I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: wolfken on December 26, 2010, 01:32:55 PM
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I quit dialysis 4 dats ago, be reseach it says irt will be a gentle passing,. by all ny friemds
EDITED: Thread moved to proper section: – Rerun, Moderator
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today is the forth day without without the pain,dialysis is a killer,pain and suffering will end soon, its is not suicide, my arrage is set I will pray for others....Kidney transpant is not a option.....bye wolfken
EDITED: Thread moved to proper section and merged: – Rerun, Moderator
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dialysis may work for others, but wheh the docs say it going to get worse iys time to say the hell with it,time to check out
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:grouphug;
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I mhave been on dialysis for two months and pain fron nirophathy is druivind me nuts, other complicatioz more pain,now thr doctor say me heart wont last......so I chose to not have any more dialysis and just fade away.....its the right choise........
bye from Wolfke,,,,,,,,, :clap;
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im glad you pray :pray; :grouphug;
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I wish you peace wolfken. :grouphug;
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Dear Wolfken....
What a brave decision... Sometimes the very best treatment is no treatment...
I'm thinking of you... May God bless and protect you... May the road ahead rise up to meet you, and until we meet again,may God hold you in the palm of his hand...
Fare thee well, my friend...
Love...
Darth...
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May the Lord hold you and keep you....
xo,
R
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Dearest Wolfken,
Thank you for sharing your decision with us. I am glad that you found an end to the pain.
You will be missed! :cuddle;
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hugs and peace to you....... :grouphug; :grouphug;
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***
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Oh Wolfken, I wish I knew what to say to soothe you. I've just read through all of your posts...you have suffered so much, so much. I am so sorry...no, ANGRY...at whatever Force it is that created such a horrible disease. Why would any Creator filled with Love gash your soul so horribly? I will never understand, NEVER.
I hope you are very very sure about this, and if you are...if you really need to go down this path to find peace, then please allow yourself to accept comfort and solace and care. I wish I could save you. I'm so sorry that I can't.
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I too, wish I knew what to say to you. But, I suppose, good bye, good luck, I am glad you are praying also. I hope your end comes quickly and painlessly. We will miss you here at IHD. :cuddle;
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Dear Wolfken,
I agree with Noahvale.
Please find a way to ER/Accident & Emergency,
they might find a medical answer to your pain,
it could even be an allergic reaction to tablets/medicines/treatment...
I don’t know your story/disease or what made your kidneys fail,
but in a Hospital/hospice or palliative care
at least you would not be suffering in isolation
and there still might be a chance...
Kind wishes from Kristina :grouphug;
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Wolfken, go in Peace, brother.
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May God hold you in his hands. Love and best wishes. :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug;
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not an easy decision to make, but since you've made it go in peace. :grouphug;
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Hi Wolfken,
It is braking my heart to hear you are giving up on life. I've been on dialysis for 12 years now and cannot receive a kidney. I was to the point where I've felt just like you are feeling now. When I was in center, I've hated being on dialysis. I would look at my friends and see that they lives are going like they planned and I'm struck on dialysis. Yeah, I've thought about ending my life, why not, at least I won't be on dialysis anymore. BUT, the thought came to my mind, "Life is a precious gift". This moment of depression will past. I starting thinking about my family and friends and how they will feel about me giving up. The thought of home dialysis came to my mind very strongly. I've hesitated because I was not sure if I want to bring dialysis to my house. Then, I've learned about Nxstage. This machine saved my life. I'm so glad I've decided to do it at home. I feel so much better. I can do dailysis on my schedule and it feels so much better taking control of my own treatment. My attitude started to change. I'm going out more, mingling more, make plans more, have lot more energy. I am doing things I've lacked in while in center. I love it. Anyhoo, to make a long story short. PLEASE DO NOT END YOUR LIFE!!! Things will get better if you keep of pushing and searching to end the pain. However, things can't get better if you give up. Please try doing NxStage home dialysis at a slower speed and more dialysis time. Most patients do it at night while they are sleeping so they can have the whole day to themselves. It will help to get rip of the pain. At least give it a try first to see if this is the solution. It worked for a lot of patients and changed our life completely. Please Wolfken, give it a try and I know you will start to feel a lot better. Please do not give up!!! :bow;
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Oh Wolfken , ive tried many times to pm you , maybe this is why you never replied? No lectures , no advice . May your spirit run free , your heart be less heavy and peace be with you always . Kickstart x
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It is with a very heavy heart that I am writing this post. I am not sure I know how one comes to the point where the decision to stop dialysis becomes the best option. I wonder how many of the IHD family have been in this situation in the past, yet, they continue with their lifesaving routine, to live another day. I have no words to express how sad this decision makes me. I have no way to express how the loss of this great native man will impact our future. It is my true hope, that somehow, the IHD community will rally in support of Ken, and find a way to keep him with us.
