Are you alone ?

[KICKSTART]

I just wondered how many of you , like me are alone with this illness ? By this i mean , no partner or seeing anyone on a day to day basis. When you are not  feeling  so good ,how do you cope? Right now im feeling sorry for myself , i want to stay in bed (but cant) I want someone to make me a nice dinner ( i dont know what i want and cant be bothered to make anything) I want someone to make me a nice cup of tea , instead of having to drag myself into the kitchen. Much as i would never have my rat of an ex husband back , i want to be tucked up in bed , with someone downstairs taking care of everything ! How do others feel and cope on their down days ?

[peleroja]

Oh man can I relate (see my post on being stressed big time).  The hardest part of living alone is not having anyone else around to make the chicken soup!  Luckily I have a large kidney community that I am a part of, plus friends I can call.  Of course, now there's IHD where I can come and rant and rave and get the warm fuzzies I need.  I'm sending you a whole bunch of warm fuzzies to take care of you until you feel better, plus a whole lotta hugs!

[G-Ma]

I am basically alone..sometimes I'm ok with it as I can just stay in bed if I have a down day which is more often than not.  My other does call several times a day and if I don't answer he just threatens to call the police to come check me so can't do that and he doesn't like to hear that I'm not feeling good because he is so far away so I just "suck it up" sometimes.  Problem is when he is here for a visit I do too much because he wants to take me out and do stuff "which I did use to like to do"...he just doesn't seem to get it that I really don't feel like doing anything much at all...and he doesn't cook so forget the chicken soup.  So I feel like I live in a revolving door...flat out tired in bed, then running for 3 weeks, then flat in bed for weeks...not good but how to quit this cycle???  My kids on the other hand are good with all this...they let me be when I need to rest but push me when they think ok time to move so thank God for kids.  Huge Thank God for IHD...NO ONE ELSE KNOWS like IHD does how we feell and that is why we are here.

[Rerun]

I like the fact that no one tells me what to do.  I don't have someone nagging me to go to ER when there is no way in hell I want to go.   I don't have anyone making me hang in there when things get so bad that I give this whole thing up.  I like the fact that I'm not a burden on anyone.  I do feel bad that I may leave my dog behind and no one will love her as much as I do or will know she likes a bedtime snack.  I'd rather be alone than have kids or a spouse making me feel sad or guilty for being sick.

I have my faith. I know where I'm going, and it is better than here.
I have my sister who knows my wishes.   

[thegrammalady]

i live with my daughter, however april has a life and is seldom home so i ofter feel like i'm living alone. i am grateful that it isn't really being alone, i get the help i need and the privacy too.

[Robby712]

I totally get where you're coming from.  I live by myself and sometime just wish somebody was here to help with the everyday things like laundry, cooking, cleaning, dishes, etc...  although I do give myself a break and only force myself to do two or three small chores at a time.    The cooking for yourself thing is hard whether you have kidney disease or not, why fire up the stove to cook a meal when you're only cooking for one.

Then there is my social life or lack thereof.  I used to go out 3-4 times a week.  However, due to 1)  Not drinking alcohol anymore (and not being a huge fan of sitting around and watching everyone else get drunk)  2)  Not being able to eat at many outside restaurants do to dietary restrictions 3) Just not feeling like leaving the house.  I hardly go hang out with my friends anymore...which only furthers that feeling of being alone.  That, along with nobody really understanding what you are going through other than you...can get to be depressing.

But you have to fight through it.  Some days, weeks, and months are better than others...and forcing yourself to do things when you really don't feel like it sometimes is a must.

At least we have each other to commiserate with

[Rerun]

I hear you on "no one understanding what you are going through."  Today I'm swollen tighter than a tic and I tell my friend that.  So, he invites me over for pizza.  OMG!!!   

                                               

[twirl]

Rerun  how is your job at Sears?

