I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Off-Topic => Off-Topic: Talk about anything you want. => Topic started by: gothiclovemonkey on January 16, 2012, 07:42:32 PM
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Just forget it.
J
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:)
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I don't know where you'd get it, GCM, but here's a taste of what to expect:
"The story stars two pseudo-philosophers, who invite a couple of women (one of them sitting in a wheelchair) and a weird old guy to there(sic) house in the woods, where they wallow in a pool of sex, drugs and violence. The men in the house are full of contempt for life, and are truly lovers of death and sexual violence. One after another they sacrifice the other inhabitants to their pervasive needs.There are many scenes involving paraphilia, and bodily fluids." I just looked up 'paraphilia' and wish I hadn't!
The Muppet Movie it ain't!
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Um, now I wish I didn't read this right before I go to bed.... ewww..... :puke;
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Sweet dreams, Karen!
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Let Galvo's cute kitty pic cheer you up :)
Anyway.. back on to the topic at hand.
first of all GLM:
- amazon.de is in GERMANY. .de is deutchland, ie: Germany.
- you do not have to convert anything. If you did purchase with a credit card the transaction will be charged in euros, and your bank/CC company will convert to US$ (with a fee included, of course!). Either way you don't have to worry about that. of course if you don't have a CC you're SOL.
Have you considered looking for local (US) importers/distributoers of such.. material? It may be cheaper/easier for you. Of course the reason it may not be sold in the US is due to classification issues- if it really is that hard core, it may be illegal in some way (I don't know, I'm just thinking there may be a good reason it's not available in the US). Given the apparent nature of the material that wouldn't surprise me in some ways.
Does your bf also enjoy The Human Centipede??? :p
Ironically while trying to find any kind of US distributor (I found an Australian one, strangely enough) I seemed to find more ways to download it illegally...
I've read enough more about this movie to know I do not personally want to know more. I got to acts of animal creulty and I did not wish to know more. I respect people's rights to view and enjoy whatever they like as long as it doesn't harm others in any way, but this movie seems VERY extreme.
Anyway if you really want to get it for your bf, which seems like a very nice gesture I think clearly your best bet is via amazon.de - also bear in mind though that a DVD from Germany will probably be locked to the european region (Region 2 I think?) and may not play in a region 1 (US) player. Of course most people have hacked/region free players, but it is something to be wary of.
My only other personal comment on this, without trying to sound at all judgemental, is that I would personally be somewhat concerned about anyone that enjoys this kind of "art" as what it may say about their own psychology, values, etc.
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Gothic...... your boyfriend? Run, just run!
:Kit n Stik;
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Thank you all.
Yes, I know its very very extreme, disturbing, and weird. Its shock film, it is meant to be as disturbing as it legally can be. there is a suprisingly large fanbase for shock films.
RM i think the reason its not available here yet, its not in english at all. They had a veiwing in NY last year, at some B movie film festival. That is rather disturbing to me about animal cruelty, when u say this, do u mean actual animal cruelty or faked?
And Idk if he likes human centepeid lol i have to admit, even im curious about that bit of nasty! Not brave enough to watch it, but my mind is... "HOW??"
While I can appreciate, and agree to some extent that perhaps there may be something "wrong" with anyone who would want to see this, i can also understand why someone would. curiousity being number 1.
About the bf, proof that u need not worry- He got scared watching Insidious. which is rated PG13................ (where i was sitting there laughing hysterically when the creepy dude jumped out, go figure) His reasoning for wanting this is mostly for a colection of obscure B movies. And like i said, shock value is obviously supreme with this film.
Well, we all know *im* nuts anyway :p
Thank you all and i hope this post hasnt caused anyone to dislike me or something like that... :(
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GLM - my main worry is, since you are talking about moving in with him, do you really want this movie in the same home as your son? I would be worried about the chance of him coming across it, and what may happen as a result. That is not something you want to chance. If you do end up getting this movie for him, I urge you to please make him keep it in the trunk of his car. I personally still have a bit of an upset stomach after reading the description last night. Now I just scroll through it so I don't have to see it again. I have to admit, this whole thing is upsetting.
If I dated a man who wanted to own this movie, my libido would die a quick death. I don't think I could look at him.
