I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Humor, Pictures, Stories and Poems => Topic started by: kitkatz on January 20, 2007, 08:28:27 PM
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We are slowly planning to have a get together and meet for IHD.com. Well I got to thinking and decided to come up with some easy to play games for us folks on dialysis. They have the Transplant games and I thought we should have The Dialysis Patient Games.
To be eligible you have to be a patient on dialysis, a caregiver for someone on dialysis, or an employee, or a member of IHD.com.
Here is a tentative list of games:
The I am More Tired than You are Game: the best description of how tired you really are wins.
The How Much Stuff Game: Bring all of the stuff you bring to dialysis regularly, whomever fits the most stuff onto the little table without it falling down wins.
The Get Up From the Chair Game: Whomever gets up gracefully out of the dialysis chair wins. We will have that special chair that does not go down at the feet without tech help.
Ice Crunch Game: Get the bag of ice into a container and crushed. First person with a full glass of edible crushed ice wins. Pieces have to be crunchable size throughout the cup.
Comparing Arms- Best black and blue spots, biggest fistula, biggest oops on the arm, etc.
How much weight have you got on today: Compared to your dry weight how much weight do you have on? Lowest and highest win a prize.
The Can I Eat that Event? The edibles are out and the dialysis patient will be tested on what is on his or her plate at the end of the buffet line. Those who fail to pass the dietitian at the end of the line have to try again. Family members can eat whatever they want to eat, unless they have a medical condition, too. The patient who made the best food choices wins. (I hope someone brings rice cakes and water.)
The Can I Dialyze There Game: There are several computers set up. The object of the game is after being given a destination to go to and use of the internet, the patient has to find a dialysis center within an hour's drive of the destination. Can you go there?
Saline Bag Races: Put a saline bag on your head and race with it. Three legged race holding a saline bag between the legs.
Stick the needle on the dialysis patient using a red cross dummy, find the fistula blindfolded and stick it.
That is all I can come up with tonight. I am sure you all can add to it.
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Don't forget
Who Has the Lowest Blood Pressure? Bonus points for the most crashes in a single session.
Consultation Capture Who can get the doctor to talk to them the longest? Points scored for getting him to answer medical questions, write a prescription, or do an actual physical exam of any body part that you have a complaint about.
Blind Nurse Bluff Who can outrun the nurse who can't stick anyone? The nurse will be blindfolded, and armed with a 5 inch needle.
Dietitian Dodge Ball Who can hold out the longest without getting hit while the dietitian throws pamphlets and cookbooks.
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Ok Kit, Jenna came up with a couple more:
Best snarky comment: Whoever can make the best snarky to a dialysis tech. Categories: Best Sarcasm, Best Veiled Hostilty, Most Creative Muttered Attack
Top Rant: Most psychotic display of anger. Extra points for offensive lanquage, most eff words in a sentence. Singing while ranting earns top honors.
Best fake sleeping: Must be while social worker is attempting to talk to patient. Categories: Loudest snoring, Most realistic drooling.
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And let's not forget
Rudest Patient: the patient who can burp, fart, throw up loudest or stink the worst.
Who has been on dialysis the longest?: the person who has been on PD and/or hemo the longest wins!
The Everlasting Drink: Everyone gets a drink placed in front of them during a meal. The one who can make it last the longest wins.
Ordering a drink: this one is for caregivers and techs and service people. Who can get the ice cup full enough with ice so that when you add a drink the ice does not wiggle in the cup. This is a dialysis patient's drink. Get it right!
The Call: Run through an obstacle course set up like a house getting to the phone as fast as you can for THE call.
The ever popular Compare the Scars Game or Scar Wars: Whomever has the longest scar, smallest scar, best healed, ugliest scar, most scars. Everyone qualifies for this one event!
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In Center Triathalon: Best time transitioning from parking lot (running) to scale (posing) to chair (reclining.)
Medicare relay race: Pass off your claims form, access online forms and publications, and receive coverage from Medicare in teams of 5, running while going nowhere.
