Paranoid

[Brightsky69]

I am sure your guys go thru this. Since my transplant has started to decline and my doc wants me to get on the transplant list....I get paranoid when I get lab test done. In the back of my mind I am afraid my lab work will come back so crappy that my doc will call and say meeting me at the hospital so we can get you started on dialysis.
Then I have to talk my self down....It can't be that bad...I still fell relatively ok and I still get up at least twice a night to go potty not mention regularly through out the day. I think to my self as long as I am producing urine everything is fine....

[Sluff]

Hang on tight to positive thinking...

[stauffenberg]

In medicine two centuries ago there were no sophisticated tests to predict how fast patients were getting sicker and doctors were also utterly incapable of curing any serious diseases, so the lack of diagnostic testing and prediction didn't make much difference.  Today there are many sophisticated tests available to measure the rate of decline in patients' health and terrify them with what's coming long before they actually have to deal with it, but doctors still can't cure any serious diseases.  So it seems that this partial 'advance' does not represent any real progress at all, but has just made things worse.

I remember when the genetic test for Huntington's Disease was first developed.  Since this is a horrible way to die which cannot be prevented, many questioned whether performing the test was of any value or not, since it might just terrify patients without allowing them to do anything to save themselves.  The medical profession chirped back that that would be no problem, because they would have psychological counselors to talk with the people who received the information that they were doomed.  But what answer can a psychological counselor offer to the fear of death, which has haunted humanity for thousands of years?

This is just another example of the sad fact that medicine knows a lot about biology and absolutely nothing about human beings.

[pelagia]

Stick with the positive people - it rubs off on you.  My husband has always told me (for decades) - life's too short to be in a bad mood! That's why he is stuck with me. 

[twirl]

I am not a doctor and I do not play one on television
but it sounds like you are in good health to me, I mean you still urinate and you have the pleasure of peeing at night
I think everyone gets freaked at labs but in your case, it is compelety understandable
and you are on a list for another transplant
sounds like you are ahead of the game
even your name, Brightsky69, is positive
you may never go on dialysis
go from one transplant to the other
what a miracle
only the best for you

to pee; is to be free

[MIbarra]

to pee; is to be free

What an excellent quote, Twirl! I need a big sign with this on it for my bathroom. No one understands the importance of this except for another ESRD patient. My family thinks I'm nuts when I shout, "I'm great. I can pee!"

[monrein]

I know the worry you describe very well and have lived  through it as my transplant kidney is now no longer working after more than 23 years and I'm back on dialysis.  When I used to get a bit panicky about it all, I used to tell myself not to waste any of the kidney functioning time I might have with thoughts about things I couldn't control.
So I'd focus on the things I could do, like exercise, good diet, reducing stress etc. I wanted to live every minute I had with that kidney and take full advantage of the health it gave me.  Now its gone, I have no regrets and try to stay positive about every minute I now have that is fulfilling, fun and sickness-free. 

I also am not afraid of death.  I've thought about it a lot of course and it's inevitable so I just want to know that when that time comes, I'll again have no big regrets about how I've lived my life. 

You CAN talk yourself down from your worries as you say in your post and I say keep practicing the art of being positive.  It is like a muscle, you need to exercise it and it will serve you well.  It also makes people want to be around you and that sure helps to make life worthwhile, however long, short, easy or difficult life itself may prove to be. 

And of course peeing is the ultimate thrill.   

[twirl]

Mibarra
I know.... I come out of the restroom with a big smile on my face when I have peed a larger amount than I expected
              just a little pee is all it takes to make me happy, no flowers or diamonds--just pee
               I high fived the Lord everytime I peed when I was in the hospital--- I was on morphine---- but I still high five him
            hated to use the bathroom at school and these teachers would come in and pee their brains out and I would be jealous and think how  can you be so fat when you pee that much

[Brightsky69]

Thank you all -

I do try to stay as positive as possible. I don't let my kidney troubles dominate my day. I just keep on trucking! 

[Sunny]

I understand the fear of your kidney ultimately failing.
It gets to me sometimes too. I've spent the last seven years with my doctors telling me, "Any month now it's going to happen."
I deal with it by trying to ignore it, which is really hard to do when you consider people with renal failure have to change their
diet, take medicines, spend time appropriately due to low energy, and in my case, avoid any "germy" situations. It pretty much
encompasses all aspects of our lives in some way or another. The thing about it for me, is that I do have some minimal control
over function depending on how my diet is going and if I'm staying healthy. Yes, I am paranoid about the labs too. But believe me there
is no point in worrying about it because worrying gets you nowhere. My advice would be to ignore it as best you and get on with life
as best you can. When your kidney finally does give out, at least you did the best you could and had many wonderful years together.
I hope you get many more years with yours.

[Robby712]

I spent a year on the non-compliance list because I stopped going to labs before my (first transplanted) kidney crapped out.  Then after my year of dialysis was up I found out that the donor was no longer a match due to antibody build up in my system from the first transplant anyway.

So, at least for a year I thought I was goin to be through this in no time at all...4 years later, still waiting.

[boxman55]

Thank you all -

I do try to stay as positive as possible. I don't let my kidney troubles dominate my day. I just keep on trucking! 

There you go, stay frosty and positive...Boxman

[LightLizard]

i guess i must be different from most folks. i've been on dialysis now for about two years and i still pee as much as i did before i went on dialysis. of course, my pee isn't of the same 'quality' as it was before... i don't think peeing is a good indicator of whether or not you need dialysis.
your GFR is worth watching, though. i was down to 8 percent at one point. now it rides around 12 percent. i do p/d at home on the baxter machine and my only hope is that a transplant will give me back some of the energy i had before...

[flip]

Actually, Lizard, we are pretty much in the same boat although I'm on hemo. I still pee as much as ever and my GFR has increased slightly.