Of course, I am someone who won't read or watch "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo". I really abhor rape scenes, especially graphic ones. Animal cruelty? Don't want *any* part of it. Only if the animals used are fake, and it's obvious they are fake. Otherwise - FORGET IT!!!!
KarenInWA
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:)
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but seriously, this is a review I read from someone who already watched the film. from what i gather, it's not something I would even want to watch.
I just finished watching this, I liked it alot. Don't get me wrong, the first two hours are dull and tedious, although there is some sick shit sprinkled here and there during this time. But, IMO the movie really delivers in the last 40mins. Any film that has a crazy naked german guy shart on a woman in anger and then scoop up the wet shit and wipe on her vag is alright by me. Plus, I have a soft spot for films with pregnant women getting beat, giving birth and then having some dude chop up the baby. This is by no means a good movie, but it satisfied my needs as far as what I look for in these types of films.
YIKES! :o
Thank you all and i hope this post hasnt caused anyone to dislike me or something like that... :(
I would never dislike you. :cuddle;
I can see where some folks may have concerns allowing someone in their life who is into stuff like that, but on the other hand there are many people who have fetishes and fantasies, that they never act upon. You know this guy and if you feel like he is a kind, decent, and safe person then okay. :)
xo,
R
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I had to laugh at the fact that Insidious scared him (really?!) but he likes to collect weird stuff ... will he actually watch it?
I had a look to see if it's on Amazon.co.uk, but it isn't. If you order it from Amazon.de will you get slapped on the wrist for importing it? I know you said it's been shown in NY, but that may have been edited; I think the German's can get away with a lot more than other countries when it comes to violence and sex in film (but don't quote me on that) and I wouldn't want you to get into trouble for importing something considered illegal in your part of the world (the fact that it isn't in English wouldn't be a factor in it not being available, I wouldn't have thought.)
As for the Human Centipede; that might be a little too tame for your bf!
Thank you all and i hope this post hasnt caused anyone to dislike me or something like that... :(
Awww. We all have our little quirks and foibles. If you'd said that he likes collecting these films and then re-enacting them I'd definitely be telling you to call the police and run away, but he seems pretty harmless. Plus, you're a good mum and I don't believe you'd put your son (or yourself) in any danger if you thought there was even the slightest possibility that your boyfriend's attraction to these was more sinister.
I would recommend that if (when) you and the little one do move in with him it's made quite clear that this collection stays locked away somewhere so it can't be stumbled upon by nosy little boys. But you know to make sure of that already ...
;D
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OMGGGGGGGGGGGG EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwww ok well i wasnt expecting it to be THAT shocking... disgusting.
I know your concens, especially after reading all that, and i can agree that i wouldnt want my son seeing it (much like hed have to hide his porn!! LOL)
Yes Insideous scared him, he told me how scary it was, then had me watch it, i just looked at him like... um? ok? Idk if hes seen it, wants to see it, or just wants it to say he has it... im asking though!!!
I am really about 98% sure that he is what he seems to be. I dont fear him, hes treated me with nothing but respect, he gets along great with my son. Yes, its a bit concerning that he likes this stuff, but, i must admit to having an odd curiousity myself (not with THIS particular type of stuff, but lets face it im a weirdo!!) I am fascinated with the human anatomy, and some say thats odd! I love scary moves, morbid macabre things too....
I definately dont want to see anything involving harming children or animals...or fecal matter :puke; thats why i dont watch the news!!
Heck, in reguards to my son, he censors him more than i do.... and i thought i censor him too much on most things except music...
i just messaged him and he said "i saw clips online, and its very disgusting, even for me, ew, but thats why i want it."
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GLM - All I can say is I would never want to set foot in a house that had that movie in it! Just knowing that it was there would make my stomach do flip flops the whole time. I certainly would never spend any of MY money on it, or even money on a blank CD to download it on to. It is just way beyond disgusting. I would talk to him more face to face to find out why exactly he wants to own something that is so so, wow, I can't even think of a word or a phrase that justifies how bad it really is. It would worry me to no end, I'll be honest. You always hear about the "nice guys" who turn out to be not so nice once you move in with them, marry them, etc. If I met someone who had an interest, passing or otherwise, in this type of movie, I'd find every way I could to get the HELL away as fast as I could!!! I know I am different from you. I don't have a tolerance for disgusting filth, which is what this movie is. I also don't have a tolerance for the fans of it, even if they're not die-hard fans. Just please, think about this before you go any further with it. The whole thing is disturbing beyond belief and it frankly makes me sick to think of it, and of you wasting precious time on it. You deserve better!!!!