I have my husband here and sometimes he drives me crazy---- he does not understand how I feel or he tries to pretend things are fine----
I have one daughter at home and a son who comes from college and a daughter who lives about 20 minutes away with her husband and almost 2 children.... but I still feel alone and isolated except for IHD--- this is a lonely disease--- people expect you to get medicine and then you are well-- When will your kidney function return----- Duh- never--- I have felt sick all weekend with zero energy and my hus thinks I should change kidney doctors(?) I had surgery in May and I should be all better---- plus we are going out of town for our anniversary and he expects --- well you know, I will have to fake my way thru most of that----- I'd just as soon stay home----- I am tired and tired of being tired..... this is not fun----- it is not like you have a baby and everything goes back to normal -- but my husband does do a lot for me and he is understanding about some things but not-- well you know...... he is not mean just                

[flip]

Sometimes I think living alone actually helps me. It keeps me active and I know that I have to do the chores or they won't get done.

[Rerun]

Twirl, Sears is not the best job, but I rather do that than.....well, you know!   

[twirl]

I can see benefits to both not really hope you are doing just fine like to read your posts









EDITED:Fixed smiley tag errors-kitkatz,moderator

[Chris]

I am alone although I moved back with my parents, I do not get along with my dad very much. He never understoodd what was going on with me when I just had diabetes either. I don't tell my parents anything going n with my health unless it is the last minute. Hospital stays are almost a vacation for me to get away from them arguing between each other. I rely on myself and prefer it that way. I liked living on my own, dating was a pain in the butt, but the one thing that keeps me sne is comedy, and bullheadedness to kep pushing to prove people I can do things they think I can't or should not do. In a sense it is mentallity and that darn over used qoute "positive thinking". More like survival instinct to me. Maybe a pet would be better, that helps too.

[Deanne]

I'm alone. Single, never been married, no kids (do the cats & dogs count?), my family lives in MN and I'm in OR. I'm thankful I usually feel pretty good (still pre-ESRD).  I *think* I have local friends who would drop everything if I was in trouble, but I hope I never need to put them to that test. I do worry sometimes, like when prednisone caused my blood sugar level to hit 1500 (I'm not normally diabetic), or when I had a DVT. I wonder at those times how long it would take for someone to realize they hadn't heard from me for several days. It makes me glad to have a full-time job and I make sure that if I don't show up on time every day, I call to let someone know why, so if someday I don't call or show up, maybe someone will think to worry.

[Stacy Without An E]

No wife or girlfriend, my family is in Oregon and Arizona and my best friend is in the South Bay of San Francisco.

I usually don't tell them how awful I'm feeling because no one every wants to hear that.  At work, when people ask how you're feeling and you start to tell them the truth, you can just see their eyes glaze over and a big thought balloon over their head with, "Oh my God, why did I ask that?"

I have two roommates, but that's all they are, a means to save rent.

I've been dealing with ESRD since I was ten years old, so I'm used to surviving alone.

Sometimes I'm glad, because I don't want to burden anyone with my medical issues.

It would be nice to have someone to curl up with from time to time.  Holding someone close sometimes has amazing healing powers.

[RichardMEL]

Yes dear Deanne, cats and dogs DO count... and let me tell you why.

I live alone - humanwise - but I have my little lady who spends as much time as she can with me.. and for that I am forever greatful. Here is someone who sits with me no matter what... listens to me ramble on, or whinge about wanting to drink or eat something I can't... and doesn't mind if I want to sleep in and stay in bed all day.. because that's heaven for her

Does it get lonely? Of course it does!! However I know I will come home and there she will be waiting for me by the door with a big loud meow and headbutts that says she's really happy to see me again after a long day (of sleeping, no doubt! ).

Sometimes I'd prefer to have a human partner - because yes they can talk back and share with me (and other obvious benefits.... ) but by the same token they can be just as much trouble with emotional games, doing things to hurt/upset you, lack of understanding or support and all the rest that we all know about. Relationships are rarely, in my experience anyway, all happy sailing.