Dry Weight Sudoku: The objective is to fill the 9x9 grid so that each column, each row, and each of the nine 3x3 boxes contains your perfect dry weight.
Transplant Evaluation Gauntlet: Best time for participant who can Nag the coordinator, Jump through hoops, BS the social worker, Fudge the compliance code, Pass the blood test, and run the Medicare obstacle course and finally, polevault to the list.
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Most Surgeries Game - Whoseever had the most surgeries from birth wins.
Most Nephrologists Game - Whosever had the most Nephrologists since birth wins.
Most Dialysis Centers Game - Whosoever dialyzed at the most centers wins.
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Biggest stick wins! :clap;
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Biggest stick wins! :clap;
Got it covered over here. *Waves big stick in the air.*
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THis is an awesome thread! We could even have some threads that cover some of these just for fun ;) lol Like Scar Wars and most surgeries ;) :rofl;
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Bumping the thread :bump;
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Boston Marathon Transplant Relay - My donor is healthier than your donor race.
Pill Gagathon - Largest handful of meds swallowed in one gulp. Upchucks disqualified.
Stump the Labs 24-hour Clearance Race - See how long it takes them to figure out you borrowed urine for the test and didn't have a miraculous recovery of function!
Disgruntled Patient Rifle Competition - Points for taking out the dietitian or tech - Bonus points for bagging a neph.
Phosphorus High Jump - Highest number wins lecture and scorn from dietitian.
Parathyroid Pull - Patient with most successfully hidden parathyroid glands wins.
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Boston Marathon Transplant Relay - My donor is healthier than your donor race.
Pill Gagathon - Largest handful of meds swallowed in one gulp. Upchucks disqualified.
Stump the Labs 24-hour Clearance Race - See how long it takes them to figure out you borrowed urine for the test and didn't have a miraculous recovery of function!
Disgruntled Patient Rifle Competition - Points for taking out the dietitian or tech - Bonus points for bagging a neph.
Phosphorus High Jump - Highest number wins lecture and scorn from dietitian.
Parathyroid Pull - Patient with most successfully hidden parathyroid glands wins.
:rofl; i know i'd have the Gold in the Phosphorus High Jump :thumbup;
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Very funny.
How about the "When is the last time you pee'd?" award. ;D
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No, no I get that award for high Phosphorous!
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No, no I get that award for high Phosphorous!
*throws back cape and draws her sword* LET THE BATTLE OF THE PHOSPHORUS BEGIN!!!
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Dons the hat with the feather in it....Draws sword and yells "En garde. 6.9!"
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Dons the hat with the feather in it....Draws sword and yells "En garde. 6.9!"
*bows in defeat* Hail all mighty Phosphorite, we shall duel again next month :popcorn;
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"Ha ha! To the victor goes the spoils!"
"Where are the spoils? Don't I get any spoils?"
"Damn!"
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"Ha ha! The victor goes the spoils!"
"Where are the spoils? Don't I get any spoils?"
"Damn"
Allright Kit, you may have WON the battle, but you have definetly LOST your mind...:) You lost me here girlfriend ::)
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There is no prize? I thought I won something for having the highest phosporous!
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We will have to have awards shaped like kidneys for the winners.
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We will have to have awards shaped like kidneys for the winners.
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Sign up today for Transplant and Dialysis sports
http://www.transplantteamireland.com/Games-Latest/Sign-up-today-for-Transplant-and-Dialysis-sports.html
LH Ireland Wins Contest To Host European Transplant And Dialysis Games
http://www.athleticsireland.ie/content/?p=2507
Kidney patient in Games first
http://www.thisiswiltshire.co.uk/news/headlines/display.var.865798.0.kidney_patient_in_games_first.php
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Very funny.
How about the "When is the last time you pee'd?" award. ;D
I like that one!i would winit..I have no kidneys :lol;
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:clap; :clap; :clap; :clap; :clap; :clap;
Thank you all. I needed to laugh out loud.
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I've got a new one!
