Aleta
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 10, 2014, 10:09:49 AM
Thanks Aleta...

I'm metaphorically holding your hand, too... This journey's SO hard!....

Love to all...

Darth...
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 12, 2014, 01:29:01 PM
Hi All... Bad news, re: Mum...

She's in what a nurse referred to as 'a pre-death' phase... Clammy skin, great confusion, shallow breathing...

The doc has told me to come home, try to get some sleep, pack a bag, and clear my diary... I'm SO sad right now, but if I'm honest, for her sake I'd like her to go...

Lord, please guide me.. Please pray for her, Friends...

Love...

Darth...
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: MooseMom on July 12, 2014, 03:24:00 PM
This is such a difficult thing for you to go through, and I feel badly for you.  I hope your mum feels no pain.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

It is time for your mum to rest peacefully now.  :grouphug;
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: cassandra on July 12, 2014, 03:47:12 PM
We're all thinking of you Darth

        :grouphug;      :grouphug;



Lots of love, Cas
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: willowtreewren on July 12, 2014, 06:09:39 PM
Sending love, love, love.....

 :grouphug;
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: boswife on July 12, 2014, 09:04:52 PM
Sending prayers of strength for you Darth..... And much love... I know, its hard, your faith will carry you... God bless you both at this time, and gift you with a peaceful passing... hugs....
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Darthvadar on July 13, 2014, 12:02:38 AM
Thanks Folks....

No, she doesn't seem to have pain, thank God, and the Palliative Care Team are very good....

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers... Really appreciate it....

Darth...
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Sue on July 13, 2014, 01:12:43 AM
Keeping you and your mum in my prayers Darth.  I pray that mum will pass peacefully and that you are comforted by the wonderful memories of times you shared. This is such a difficult time,  God bless you and give you strength.
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Poppylicious on July 13, 2014, 08:23:16 AM
Thinking of you, darth.

*huggles*
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: lainiepop on July 13, 2014, 10:10:59 AM
 Will pray for u and your mum Darth. xxx
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Bambino_Bear on July 13, 2014, 02:15:42 PM
Thinking of you
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: Joe on July 13, 2014, 03:47:33 PM
Prayers to you for strength and all that is needed Darth.
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: galvo on July 13, 2014, 04:02:23 PM
Strength to you, Darth!
Title: Re: Mum is slipping away.....
Post by: talker on July 13, 2014, 04:54:11 PM
May I, with out offense, and from the Poems segment, offer:

   Oh, That Angel 

Weep mine eyes, a river flow,
for those, who stay, to pass, on another day.
Your loss is painful,
and yet I say, fear not, your day, will also arrive,
but not today.
Many, fear my arrival,
and yet I say, I, The Angel of Death,
am sent to get, those ready spirits, to accompany me,
their willing servant, their personal guide,
to hold your hand, and remove your fear,
for you, will never again,
need to shed a tear.
Your hand, I hold, as we enter the Light,
my spirit  delights, as you, behold the sight, of,
 the Father of all,
arms open,
to welcome you Home.