My cat however gives me unconditional love, loyalty and support... and when I go to bed at night and lie in the dark thinking my thoughts... I am always smiling when she jumps up on the bed, walks up it and comes and curls up by my side... because that's her decision to do that every single night and I know it is her way of showing me her love and support (and to grab my body heat.... )

[Deanne]

I dunno RichardMel..... I agree with most of what you say about cats & dogs, but does Sammy (cat) sleep on my face out of affection or does he figure if he suffocates me, he'll inherit the can opener? 

Sometimes I wish I had a human companion and help-mate. What Kickstart says is so true! It would be nice to have someone to push the vacuum once in a while, pull a couple of weeds, walk the dogs when I'm too tired after work. Mostly, I figure I'm lucky to be single. I feel like I'm a stronger person for it in many ways. Because I've never had help, I've always found ways to cope on my own. I've gained a lot of confidence in myself because of it and it's served me well in all areas of life.

[RichardMEL]

I dunno RichardMel..... I agree with most of what you say about cats & dogs, but does Sammy (cat) sleep on my face out of affection or does he figure if he suffocates me, he'll inherit the can opener? 

lol that's funny.... no remember cats have staff so he would still expect his human slave to open the food and dish it up for him!!

I don't know why he would sleep on your face... but I'm sure it's out of affection

[KICKSTART]

Wow i never expected so many replies ! While like most of you i like not having to answer to anyone or having to put on a brave face , i just wish from time to time someone would take the strain of day to day things. Im the sort of person that cant sit down if i know something needs doing no matter how weary i feel. I just cant leave those dishes in the sink or dog hairs on the floor.
Yes i have my dogs , yes some days they drive me crazy ,like the trail of muddy paw prints all over a freshly mopped floor ! but i wouldnt trade them for anything or anyone !

[Ken Shelmerdine]

Kickstart despite what you say you have always come accross to me as a real fighter and I admire you greatly for that. The fact that you drive yourself to get things done that need doing indicates to me that you do not have depressive tendencies even though some time you feel sad because you are living alone. Although it appears you have no choice but to be independant I know you have the strength and the will to tackle it successfully.

[KICKSTART]

Thanks Ken , you know what they say ..What doesnt kill us , makes us stronger !

[talon999]

KICKSTART,

I am not sure we can ever be satisfied. What I want is someone I can switch on and off as it suits me. Sometimes I enjoy the peace and quiet when I am alone. Other times, it can drive you up a wall and get very lonely. I am developing a relationship and I have recently developed this kidney issue. Now I am somewhat hesitant to pursue this. She's a great girl and she knows what is going on  but......


Mark

[cherpep]

I am grateful that I do not have to face this disease alone, my husband is very supportive and loving.  However, I feel extremely guilty for burdening him with this disease, and how much it has affected and limited his life.  He is not diseased, but he is forced to life his life with all my barriers.  There are days when I just want to go home, put on my pajamas, and fade into the sofa.... but there are people who are counting on me to fix their dinner, run them around, listen to them, solve their problems, etc.  Yes, they do inspire me to keep going, but they also keep me going even when I need to stop. 

[st789]

Me and my faith.

[KICKSTART]

talon999  I know exactly what you mean , its not so much loneliness as just an extra pair of hands , to take over on the bad days. Its ok to leave things on those days because we have no one to answer too, but i just see it as twice as much work to be done on a good day !
I hope your relationship goes well , my charming husband decide to leave me when i started dialysis , he thought nothing should change , i shouldnt get tired or have off days , so in that way im glad im single .I havent missed him one little bit !

[Chris]

So when you divorced him, can you get more for divorcing due to stupidity? Geez, what a loyal loving guy. Must not have studied or paid attention to the marriage vows.

I can understand about the cleaning. In my of days I hate it when the people I live with make a mess in the kitchen and don't wash the dishes. They just let them pile up. They did this while I was in th hospital to and it wasn't something I wanted to come home too. I wanted to go back when I saw that. I just need my own place again and move away from parents again.