Site Holding Competition - an endurance contest to see who can hold their bleeding needle site the longest without it stopping. My new record, from yesterday - 56 minutes!
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I read this thread again tonight.
Thank you to all for something that made me laugh outloud. I needed to laugh today.
:clap; :clap; :clap; :clap; :clap;
Mike :usaflag;
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I thought of a few..
like the lowest blood pressure one, Lowest Standing Blood Pressure Award- Who can have the lowest BP while standing? (passing out patients are disqualified).
I got 57/19 supposedly today! :sir ken;
Biggest Epogen Shot- Who can get the most epo in a day? In a week? The smallest?
The WHAT?!?!? Award- Who can make the techs repeat themselves the most?
The Alarm Award- Who can get the machine to beep the most? Intentionally bending/clamping lines not allowed.
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These are truly fantastic. I just saw this thread for the first time and had some really good laughs.
Any more out there?
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How about the Lowest Standing BP while still talking the tech into letting you go home award
I think it's self explanitory. ;D
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How about longest left on machine after stop time. or biggest bruise left by tech.
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How about the Lowest Standing BP while still talking the tech into letting you go home award
I think it's self explanitory. ;D
but I'm not dizzy, I SWEAR!!!!
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lowest BP and got to go home bottom was 25
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Who makes the mean nep doc yell the loudest?
me------ I told him I was not going to have a parathyroid surgery.
Who loves the mean nep doc the most? me again, as I told him everyday I was drugged up at the hospital
Who is the patient with the most fluid? me again, last week when the water facuet broke and sprayed all over me
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How about the Lowest Standing BP while still talking the tech into letting you go home award
I think it's self explanitory. ;D
but I'm not dizzy, I SWEAR!!!!
What I'm saying: "No, I feel totally fine, that can't be right. Maybe it's a bad cuff"
What I'm thinking: "You better make a call one way or the other and let me sit down soon because I'm feelin' wobbly and this is gonna get ugly"
75/35 was my best con job...
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You forgot:
The "You Should Be Grateful" Game: This is the one where the bitchy worthless obese tech who hates her job reminds you of how lucky you are she deigns to dialyze you, and tries to make you thank her for doing as little as she can without losing her job. Ecxtra points if you can pull her away from her copy of Star or The Enquirer.
The "Aren't You So Glad To Be Alive?" Game: This one requires you to sit there and listen to the social worker's written spiel she has to give to everyone about how much of a blessing dialysis is and how lucky you are to be alive. Extra points if she mentions religion.
The "Bed Pan" Game: This one requires you to fill up as many bedpans with vomit as possible in four hours. Extra points for projectile.
The "You Don't Pee, You're Not Allowed To Drink" Game: This one is only for those who don't urinate. See how many times you can get this response when you ask for a cup of water.
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WHAT DO I DO NOW GAME
the slowest tech brings you ice finally, only problem - she has a big mouth full of ice and your cup is 1/3 full
she is smiling and eating ice
what do I do now
I ignored it and just sat the cup down and never touched it
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The "Tainted Heparin" Award.
Who can receive the most units of tainted heparin without ending up in the ER?
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"How many ice cubes can you toss at the tech before they notice?" game.
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Longest Sustained Cramp Competition: Points for longest cramping during dialysis. Bonus points for getting a tech to rub it.
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Extra bonus if its the hottie single tech.
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Let's see how many nicknames the techs can call you. I have been called Teach, now I am called Nanny. There is a story there, somewhere!
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The appointment reschedule challenge: Winner successfully moves their appointment time on the first attempt.
The dry weight face-off: Winner must challenge the fluid removal number and convince the tech to change it without calling the charge nurse.
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Bumping this up in honor of the Olympic games :bump;
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Patient vs Dietician Kidney Friendly Bake-off Competition: Best tasting renal friendly meal wins.
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.
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Longest Without Binders The person who has managed their phosphorus the longest without binders
I think I'd win this one!
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:bump; ;D
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Longest Without Binders The person who has managed their phosphorus the longest without binders
I think I'd win this one!
I went three years without binders.