It was the attitude of the Ancient Stoics that nothing in the objective world is good or bad, but it all depends on whether you want to see it as good or bad.
One of the Stoics, Epictetus, had his arm broken and purportedly was not bothered by the experience, since he had decided he would not let it bother him. I think there are limits to how far you can take that attitude and still claim to be objectively present in your life, rather than living in the delusional fantasies of a psychotic.
On the one hand you say that Marvin is perpetually an ESRD patient whether he is doing dialysis or not, but then on the other hand you say that you own ESRD. I don't know how you can be sure that such an enormous intrusion, that is part of your life all the time as you say, is not owning you rather than the other way around.
It was the practice in the days when people were beheaded for capital offenses to hide the executioner's axe under straw so the person about to be decapitated did not have to see it and be further horrified just before dying. The person knew he was about to die, but actually seeing the instrument of death so near could still be disturbing. I feel the same way about home hemodialysis. Even though I was aware every moment of being an ESRD patient as you say Marvin is, I still preferred not to have to see its principal manifestation right in front of my face all the time.
I think the most appropriate Greek God to symbolize the dialysis experience is not Hercules but Prometheus, who was chained to a rock forever, having to endure the intermittent but never ending visits of an eagle who would eat his exposed liver.
Oh, Geeze! I cant take this shit anymore. Not everyone is like you DEAL WITH IT!
It is bizarre how everyone jumps to the totally unsubstantiated conclusion that I was ever at any time saying that MY experience with home hemodialysis somehow HAD to be everyone else's. Show me where I ever said that! I simply said that in considering the costs and benefits of home hemodialysis, the potentially negative psychological factors, which I noted in my own experience of home hemodialysis, should be weighed in the balance against the undoubted health benefits of that option. Until you try it for yourself, you can't know how you will react, so you have to consider the possibility that your reaction will be like mine. For me the psychological costs outweighed the benefits, for others the balance could well be different. I also don't see how my discussion of my own psychological barriers to home hemodialysis were somehow, as many have asserted, "off topic" for a discussion entitled "barriers to home dialysis."
It is bizarre ...
Monrein raises a good point about home hemodialysis, which is the added burden this places on the helper, who is usually the spouse. If you accept that there is some moral duty to try to contain the impact of a tragedy like renal failure, you also have to question whether this additional extension of that tragedy to your home dialysis helper is something you can live with. Almost everyone I knew at my dialysis unit who was doing home dialysis had a helper who was either not employed or was employed only part-time. But since my helper, my wife, was the head of a major federal government department, she had to be at work every day from 8 AM to 7:30 PM, and having to help with home dialysis on top of that seemed to me to be a cruel burden to impose on her, since the added work left her totally exhausted.