Ken, we are all here, hoping that somehow you will find the strength and the determination to reconsider. Please post, so we know you are still with us.
Your new friend,
Mark
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Mark, I can tell you that I went back and forth on how to respond to Ken's post. I would gladly rally round Ken or any one else on IHD and encourage them to live, offer any small amount of help that I may be able to give across the miles, as I'm sure most members would happily do. It took a lot of resolve for me to wish him well with his decision because there does come a point where further treatment is no longer worthwhile, and really only Ken can tell us when he has reached this point. He is so young - my husband's age - and it devastates me that it has come to this for him. I hope that he knows that he can always change his mind and we would all celebrate and welcome him back. I read his posts to my husband many times - did I detect a cry for help, or the peace that often goes along with this decision? It is honestly impossible to tell without knowing him very well.
Ken, I hope you will consult with doctors and try to find answers to your pain. I hope you are still reading so you can see how many people wish you only the best.
However, I think that supporting members through these heart breaking decisions is part of what IHD does best. We are the people that will go to these dark places with you and not look away.
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Cariad, Your last Sentence, said, it all. We Laugh on this Site, We Joke and Poke at each other, but this Site is so Unique. We have been given, the Special Privilege, of sharing, with, Strangers, our, most Personal Moments. When People on here, say they are Ill, they are. When they say, they are Hurting, Emotionally, they are. We are a " Family " all going through the same thing. To share things, with Strangers, that You would not even share, with, Family Members, Involves a lot of Trust. I for One, feel Honored, that this Man, this Stranger, would, feel Secure, enough on this Site, to share, the most " Important Decision of His Life " If this is the Decision, He has Chosen, over all others, I Respect that and Will, say a Prayer, for a Safe end to His Journey.
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I have been wondering:
Wolfken has put his posts “I am ready to go” & “the party is over” originally into the “Introduction”.
His two posts have now been removed to the “General Discussion” and I wonder if we can make sure
that he knows his posts have been removed to the "General Discussion" so that he easily can locate our thoughts?
I mention this because he is certainly not well and it might be difficult in his situation to realize
that his posts have been removed from “Introduction” to “General Discussion”?
I don’t know if he would automatically receive notification of this?
Just wondering because it would be so sad if he could not find our thoughts...
Kind regards from Kristina.
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According to his stats, he hasn't logged in since he posted his "goodbye" messages. I hope he has/had a peaceful passing.
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I sent him a PM when he posted last, offering to call him, that I'd like to speak with him. I have not received a response.
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Karol...
Would it be worth making the call, anyway???... It would be nice for him to know that whatever decision he has come to, there are people on IHD who are thinking of, and praying for him...
You probably feel you shouldn't 'intrude', and I fully accept that... You know the members better than any of us, and I bow to your superior knowledge and judgement in the matter...
Just a suggestion!...
Ken, if you see this... Love, and best wishes to you!...
Darth...
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In his few posts, he has freely given out his email address several times. Might I suggest that anyone who is thinking about him drop him a quick note? It is easy to ignore emails, and he would not have to respond if the contact is not welcome. Perhaps it's just wishful thinking, but I feel like there is a solution to his pain that does not involve death. I don't want to push anyone who has made the decision that is best for him, but what a tragedy if there was something we could have done and we did not try.....
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Karol...