KarenInWA
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the whole reason these shock films exist has alot to do with our society, unfortunately. I cant turn on the news, or the computer without seeing something completely disturbing, so it builds up a tollerence to things. The shock factor disappears. so someone comes up with something more shocking, and then that doesnt "do it" then someone tries to top that, so on and so forth.
I didnt even bat an eyelash when i heard a lady jumped of a bridge the other day... and thas sad. its happening so much its just not shocking anymore.
And lastly, i cant really judge anyone, I am a writer and artist, and some of my subject matter isnt exactly... nice. nothing to this disturbing extent, but... still...
my last book was pretty disturbing, after i wrote it, i read it and couldnt believe that i wrote it. (i only wrote when i was mad or upset...great motivator btw)
its one thing, imo, to watch or write about, its another to act on.
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I just looked up 'paraphilia' and wish I hadn't!
The Muppet Movie it ain't!
there are alot of things involving paraphilia... hell if im not mistake being attracted to "dirty talk" can be considered paraphilia LOL
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I'm really not trying to judge here but I am a little confused - you said he sgreed from the clips he saw it was disturbing/disgusting - even for him" but then "that's why I want it?" - I don't quite understand? Maybe I am just not in that mindset where something I find horrfic/offputting somehow has an appeal? I don't know. I suppose I am glad that he understands/agrees it is horrid stuff... and you really DO not want to go near this movie just on the animal cruelty (faked, I bloody well hope!) let alone any of the other violence, sexual and otherwise, depicted. I read some stuff and hugged my kitty so hard she had to wriggle away in fear I think!!
Anyway I think the notion that this film may not be available in the US because it's foreign is a fairly silly one (no offence intended). Just because it's in German doesn't mean anything. Heck, I saw "Run, Lola, Run!" when I was in texas, and that's in german (a great movie, btw) and let's not forget other stuff like Das Boot, and heck, Downfall (all German) not to mention millions of chinese Kung-Fu movies or Japanese anime, etc.
I think Popplicious may have a very good point in that ordering and importing the film, if it is somehow restricted in the US (I could not find any evidence of this via google though) customs authorities may well have a concern, but I am not certain on that sort of thing. And anyway, it is on youtube, or otherwise downloadable if anyone really wants it (not me).
I was thinking last night in relation to the general reaction to this movie, about "A Clockwork Orange" - now considered a Kubric classic film, but in 1971. It was given a "Condemmed" rating in the US and withdrawn from the UK for years due to the violence and stuff. It is now a cult classic and generally considered to be one of the landmark films of the 20th century. I am not suggesting this is anything close to the German film which I think is on a whole other level, but I have seen A Clockwork Orange. I have felt horrified during Alex's "rehibilitation" (the classic scene where Alex is desensitised to violence by subjectimg him to violent imagry, with his eyelids held open, whilst playing his favourite music (Beethoven). A quite disturbing film on a nmber of levels, but I've seen it and I'm still pretty nice and normal (well.... !! :) ).
As a general point only a small percentage, mercifuly very small, of those that watch such films might actually translate this material into real life actions. I am not even sure that banning such things would even stop that - if those people are that "broken" or their "needs"(to quote that reviewer from above) are that warped (as compared to accepted norms in our current society) then I doubt seeing stuff in a film is really going to change much for them except possibly let them know that others out there inhabit a similar universe of thought.
If I knew someone had such material it wouldn't stop me being in their home. I wouldn't want to watch it, and I might ask them about it as in the motivations etc, but as far as I am concerned each to their own. I have always been of the general view that as long as someone isn't trying to push their views/beliefs/etc on me(or anyone else) and whatever they are doing is legal and not hurting anyone else, then I figure it's their business. For me this kind of thinking applies to anything from policial views to religion to sex to which Star Trek Captain is better!! :rofl; Let's say someone's a good friend and they like, oh I don't know, something extreme... it's not going to bother me until they try to make me feel bad or worse or something for not sharing the same interests.
