I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Off-Topic => Off-Topic: Talk about anything you want. => Topic started by: kitkatz on December 15, 2012, 10:15:09 PM
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"Veni, vidi, velcro- I came, I saw, I stuck around."
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:thumbup;
i dont know any clean jokes LOL
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A line I use when I'm starving hungry; I'm so hungry, I could bite the @rse out of a low flying duck!
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Very tasty, Mr Pink! Very tasty
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One I use with my students from time to time; "Simple things, simple minds."
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My grandmother used to say when we were kids that we'd run around like farts in a pickle jar...
Mom will ask me what I want for supper, and I'll say, "food."
In a conversation with my mom one day, I said, "what kind of an idiot do you take me for?" She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything I said, "don't answer that."
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Mike Stvik from All in the Family said- Thank God I am an atheist.
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The low flying sonic penguins came by and swept over your brain!
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"Play stupid games, win stupid prizes"
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My grandmother used to say when we were kids that we'd run around like farts in a pickle jar...
Mom will ask me what I want for supper, and I'll say, "food."
In a conversation with my mom one day, I said, "what kind of an idiot do you take me for?" She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything I said, "don't answer that."
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; farts in a pickle jar :clap; :2thumbsup; :rofl;
things grandmas say! i swear that would be a good show lol
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If you don't have anything nice to say, SIT by me!
That line is from Steel Magnolias.
:cheer:
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My gram didn't say "fart in a pickle jar" - it was "have a fart stuck crossways."
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Mom will ask me what I want for supper, and I'll say, "food."
When a form says "who to notify in case of emergency", I'll bet you write "A doctor".
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I did something really naughty...
I had to fill out a Consent Form to have surgery a couple of years ago... It asked the question, 'Sex?'... I wrote in reply 'Depends on who's offering'... There were hysterics in the Operating Theatre...
Can't take me anywhere!...
Darth....
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Best thing I've heard so far this year was the Polish idiom for "Not my problem."
It translates as "Not my circus; not my monkeys."
I soooo need that on a T-shirt.
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I did something really naughty...
I had to fill out a Consent Form to have surgery a couple of years ago... It asked the question, 'Sex?'... I wrote in reply 'Depends on who's offering'... There were hysterics in the Operating Theatre...
Can't take me anywhere!...
Darth....
Religion? Answer "Pastafarian" (google it). Tell them it means they have to serve you spaghetti on Wednesday.
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Mom will ask me what I want for supper, and I'll say, "food."
When a form says "who to notify in case of emergency", I'll bet you write "A doctor".
or 911
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His brother was an only child.
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"that's about as useful as boobs on a snake"
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"he's so dumb, he couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel."
**Disclaimer-before you continue reading..
This next one might be a tad offensive, but I find it funny..
My dad used to work in an auto parts store. One day, one of his regular customers came in, and he must have been having a bad day. When dad asked him how things were, his answer was, "my luck is so bad, if I fell into a bucket of tits I'd come out sucking my thumb."
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Years ago I was reading through application forms for a storeman's position at work . In answer to sex - some guy wrote " Yes , once in Dubbo " Dubbo is a country town here in New South Wales .
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I'll be your Huckleberry........... ;)
(off of some western... I think Doc Holiday)
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came across this :)
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I offer this one, said to a barrister by my niece's husband after he'd settled a compensation claim:
"I'm as happy as a tin full of worms on their way home from a fishing trip." !
That's happy :2thumbsup;
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My late grandmother very rarely came out with anything rude, but when she did, it was usually a classic....
If a man did something daft, she used to say "Oh well, you can't give a man two heads and expect him to think with the right one!"....
Ooooooh, catty!.... LOL!...
Darth....
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I remember when I was quite young, my grandmother burned some toast, and she said that it was as black as Toby's hole. I didn't understand what that meant until I was much, much older. If I mentioned it to her now, she'd probably deny she ever said it.