Would it be worth making the call, anyway???... It would be nice for him to know that whatever decision he has come to, there are people on IHD who are thinking of, and praying for him...
You probably feel you shouldn't 'intrude', and I fully accept that... You know the members better than any of us, and I bow to your superior knowledge and judgement in the matter...
Just a suggestion!...
Ken, if you see this... Love, and best wishes to you!...
Darth...
I don't have his phone number. He never joined our Emergency Contact List. I emailed and PM'd.
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Karol...
Would it be worth making the call, anyway???... It would be nice for him to know that whatever decision he has come to, there are people on IHD who are thinking of, and praying for him...
You probably feel you shouldn't 'intrude', and I fully accept that... You know the members better than any of us, and I bow to your superior knowledge and judgement in the matter...
Just a suggestion!...
Ken, if you see this... Love, and best wishes to you!...
Darth...
I don't have his phone number. He never joined our Emergency Contact List. I emailed and PM'd.
Ah, okay Karol....
Well you've done what you can.... May God bless and protect him whatever the outcome...
Darth...
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Peace to you, Wolfken.
:grouphug;
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Thank you Karol, for trying, it is very much appreciated.
And thank you noahvale, cdvbrooklyn and Mark for your brave heartfelt letters to Wolfken.
I do hope Wolfken has read all our letters and hopefully he had second thoughts and was brought to a Hospital in time...
Best wishes from Kristina.
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Walk a mile in his shoes...
Wolfken, I hope your decision was not made in a moment of despair or due to depression. It is a choice I hope my loved one never makes, but I will very reluctantly support him should he. That said, at only two months on hemo you are in the roughest part of it and it should get better!
Wolfken, I will miss you. Member of the First Nation, from a family of healers, artist, you have enhanced this site. I hope your passing is an easy one. Godspeed friend.
:cuddle;
Alene
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In the past i was was chatting to him via pm. When he stopped posting for a while i tried to contact him several times. If you notice in his last posts his writing becomes disjointed and his spelling all over the place ..a sign i fear. I believe he had 2 ? children as well. I find it hard to believe he has chosen to stop, from what i can gather he was a talented artist and took great pride in his heritage . Im sure Goofy will be waiting for him, in her feather boa , ready to show him around 'her' place ! God-bless and Goodnight xxx
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E mailed Ken yesterday... No reply, sadly...
Thinking of you, Ken.....
Darth....
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I understand.....today I will miss my second treatment in a row. I will not suffer the indignities of a dialysis unit ever again,and let me know how ur doin...
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I wish some of us could of spoken with Ken. Not necessarily to change his mind, but to give him support and understanding. And also to help discover what could have been done differently to improve his situation. I respect his choice, as I do yours FRANKY, but as I said in my PM to you, there are many people here who will reach out to you. You have my number. Best wishes to you.
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Franky2222, can you please name the Dialysis centres you have been to
so that other Dialysis patients can be on the alert?
All the best wishes and thank you, Kristina. :grouphug;
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I wish some of us could of spoken with Ken. Not necessarily to change his mind, but to give him support and understanding. And also to help discover what could have been done differently to improve his situation.
I have been thinking a lot about Ken lately, Karol, and finding myself still upset about it. I emailed him to offer support, too, just because I felt that if I did not at least try, I would always regret it. I don't think I ever had any real contact with him on IHD. Sometimes when I check my email, I find myself still hoping that one of them will be a PM from Ken saying hello. The strange thing is, I've worked in suicide prevention and I have never found myself wondering what became of the callers - I just figured that they did what they had to do, and hopefully I helped them in that moment. With Ken, I still feel haunted by the idea that there was a missed opportunity there, but I don't precisely know where. I am greatly relieved to know that you reached out to him, and that he had an email friendship with KS. Also, Mark (mm2010) helped me a lot to come to terms with this. It is so nice and such a refreshing change to be a part of a group that cares.
Part of me still hopes that someone in Ken's life (he mentioned children in one post) got to him in time, and he is getting the treatment he needs and deserves - and that when he is stable he will come back and update us. :grouphug;