Well that's today's contribution from me and my soap box :)
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Rm, i think a way to explain this would be... he cant believe that someone could make something so vile as to actually disturb him. I can believe that, I personally have seen a lot of messed up things, in person, in real life. For a small example, i found my mother dead, she was in rigor, and i attempted to revive her... i was 12 at the time. Among other more disturbing things... Nothing I see or do will ever top some of the weird things ive been through and seen. It would be nearly impossible for me to get upset over small things. Most movies I find dull, and pointless. So, I do see the appeal, but at the same time, Im not a fan of some of the content.
I would not think it being from germany is the reason its not here. I think if anything its due to content, but even then i think since its a "B" movie it just hasnt come here YET.
A Clockwork Orange is one of my all time favorite books. The book is much better than the film. I read things that most people would find vile, so whats the difference when watching it? My imagination can be more vile than what film could ever show...
Anne Rice, who now writes religious pieces, once wrote under the moniker A.N. Roquelore, "Sleeping Beauty" and it is... well, it made me blush! They wouldnt be able to make that into a movie, based solely on the fact it would be illegal.
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Oh, Gothic. Don't really have anything to add to what's already been said, and I have not read all the responses just because I do not want to inadvertently gain any concrete idea of what this film entails. I just have a few comments:
I am really about 98% sure that he is what he seems to be.
98% is not 100%. I just cannot imagine saying this about someone and then giving him access to my child. I appreciate everyone saying they don't want to judge or whatever, but that's what I do almost every day and make zero apology for it. Creeps do not gain access to children by being horrible at the outset, certainly not by being anything but charming with the kids as well. If you (general you) own this film or express any interest in it you will not be in the presence of my boys and any argument that I am being unfair or judgmental will be laughed straight out of court, so to speak. I am a parent and I get to be as unfair and judgmental as I like when it comes to who will be a part of my life and the life of my children. Personally, without going into any details with them, I would use this as a lesson (important lesson) for the boys that there is no mandate that we have to be around people just because they want to be around us. If we are uncomfortable in any way, for any reason, we can act on that and really do not have to justify anything to anyone. Unlike Richard, I would have a tough time being in the house of someone who owned a snuff film, even if I were completely certain that it was all staged. I have not read the description because I do not want to, but if it is grossing out all the members, keep it far away from me.
I don't follow his explanation and I'm quite certain I never will, so I'll leave it at that. I trust that you will always act in the best interests of your child, so I believe that it will all turn out fine for you. Maybe he is a wonderful person, that's something I would never know because I would not stick around to find out.
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Rm, i think a way to explain this would be... he cant believe that someone could make something so vile as to actually disturb him. I can believe that, I personally have seen a lot of messed up things, in person, in real life. For a small example, i found my mother dead, she was in rigor, and i attempted to revive her... i was 12 at the time. Among other more disturbing things... Nothing I see or do will ever top some of the weird things ive been through and seen. It would be nearly impossible for me to get upset over small things.
What I'd like to add to this thread is simply a note of caution, from my point of view, about the loss of our human ability to be "shocked" or "disturbed" or "upset" by things real or imagined. I would consider it a tragedy, an enormous LOSS of something quite precious if nothing I could view or hear about had the power to disturb, upset or shock me.
We would not want to desensitize our abilities to see, hear, taste, touch or smell and therefore to take pride in a lack of ability to feel horror or pain and to experience discomfort seems very sad indeed. I too, as a child have personally witnessed and experienced horrible things in my life but rather than numbing me I feel that they have made me more sensitive to wanting no one to have to feel the awfulness of such things.
In my work with abused kids (let me be clear that I was never physically or sexually abused) I had to and could regularly listen to nasty and vile things but these never became routine for me and my work was to help these children attempt to recover sensitive and precious parts of themselves that were taken from them against their wills. Many felt numb indeed and some worked very hard to remain that way, perhaps to protect themselves from any future horror that life might toss their way. Some feigned indifference to vile things, some hurt themselves physically all the while professing to feel nothing, but those who managed to begin to heal, found themselves feeling angry or saddened about shocking things that had happened to them and to others and some even found ways to do their small (or large) part to stop further hurt or to comfort people who had been hurt. It is a powerful thing in the context of a group to see one traumatized kid challenge another kid's assertion that "it didn't matter and it doesn't bother me". Psychopaths and sadists can be impervious to "nastiness" real or imagined and so can the severely traumatized. I have also worked on the other side, with some adolescent sex offenders, the overwhelming majority of whom were themselves sexually offended against and their inability to "feel" (their own pain and then by extension the hurt of others) was a huge part of the problem.
Watching so-called shock films may plug in to any one or any number in a range of psychological processes but without fear of being called "judgmental" I think that the loss of any aspect of our human capacity to feel...whether sadness, anger, fear, shock, horror, revulsion...is tragic. Unfortunately, as humans, we will all at some point have to "cope" with some rough stuff but to seek to destroy or to numb our ability to be disturbed is yet more unfortunate. We need MORE empathy in our worlds, not LESS. We need to look to regain sensitivity lost not lose more of it.
One final point. Imagine if our doctors, who see horrible, ravaging illness and death all the time, sought to become ever more numb to what we feel and experience so that nothing would ever disturb them?
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Behind closeted doors people have hidden things most of us dont know about, i respect anyone who has the guts to say "This is what I am, take it or leave it." Why live your life in a damn closet. I do it every day of my life, i hate it, but if i didnt, everyone I want to have in my life, You fine people included, wouldnt want me. It is a sad but true fact.
If I said even 2 %of the things that came to my mind, id never have friends LOL
If I dressed the way I like, if i had all the body art, its sad! I was brought up "better" than that.................... ::) .......
come to think of it, offline, i have no friends.... and now i remembe why
Im really upset so im going to shut up before i say anything i might regret.
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:cuddle; GLM, no one really believes you are putting your son in danger. :cuddle; I think we all are just being protective of you because you are part of our online family. In protecting you, we also want to protect your son precisely because we know just how very much he means to you.
I don't think anyone ever reveals 100% of what they are thinking 100% of the time. Most of us have some part of us that is in a closet. Some of us have more of ourselves in a closet than others. Some people hide more of themselves because they want to appear more "acceptable", and some don't give a XXXX what other people think. Neither strategy is wholly right or wholly wrong; we each of us has to decide just how much we can hide and still be happy.
I confess to being curious, so I'll just ask. You can certainly ignore me if you like! How would you REALLY like to dress? What kind of body art would you REALLY like to have? What/who is stopping you? What do you think would happen, realistically, if you dressed as you pleased?
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Behind closeted doors people have hidden things most of us dont know about, i respect anyone who has the guts to say "This is what I am, take it or leave it." Why live your life in a damn closet. I do it every day of my life, i hate it, but if i didnt, everyone I want to have in my life, You fine people included, wouldnt want me.
Last question...
You were at the IHD meetup. Is what we saw of you the "real you"? Were you worried that upon meeting you, the rest of us might not have "accepted" you (whatever THAT means). How would you have presented yourself differently if you had wanted to show us "the real you"? What, if anything, did you hide?
:cuddle;
(My apologies for asking these questions in such a direct manner. I don't have the finesse of, say, monrein, but as you know, my son is on the autistic spectrum, and nuance and finesse are lost on him, so I'm afraid I tend to be less delicate than I might otherwise want to be. I've lost that particular skill!)
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Like ive said i LOVE the blunt honesty and stuff so thats fine :)
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I certainly wouldn't want to put you in a position where you feel forced to reveal something about yourself that you don't want to reveal, but I would be interested to know more about the pictures you posted. Does each of them reflect a different "side" of your personality, or are they merely fantastical photos? Does each of them have a specific meaning, or are you merely trying on new personas (or "personae")?
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I just wanted to add my :twocents; to this.
When this thread started, it was as a request for help on how to purchase a movie.
A member then took it upon him/herself to copy and paste a rather disturbing description of said movie. I read it and got sick to my stomach (though, thankfully, not to the point of losing my dinner)
Another member also took the liberties of copying and pasting a review of a very sick-minded person.
I feel that both of these posts would have been better served as PM's to gothiclovemonkey. There was NO reason to post that garbage in a public forum. Let glm know about it yes, most definitely. But NOT in a public forum setting.
That led to more responses that were a lot like mine, and for good reason. Those 2 posts are disturbing. This is a forum for people who are battling a complex health problem. There is no need to post things like that. Some of us battle disturbing symptoms on a daily or almost daily basis. We don't need to read things here that may exacerbate that. I feel that we need to use the PM feature a LOT more for things of a sensitive nature.
As a result of those 2 posts, and most of our reactions to them, glm feels targeted, and I can understand why. Now she feels defensive and hurt, and all she was doing, at the top of this thread, was asking for help in purchasing a movie.
Let this be a lesson to us all. If we discover something of a questionable nature that one of our members is inquiring about, or displaying, or ANYthing, please use the PM feature to communicate with them. It's a sign of respect to yourself, the member in question, and for all of us who read these threads on a normal basis.
Thank you,
KarenInWA
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I certainly wouldn't want to put you in a position where you feel forced to reveal something about yourself that you don't want to reveal, but I would be interested to know more about the pictures you posted. Does each of them reflect a different "side" of your personality, or are they merely fantastical photos? Does each of them have a specific meaning, or are you merely trying on new personas (or "personae")?
i guess u can say i am like a 20 sided di. when im alone i am not what everyone else sees. I dont label myself as one way or another... i feel like i am many different people all rolled into one messed up individual.
eh... You know what, MM, if you would like id be happy to talk to you personally, but i dont feel like if i posted on this that people would be very... accepting of it... so id rather take this private, i dont get a judgemental vibe from you.
Im not saying anyone here is, but i also know how our society treats people like me. id rather not see the hate.
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Dear GLM
I just want to say that I hope you continue in therapy and that "normal" isn't a word that means much to me. I prefer to think in terms of healthy and that too is relative depending on our experiences in life...as healthy as possible, all things considered, might be the most sensible goal. From things you've said in various places and contexts I have a teeny tiny idea of huge trauma(s) in your life and a lot of cutting does have to do with trying to feel less numb inside. I will tell you that sometimes the "scariest" people are the most scared on the inside and the seemingly timid can be extremely brave. I think what's really important though is to come to terms with our feelings, with ALL of them, which can sometimes be so overwhelming to us that we worry that no one will accept them. Therapy ought to be a place where safety (both emotional and physical) can be found and I hope that you can express yourself there. Bottled up thoughts are more dangerous sometimes than expressed ones no matter how weird or ugly they may seem to you or to others and deep dark closets aren't particularly "healthy" places to live in for any length of time. Of course we all have aspects of ourselves that are not on display at all times to all people and some things that are ours alone but this ought not be the major part of who we are. To be our authentic selves, our real selves and to be pleased and even proud of who we are is the goal worth working towards. We are capable always of doing and being better and ought to strive to modify aspects that aren't so hot. I do think that there is a huge difference between being non-judgmental and being open-minded. I can be open-minded to preferences that others may have for a wide variety of things, but the moment that a preference is imposed on someone else (child or adult) without their full understanding and consent then my mind closes and moves to a place of protection. There is nothing open-minded about indifference in many, many situations.
I don't know your boyfriend and this public forum is not the place to really get into his psyche but I would be curious (were I in your position) about his thought that nothing could ever disturb him and his desire to expose himself to as much ICK as is out there. A movie like Clockwork Orange, let's say, is disturbing and ought to be disturbing and to not be disturbed or made uncomfortable by it would indicate to me that something is damaged in some way. Perhaps he has experienced tough things too and this is his way of working things out. We humans are complicated indeed. This would be something perhaps for you to connect with him about...you know about your own areas of numbness, you could be curious about his.
I'm really sorry GLM that life has been so difficult for you in so many ways and my hope for you is that you can find and focus on things that can restore your faith in people, your love for yourself and simple joy and pleasure. You ought not to have been desensitized and traumatized by the events that you describe or allude to and I hope that you can somehow really know this and not feel so much pain. :cuddle;
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I wont deny my concern when i read what was posted about this movie, but i really do not think that hes a bad guy just for wanting to see it. I remeber about 10 years ago there was a show you could by off tv, about the same time that Girl Gone Wild crap came out, and its selling point was, "IF this movie doesnt offend you, you get ur money back" Does anyone else remember that????
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Monrein, that's a very good point, defining the difference between being "open-minded" and "non-judgmental".
KarenInWA, you have a good point, too; I admit to forgetting about the PM function!
GLM, I am no therapist, so I have little to offer, but if you care to PM me at any time, you are more than welcome to.
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Whoa! OK, I'm at my parents' tapping away on my phone so cannot be too fancy with this response. GLM, I never said nor thought you were a bad or unlikable person, nor that you would ever knowingly endanger your son, in fact I'm quite sure I said the opposite. However, I apologize for hurting your feelings with anything I wrote.
I am having a problem with semantics in this conversation. Not being 100% sure someone is who they say they are is different from not knowing someone 100% or however it was phrased. You have mentioned many times your low self-esteem and difficulty standing up for yourself and that combination can have dire consequences. What I have been hearing from this discussion is that this is somehow not a good enough reason to be concerned and not only do I disagree but wanted to remind you that you do not NEED a reason when deciding who is worthy of you and your son. You are not concerned and I trust your judgment of course. It would not be the right decision for me but we're not talking about me.
I don't think your boyfriend is a bad person though I agree with what monrein wrote about healthy and not. In my experience prevention is the only acceptable goal for my kids. I am not paranoid but I have heard far too many times "oh, oops, we just didn't know how much that would damage you." to not make some seemingly harsh decisions. Apologies are all well and good but they cannot give me back what I've lost. There is room for all manner of people between a person I would keep away from my kids and a bad person. Many of them will be perfectly lovely people, but when it comes to my kids, all interaction is entirely at Her Majesty's pleasure. :)
I do have to get the boys back to la but in closing, when I care about someone, I am honest (for the most part) even if I suspect they won't like my opinion and will react angrily to me. One of the nicest gestures I've ever seen was when I was dating a real lowlife and all of my friends lined up to tell me to my face. That was how I knew I was in a bad relationship. I felt that they must really care if they were willing to risk our friendship over that. To be clear I don't know your boyfriend and am not advising that you stop seeing him. However you seem to have decided that our concerns mean we don't like you and while I don't know you all that well you seemed like a charming young woman in LV and if I did not like you I would have just ignored this whole conversation.
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Im not saying that you all dont like me, im saying I HOPE that isnt the case.
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um...
im sorry... that was...... crazy...... im sorry. wow can we just delete this whole thing? im losing my freaking mind ............
im sorry i dont know whats going on my head hurts so bad and i cant even think straight.
??? wtf is wrong with me.
please just ifnore my stupidity
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GLM .... it's your life and you're the one with this guy. You know what's best for you and your son. This started out as a request for help with finding a movie and got way off track, with people commenting on the content of the movie and opinions about an individual that might want to view that movie. You know what they say about opinions ...... like certain body parts, everyone has one !!! Take from this thread that there are people here who care about you and are hoping you're in a good relationship that you deserve to be in. People are wishing the best for you. Forget about any 'judgements' you might have felt from some of the responses. I think it's great that you have many facets to yourself and aren't afraid to explore them. I'm sorry you don't feel you can 'be yourself' totally and that others are not as accepting of who you feel you *really* are. I hope you keep trying to be yourself. Best of luck to you with your boyfriend.
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thank you
and thank u everyone...
im sorry. i dont know whats going on with my right now. i really wish this post would disappear...
i really think im losing my mind.
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About this guy you are falling in love with...you ask a lot of good questions. How will it be living with him? Marrying him? Having him be a part of your family? These are important questions, and it is good that you are thinking about these things. But you don't have to have an answer right now! Take your time to decide these things. You don't have to decide RIGHT NOW what role this man is going to play in your life.
One thing I will say, though...make sure he makes you happy and that he makes your son happy. You can love someone who doesn't necessarily make your life happy and easy. I sense that you've had enough drama in your life to last you centuries. Don't let a third party create more friction, more angst, more fear and loathing. Your happiness is of utmost importance, and it is worth waiting for. When you ask your questions, you MUST answer yourself honestly. You deserve the truth. You deserve the honesty.
Perhaps it is not true that you know what is best for you and your son...yet. Sometimes you make decisions, not knowing if they are the best decisions until you see how things have panned out. But there is plenty of time for you to become more comfortable with the entire notion of being emotionally intimate with a partner. Intimacy is not easily found. Sometimes you have to work at it. For someone who feels like she must hide parts of herself in a closet, I sense that emotional intimacy may come harder for you. There is nothing wrong with that, but it makes relationships a bit more difficult. Give yourself time; be patient with yourself. :cuddle;
Sometimes writing/posting your thoughts helps to sort them out. Just post what you feel you want to post.
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Thankyou
and I want to thank you all for your imput, concern, and love that you show me. I really appreciate it, and its nice to know people care enough to put it out there. Thank you. I feel like you guys are all i have, and i love my IHD family , i wouldnt want to lose any one of you over something so.. unimportant.
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I'm sitting here having read the past page and a bit of posts and I have a number of concurrent thoughts wizzing around my head. While I do have my moderator hat handy it is off to the side, just behind my water bottle for now; my comments are my own.
As Todd wrote just recently (See I keep telling you you are the new me, Todd - we do seem to think alike in a number of ways) - this whole topic has veered way off course from where it started - which was a simple enough request for help. I can see both sides of this in terms that having wanting to help, some of us went and researched this film to try and locate it, and clearly many of us have been disttressed by the content of the film - at least as it is depicted in many internet sources (I have not watched any of it on youtube or whatever). I believe all the comments, including the cut and pasted details that Karen and others feel werent appropriate to include, were most likely shared out of a sense of caring and letting everyone involved in this what it was about. I am absolutely sure the follow-up comments that GLM took to heart in some ways were also only bourne from concern. It may not have been appropriate for us(me include) to venture some opinions, but I absolutely believe each and every one posting or reading here's heart is in the right place, and all concerns raised have "come from the right place" as it were. I also think GLM understands this too.
I have read a number of what I feel to be very good posts from a number of posters. I won't name them lest anyone feel left out or that I feel what they've written is not worthy somehow - I will say I think every single post in here has had things of value in it.
(moderator cap moves closer to head)
I feel this thread has gotten very personal and I understand GLM's stated desire a couple of times to close this thread. In general my understanding of the moderation policy at IHD is to NOT remove threads (unless they are spam or something like that). The simple reason being that anytime something is removed it can be considered censorship or that the moderators may be making some kind of moral judgement. That GLM, the original author has requested it be closed is another issue, and something for the admin team to dicuss privately as I don't recall this situation coming up before.
(moderator cap thrown into washing machine)
I want to move away from the direct topic of the movie and anyone's motivations for wanting to watch such a movie. I am starting to feel whatever comment one makes about that, even with the best of intentions, can be misconstrued or found offensive by someone else and it's probably best to keep thoughts to ourselves on that one. I did want to say though that I admire GLM's very raw and personal posts in this thread - to be so open in many respects is not easy and in such a public forum (though I would perhaps suggest that she edit out her real name from her posts given the identifying and personal nature of the posts). I feel this thread has dredged up many issues that go way beyond that one movie from Germany and to all kinds of things that many of us here are neither well equipped to respond to properly or to handle. I am not saying any of this is wrong or inappropriate - just simply trying to state that I feel anyway that GLM is facing some very difficult and raw emotions at the moment and perhaps best taken to private discussions - both for her own well being and privacy.
On a more general level, I think this thread in some respects has illustrated again that people living with chronic conditions like ours are just like everyone else - we humans can be funny like that - as someone wrote behind closed doors and in our minds... we can all harbour any kinds of thoughts, feelings, desires etc. when you add in the added pressures and stresses of dealing with CKD, dialysis, all that entails, all that you have to deal with feeling sick, tired, etc it puts a whole other spin on what we're dealing with, on top of who we are as people, what we stand for, and how we react to those around us.
I think there is much food for thought here.
Thanks for reading my bite size contributions (sorry, I have a big mouth!)